Turning the Tide
by snwm
Summary: Jackie begins her second term at UCLA when she runs into two familiar faces.
1. Chapter 1

Jackie watched the hand on the clock slowly tick past every second mark. No professor ever went the entire period the first day of class, let alone up until the very last second. She had a meeting she had to be at in the city, so sitting still was hardly an option. Of course her last class of the day had to be the only one she needed to end early. At last, the professor wrapped up. Jackie quickly grabbed her bag from the floor and made her way to the door, but found herself stuck in the middle of the mob of other students trying to scurry out. She began to regret her decision to sit in back, lesson learned, but did so to draw the least amount of attention to herself possible. It was when she was fighting her way through the crowd of students socializing in the hall, that she caught eyes with her. They both looked at each other in shock, surprised to see one another there.

"Jackie?"

"Hannah?" Jackie returned the question, "How are you?!"

"I thought that was you!" Hannah replied.

"You go here?" Jackie asked, thrilled to see a familiar face.

"Yeah, actually I think I'm in your class. Psych 212?"

"Yeah, oh wow, it's great to see you!" After the shock wore off Jackie remembered the hurry she was in. "I hate to do this, but I have a meeting I'm late for in the city. Catch up with you on Wednesday?"

"Yeah, I'll save you a seat!" Hannah smiled.

Jackie rushed to the car glancing at the time on her phone. Wade was going to kill her if she was late for this meeting. Even though she was stressed and in a hurry, especially dealing with the traffic, there was something else on her mind as she was driving-Hannah. To be honest, she hadn't thought much about her, but seeing her just now brought back so many memories. Hannah had been her first. Back then they were just two kids in Hollywood, both feeling lost and confused, different than the others. They had confided in one another and helped each other through some tough times growing up, but once Jackie left the Hollywood scene, they had lost touch. It was nice to see her again, she was looking forward to having a friend she could relate to in class with her. After cursing her way through the thick Los Angeles traffic, she parked and checked her phone for the hundredth time. She was five minutes late already, so hurried her way through the parking garage and up to Wade's office. "I know I'm late, I'm sorry!" She said before letting him get a word in. Out of breath, she collapsed in his chair as he sat silently, looking at her as if she were on fire.

"Are you good? Need a glass of water?" He asked.

"That would be much appreciated," she replied.

After Wade poured her a glass, he sat down and waited.

"Proceed" she insisted, waving her hand.

"Okay, here's a copy of auditions a few of the networks sent me. Look them over, let me know which ones catch your eye-which ones you want to take a shot at, and I'll schedule them. I've got your class schedule here so a few of them you may not be able to swing."

"I'll figure it out," Jackie said as she looked over the paper. "Do we have a time frame for the Neptune sequel yet?"

"No word on exact dates, just starting sometime in the spring. We should be receiving the contract here shortly."

"I can't wait!" Jackie replied, as she began circling on the paper. "These I know for sure I can swing, so go ahead and set them up" she said, sliding the paper across the desk. "The others I will have to get back to you on, but I should be able to squeeze a couple more in."

"Are you sure Jackie?" Wade asked hesitantly as he looked over the paper. "Given that you're back in school, I think you're overestimating your abilities."

"Is my agent supposed to say things like that?" She asked playfully. "Anyways, you should be happy that I've been giving you consistent work for the past two years," she smiled.

"Oh, I am very grateful. I just worry about you. You're going to wear yourself out sooner than later."

"What can I say, I like to stay busy," she winked.

After returning to her apartment after the long day of classes and meetings, Jackie poured herself a glass of wine and retreated to the couch. Before mindlessly turning on the television like she usually did, her mind went to Hannah. It was so weird to run into her today. It hadn't been as awkward as she'd imagined it would. That is if she ever had expected to run into her again, which she hadn't, but it was nice. There were very few people in this world who Jackie felt she could connect with, and Hannah was one of those few. Hannah had been her escape when she was on the Neptune 26 series. A way to get out of the drama of Hollywood, where she had always felt so lost and alone growing up. That is of course except for Mark, who had always made sure she was taken care of. But he was gone and she had lost contact with Hannah shortly after.

After another full day classes, Jackie spent the evening going over a script she had an audition for later in the week. She tried her best to learn lines on the nights she didn't have much school work to do, determined to continue juggling both acting, and getting the education she wanted. This was her second term back at it since leaving Bloomington, the first being last year when enrolling at UCLA after wrapping the first Neptune 26 movie. After its success, they decided to make a sequel. This time wanting something bigger and filming overseas, which Jackie was ecstatic about. However she couldn't deal with not keeping busy, so auditioned and took as many small roles as possible. The last two years had been a whirlwind of emotions, so staying busy was the only way she knew how to keep sane.

When she arrived at her psych class the next day, she skimmed the room until she spotted Hannah, smiling and waving. "Hey, sorry I ran out on you last time. I had a meeting with my agent and he's a real stickler for being punctual."

"Oh it's fine, I'm glad to see you back acting."

"Yeah, I took a long break but then they decided to make the Neptune movie, and I couldn't pass it up. Are you still acting?"

"Yeah, nothing as impressive as Neptune 26 though," she smirked. "But I've been consistent with some smaller roles that help pay the bills."

"Consistency equals success in acting if you ask me. How long have you been in school?"

"This my third year, how about you?"

"Um, this is technically my fourth term, but I've been inconsistent. I actually went to college in Indiana for a year before Neptune, then took some time off to film that. I started here last year and enroll in classes when I'm not filming."

"Indiana? Wow. You really did take a break from Hollywood."

"Yes I did," Jackie laughed. "It was much needed, but I'm happy to be back."

After class they decided to grab a cup of coffee and catch up. It seemed as though no time had passed, and after that they began hanging out often. Mostly they studied and helped each other with scripts, which was refreshing having a partner to run lines with and offer insight. This was the first friend Jackie had who completely understood her lifestyle, and just being with her made her feel so much more relaxed- a feeling she hadn't felt since Catherine.

A few weeks into the term, Jackie had a question on a research paper she was working on, so planned to catch the professor after class.

"Want me to wait for you?" Hannah asked.

Tables at the library were hard to come by, so Jackie told Hannah to go on and she'd catch up. Given there were only fifteen minutes in between each class, Jackie hurried to the front to make sure her question got answered. When her turn finally came, she began to notice the students filing in for the class that proceeded hers. As she was wrapping up, she noticed the class settling down, and a woman in a suit approaching the desk. She figured it was the professor, so became anxious as she hurried. Midway through thanking her own professor for his time, she glanced over, quickly doing a double take when the face looking back was all too familiar. She suddenly felt her stomach leap into her throat.

"I'm sorry Professor Stark, we will get out of your way."

Hearing her name spoken aloud made it all too real, even though there was no denying who was standing in front of her.

Catherine broke their equally stunned gaze and cleared her throat as she looked back at Jackie's professor, "That's quite alright" she replied.

Jackie was paralyzed, unsure of what to do. Catherine looked at her again and smiled subtly, but as hard as Jackie tried, she couldn't force her facial expression to change from anything other than pure shock. Instead, she just looked away and thanked her professor once more before quickly exiting the room. The rest was a haze. "Can I help you?" Jackie snapped back into reality, not remembering even walking to the coffee shop.

"Sorry, yes-two cappuccinos please." When she arrived to the library she spotted Hannah busy at work and made her way over.

"You're a lifesaver!" She whispered gratefully as she reached for the cappuccino. "Are you okay?" She asked, studying Jackie's face.

"Yeah, I just ran into someone I haven't seen in a while and it caught me off guard."

"That seems to be a current theme for you recently," she smiled.

"Tell me about it" Jackie responded, raising her eyebrows before sitting.

"So who was it?"

"Just someone from Indiana."

"Indiana? Wow, no wonder you're in such shock."

"Yeah, small world." Jackie couldn't concentrate the entire time they were studying together, her heart racing at the realization that Catherine not only was in California, but was teaching at her school. She tried to look invested, but Hannah wasn't buying it.

"Jacks, you're not into this, I can tell."

"I'm sorry. I'm just mentally exhausted, it's been a long couple of days."

"How about we ditch the books and go get some drinks."

"That sounds perfect, but I think I'm just going to head home and get some rest. Rain check?"

"Of course."

When Jackie got home, she sat on her couch and stared at her cell phone as her leg shook in anticipation. How could Catherine move to Los Angeles without letting her know? How long had she been here? They hadn't spoken since Jackie left Bloomington, but she thought she'd at least have the decency to give her a heads up, letting her know she was coming. Los Angeles wasn't exactly a small city, but obviously small enough for them to cross paths. Jackie picked up her cell phone and searched through her contacts for Catherine's number. As she was about to press send, she threw her phone down on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. As she reached in her liquor cabinet to retrieve a bottle, her eyes caught site of a bottle of scotch and grabbed that instead. It felt appropriate she thought, smirking to herself.

The next morning she awoke on her couch, her head pounding as she noticed the half empty bottle of scotch sitting on the table. She pushed it aside, nauseous at the sight of it, and noticed her cell phone blinking. Her stomach knotted, not only because of the scotch, but because of the possibility that Catherine might have actually called. When she picked it up she sighed in disappointment, it was just a text from Hannah asking if they were still running lines before her audition this afternoon. Shit. Jackie responded back that they were still on as she headed to the bathroom to swallow a few aspirin and take a shower to expedite her hangover recovery. Just as she had finished getting dressed, Hannah was knocking on her door.

"Hey! I got you a cappuccino" she said cheerfully, handing Jackie the cup of pure gold that would hopefully wipe out the remnants of her hangover.

"Too cool to drink with me?" Hannah asked, as she eyed the scotch bottle sitting on the table.

Jackie quickly grabbed it and placed it back in the cabinet. "I just had a small drink to help me sleep."

After Hannah left, Jackie headed to campus for her classes. This time she was more aware of her surroundings, convinced every blonde she saw was Catherine. She was torn between the equal amount of relief and disappointment she felt every time it turned out not to be her. She struggled paying attention in her classes, and returned home that night having yet another day slip by with no communication from Catherine. Why did she have to run into her now. Why now when life was finally staring to go so well for her, as if she hadn't spent enough time being distracted by her. Determined not to let this ruin the progress she made, Jackie kept herself busy studying lines and working on her research paper before falling asleep. The next morning she was greeted in class with Hannah who supplied her a coffee. "I thought you'd might need this since you were working hard last night."

"How did I function before meeting you?" Jackie asked, touched at her thoughtfulness, and also becoming aware of her caffeine addiction.

"We still on for tonight? Big audition tomorrow!"

"Yes! I'll supply the Chinese food."

Jackie was on edge all day, unable to fully concentrate. Perhaps the abundance of caffeine wasn't helping, but she knew this was going to become a routine feeling every Monday, Wednesday and Friday considering she could run into Catherine. Hopefully she had a class before this so the chances would be slim. Jackie would just need to make sure not to stay after at any costs. Looking up at the clock she was thrilled when she noticed the professor ending class a few minutes early. Every minute he let them go early was another minute she had to distance herself from Catherine. Feeling at ease, she casually walked out of class with Hannah when she was caught off guard. She stopped in her tracks as she saw Catherine rise from a bench in the hall directly in front of her.

"Hi Jackie."


	2. Chapter 2

Catherine studied the numbers on the office doors before finally finding hers. The moment she opened the door, she couldn't help but get emotional. After a slump of being unemployed, she had finally landed her first teaching job since Bloomington. Slump was a strong word. In reality, she spent the last two years doing some serious soul searching and finishing her research article. Not only that, but she worked on her fear of planes and squeezed in some light travel before finally landing a job at UCLA. To end her time off, she spent a few weeks over the summer driving from Indiana to Los Angeles with Ethan at her side, which claimed to be more therapeutic than she had ever imagined. California was the mark of a fresh start, both externally and internally. Gone were the constant whispers of students and judgmental eyes of others. Here no one knew her past and it was time for her to get her life on track once and for all.

These last two years had been a struggle to say the least. Jackie took more from her than she thought possible when she left, and it took a while for her to put back the pieces. That was in the past though. Determined to better herself, she made it a point not to call, even though Jackie had insisted she was always welcome to. In fact, the struggle had been so rough at one point, that she ended up deleting the number from her phone all together, which proved to offer a release and chapter closed. Of course she thought about her after accepting the job, and given she still had her number, she may have called. _May have_. In all honesty, she didn't want to talk to her unless she absolutely had to. So no longer having her number in her possession, erased any guilt she had of not informing her that she was now in California.

The first few weeks of classes went smoothly and her stress began to ease. Teaching was where she belonged and she could feel her confidence building back up with each class. The staff were beyond friendly, and she had already joined in on a couple of happy hours. Life was going great until the one fear she kept at bay surfaced. Walking into her final class of the day, Catherine noticed the professor from the previous class, and a couple of students still occupying the room. As she approached the desk and set her things down, she heard the familiar voice and looked up, the sight confirming her speculations. It was Jackie. Catherine stared at her for a moment in shock, when her head suddenly turned. At first it was just a glance, but then Jackie looked back realizing it was her. Her face let on that she was just as shocked as Catherine, if not more. Suddenly the professor broke their gaze, apologizing for being in Catherine's way. Unable to speak at first, she cleared her throat and let him know it wasn't a problem. She offered Jackie a smile disguised as a peace offering, letting her know she knew she was on her turf, but Jackie showed no sign that she was happy to see her. Instead, she turned her attention back to the professor and left as quickly as she could. The entire encounter shook Catherine to the core, and teaching the class became difficult. Unable to get back into the groove of things, she let them go early. At least she would make someone happy today.

For all of the scenarios she played out in her head if Jackie and her were ever to see each other again, this wasn't exactly how she imaged it going. As painful as Jackie's reaction was, Catherine felt guilty for just appearing out of the woodwork like that. If the tides were turned and Jackie had randomly shown up in Catherine's class back in Bloomington, she can't say she wouldn't have reacted the same. For the first time, she was kicking herself for erasing Jackie's number. Now, not only did she have to apologize to Jackie, but she also had to explain to her why she no longer had her number.


	3. Chapter 3

Jackie stood in front of Catherine with her mouth open-caught mid sentence, hoping her face wasn't as flushed as it felt. To her, it was on fire.

"Do you have a minute?" Catherine asked softly.

Jackie didn't reply, just turned to Hannah, "I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay, I'll see you tonight" Hannah responded, before going on her way.

Catherine smiled nervously when Jackie looked back at her, "how are you?"

"Good, y-you work here?" Jackie stuttered.

"Yeah, just started. I'm glad to see you still stuck with school."

Jackie didn't say anything, she couldn't. Even if she were able to, she didn't know what she could possibly say.

"I'm sorry. I know I caught you off guard. I wanted to let you know I was moving here, but my phone was stolen last year so I didn't have your number."

Jackie nodded slightly letting her know she understood, it was the best she could do.

"Am I keeping you from class?" Catherine asked concerned.

"No, this was my last" she said, pointing her thumb back towards the classroom.

"Oh, good."

They both stood there equally uncomfortable before Catherine looked around, "Well I need to get in there, but I wanted to give you this" she said, fumbling through her bag. "It's my card."

Jackie took it from her and looked at it.

"It has my office location and cellphone number on it," Catherine said pointing. "I'd really like to talk when you get the chance- I mean if you want to."

"Okay," Jackie nodded again.

"It was good seeing you Jackie" Catherine smiled, as she touched her arm and disappeared into the classroom.

When Jackie got home, she sat at her kitchen counter and flipped Catherine's card in between her fingers, contemplating whether she should call. She had such mixed emotions about it all. As much as she wanted to be mad at Catherine for barging back into her life without notice, she now understood why she didn't call. She stared closely at the card. That name. Catherine Stark. It alone sent butterflies through her stomach. And of course she still had to look gorgeous. After examining it closely she smelled the card, taking a deep breath in, wondering if it smelled like her. Just as she was doing this there was a knock at her door, making her jump and almost tip over on the bar stool. She quickly stuffed the card in her back pocket and opened the door. "Hey Hannah!" She smiled as she greeted her.

"Hey Jacks!" She replied, setting her things down on the chair.

"I ordered the food, it should be here soon."

"Perfect! Ready to read some lines? I'm so nervous for tomorrow!"

"Aw don't be, you'll do great. I'm going to get myself a glass of wine, want one?"

"Jacks, do you even need to ask anymore?"

"Right" she laughed, as she made her way to the kitchen. Jackie was glad she was there to help keep her mind busy, and off of Catherine.

"Hey, who was that today?" Hannah yelled from the living room.

"Who was who?" Jackie asked, knowing very well that she was referring to Catherine.

"That lady we ran into after class."

Lady? It was strange having someone her age refer to Catherine as a lady, she wasn't _that_ much older. "Oh her, just someone I used to know."

"Same someone you ran into from Indiana a couple of days ago?"

"Yep, that's her," Jackie responded as she poured the wine, hoping Hannah wasn't going to grill her on this.

"Is she a professor here?" She asked curiously.

Yep, still talking about her.

"That she is" Jackie replied as she made her way over to the couch and handed Hannah the glass.

"It's weird that I've never seen her before. Was she your professor in Indiana?"

What was with the twenty questions?! So much for helping her keeping her mind off of Catherine.

"She was a professor there, but I didn't have her. She just started at UCLA this semester."

"Oh, it seemed like you two knew each other pretty well."

Jackie wanted nothing more than to change the subject.

"We did. We worked on a project together. So are you ready to dive into this script or what?" She said, as she flipped through it and took a big sip of wine, hoping that was the end of it.

By the time Hannah felt confident with her lines, it was well past 11 o'clock. As soon as Jackie shut the door behind her, she leaned against it and pulled out Catherine's card. It was too late to call her now. Relieved she didn't need to wrestle with the decision anymore until tomorrow, she attempted to get some sleep.

The next day as she sat through her classes, the card haunted her the entire day, burning a hole in her pocket. After her last class, she decided she couldn't handle the anxiety anymore and was just going to drop by Catherine's office. If she wasn't there, she'd take it as a sign. Given the circumstance that she was ever to run into Catherine again, she'd just tell her she lost the card. Since she was already in the psychology building, she made her way down the stairs to the offices. She timidly walked down the hall, reading the name plates before finally arriving at Catherine's. Taking a minute to gather her composure, she lifted her hand to knock. As soon as her knuckles were about to hit the wooden door, she stopped herself. She backed away from it, deciding she needed more time, and quickly made her way back down the hall. As she was turning the corner she clipped shoulders with someone, causing their books to fall.

"I'm so sorry!" She apologized, bending down to pick them up.

"Jackie?"

It was Catherine. Of _course_ it was.

"Oh, hey" she laughed nervously, as she got up and handed her the books.

"Where you coming to see me?" Catherine asked suspiciously.

Jackie looked back towards her office, trying to act as casual as possible. "Uh, yeah. My class got out early, so I figured I'd see if you were in."

"You're in luck, I just finished for the day. Come on" she motioned, as she made her way down the hall Jackie had just fled from.

Catherine unlocked the door and invited Jackie in. When she entered, she looked around. It was much more spacious than her last.

"Can I get you a bottle of water or anything?"

"Uh, no. I'm good-but thanks."

"I'm parched, it's going to take some time getting used to these California summers again" Catherine said, as she opened a bottle and began to drink from it. Jackie watched her lips wrap around the opening as her neck stretched upward. Her eyes skimmed down Catherine's neckline. She was wearing a lightweight blouse and pencil skirt, still keeping it formal given she was still fresh in her new role. As soon as Catherine finished, Jackie directed her eyes elsewhere. "So what have you been up to? Are you still double majoring?"

"I am. _Slowly_ ," She added. "I enroll in classes the terms I'm not filming, or filming as much. So it's a long go, but I'm determined to finish."

"That's great, and congrats on the movie! It seemed to do really well."

"Thanks, it did. We're actually filming a sequel this spring."

"Wow. Well congratulations again. You seem to be doing well, I'm glad" Catherine smiled, as she leaned against her desk, supporting her body with her arms.

"What about you, landing a job at UCLA? It's one of the top psychology departments if I'm not mistaken" Jackie said, returning the compliment.

"Number six, to be exact" Catherine smirked. Jackie smiled back coyly. "Listen," Catherine said as she stood, relaxing her posture a bit. "I'm really sorry for just showing up here like this. I know this is your world, and I don't want to interrupt your life in any sort of way. I had no idea you went here, and just wanted to clear the air now since we may see each other around from time to time."

Jackie began to feel guilty for her initial reactions. "I'm sorry too. You were just the last person I ever expected to see here, so I was caught off guard a bit."

"That's completely understandable, I was pretty shocked seeing you in that class room as well."

Jackie let off a half-smile before shifting her focus to the picture frames Catherine had sitting on a shelf.

"Ethan!" She beamed, as she walked over and lifted the frame. "Did you bring him?"

"Of course I did. We had quite the cross country adventure this summer."

"You drove?"

"I did."

"Still afraid of airplanes I see?" Jackie teased.

"Actually, I've been working on that. Truth is, I didn't have the heart to stick him with the cargo underneath the plane. And he's not exactly a young dog anymore, so we had ourselves a road trip."

"Aw, he's such a good dog."

"He is" Catherine agreed, looking over her shoulder at the picture. When Jackie placed the photo back down on the shelf, she noticed the ECT machine sitting beside it. It was then that she realized how close Catherine was standing next to her. The sudden silence from the break in conversation was creating an already overwhelming tension. So many memories and feelings began to overcome her. "What time is it?" She asked, disrupting the silence. "I completely forgot I have somewhere to be" she said, taking a few steps back towards the door. "Tell Ethan I said hi?" she asked, placing her hand on the door knob.

"Of course" Catherine smiled.

"Well good luck with everything here, I'm sure you're going to do great."

"Thanks Jackie," Catherine said softly, giving off the impression that she knew Jackie had no where to be.

Jackie was half way out the door when she began to feel guilty again. "And Catherine?" She said, pausing.

"Yeah?"

"It was good to see you too," she said before closing the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Catherine checked her watch, her stomach knotted as every minute passed, bringing her closer to Jackie. What if she froze, unable to speak again-just like she had when they first locked eyes in front of class. She was running what she had planned to say to her over again in her mind, when suddenly the classroom door burst open, students barging out into the hall. Class must have ended early. Panicking, thinking she still had a few minutes left to prepare herself, she saw Jackie coming towards the door. This was all moving too fast. She timidly rose from the bench, no turning back now. As soon as Jackie saw her, her face went pale, her mouth hung open-the same expression she gave her the other day, and the very first time they had ever spoken. She wasn't alone which made this even more difficult. "Hi Jackie. Do you have a minute?" Catherine wasn't sure if she had actually spoken the words aloud, or just mentally. It must have been the former, because Jackie turned to her classmate and told her she'd catch up with her later.

"Y-You work here?" Jackie stuttered, her first words to Catherine in two years. She missed that voice.

"Just started." Catherine filled her in on her new job and why she hadn't called to tell her, using the excuse that her phone was stolen-hopefully it was believable. She tried her absolute best to carry on a casual conversation, but Jackie's one word responses weren't helping. Unable to get her to loosen up, Catherine admitted defeat and nervously rummaged through her bag trying to find her card, her olive branch if you will. Jackie just stared at it and nodded. As almost as if she couldn't control it, Catherine reached out and touched her arm as they parted ways, something she would later criticize herself for.

Now the cards were in Jackie's hand, literally. Catherine had put herself out there-apologized and extended the opportunity for them to talk, but Jackie was clearly uneasy about her presence in California. All this time Catherine wondered what life would have been like if she had followed Jackie here, but now she couldn't help feeling that maybe Jackie never really wanted her here to begin with. Not surprisingly, she didn't hear from her that night. The next day, she was on her way to her office after her final class, when she suddenly collided with someone barreling around the corner, causing her books to spill to the floor. When she looked down she was shocked to see the person was Jackie. Considering the reaction she had during both of their encounters, she wasn't expecting to hear from her, let alone see her so soon.

"Jackie?"

She looked anxious as she handed her the books off of the floor.

"Were you coming to see me?" Catherine asked.

She stuttered as she usually did when she was nervous, a habit that Catherine always found undeniably charming. Once they were in her office, Jackie finally began to loosen up a bit once they got to talking, especially after the subject of Ethan was brought up. Jackie had always been quite fond of him, but after the conversation surrounding him ended, so did Jackie's warmness. She stepped back, distancing herself from Catherine. She began to look uneasy again before declaring she had somewhere to be. Catherine knew her all too well though, her body language letting on that she was lying. Although she knew the discomfort between them wouldn't disintegrate immediately, considering how abruptly they reappeared in each others' lives, it was discouraging to see Jackie feel on edge with her after everything they had been through together. Catherine bowed her head down as Jackie left, once again being left with a feeling of uncertainty that they could ever be on good terms. Suddenly she heard Jackie quietly call out her name from the doorway. "Yeah?" She answered.

"It was good to see you too," Jackie spoke softly. Catherine smiled as the door shut.

A week had passed since Jackie visited Catherine's office. She hadn't seen her since, which was fine. Their time was over, she would need to look at her as just another student on campus, an old acquaintance at best. This predicament wasn't ideal, but she would learn to cope for the sake of her career. That's not to say the invitation she received to happy hour couldn't have come at a better time though. Deep into her third cocktail, Catherine's conversation with a colleague she had grown fond of was interrupted by another professor. He leaned into them and quietly whispered, "That's her! That's the girl from Neptune 26, isn't it?"

"Jacqueline Kirk, she's in one of my classes," Catherine's new friend revealed.

"God I loved that series, I haven't seen the movie yet though," another colleague chimed in.

"Oh, it was great! She's excellent in it, I heard they're making a sequel."

Catherine turned her gaze to the direction they were all staring in and spotted Jackie. She was sitting at a table with the girl she was with the day Catherine approached her outside of class. She watched as they laughed with one another, leaning over the table and pointing at different drinks on the menu. Jackie hadn't stopped smiling since Catherine began watching. Were they _together_ or just friends Catherine wondered.

"Earth to Stark?"

Catherine broke her gaze and turned to her coworker. "What was that?"

"Have you seen it?"

"Seen what?"

"Neptune 26, silly."

"Oh, no-I mean yes. I've seen the television show, but not the movie. Sorry, I spaced out there for a minute."

"Do we need to cut you off?"

"Maybe," Catherine laughed.

"Is Jacqueline in any of your classes?"

"No," Catherine replied.

"She's such a sweet girl, you would never guess she was an actress, not like the others we've had."

"The others?"

"Yeah, being located in LA, we see our fair share of actors."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, most aren't like her though, she seems like she has a good heart-a good kid."

If they only knew, Catherine thought.

"Hannah, the girl she's with, is also an actress."

"Oh really?" Catherine commented, suddenly focusing in on her.

"Yeah, she's a Psych major so you'll have her soon enough. I think she mostly just does commercials and things, both smart girls for having an education to fall back on."

"Yes, definitely" Catherine agreed.

Even when the topic changed from Jackie, Catherine couldn't help but keep glancing over at her table. Her hair was down, it looked shorter than she remembered. Jackie hadn't broken eye contact with the Hannah girl since arriving, she seemed... happy. Had she known her before starting at UCLA, or had they met in class? After a coworker pulled Catherine into a long conversation, she looked back just in time to see Jackie raise from her chair and head for the restroom. She sipped on her cocktail as she watched Jackie push open the door and vanish behind it, alone. She waited a few moments debating what to do, but ultimately couldn't control herself-especially with the extra dose of bravery the alcohol was providing. "Excuse me," she whispered to the others as she stood. Catherine gently pushed opened the door, Jackie was still in the stall. Given there were only two, she entered the other. Jackie flushed the toilet and a moment later Catherine heard the door unlock, she was now at the sink. Catherine flushed her own toilet, not wanting to give off any red flags. When she exited the stall, Jackie's head was down, focused on washing her hands. When Catherine came beside her, she pretended not to notice as Jackie's head lifted. "Catherine?"

"Oh, hey!" Catherine laughed, trying to look surprised. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Yeah, what are the chances?"

"Have you been here before?" Catherine asked.

"A few times," Jackie nodded. "You?"

"This is my first time. I'm actually with some of the other Psychology professors, we try and do a happy hour twice a month."

"Well that sounds like fun."

"Yeah, it's nice" Catherine smiled.

"You can't beat this place's happy hour prices, that's for sure."

Catherine couldn't believe how much Jackie was talking, but then realized she was probably under the same effect of alcohol she was. "Yeah, it seems like a nice place to let off some stress."

"Exactly. I actually live near here so when we need cheap drinks, this is where we come."

She lives near here. Good to know, suddenly Catherine was picturing what her apartment looked like. "Oh, nice. You and your roommate?"

"God no, I can't do roommates. Just a friend."

Catherine laughed and nodded at her as they dried their hands. Her mission to find out more about this mystery friend had failed.

"Well I better get back out there" Catherine said, this time being the first to walk away. "Have fun."

"Thanks, you too" Jackie smiled.

When Catherine returned to her seat she peeked over subtly, trying to find any indication that Jackie was telling her friend about their run in, but her eyes didn't wander off of the girl in front of her. Catherine had an epiphany of sorts when thinking back to their encounters here in LA. The two times they were alone, Jackie seemed more at ease with her compared to the other times she caught her outside of class, the same class she shared with the mysterious Hannah girl. Maybe she had moved on. There was no denying that it explained her behavior fluctuations, feeling uncomfortable with talking to her ex in front of her current beau. Catherine suddenly began to feel a familiar sense of nausea. She gulped down the last of her cocktail and began to gather her things.

"Are you leaving us?" Her friend asked.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get a headache. I better stop while I'm ahead, I have a lot of papers to grade this weekend."

"Aw okay, feel better."

Catherine smiled, "bye everyone, have a good weekend."

She didn't bother looking back at Jackie one last time, she felt herself slipping back into those all too familiar feelings and refused to let herself self destruct again.


	5. Chapter 5

Jackie stared at the bold, red, letter on her paper, a D? Never in her life had she received such a grade. She looked around, no one else seemed to be as upset as her. Feeling self-conscious, she lowered the page as the students filed out of class around her.

Hannah looked up from her book as Jackie held the paper up to her face.

"Ouch," she said, taking it from her hands.

"This is the first D I have ever gotten."

"Ah, statistics. It's a rough class, I struggled with it myself."

"Yeah right, you're just telling me that so I feel better."

"No I'm serious, it was no cake walk. It's a notoriously hard psych course."

"No one else seems to be doing as bad as I am in it. What am I going to do?" Jackie groaned, dropping her head onto the table, smothering her face into her arms.

"Give yourself a break Jacks, it's just one homework assignment."

"I have a quiz on the same material Friday."

"Well then we will just have to work our butts off to get you ready for it" Hannah replied, placing her hand on Jackie's arm.

Jackie smiled, "do I tell you enough how awesome you are?"

"Yes, but keep it up" she grinned. "I've got to run though, how about I drop by tonight to help?"

"Where are you going?"

"I've got that audition I need to prep for."

"Oh, that's right! Yes, tonight sounds wonderful. Good luck!"

Jackie was buried under notebooks and binders on her couch, her statistics book in one hand, a script in the other. When she would get burnt out on stats, she'd memorize a page of her script and vice versa, leaving no time for her brain to take a breather. This is what she asked for though, to stay busy. Her eyes drifted off her script for a moment when she realized she had been so preoccupied, that she hadn't even had the chance to think about her visit to Catherine's office. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard knocking on her door. "Doors open!" She yelled beneath the mountain on top of her.

"Wow, look at you" Hannah said, staring at the clutter.

"Is this the face of determination or what?"

Hannah laughed and cleared a spot for herself on the chair next to Jackie. "Where are we at?"

Jackie untucked her legs from beneath her, stretching them as she placed her book down on the coffee table to show Hannah. After a solid two hours of studying, Jackie couldn't prevent the yawns that were slipping from her mouth.

"I'm exhausted too, are you okay if we wrap things up for the night? You seem to be getting what we went over."

"Yeah, I don't think my eyes could handle one more formula."

"Is that your script? When's the audition?"

"Next Wednesday. Crap! Your audition! How was it?!

"I'm not sure, there were so many people there, it was kind of discouraging.

"I'm sorry," Jackie sighed. "I've been so caught up in my own shit I completely ignored yours. I really appreciate you coming though, I know it's probably the last thing you wanted to do after today."

"Of course not, I like helping you. We're a good team" Hannah said, as she made her way to the door.

"We are," Jackie smiled as she opened the door and leaned into it.

"Get some rest, you're going to do great."

Jackie looked up at the clock, she had 2 minutes left before having to hand in her quiz and was triple checking it to be sure. After nervously handing it to her professor, she was shocked to see Hannah standing outside her class. "How was it?"

"I did my best, what are you doing here?" Jackie asked curiously.

"I wanted to catch you before your next class, let's celebrate for all of our hard work this week. Drinks tonight?" She grinned.

"You already know my answer," Jackie smiled.

Later that evening, Hannah and her went to a bar near Jackie's apartment that was quickly becoming their regular spot. Jackie loved going out with Hannah for drinks, it made her feel like just an average college student. A normalcy she had always craved. Studying at UCLA she wasn't noticed much either, being among actors came with the territory so she basically had free range around campus. Not having the chance to eat all day due to her nerves wrecking havoc, the drinks were quickly going to her head. After she downed a few cocktails she made her way to the bathroom. Caught off guard, she was surprised to see Catherine's reflection in the mirror when she looked up as she washed her hands. They shared a casual conversation, almost as if they were just old friends running into one another in a restaurant bathroom. No awkwardness this time. In fact, Jackie was happy to see her. But Catherine excused herself before the conversation could go any deeper, she happened to be there with other staff from UCLA. It wasn't until Jackie was back at the table with Hannah that she began to feel a yearning inside. Knowing very well that the alcohol could possibly make her do things she normally wouldn't, she kept her focus on Hannah, not daring to look around for Catherine.

"I think that's one of my professors, no that is _definitely_ one of my professors."

Jackie looked in the direction Hannah was, expecting to see Catherine, but she wasn't there.

"Yeah I ran into one of them when I was in the bathroom" Jackie said, looking around.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know, figured it would be a buzz kill" Jackie said, looking around. "Hey I forgot I need to call Wade, I'm going to pop outside real quick."

"I'll come with you."

"No, that's okay. I don't want the waiter thinking we ran out on the bill."

"Good point."

When Jackie got outside, she realized she didn't even know what she would say if she had actually found Catherine. It was no use anyway, she was long gone.

After returning home a couple of hours later, Jackie grabbed a bottle of aspirin. The lack of food and abundance of alcohol had given her a headache. Retrieving a bottle of water from her fridge, she spotted Catherine's card hanging on the front of it. She pressed her forehead against the cool surface to soothe the ache and stared at the card. "Damn you Catherine," she whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Catherine was checking a voicemail in her car when she looked up and saw Jackie standing outside the bar. Hannah wasn't with her and it looked as though she was looking for someone. Catherine was so distracted by her, she didn't pay any attention to the voice message. Instead, she dropped the phone from her ear and watched until Jackie went back inside the bar looking distraught- or at least that's what Catherine was choosing to believe. She turned on her ignition and pulled out of the parking lot, a small smile on her face.

On Monday, she was surprised to see that the class before hers had yet again run over. It looked as if the professor was passing back papers of some sort.

"I'm sorry to do this again Professor Stark," he apologized.

"Take your time," Catherine insisted as she stepped off to the side, not wanting to pressure him. She put her bag down on a chair and pulled out the agenda for today's class.

"Have fun on Friday?"

Catherine looked up and saw Jackie standing in front of her. "I did" she smirked. "You?"

"It was okay. I saw your coworkers, but you were gone by then. Gettin' too old to hang?"

So Jackie _had_ been looking for her, she thought to herself. "Let's just say, I'm a bit of a lightweight these days," Catherine smiled.

"Ah, I know the feeling."

Before they could talk anymore, Hannah walked up to them.

"This is my friend Hannah, Hannah this is Cath-Professor Stark," she quickly corrected herself.

"It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard nothing but good things about your classes," Hannah said as she shook her hand.

"Aw, thanks. That's sweet of you. Are you a Psych major?" Catherine already knew the answer but didn't know what else to say.

"I am."

"Well then you'll have to sign up for one of my classes sometime."

"Oh, I plan to!" Hannah said excitedly.

"Well we will let you go, it was good seeing you" Jackie smiled.

"You as well, and it was nice meeting you Hannah."

"It was nice meeting you too Professor Stark!" Hannah chimed in before they left.

Maybe this Hannah girl wasn't so bad after all.

The next day Catherine was shocked to see Jackie waiting outside of her office. She seemed to be seeing more of her this week than she had all semester. Maybe she was there for a different professor.

"I need to talk to you" Jackie said, she seemed upset.

Unsure of what this was about, Catherine invited her in. As soon as she entered, Jackie walked up to her and handed her a paper, telling her it was mandatory of her to take one of the courses she was teaching. Catherine knew this situation may come up, but wasn't sure if Jackie had already taken the course before she arrived. She could tell Jackie was anxious about the situation, so tried her best to calm her and be professional. As she was convincing her that it would all be fine, that this wasn't the first time she had to deal with this matter, she slipped and told Jackie that she wasn't like the others. Jackie's expression let on that she had interpreted the statement wrong- what she meant was that Jackie was much more mature than them. They both knew what she really meant though. Changing the subject, Catherine asked about the book in Jackie's hand. It was another script, the girl sure did seem to be staying busy.

"Yeah, well I figure... if I moved back here, I need to take advantage of being able to do both, or else it wasn't worth it."

The sentence caught Catherine off guard, making her heart flutter. It was the first time Jackie gave any indication of regretting her choice to leave Bloomington.

"Do you miss it?" Jackie asked.

Missed what? Them? More than she'd ever know.

"Bloomington," Jackie stated.

"Every day," Catherine blurted out a little too quickly. When Jackie questioned why she was here then, she informed her of the backlash she experienced after losing her job. She could tell by Jackie's expression how guilty she felt, especially after she apologized. Assuring her she was fine, she told her not to mistake her nostalgia for unhappiness. She loved it here, especially the fact that she was working in such a prestigious Psychology department. It was an opportunity she had never even dreamt of, but it just wasn't home.

After a string of days seeing Jackie, the normalcy of not seeing her as often returned. This was probably for the best since she would soon become her professor. Busy with her own work on top of teaching, Catherine spent many late nights in the library scouring through research articles. During one especially late night, she strained her eyes and looked at her phone, it was almost 11pm. She decided to stop for the night given she had an early class in the morning. Making her way through the library, she was surprised to see Jackie nestled in a corner. Her hand was supporting her head, her fingers rubbing her forehead, she looked stressed. Catherine looked around, not many people were there anymore so she walked over. "Burning the midnight oil?"

Jackie looked up and smiled discouragingly, "Unfortunately. What are you doing here?"

"Just some research. What do you got there?"

"Statistics," she replied, flipping to the cover to show Catherine.

"Gross," Catherine wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Tell me about. There's a reason my first major is English, I guess I should have read more into it before choosing Psych as my second major."

"Do you have an exam coming up?"

"Sadly, this is just a homework assignment. I'm not doing very well, so every point matters," she said sheepishly.

"You're not alone, it's not an easy class."

"That's exactly what my friend said," Jackie laughed. "She's been helping me study, but she had an audition tonight and couldn't help."

"Ah, another actor?"

"Yeah, it's not an easy thing to juggle. I'm trying to forget that I still need to memorize a bunch of pages of script for my audition later this week," she groaned.

Catherine looked down at Jackie, her face was pale, her hair disheveled, she looked terrible. She glanced at the time again and looked around the room. She was already exhausted and knew she was going to regret this in the morning but, she just couldn't leave her like this. Catherine put down her things and pulled out the chair next to Jackie. "What are we working with here?" She asked, staring down at Jackie's book.

"Catherine I appreciate it, but I can't ask that of you. I don't want to get you into trouble."

"I'm just a professor helping a student with a psychology question, I'm not doing anything wrong."

"It's really late."

"It is, so get talking lady" Catherine smiled.

It was strange seeing Jackie struggle. She did so well in Bloomington, and exceeded at every other thing she did, including flying an airplane. Catherine couldn't deny the pleasure she was experiencing being able to help her though, she felt needed by her again. Around midnight Jackie finally completed the assignment and they packed up their things and left the empty library. When they got to the front, Catherine asked her where she was parked.

"Uh, my apartment," she laughed.

"Come on," Catherine said as she began walking.

"Where are we going?"

"The garage, I'll give you a ride."

"That's okay, I walk home all the time. With my schedule, it's the only time I can slip in some exercise."

"Jackie, it's past midnight."

"Yeah... I guess I wasn't expecting to be here this late" she said, biting the side of her lip.

"Come on," Catherine repeated.

"Ah, the Porsche! I was scared you sold it," Jackie exclaimed as they reached her car.

"Never!" Catherine joked.

It didn't take long to get to Jackie's apartment considering she lived right outside campus. "That's me," she pointed.

Once she pulled over, Catherine stretched her neck to look, "Very nice."

Jackie turned to her, "Thanks so much for helping me tonight, and for the ride. You saved my life, in more ways than one I guess," she laughed.

"You're welcome, I'm happy to help."

Jackie looked at her for a little longer than usual and smiled before reaching for the door handle, "I miss it too you know" she paused, staring at the door.

Catherine didn't respond, she wasn't completely sure what Jackie was talking about, but she felt herself stop breathing.

"Bloomington" Jackie said, looking back at her.

Catherine just smiled.

"You said you like it here, but it doesn't feel like home. But home is a feeling, not a structure. Those people back there who made you feel less than, they don't deserve to be called home."

Catherine felt her throat tighten as she struggled to swallow the lump that formed. Her eyes began to water and she just nodded and smiled.

"Goodnight Catherine," Jackie said as she opened the door.

"Goodnight Jackie."


	7. Chapter 7

While Jackie was waiting in line to pick up her paper, she saw Catherine come through the door and felt her stomach do a somersault. She watched as she talked to her professor then move to the corner of the room. Jackie didn't take her eyes off of her, hoping to catch her eye, but she was busy reading. She looked back at Hannah who was further back in line and became anxious, wishing the line would hurry so she could breeze by Catherine as she waited for her. When she finally received her paper, she casually walked over to Catherine. They were making light conversation about running into one another at the bar, when Hannah came up next to her. Semi-annoyed that Hannah was interrupting them, Jackie ended the conversation.

"So that's the notorious Professor Stark," Hannah commented as they were walking.

"What do you mean notorious?" Jackie asked, there was no way Catherine's reputation followed her all the way to California, and surely she hadn't-no there's no way she would do that here.

"Everyone keeps saying how awesome she is, and not to mention gorgeous!"

Jackie just laughed.

"Come on, you know she is."

Jackie didn't say anything, just kept walking.

"Huh" Hannah nudged her jokingly.

"Yes, she is gorgeous, alright?."

"I'm actually pretty jealous that you two are so close, maybe when I graduate you can put in a good word for me," Hannah joked.

"Shut up," Jackie laughed. It was a weird situation, having as close of a friend as Hannah, yet keeping the most intimate part of her life from her, and everyone else she knew.

The next day while waiting outside her advisor's office, Jackie read over her script for tomorrow. With the first semester flying by, it was time to start choosing next semester's classes. "Jacqueline? I'm ready for you."

Jackie looked up and smiled, "Okay!" she said, tucking the script into her backpack.

"How's the movie coming along?"

"It hasn't started yet, sometime in spring they said, so I'm hoping to finish up my classes prior to that."

"Ah, well I'm sure things can be arranged whatever the case may be."

"So far all of my professors have been more than understanding, I've gotten lucky."

Jackie's advisor pulled out a course guide. "I went ahead and highlighted the courses offered for second semester that you need. The ones in green are your English credits and the ones in yellow are for Psychology. Jackie skimmed her eyes down the paper, ugh another statistics class, but her eyes stopped when she saw the name Stark next to a highlighted course. "This theoretical writing class, is this mandatory?"

"Let me see," her advisor said, taking the paper. "Yes it is, oh and Professor Stark is teaching it! She's a new professor that just started here. I've heard nothing but wonderful things about her, you're sure to love her."

That was the problem, Jackie wanted to say aloud.

"Do you mind if I look this over first before scheduling? With the movie filming in spring and all, I just want to make sure that I can handle a full schedule."

"Yes, of course" she smiled. "You let me know if you have any questions, okay?"

"I will, thank you" Jackie said as she stood. When she left, she went straight from the advisor's office to Catherine's. It was dark inside and the door was locked so she took a seat on a bench outside. Studying her script some more, she finally heard high heels echoing down the hall and knew it must be Catherine.

"Jackie" Catherine greeted her. "Are you here for me?" She asked, looking slightly confused as to why she was there.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you."

"Okay," Catherine said warily, as she unlocked her door and flipped on the lights. She set her things down on her desk and turned to Jackie.

Jackie walked over and handed her the course guide. "Your theoretical writing course is mandatory in order for me  
to double major."

Catherine nodded as she looked down at the paper and bit her lip. "Yeah, I was wondering if you still needed to take it."

"What should I do?" Jackie asked.

"Well does anyone here know about our past?"

"No."

"And I'm assuming you still want to double major in Psychology?"

"Yes."

"Then we will just deal with it. Luckily, it's the only course I teach that is mandatory for an undergraduate degree. All the others are optional, so you only have to deal with me for one semester," Catherine said as she handed the paper back to Jackie.

"I didn't... I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," Catherine smirked. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

She smiled back. "Well this ought to be interesting."

"Not if we don't make it."

Jackie nodded, clearly Catherine was being the more mature person.

"Look, as you know, this isn't my first rodeo dealing with this type of situation. I made do then, and you aren't like the others anyway."

Jackie raised her eyebrows at the remark as Catherine let her confident demeanor slip for a second. "I mean... We're both professionals. We'll make do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"What do you got there?" Catherine asked as she cocked her head to try and read the book in Jackie's hand.

"Oh, a script for an audition tomorrow."

Catherine leaned back on her desk as she had before, this time crossing her arms and legs. "Another? You're a busy girl," she smirked.

"Yeah, well I figure... if I moved back here, I need to take advantage of being able to do both, or else it wasn't worth it."

Catherine smiled in a way that made her lips form a straight line.

"Do you miss it?"

"Miss what?" Catherine asked.

"Bloomington."

"Every day," she said without hesitation.

Jackie squinted her eyes in confusion, "Why are you here then?"

"People in that town never looked at me the same. I was too scared to interview at colleges near it, so just spent some time on myself. Then when I was ready to get back into it, I connected with an old classmate from Stanford. She referred me to a friend who works here and- voila, here I am."

"I still feel awful about that," Jackie said ashamed.

"I know you do, but I was bound to get caught eventually. It's my own fault. Don't get me wrong though, I am very happy to be here. It's an opportunity I never thought I'd get, and the people are great. It's just not home," She shrugged.

Jackie's heart broke hearing that last sentence.

"Hey, don't feel sorry for me-It's UCLA. It's the the sixth best Psychology department in the nation, remember?" she winked.

After Jackie left Catherine's office that day she felt a lot better about having her as a professor. She was right, they were mature enough not to let their past affect their professional lives. As much as Jackie didn't want to admit it to herself, she was most upset that now they couldn't cross the line into something more again.

Nervous to turn over the paper, she took a deep breath and winced as she slowly looked at the grade, B-. Not exactly as good of a grade as she was used to, but she'd take it. When Hannah came over later that night she showed her the quiz, "I owe you."

"I told you you'd be fine!"

"I'm not out of the woods yet, I still have more assignments and not to mention the final."

"Well let's not worry about that now, it's Friday and we're getting drunk," Hannah smiled as she handed Jackie a glass of wine. "Want to go to the bar?"

Jackie remembered her conversation with Catherine, that she only went to happy hour every other weekend. This was their off weekend. "I'm pretty exhausted so if you don't mind, I'd rather just stay here."

"No problem with me!"

Hannah was guzzling through more glasses than Jackie and started to open up more than she usually did. "Did you date anyone in Bloomington?" She asked.

"Sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?"

Jackie thought back to when Catherine scoffed at her for calling them a couple. "There weren't exactly labels to attached to them."

"Them?" Hannah asked, raising her eyebrows. "How many were there? Weren't you only there a year?"

"Yeah, uh-" Pretending as if they weren't a big deal, "two."

"Anything serious?"

Jackie paused as she ran the tip of her middle finger around the rim of her wineglass. "Yeah, one of them was."

"What happened?"

"I moved back here."

"Did you try the long distance thing?"

"No. I wanted to but... she didn't" Jackie shrugged.

"I'm sorry Jacks," Hannah said, putting her hand on her knee.

"I'm just sorry for the poor guy I slept with in revenge," Jackie joked, trying to lighten the subject.

"Guy?" Hannah raised her eyebrows.

"Yup."

"I can't do that anymore," Hannah sighed, as she laid down and looked up at the ceiling. "I kept my secret for so long it almost destroyed me. I refuse to let it control my life anymore."

"Has it affected your career at all?" Jackie asked, she envied Hannah's courage to do what she hadn't been able to yet.

"I don't know. I mean, I haven't exactly done anything major since we were kids, but that's not to say it has anything to do with that. Does anyone know about you? Your manager? Your agent?"

"No, it's not something we've ever really discussed. If someone was ever in my life, I'd like to think that I would though."

"I think you would," Hannah smiled as she turned back towards Jackie. "Now lets get back to this girl! Do you still talk?"

Jackie wasn't exactly sure how to answer that question. "We didn't for a while. We did and said some pretty nasty things to each other. But we ran into one other right before I left, so it was nice getting some closure."

The way Hannah talked, Jackie was under the impression that she was pretty lonely before they ran into each other. She couldn't help to think they had met at the right time, both obviously needing a friend.

As the semester was coming to an end, Jackie was becoming more and more stressed with statistics, knowing she didn't have much time left to bump up her grade before the final. With Hannah preoccupied at an audition, she went to the library to keep her distractions at a minimum as she suffered through a homework assignment she was struggling with. She watched as the library slowly kept emptying as the night grew later, envious of the other students who were on their way home to their beds. It was when she was almost at her breaking point, that she heard someone speak to her. It was Catherine.

"What are you doing here?" Jackie asked, considering the time.

"Just doing some research."

Jackie remembered always having to track down Catherine in the library, or her office when she was working on her research article. It took Jackie by surprise when Catherine suddenly sat down next to her and offered to help. As much as she wanted it, she didn't want to risk getting Catherine in trouble yet again. But she insisted so she didn't argue. To say that it was difficult, trying to pay attention to what Catherine was saying when all she could think about was the last time the two of them were in a library together, would be an understatement. But she managed to pull through with Catherine not even noticing her gaze drifting over her. When they were finished they left the library together and Catherine asked where she had parked. Forgetting completely that she had walked there, she laughed at her realization. Catherine offered to drive her but again, she didn't want to put her in that kind of position. When she insisted, Jackie followed, it was too late to argue and walking at this hour didn't exactly sit well with her. On their way to her apartment, Jackie couldn't help the nostalgia that was overcoming her being in that car again. From Catherine comforting her in it when she picked her up after the fight with her mother, to the last time she was in it after the Neptune party, before the fight that changed everything. Pulling up to her apartment, Jackie thanked her for everything and sat there for a minute, not wanting to leave just yet. What Catherine had told her in her office a couple weeks ago had resonated with her, and she wanted her to know that she missed Bloomington as well, but that Catherine deserved much more than how she was treated there. She deserved to feel at home here, where people appreciated her worth. She watched as Catherine's eyes began to glisten, and watched her jaw clench, struggling to swallow. Had things of been different, Jackie would have reached over and kissed her, or at least given her a hug, but she couldn't. Catherine had been too kind to her for Jackie to put her in another compromising position when she was trying to have a fresh start here. When she exited the car, she grew frustrated that they found themselves in the exact same situation again. The only positive being that she was guaranteed to see Catherine twice a week now.


	8. Chapter 8

By the end of the semester, Jackie was going into her statistics final with a B average, thanks to Hannah and Catherine. On the last day of class before finals week, she stopped by Catherine's office to thank her. Making her way down the hall, she noticed someone with Catherine outside of her door. It looked as though the woman was consoling her. Jackie stopped in her tracks and took a few steps back, ducking behind a book shelf of pamphlets. She pulled one out and pretended to read it, keeping a close eye on Catherine. The woman consoling her hugged her goodbye and began walking in Jackie's direction. She tried her best to look casual, staring at the words in the pamphlet when the woman walked past her. "Have a good break Ms. Kirk."  
Jackie looked up and smiled back, "Thanks, you too." She had no idea who the woman was, a professor of some sorts she imagined. Once the footsteps behind her disappeared, she placed the pamphlet back on the shelf and proceeded to Catherine's office. She pressed her ear against the door before knocking, but didn't hear a sound. After knocking softly, she heard Catherine's voice crack as she called out, "One second!" A few moments later, Catherine slowly opened the door. Her eyes were red but she pretended as if nothing were wrong. "Hi Jackie" she smiled, as she opened the door wider and let her in. Jackie shut the door behind her as Catherine turned her back to her.

"I just wanted to come by and thank you before break starts."

"Thank me for what?" She asked, still visually upset.

"I have a B average in statistics so far, and I owe a lot of it to you."

"All I did was help you with that one assignment, you have your friend to thank-and your hard work."

"Yeah, but you really helped me understand that night."

"Well then, you're welcome." Catherine had avoided eye contact with her the entire time, pretending to look busy.

"Are you okay?"

Catherine paused. "Ethan got really sick a few nights ago."

"Aw."

"I just got off the phone with the vet, his kidneys are failing. They said there's nothing more they can do."

"Oh, no. Catherine, I'm so sorry."

Jackie watched her struggle to keep it together, but a tear slipped down her cheek. As she made her way towards her, Catherine turned her back to her again. "He's old, I was naive to think he'd live much longer."

Jackie stood behind her before finally taking a few steps closer and putting her hand on her arm, turning her around. Catherine gave in and the tears began streaming down her face as Jackie pulled her into her arms and hugged her. She felt Catherine's chest tremble as she struggled to catch her breath between the sobs. She held her closely as she glanced over at the picture of Ethan on the shelf, her own heart breaking.

"I don't think I can be there when they do it, but I don't want him to be alone."

"I'll go with you," Jackie said softly.

"No, I couldn't ask-"

"You didn't- I offered."

Jackie felt Catherine's body stiffen against hers as she backed away from her, "this isn't appropriate" she said, as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Catherine, I loved that dog like my own. We're just two friends grieving a loss together."

She went back to her desk and pulled some tissues from a box, dabbing at her eyes.

"When are you going to..." Jackie wasn't sure of the right words to use.

"Before Monday. I don't want to have to do this during finals week, it's going to be hard enough."

Jackie pulled her cell phone out from her pocket. "I'm texting you my number. I'm serious. If you won't do it for yourself-do it for me. I'd like to see him one last time."

Later that evening Jackie was at home, Hannah was over-their usual Friday night ritual, when her phone vibrated. "8pm tonight. If you're still interested, I'll pick you up at 7:30. Sorry for the late notice." Jackie looked at the time, it was already 7.

"What's up?" Hannah asked.

"It's Wade, he wants to meet up."

"This late on a Friday?"

"You know Wade..." Jackie said, trying to seem annoyed as she texted Catherine back.

"Well do you want me to wait here, and we can go get some drinks when you get back?"

Jackie thought quick, "No, I don't know how long this is going to take, and I really need to study for my final on Monday."

"Oh, okay."

Hannah didn't move, so Jackie got up and headed to the bedroom to get ready. She felt stupid struggling to find something to wear when all she was doing was going to witness a dog being put down, it's not like Catherine was going to notice. When she peaked out before heading to the bathroom, she noticed Hannah still lounging on the couch, casually sipping on her wine.

"Well, I gotta go."

"Alright, I'll walk out with you."

Great. She looked at the time, 7:27.

"I'll see you Monday," she said as she hugged Hannah once they were outside. As she pretended to walk to her car, she spotted Catherine's. She pulled out her cell phone and called her as she got into her own car. "I need to pretend I'm getting in my car until Hannah leaves."

"Okay."

Hannah honked and waved as she drove past, while Jackie was hanging up. Hopefully Catherine's windows were tinted enough that she didn't see her. When she saw Hannah's taillights disappear around the corner, she got out of her car and walked to Catherine's.

"Sorry about that."

"Am I interrupting something?

"No, we were just hanging out."

"What did you tell her?" Catherine asked as she pulled out of the parking spot.

"Meeting with Wade."

They were silent most of the car ride there, what are you supposed to talk about in this situation? When they pulled up to the Animal Hospital, Catherine sat there for a minute after she turned off the ignition. "I just need a minute."

"Take all the time you need."

Catherine took a deep breath in, "Okay, let's get this over with."

When the veterinarian technician took them back, Jackie's heart broke when she saw Ethan lying in a cage. He had changed so much in the last two years, his face had completely whitened. When the technician opened the cage, he struggled to get to his legs, his tail wagging weakly as soon as he saw them. Catherine completely lost it, dropping to her knees and wrapping her arms around him, "Shhhh, it's okay."

"We have a private room set up for the procedure," the technician said.

Catherine kissed his head before stepping aside so Jackie could see him.

"Hi buddy!" she said, gently rubbing the top of his head. "I missed you!"

Two technicians came and gently lifted him out of the cage and carried him into the private room. "We'll give you a few minutes to say goodbye."

Catherine put her arms around his neck and pressed her face against his. "You got me through some tough times buddy. You're the only family I have left, and you meant more to me than you'll ever know" she whispered.

Jackie stood by the door silently, and wiped the tears rolling down her face at Catherine's words.

Catherine kissed his nose and just held him tightly before the technician came back in. "Are you ready?"

"No, but go ahead."

Jackie walked over and kissed Ethan's head as she stood behind Catherine and placed her hand on her shoulder. The technician pushed the syringe through Ethan's IV as Catherine held him and just kept whispering, "I love you, I love you, I love you..." A few moments later his body went limp as Catherine sobbed, Jackie unable to keep it together herself. They removed his collar and gave it to Catherine before removing him from the room, letting them know they could stay as long as they needed. As soon as the door closed, Jackie turned Catherine towards her, "Come here." Catherine turned, grasping the collar in her hands as Jackie took her in her arms. "I'm so sorry."

After a few minutes of holding one another, Catherine sniffed and apologized. "I got tears all over your shirt."

"It's okay," Jackie laughed.

When they broke apart, Catherine's mascara was running down her face. "Here," Jackie said, as she took her face in her hands and gently removed the streaks with her thumbs. "Do you want me to drive?"

Catherine nodded.

"Okay, let's get out of here."

"I can't go out there yet, I must look awful."

Jackie had never seen her face so puffy, but she was still beautiful. She opened her purse and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, handing them to Catherine. "Here. Not because you're not beautiful, but because I want to be the only one to see you this vulnerable," Jackie winked. Catherine laughed as Jackie put them on her. "There. Good as new."

"Except for the fact that it's nighttime."

"Well, you're just a badass then."

On the way back home, Catherine was silent, she just stared out the window. When they pulled up to Jackie's apartment she parked the car. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Eventually."

"Think about the awesome road trip you gave him this summer. What a freaking spectacular way for a dog to go out."

Catherine smiled slightly, "yeah, you're right. It's just... He was the last part of home I had here. Now he's gone."

"You know you can call me if you ever need anything. It's the 323 number," Jackie joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit, yet letting her know she wasn't alone.

Catherine laughed at her remark. "So is everyone else's here."

"Dang, that's right. I guess I'm not so special anymore."

Catherine just looked at her, her face softening. "Thanks so much for coming." She leaned over and gave her a hug. When Jackie felt her begin to pull back, she held on tightly, wanting to hold onto the moment a little longer. As they slowly parted, their cheeks softly brushed against each others and for a second, they both paused, their breath on each others lips until Catherine pulled away and got out of the car. They crossed paths near the hood of the car and said goodnight. Jackie didn't even make it to the passenger side of the car before turning around.

"Go inside Jackie." Catherine said before she could even talk.

"Catherine-"

"Jackie. For the sake of both of us, turn around and go inside."


	9. Chapter 9

Catherine paid the barista and walked to her office as she blew on her hot coffee, her fourth cup of the day since leaving the house this morning. Between wrapping up the semester, finals next week, and stressing over a sick Ethan, she was running on E. Her phone began to ring in her bag. She struggled to find it, rummaging through her purse one handed with the cup of coffee in the other, ultimately leading to her spilling some on her coat. Once she pulled the phone from her bag, she saw the vet's number lighting up the screen. She paused outside the building that housed her office as they explained to her that his condition had worsened, there was nothing more that they could to do. For now they were just keeping him comfortable and thought it best for him to be put down. Catherine politely thanked them and numbly walked into the building. When she approached her door, she yet again struggled, this time trying to find her keys. She balanced her bag on her hip as she dug through it. The hot coffee spilling over the rim and burning her hand. "Damn't!" She cursed to herself as she finally gave in and tossed the cup in the trash.

"Catherine? Are you okay?" A fellow professor whose office was next to her's asked, as she was locking up for the night.

Catherine was mortified when she began to cry, but it was all much too overwhelming.

"What's wrong?" She asked, coming over and hugging her.

"I'm just having a really bad day. I'm stressed with my first finals, I just spilled coffee all down me, and I just found out I have to put my dog down."

"Oh sweetheart."

After finally letting her be, Catherine made her way into her office, relieved to finally be alone with her emotions. That was until she heard a knock on her door. "You've got to me kidding me," she whispered to herself.

"Just a minute!" She yelled, her voice still shaky.

Looking in the mirror she had hung on her wall, she fixed her smudged make up and fanned her eyes to dry the tears. She was half tempted to turn whoever it was away, but given it was the last day before finals, she couldn't.

Opening the door slightly, she saw Jackie and was rather relieved it wasn't a student. She said she had come to thank her but Catherine wasn't sure why. After Jackie explained how much she had helped her with statistics, she asked her if she was okay, clearly Catherine looked a mess. In the middle of explaining about Ethan, she felt the dreaded feeling again, unable to control her tears. Jackie approached her, but she turned her back to her. Feeling her hand on her shoulder, she lost all control and sobbed in Jackie's arms, a place she missed.

Jackie held her and offered to go with her to the vet, after she expressed her internal struggle of not being able to handle it, but not wanting him to be alone. Suddenly Catherine came to and realized how out of line they were being. If someone were to walk in here and see them... She broke free and backed away from Jackie.

"If you're not going to do it for yourself... Do it for me. I'd like to see him one last time."

Catherine played the words over in her mind all day, especially after scheduling the procedure that evening, not wanting Ethan to suffer another night scared and alone at the vet. Mustering up the courage, she finally texted Jackie. She needed someone there, and who better than someone who loved Ethan as much as she.

As she pulled up to Jackie's, she noticed her standing on the sidewalk hugging someone, when they parted she saw it was Hannah. Had she interrupted a date? She saw Jackie eye her and walk to her own car before her phone rang.

"I need to pretend I'm getting into my own car until Hannah leaves."

Catherine felt a sudden rush in her adrenaline, the feeling she used to live for when sneaking around back in Bloomington. After Jackie slipped into the passenger seat she couldn't help but ask if she was interrupting something. "No we were just hanging out." Was she telling the truth?

Before getting out of the car at the vet, Catherine paused, trying to keep her composure. When they finally entered and were taken back to Ethan, she completely crumbled at the sight of him. They led them to a room as two technicians carried poor Ethan in, then left them alone to say goodbye. Usually she was so in control of her emotions, but this time she couldn't help to succumb to them. Ethan deserved her complete vulnerability. As she said goodbye to him, she could hear Jackie sniffling behind her, and felt her warm hand on her shoulder as they slipped Ethan the drugs. Catherine watched as his eyes slowly fluttered close and his body go limp in her arms.

The vet handed her his collar as they removed him from the room. As soon as they shut the door, Jackie turned her around and took her in her arms, the way she had earlier in her office. Catherine's chest was aching under her ribs, her heart literally breaking. Despite the pain she felt on the inside, it felt good being in someone's arms again, Jackie's especially. It had been so long that someone had touched her that way. Finally pulling herself together she was embarrassed to see Jackie's damp shoulder when she lifted her face from it. Jackie just laughed it off. Embarrassed to show her face, Jackie pulled a pair of sunglasses out of her bag. She told her she still looked beautiful, but wanted to be the only one to see her this vulnerable. The act melted Catherine's heart and assured her she made the right choice asking her to come.

Catherine felt numb the entire ride home, thankful Jackie had offered to drive. As homesick as she still was, it was unbearable knowing Ethan was gone. He was the only thing to make her house feel like home. The thought of walking through the door without him greeting her was unimaginable. Trying to lift her spirits, Jackie reminded her about their summer road trip, how great of a way it was to end his life. She was always so good at getting her out of her head.

"You know you can call me if you ever need anything. It's the 323 number," Jackie joked.

Catherine couldn't help but laugh at the remark, it felt like such a long time ago she uttered those words. "So is everyone else's here," she replied.

"Dang, that's right. I guess I'm not so special anymore."

Catherine just looked at her. She was special, she'd always be special. Thanks so much for coming." She leaned over and gave Jackie a hug. When she began to let go, Jackie held onto her tighter.

As they finally slowly let go, their faces brushed past each other's, Catherine could feel Jackie's breath on her lips as they paused for a moment, the heat between them intensifying. She pulled away, quickly getting out of the car. She was letting her vulnerability get the best of her and wasn't thinking straight. She refused to act on it. After crossing paths to the other side of the car, Catherine saw Jackie turn around.

"Go inside Jackie" She said, knowing very well she wanted to hear what Jackie was going to say, but didn't have the self control to restrain herself.

"Catherine-"

"Jackie. For the sake of both of us, turn around and go inside." Catherine refused to let her momentarily weakness ruin everything she had created here.

That night, she didn't sleep well at all. With the pain of losing Ethan and the whirlwind of what had happened, or not happened, between her and Jackie, her mind was racing. She didn't see Jackie the week of finals and spent most of break hiding out in her house. On Christmas she received a missed call from Jackie but didn't answer. It didn't matter because a moment later she received a text message from her. "Merry Christmas Catherine, I hope you're not alone."

Catherine paused, it was thoughtful of her to worry about her, knowing she usually spent her holidays alone. "Thanks Jackie, I am having a good Christmas, hope you are as well." After hitting send Catherine looked at her pathetic self, dressed in sweats, cuddled on the couch alone with a book and cup of tea.

After two weeks of being confined to her house, she accepted an invitation to a New Years Eve party at a colleague's house. "Catherine! I'm so glad you came! Come! Let me get you a glass of wine."

Catherine smiled as she passed by groups of people all gathered around, attempting to have small talk over the sound of others trying to do the same, the hum of music in the background. When finally reaching the kitchen, her colleague Leslie turned to her. "Red or White?"

"Red, please."

As she handed her the glass, Leslie leaned into her. "Now don't kill me but... there's someone I want you to meet."

Catherine forced a smile, trying not to mirror the dread she felt inside. Had she known this was going to happen, she wouldn't have come. Spending the night alone outweighed the agony of being set up.

"Daniel, this is Catherine. Catherine, Daniel."

Catherine looked up from her glass of wine as a tall, dark, clean cut man wearing a charcoal suit smiled at her and held out his hand. "Hi Catherine, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you as well."

"Catherine is a professor with me at UCLA, she just moved here from Indiana."

Leslie slowly disappeared into the background noise, leaving them alone. "So Indiana, huh?" Daniel asked.

"Yes," Catherine smiled.

"That's a long way from home, why the drastic change?"

Oh you know, slept with students my entire career until one turned out to be a Hollywood actress, which eventually led to the Dean of the department finding out and firing me. Instead she gave him the cliff notes version, "Needed a change."

"I completely understand. Midwest living, wanting something bigger, something better. I actually moved here from Illinois right after college."

"Really? What do you do?"

"I'm an investment advisor."

She spent the next couple of hours hearing every detail of Daniel's life, as she told him the bare minimum of hers. He was a nice guy, and clearly someone her colleagues would picture her with considering they knew nothing about her. She looked at the time, never had she wished for the clock to strike midnight on New Years Ever as much as she had that night. Half tempted to fake an illness and leave early, she knew it would look suspicious. As everyone gathered around the television to watch the ball drop, anxiety suddenly overcome her. It was New Years Eve. Everyone surrounding her was about to be sharing a kiss with the person standing next to them, and she had just spent the last two hours talking to the man standing beside her. He wouldn't assume they would... she glanced up at him and he smiled at her. Leslie walked past them with a tray full of glasses of champagne. Daniel grabbed two glasses, handing one to Catherine as Leslie winked at her. "10...9..." the crowd began chanting. Catherine's heart raced. "5...4..." She looked for the quickest way out, no one would notice once it struck midnight. "2...1... Happy New Year!" Everyone shouted before locking lips. She looked around awkwardly, suddenly feeling Daniel's hand wrapping around her waist.

"Can I kiss you?" He leaned in an asked. At least he was a gentleman about it.

Catherine didn't reply, how could she say no? Instead she just smiled. He leaned in and kissed her, his stubble chaffing her chin. When they parted lips, he smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "You're really beautiful."

"Thank you," she replied. She felt the vibration of her phone in her jacket pocket. "Excuse me," she said to him, not wanting to be rude. It was a missed called from an unknown number.

"Everything okay?"

Catherine realized she had an out. "No, actually. I'm sorry but I have to go."

"Oh, okay. Can I walk you out?"

"I need to go say goodbye to Leslie."

After skimming the crowd, she finally found her in the kitchen. "Leslie."

"Catherine!" She obviously had a lot to drink because she leaned into Catherine unsteadily. "So... how's it going with Daniel?"

"He's really nice. But actually, I need to go."

"Aww... no! Why!?"

"I know, I'm sorry. A friend of mine texted me. She's stranded at a party and needs me to pick her up."

"Aw, okay. I'll see you next week then," she said hugging her. "Thanks so much for coming."

"Thanks for the invite."

Catherine made her way back through the crowd when she spotted Daniel standing by the door. She smiled at him as he opened it for her.

"Wow, impressive car" he said, as they approached it.

"Thanks."

"Moving gift to yourself?"

"No," Catherine laughed. "Actually it came with me from Indiana. I've had it for a while."

As they got to her car door, he stuck his hands in his pockets. "I really had a good time with you tonight."

"I did too," Catherine smiled.

"Would you maybe want to do it again?"

Catherine felt bad, he was a nice guy and she didn't want to lead him on any longer. "I'm really sorry but I'm getting over someone, back from Indiana, and I'm not really looking to get into anything. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"I understand," he smiled.

"I really did enjoy talking with you tonight though."

He leaned in and gave her a hug, kissing her on the cheek. "Drive safe," he smiled, before walking back towards the house.

Catherine felt guilty for making up the lie. She pulled out her phone and looked at the missed call again before driving home, wondering if it was Jackie. In one short week she would be her professor, it was best to leave it ignored.


	10. Chapter 10

Jackie turned as she reached her door and watched Catherine drive away. She listened to her when she asked her to go inside, as much as she didn't want to. She knew she was vulnerable and if anything were to happen between them again, she wanted it to be genuine.

A few weeks later, as she was sitting in agony at her family Christmas party, she texted Catherine. They hadn't talked since that night, but Jackie wanted to make sure she was okay considering she knew no one here. Replying sooner than she expected her to, she made it sound like she had plans. Jackie was relieved to know she wasn't alone, she just wanted her to be happy. Near the end of break, Hannah drug her to a New Years Eve party despite her complaints. "Jacks, let's just be normal college kids for once."

Jackie thought about the last college party she attended, trying to "normal." The one where she ended up in bed with Zach after. Her face must have been giving off her hesitation because Hannah began to plead. " _Fine!"_ she moaned. "But I'm just doing this for you."

Hannah squealed in delight, jumping up and down.

Within an hour at the party, Jackie was bombarded by drunk college students quizzing her about Neptune 26. Apparently being Tyler was more amusing when they were drunk, or they were just too shy to say anything during class, because God knows Jackie wasn't exactly swimming in friends. Knocking back a few shots with Hannah to subdue her annoyance, she found herself not being able to stop. Scared she might do something irrational that would end up on one of these kids cell phones or worst, the tabloids, she snuck her way up the steps, sliding into an empty bedroom that had yet to be occupied by drunk, horny coeds. She locked the door behind her and looked around at the room. So this is what a normal college student's room looked like. One wall was wallpapered with photos of groups of friends doing typical college things; attending football games, bonfires on the beach, drinking at bars. Jackie realized how much she was missing out on, but her appreciation of reconnecting with Hannah this year deepened. On the nightstand there were framed photos of who she assumed was the girl whose room this belonged to, and an attractive guy. They looked adorable and happy. It must be nice to have a carefree relationship out in the open like that. The closest thing to a picture of her and Catherine, were the tabloid photos that eventually got Catherine into trouble. Even then, it wasn't a happy memory to capture-Jackie upset after being punched in the face, Catherine yanking her into her house by her arm, unhappy that she was there to begin with. She winced thinking of the words they exchanged in the bathroom. Despite the ugliness at the end, she missed her. She couldn't get that night in the car out of her mind, how close they had come. She began hearing chanting downstairs, the ball must be dropping. She wouldn't find Hannah in time, and did not want to be anywhere near those drunk frat boys, so stayed put. When she heard everyone yell "Happy New Year!" She toasted to herself with the beer she had brought with her. Glancing at the picture of the happy couple in the frames, she pulled her cell phone from her pocket. She dialed *67 first to make her number unknown, a trick she had learned as a child at slumber parties. She just wanted to hear her voice.


	11. Chapter 11

Butterflies erupted in Jackie's stomach as she got ready that morning. It felt as though it was her first day of school, not just the beginning of a new semester. The first day had gone fine, she had a class with Hannah again. But today, today was the day she had been looking forward to all break, her class with Catherine. The first class drug by slowly, thankfully the Professor dismissed them after only forty-five minutes, maybe Catherine would be early to class as well. Waiting in the hall, she couldn't help but keep checking to see if she was on her way. When the class before theirs finally filed out, she entered, thrilled to be able to pick a good seat. She debated where to sit, wanting to sit close enough to Catherine, but not look too obvious. Without wanting to look crazy to the other students, she quickly chose an aisle seat near the middle, and stared at the clock as the time drew nearer. Finally, in walked Catherine. Jackie could feel the air in her lungs completely escape. She hadn't seen her in nearly a month. Catherine looked around the room as she greeted everyone, eventually locking eyes with her, they exchanged a smile. Should she stay after class and talk to her-See how she was doing, or would that look too desperate? Had she known it was her who called her on New Years? These were the thoughts that occupied her mind the entire class. When it was over, she packed up her things casually and made her way to the door.

"Did you have a good a break?" She asked Catherine as she passed her desk.

"I did," she smiled. "You?"

"Yeah, it was okay" Jackie nodded, holding her back pack over one shoulder.

"Good" Catherine smiled, and that was it. Jackie left, not wanting to press her luck. After all, Catherine had asked her to turn around and go inside for the sake of both of them. She needed to keep respecting her boundaries if she wanted to stay in her life.

Playing it cool, Jackie acted like a model student. She was intrigued watching Catherine teach, she had never seen her in action before. All the same, she was going crazy seeing her at peak attraction twice a week. Every class, she would subtly look her up and down, tempted to follow her back to her office. They were the best three hours of her week, but also the most torturous. She had to give herself credit though, she had remained calm and collected thus far. Still wanting to impress her though, she stayed back one class a couple weeks into the semester to discuss her research paper, wanting to get a good start on it.

"Professor Stark?" She said as she approached, minding her P's and Q's.

"Yes?" Catherine looked up, as she was packing her bag.

"Is their any chance you could look over my outline real quick? I want to make sure I have it down before I go any further."

Catherine bit the side of her lip as she looked up at the clock on the wall, "I really don't have the time right now, but I'll tell you what. I'm free Monday if you want to stop by around 12:30ish?"

"I can do that, thanks!"

"You're welcome," Catherine smiled, "See you then."

On Monday, Jackie took a deep breath in before knocking on Catherine's door. "Hi, Jackie" she smiled. "Just give me a second, you can have a seat" she pointed, before cleaning the remnants of her lunch off her desk. "How are your classes this semester?"

"I'm taking my final stats class, which is still a headache, but so far so good. No complaints here."

"Well you seem to be doing really well so far, but that's no surprise" Catherine smiled.

"Thanks," Jackie smiled bashfully.

"Okay, let's take a look at this outline."

Jackie pulled it out of her bag and handed it to Catherine. She watched as Catherine studied the page, her brows pressed together in concentration. "A few things..." she said slowly before looking up. She stood from her chair, "here, come sit" she patted the back of her chair. Jackie did as instructed. "Your first paragraph is great, really strong. I love this quote from the original researcher," she pointed. "But here, I would add a few more points to really strengthen the argument. Catherine leaned over, one hand on the back of Jackie's chair, the other pointing to a paragraph on the paper. Jackie's heart raced as Catherine's body leaned into hers, her perfume encompassing her. Her eyes left the paper and she began staring at Catherine's lips as she spoke, watching her enunciate every word, not comprehending any of it. Catherine must have asked her a question because she looked down at her.

"Jackie?"

She couldn't control herself any longer, she reached up and placed her hand behind Catherine's head and kissed her. Not softly like their first time, this time she knew what she wanted and wasn't waiting for Catherine to take initiative. She kissed her deeply, passionately, and didn't stop. When they finally parted lips, their faces stayed close to one anothers', as Jackie's hand was still rested behind her head. Catherine breathed heavily, "We can't" She whispered. They paused briefly, staring at each others lips before Catherine grabbed the back of Jackie's neck and returned her kiss. Jackie got up from the chair with Catherine's arms still wrapped around her neck, and pushed her onto the desk. She placed her hands on the sides of her face as she kissed her, letting her lips trail down her neck as she began unbuttoning Catherine's blouse. She could hear her struggling to stay silent. Just as she began sliding Catherine's skirt up her thighs, there was a knock at the door. Catherine placed a finger over Jackie's lips and froze.

Her eyes were as wide as Jackie had ever seen them. "Shit!" She whispered. She pushed Jackie off of her and got down from the desk, straightening her skirt back over her thighs. Looking in the mirror on her desk, she patted the make up around her lips as she buttoned her shirt back up. "Sit on the other side," she demanded in a whisper.

Jackie pretended to read her paper as she heard the door open. "Hey! Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were with a student."

"It's okay. Want me to stop by when I'm done here?"

"Yes, if you don't mind."

Jackie heard the door close but there was silence. She looked over her shoulder and saw Catherine's forehead pressed against the door, her hand still on the knob. When she finally turned around, her fingers were on her temples as she walked back to her desk. "What are we doing!"

"It's okay, she had no idea."

"Jackie, you're my student now. As if it wasn't a big enough deal in Bloomington, it's an even bigger deal here."

Jackie stood up and began to walk over to her, "I'm sorry but I couldn't help-"

"Can you just go?" Catherine asked, shaking her head.

Jackie looked at her, taken aback at her request.

"Please?"

"Okay, I'm sorry" she said, as she walked to the door. She looked back before closing it behind her, Catherine was sitting at her desk, her hands covering her eyes.

Jackie's head was spinning as she walked across campus after she left. Someone's hands suddenly covered her eyes so all she saw was darkness. "Hey!" Hannah laughed, as she popped out from behind her.

"Hey" Jackie replied.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, I don't feel well."

"Good thing we've only got one more class left."

Jackie couldn't even think about class right now. "I think I'm going to skip it."

"Jacks, we have an assignment due."

"Oh yeah, can you hand it in for me?"

"I can try, but you know how he is."

"Just try please?"

"I will, are you going to be okay? Want me to stop by tonight with some soup?"

"No. I just need to sleep it off," she said coldly.

"Okay," Hannah looked at her hesitantly, as she took her paper. "Feel better."

"Thanks" Jackie said, attempting a smile.

She laid in bed that night and stared up at the ceiling. Catherine had sent so many mixed signals, that she feared the uneasiness wouldn't go away until they talked. Normally that would be fine, but Catherine asked her to leave so she was respecting her space-yet again. She'd see her soon enough though, she had her class tomorrow afternoon.

The next morning, she looked in the mirror and cringed at the dark circles underneath her eyes, she hadn't been able to sleep. When 2pm came around, she nervously awaited Catherine to enter the classroom. When she finally did, she began class and lectured the entire length, something she never did. She didn't look at Jackie once, and as soon as she finished, she grabbed her bag and left.

"Can we talk?" Jackie sent her in a text message. She waited all day for a response that never came, driving her even more mad. She just kept picturing Catherine sitting at her desk, over and over again in her mind. Her hands covering her face, looking so... ashamed. By the time Thursday rolled around she had had enough of the silent treatment. She waited outside class to catch Catherine before hand, finding it her only option. When she saw her coming, she walked to meet her. "Are you just going to ignore me the rest of the semester?" She whispered as she walked side by side with her. Catherine didn't say anything. "I don't deserve to be treated like this!" Jackie hissed in a whisper, but Catherine proceeded walking to class, leaving her frozen in the hall. Rage consumed her as she took a minute before heading in herself. How dare she treat her like this. When class ended Jackie picked up her backpack and made her way to the door, not directing her body anywhere near Catherine's direction.

"Ms. Kirk" Catherine called out.

Jackie paused as she watched the students file out. When she approached the podium, Catherine was staring down at the table, writing. She looked up and glanced around the room before handing Jackie a slip of paper. "This is my address. 8 o'clock."

"Okay," Jackie responded. When she turned to leave Catherine spoke again. "And Jacqueline?"

Jackie looked back.

"I don't think I need to remind you to be discrete."

"No, ma'am."

Jackie read the addresses on the houses before arriving to Catherine's. It was a nice little house, nothing like her elaborate one in Indiana, but nice. She knocked on Catherine's door.

"Come in," she said, still rather withdrawn.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Scotch?" Jackie smirked.

"Water it is," Catherine replied.

"Tough crowd" Jackie whispered, as Catherine disappeared into the kitchen.

Half expecting to be greeted by Ethan, Jackie felt an ache in her chest. Catherine returned and handed her the glass before taking a seat in a chair across the room, leaving an ample amount of space between them.

"You must never come up to me in the halls discussing personal matters again," she began.

"You didn't give me much of a choice. And I was discrete with my language."

Catherine sat her water down on the coffee table and stared at it. "What you did-" she looked up and Jackie raised her brows at her.

"What _we_ did. It can't happen again. We made it this long without this being an issue-"

"Not easily," Jackie interrupted.

Catherine closed her mouth and pursed her lips. "Jackie, I'm your professor. This is serious."

"I know it is, and I tried to talk to you, but you treated me as if I didn't exist, like it never happened. But guess what Catherine? It did. And as much as you want to pretend that I was the only one in that room who wanted it, you're wrong no matter how much you want to deny it."

"I don't know what had gotten into me but I assure you, it is not going to happen again. It's inappropriate."

"Can you just stop."

Catherine looked back at her in shock.

"Stop treating me like I'm just some swooning little school girl. I'm not just another one of your flings. You had no right to kick me out of your office and ignore me like that. Treating me as if I were invisible. Not after everything."

Catherine's face softened, "I'm sorry, you're right. I was just upset that I let it happen."

"So that's it? You're just going to pretend it never did?"

"Yes, and you should too."

"Okay," Jackie said, slapping her hands on her legs before standing. "I guess I'll get out of your hair then."

Catherine followed behind her to the door.

Jackie turned before leaving, "This is killing you, I can tell. You miss the adrenaline of it. Instead, you're just trying to blend in- attending happy hours with boring college professors who talk your ear off, filling you in on every single detail of their mundane lives. You're trying to do things right this time, but I'm not one of those other girls Catherine."

Catherine stared at her, her eyes flinching as her jaw tightened. She paused for a moment before speaking, her hand on the door. "I don't want this to affect anything in class, or for it be awkward. You're doing really well." It was almost as if she were reading from a generated script.

"Yeah okay. Just another student, I got it."

"Jackie-"

"See you Tuesday Professor Stark."


	12. Chapter 12

The break was nice, but Catherine was eager for school to start back up. After spending two years unemployed, she felt anxious being at home for too long. Knowing Jackie would be in one of her classes all semester, wasn't affecting her as much as she thought it would. She had already shown that she respected her boundaries. They were both mature adults and the semester should run smoothly, but maybe she was being a little naive. On the second day of the new semester, she greeted her new class, skimming her eyes across the room. There Jackie was, seated right in the middle. Catherine smiled as they met eyes, then went right into the introduction of the course. This would be fine, she had nothing to worry about. A couple weeks into the semester after everything was still going smoothly, Jackie approached her asking if she could take a look at her outline. Catherine hesitated, she had a meeting she needed to attend, but felt guilty turning her way. To compromise, she asked her if she could stop by on Monday during her lunch hour instead. Little did she know her act of generosity would change things forever.

When the day came, Catherine invited her in as she was finishing her lunch. After casual conversation, she took a look at the outline. It was really impressive, she couldn't help to notice that Jackie absorbed some of the tips she gave her back in Bloomington. Offering her insight on how to strengthen it even more, she had her come sit in her chair so she could show her. That was probably a mistake, but the front of the desk made it impossible to scoot in. Catherine wasn't aware she had anything to worry about it, or else she would have chosen a more public place.

As she was pointing out the areas she could improve, she asked Jackie if she understood. She was met with silence though. With her hand still on the paper, she looked down at Jackie who was staring at her. Catherine knew immediately by the look in her eyes where this was going. Suddenly, Jackie quickly leaned in, placing her hand behind Catherine's head and kissed her. She had never kissed her that way before and it left Catherine breathless. "We can't," she whispered, when they finally stopped. Their faces were still incredibly close, Catherine's heart was pounding so hard it echoed in her ears. The way Jackie was looking at her, the way that kiss made her remember the agony of losing her, the way she was feeling now-having her there right in front of her... Catherine grabbed the back of her neck and returned the kiss.

There was no turning back now, the damage had already been done. Jackie stood and pushed her onto her desk. She grabbed her face and Catherine could feel the adrenaline pumping through her body, seeing Jackie take control like this. As her lips moved down her neck, her body tensed. She bit on her upper lip to keep quiet as Jackie unbuttoned her blouse. She couldn't believe she was letting this happen, let alone in her office, but she couldn't stop. Jackie was now pushing her skirt up her thighs, when suddenly there was a knock at her door. Catherine immediately placed her finger over Jackie's lips. She was frozen in fear before realizing whoever it was, wasn't going to go away without making sure she wasn't in, and the door wasn't locked. She pushed Jackie off of her and got down from the desk. She pulled her skirt down and looked at her smudged lipstick in the mirror, trying to fix it as she buttoned her blouse back up. Looking at Jackie, she quietly yelled for her to go sit on the other side of the desk, as to not look too obvious. When she opened the door she saw her friend Leslie standing there. She looked past Catherine at Jackie, and immediately apologized. Catherine told her she'd stop by when they were through here then closed the door, resting her head against it in relief. She couldn't believe how reckless she had been. If the door would have opened, she would have lost yet another job. Rubbing her temples she walked back to her desk, "What are we doing!" She said aloud.

Jackie acted as if it wasn't big deal, "It's okay, she had no idea."

Completely ashamed of herself, she asked Jackie to leave, she wanted to pretend this never happened. Forgetting she told Leslie she would come see her, she ran into her in the hall when she was locking up.

"Hey, are you okay?" Leslie asked. "You look flustered."

"Yeah, I am. I'm just really stressed out with the end of the semester. What did you need before?"

"Oh, nothing important. We can talk about it all over drinks at happy hour Friday."

The next day in class, Catherine couldn't even look at Jackie. Afraid she would approach her, she lectured the entire time then quickly left, making sure she didn't. Later she received a text message from her asking if they could talk, but Catherine didn't want to. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were, pretend it never happened. Knowing she was pressing her luck, she saw Jackie waiting for her outside of class on Thursday. "What, are you just going to ignore me the rest of the semester?" Jackie whispered.

Catherine couldn't believe she had the audacity to approach her in public, especially right outside of class. Furious, she ignored her and kept walking. "I don't deserve to be treated like this!" Jackie whispered hastily.

She knew she couldn't avoid this any longer, after class she called out for Jackie. Making sure all of the other students were gone, she handed her a slip of paper with her address on it and asked her to come over at 8pm, reminding her to be discrete. Meeting at her house was a huge risk, but someone overhearing them on campus was a much greater one. She ran through what she was going to say to Jackie over and over again in her mind, promising herself not to go against her own word. When 8pm came around, she took a deep breath before opening the door. Jackie seemed at ease, even joking for a glass of scotch when she asked if she wanted something to drink. When they sat in the living room, Catherine made sure to distance herself from her and got right into it.

"What you did-" she looked up and saw the annoyance in Jackie's face.

"What _we_ did. It can't happen again. We made it this long without this being an issue-"

"Not easily," Jackie interrupted her.

Catherine paused, focusing on keeping to the point. "Jackie, I'm your professor. This is serious."

Jackie responded angrily, explaining that she tried to be mature and talk about it, but Catherine had avoided her. She also went on to accuse her of pretending it never happened, and that no matter how much she denied it, she wanted it just as much as Jackie did. She was right. She was right about it all, but Catherine had to be responsible this time around, and assured her it was never going to happen again.

"Can you just stop," Jackie interrupted, shocking her. "Stop treating me like I'm just some swooning little school girl. I'm not just another one of your flings. You had no right to kick me out of your office and ignore me like that. Treating me as if I were invisible. Not after everything."

Guilt began to break down Catherine's strong front that she was so desperately trying to hold. She had been so focused on how this all was affecting her, she had completely ignored how it might have been affecting Jackie. She was right again. After everything they had been through, she didn't deserve the way Catherine was treating her. Apologizing, she tried to explain her actions, telling her she was just ashamed of herself for letting it happen.

"So that's it? You're just going to pretend it never did?"

"Yes, and you should too," Catherine responded.

"Okay, I guess I'll get out of your hair then," she said passive aggressively as she rose from her seat.

When Catherine followed her to the door, Jackie turned back towards her, "This is killing you, I can tell. You miss the adrenaline of it. Instead, you're just trying to blend in- attending happy hours with boring college professors who talk your ear off, filling you in on every single detail of their mundane lives. You're trying to do things right this time, but I'm not one of those other girls Catherine."

She flinched at her words. Jackie had never spoken to her like this before, and everything she was saying was what Catherine feared the most. She paused for a moment before speaking, mustering up the strength not to break. "I don't want this to affect anything in class, or for it be awkward. You're doing really well."

"Yeah okay. Just another student, I got it."

She could tell she was hurt and angry with her, she didn't want her to feel any of these things. "Jackie-"

"See you Tuesday Professor Stark."

Catherine was bored out of her mind, her only savior the martini she was sipping on. Her eyes turned toward the door after seeing Jackie walk in out of the corner of her eye, Hannah trailing close behind. Jackie caught her gaze as she skimmed the bar, before choosing a table on the opposite side.

She watched them from across the bar all night as Jackie ignored her existence, she couldn't blame her. Jackie's words had been resonating with her ever since she left last night. She began to feel suffocated, her coworkers participating in tedious conversation about theories and what museums they wanted to visit with their children. Jackie was right. She was putting herself through misery just trying to blend in. She missed the adventure in her life. This wasn't her, she was just playing a role. The conversations kept swirling around her, causing her to suddenly feel claustrophobic. The air began to thicken as it got incredibly warm, she was finding it difficult to breathe. When she began to feel faint, she interrupted the mundane conversation and excused herself. "I need to make a phone call," she told her colleagues as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door, desperately needing to get out. As soon as she opened the door, the cool air hit her face, making it easier for her to breathe. She breathed in the fresh air slowly, calming herself down.

Suddenly the door burst open almost hitting her, as Jackie and Hannah exited, not seeing her. "What time is your audition tomorrow?" Jackie asked Hannah as they crossed the street.

"9 am."

Catherine headed to her car as well, parked on the opposite side of the parking lot. When she was stopped at the light, she saw Jackie's car a few ahead of hers. When the light turned green, something inside of her made her turn left instead of right, heading in the direction to Jackie's place. Pulling up around the corner, she spotted them standing on the sidewalk and hugging, before watching Hannah's car pass by in front of her. Without thinking twice, she got of out of her car and walked to the door she had just seen Jackie disappear behind. She ran her finger down the buttons until she found Jackie's name, and pressed the buzzer. Jackie hadn't even asked who it was, probably assuming Hannah forgot something. When she reached the top of the steps, she saw Jackie's door knob turning. By the time she opened it, Catherine was standing directly in front of her.

Jackie looked at her confused, "Cath-"

Not letting her finish, Catherine grabbed her face and kissed her, pushing her into the apartment.

"I have rules this time" she demanded, as she pulled back from her briefly.

"Okay" Jackie laughed, but Catherine kissed her again, muffling her laughter.

"Campus is off limits," she said, pushing her further into her apartment as she removed her jacket.

"Okay," Jackie nodded, stumbling backwards.

"Hannah, or anyone else, isn't to know."

"Of course." They were in the hall way now.

"No spending the night as long as I'm your professor," Catherine said before leaning in to kiss her again.

"Wait, what?" Jackie stopped her when they reached the bedroom door, her face unpleasant.

"I told you there's rules this time. If you can't abide by them then..." Catherine began walking back down the hall towards the door.

"Okay, okay!" Jackie said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back into her bedroom. "No sleepovers."

"And lastly..." Catherine paused when they got to the bed. "When- _if_ , it begins interfering with our professional lives, we end it."

"Are you done now?" Jackie smiled.

"And I really, _really_ hate those fucking happy hours."

Jackie laughed and pulled her into her.


	13. Chapter 13

After the week she had, Jackie couldn't wait to knock back a few drinks with Hannah, but as soon as she walked into the bar she spotted Catherine. You've got to be kidding me, she thought. She knew this was Catherine's week for happy hour, but never thought for a second she would risk it considering she made it very clear that the two of them act more "appropriate." That word, it was now her least favorite word in the dictionary. How many times did Catherine have to repeat it to her. Keeping her distance, she chose a table at the opposite side of the bar and paid no attention to her all night.

"You seem to be feeling better," Hannah commented as Jackie quickly finished her first drink.

"I'm getting there."

"Sounds like you had a rough week."

"I did."

"Oh hey, there's Professor Stark and the other professors again."

"Yeah, I saw them when we walked in" Jackie said, not even turning to look.

"Do you want to go say hi?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Friday and the last thing I want to think about is school," Jackie snapped.

"Okay, okay, sorry."

"No, I'm sorry" Jackie apologized. "It's just been a really crappy week."

Hannah had an early audition in the morning so they cut the night short, which was fine with Jackie. She hadn't even used the bathroom all night in fear of bumping into Catherine. After Hannah left and she was back in her apartment, the buzzer rang. Hannah must have left something behind, she was always doing that. After buzzing her in, Jackie looked around trying to see what she had forgotten as she went to open the door. To her surprise when she opened it, it wasn't Hannah standing in front of her, it was Catherine.

The next thing she knew, Catherine was kissing her and pushing her into her apartment.

"I have rules this time," was all she said when she parted her lips from Jackie's.

The whole thing was completely surreal that Jackie just laughed in shock, "Okay." Catherine began stating her conditions, kissing Jackie between every demand, pushing her deeper into her apartment as she began removing articles of clothing. This was the Catherine she knew, the Catherine she missed. Her taking control again was sending waves through Jackie's body. "No spending the night as long as I'm your professor," Catherine said before leaning in to kiss her again.

"Wait, what?" Jackie stopped her. Her other rules were understandable but not spending the night? That just seemed ludicrous.

"I told you there's rules this time. If you can't abide by them then..." Catherine began walking away from her.

In that moment Jackie would have agreed to anything-to do anything, in order to stop Catherine from leaving. She reached out and grabbed her arm, desperate for her, pulling her back to her. "Okay, okay. No sleepovers."

"And lastly..." Catherine paused as the back of Jackie's knees hit the edge of her bed. "When- _if_ , it begins interfering with our professional lives, we end it."

"Are you done now?" Jackie asked tauntingly, eager for what was going to happen next.

"And I really, _really_ hate those fucking happy hours."

Jackie laughed at the comment. In a moment that was so strictly limited to rules and the physicality of it all, the comment added a sense of tenderness-Catherine admitting Jackie knew her maybe better than she knew herself.

After, she was left spinning in a cloud of euphoria, not even noticing Catherine getting up from the bed and dressing. When she finally came to, she was taken aback by Catherine's urgency to leave so soon after. Was this how it was going to be, strictly business? Jackie followed her lead and slipped on a sweatshirt that was laying on top of a basket full of laundry she hadn't gotten around to fold.

"Can I stop by your office Monday?" She asked, as she followed after Catherine to the door.

"Did you hear nothing I said?"

"That's precisely the problem. Tonight, I heard you loud and clear. But Monday, I heard nothing, and I really would like your opinion on my outline."

Catherine smirked as she opened the door, "As long as you behave yourself this time."

"I promise," she grinned, making an X over her heart with her finger. She leaned into the door, waiting for a kiss goodbye but Catherine just smiled before turning and making her way down the steps. "I can't Monday, I'll let you know a better time," she called back.

Jackie shut the door and leaned into it, knocking the back of her head against it, her mind trying to catch up with what had just happened. She glanced at the clock and realized only an hour had past since she had returned home from the bar. Such a whirlwind, both physically and mentally. It had happened so fast. "Such a tease," she whispered aloud with a grin as she turned off the light and headed to bed.

It was a struggle to keep her composure Tuesday during class. She hadn't talked to Catherine since their night together on Friday, so it was a strange feeling. In Bloomington she only ran into her when she made it a point to do so, so being in her class was a new concept she was trying to grasp.

Catherine on the other hand seemed perfectly normal, like nothing had happened between them. But then again, she was a pro at this after all. Or maybe she had changed her mind in the last few days. That would explain her radio silence. Jackie felt her stomach churn at the thought, she couldn't change her mind. Not after the way she burst into her apartment and touched her the way she did. She knew anything was possible though and opening herself up to Catherine again was a risk, especially after the way she had so quickly changed her demeanor after they had kissed in her office. Jackie tried shaking the thoughts from her head and pay attention to class, but how was she supposed to when it was Catherine leading it? What had happened to the version of herself who took charge and began this entire affair again? Desperate to take control again, she decided to just act as normal as possible, let Catherine come to her.

"Jacqueline," she heard behind her as she was exiting the psychology building. Her plan had worked and she could feel the devilish grin appear on her face before hiding it from Catherine.

"Hi," she smiled casually as she turned, letting her catch up.

"How are you?" Catherine asked.

"Good, you?"

Catherine ignored the small talk and got straight to business. "Busy tonight?"

"Um, no." Jackie hesitated, trying to hide the fact that she would clear her calendar for her given the chance.

"8 pm my house?"

"Okay, I'll be there."

"Alright." Catherine picked up the pace and began walking in the other direction, not even saying goodbye, as if they had just made a business transaction.

Jackie's heart beat fast as she approached Catherine's door, trying to keep cool. When Catherine opened it, she couldn't contain the smile on her face which in return, was mirrored by Catherine. "Wine?" She asked, as soon as they were inside.

"That'd be great."

Jackie sat on the couch while Catherine disappeared into the kitchen. When she came back she looked at her puzzled. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked, unsure of what she was doing wrong.

"Come," she said as she held out the glass of wine.

When they got to her bedroom, Jackie didn't even have a chance to swallow her sip before Catherine removed the glass from her lips and began unbuttoning her pants. "Catherine..." As much as she was enjoying this, Catherine's lack of intimacy was bothersome.

"Mmhmm?" Jackie could feel her voice vibrating on her neck as she kissed it, sending chills down her body.

"Are we going to talk about this at all?"

"Do you really want to waste time talking?" Catherine whispered in her ear before gently nibbling on it, causing Jackie to lose the ability to form words, once again succumbing to her seduction.

As they laid there after, she turned to face Catherine but like last time, Catherine got up from the bed. She grabbed a robe hanging next to the dresser, and disappeared into the bathroom. When she returned, she not so subtly mentioned she had an early morning tomorrow.

Jackie could take a hint, she wanted her to leave. "Oh, okay," she said, as she got up from the bed and put her clothes back on. Feeling somewhat humiliated and frustrated at how easily Catherine could cause her to lose control, she felt a lump beginning to form in her throat. She couldn't help but feel as if she were being used. She took a few shallow breaths to gather her composure before speaking.

"So is this how it's going to be?"

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Catherine asked. "The sneaking around, the adrenaline? That's what you said to me."

"I wanted to be treated like a person, not a piece of meat."

"If you have a problem with this, just say the word-"

"No, no. It's just, last time it wasn't this casual. We didn't treat each other like-"

"That's why we're doing things differently this time," Catherine interrupted quickly.

Jackie could sense she wasn't going to get what she wanted from this conversation, and maybe not even from this arrangement at all.

Catherine walked over to her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "if this is too hard for you, how about we just stop."

The feeling of her fingertips caressing her face the way she used to, made her melt instantly, losing control yet again. She grabbed her hand and held it, "No. No that's the last thing I want." She knew if she wanted Catherine in her life she would have to abide by her rules. Because no matter how hard it may be, the alternative was downright unbearable.


	14. Chapter 14

Catherine took a minute to catch her breath before searching the floor for her clothes. She noticed Jackie lying in a daze as she dressed, her chest moving up and down so intensely. She couldn't help but smirk, admiring the affect she had on her. This feeling is how it had all started, this is what led to her endless affairs with students. Afterward they had always looked exactly as Jackie did in this moment, like their world had just been shook. This feeling is what made it so hard to stop. It was an addiction. Just as she was about to be on her way, she saw Jackie snap out of her bliss, and pull a sweatshirt over her head.

"Can I stop by your office Monday?" She asked, shuffling down the hall behind her.

"Did you hear nothing I said?" Catherine sneered light-heartedly.

"That's precisely the problem. Tonight, I heard you loud and clear. But Monday... I heard nothing, and I really would like your opinion on my outline."

The image of their steamy rendezvous on her desk flashed through her mind, "As long as you behave yourself this time," she replied sternly, but ending in a smirk.

Jackie grinned, promising by marking an X over her chest with her finger. She leaned into the door, Catherine knew what she wanted but she wasn't going to give it to her. She wanted to leave her wanting more.

Still reeling from Friday night, Catherine couldn't help but be a tad bit excited to see Jackie in class. However when she arrived, Jackie's head was down, she was staring into a notebook, statistics or a script she assumed. When they finally did meet eyes, Catherine was sure to smile at her the way she did all her students. Although pleased to see her act normal throughout the entire class, she almost wished to have noticed more of a struggle. Jackie's behavior was so ordinary that she had even left without so much as a backward glance. In a moment of weakness, Catherine followed her out of the building. "Jacqueline," she called out, sure to sound professional so that no bystander would second guess the interaction.

"Hi," Jackie smiled casually as she turned and let her catch up.

"How are you?" Catherine asked.

"Good, you?"

Catherine got straight to the point, "Busy tonight?"

"Um, no." Jackie hesitated.

"8pm my house?"

Once Jackie agreed, Catherine veered away from her, making it look as though they had just discussed a matter relating to class, nothing more.

That evening, she opened the door to a smiling Jackie which proved to be infectious. She felt the same smile creep across her face. "Wine?" She offered, as soon as she was inside.

"That'd be great."

When she returned to the living room, Jackie was sitting. "What are you doing?" She asked, this wasn't part of their arrangement.

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked confused.

"Come," she said as she held out the glass of wine.

When they got to her bedroom, Catherine removed the glass from her hands and began unbuttoning her pants.

"Catherine..." Jackie's voice was grim.

"Mmhmm?" Catherine mumbled as she kissed Jackie's neck, trying to skew the conversation.

"Are we going to talk about this at all?"

"Do you _really_ want to waste time talking?" She whispered into her ear, before gently nibbling on it. She knew Jackie's weaknesses and her plan had worked, Jackie folded into her arms.

When they were finished, she grabbed her robe and disappeared into the bathroom. When she returned, Jackie still lay there. This was the part she wasn't exactly comfortable with, hence her rule book. It was easier last time, they were at Jackie's so she just left. Unsure of how to get her out, she mentioned she had an early morning.

"Oh, okay," Jackie replied, getting up from the bed and dressing.

Catherine could tell by her body language that she was upset.

"So is this how it's going to be?"

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Catherine asked, projecting her inner struggles onto Jackie. "The sneaking around, the adrenaline? That's what you said to me."

"I wanted to be treated like a person, not a piece of meat."

"If you have a problem with this, just say the word-"

"No, no. It's just, last time it wasn't this casual. We didn't treat each other like-"

"That's why we're doing things differently this time," Catherine quickly interrupted. This wasn't about the past, this was about now. The past had destroyed her and her career. She refused to let the same scenario play out. As closed off as she was trying to be perceived as, she couldn't help but see the struggle in Jackie's eyes. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. She walked over to her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "if this is too hard for you, how about we just stop."

Jackie grabbed her hand and held it, "No. No that's the last thing I want."

"So then tell me what it is that you do want."

Jackie's face became flushed. "I don't know just more... _time_. We're in and out in less than an hour, like some hokey oil change commercial. Before I can even catch my breath you're already dressed and out the door."

"I've never been critiqued for not taking my time before," Catherine pretended to take offense, but instead was trying to deflect the conversation from heading into a direction she was uncomfortable with.

"No- _no!_ Not like that, trust me. Not like that at all. I mean before and after. I couldn't even take a sip of my wine before you were pulling me in here."

Catherine just looked at her, unsure of what to say.

"You know what, just forget I said anything. I'm just stressed and being too sensitive." Jackie said, waving her hand as if she were erasing her sentence from the air.

"Are you sure? Because I don't want this affecting you in a negative-"

"No," Jackie shook her head as if Catherine had just said something ridiculous. "I'm good. I promise. Everything's fine, I'm just in a weird mood. Forget it, okay?" Jackie pled, holding Catherine's elbows.

"Okay. I'm free tomorrow if you want to stop by my office so I can take a look at your outline." Catherine was hoping the change in subject would lighten the mood and remind Jackie that this couldn't go any deeper.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jackie smiled sweetly.

Catherine sensed something was off when Jackie texted her the next day letting her know she wouldn't be able to stop by her office. She knew she was busy with school work so it was understandable, but when Catherine suggested meeting up later that night, Jackie responded shortly. "Sorry, can't tonight," providing no explanation. In class on Thursday she acted distant again. The way she looked at her, as if they shared no connection other than student-teacher.

After Jackie's lecture about how Catherine was just trying to blend in, she decided not to attend her regular happy hours. Instead, her and Leslie broke off and decided to start doing their own thing, which was much more enjoyable. On Friday she invited her out since Jackie was acting distant. After dinner, they decided to grab some drinks. With neither of them being huge sports buffs, they failed to realize there was a basketball game on, which made it impossible to find a bar not packed to the brim.

"Why don't we just check out that spot the others are at, at least we know there's a table?"

Catherine knew exactly what "spot" she was talking about. Jackie's bar. But wanted to seem oblivious. She was always careful to cover all her bases when partaking in an affair.

"What place?"

Having no valid reason she could present to Leslie as to why she didn't want to go, she obliged. The second they walked through the door, she wanted to leave. The entire bar was packed full of people screaming at the television screens and drinking beer. When they got to her colleagues table they all held up their hands, pleasantly surprised at her and Leslie's appearance. Clearly they were all multiple drinks in. "I'm going to use the restroom," she yelled in Leslie's ear. As soon as she opened the bathroom door she saw Jackie resting her hands on the sink, staring into the mirror.

"Jackie?"

"Wha-what are you doing here?" She slurred, struggling to stand.

"My God, how much have you had to drink tonight?" Catherine asked, looking at her drunken state.

Jackie held a pinched finger up to her eye "Just a little bit" she laughed, before a hiccup shook her body.

"Is Hannah here with you?"

"Yes'm," she bobbed.

"Is she as drunk as you are?"

"I dunno" Jackie shrugged.

"How are you two getting home?"

"We're with a group."

Hopefully someone in their group was sober, or at least sober enough to get them all home safely. Suddenly Catherine felt very old. Since when was she the responsible one?

"I better get back to my friends," Jackie said as she slipped by Catherine to the door.

Annoyed by the entire atmosphere of the bar, and seeing Jackie partaking in the stereotypical college binge drinking, she let Leslie and the group know she was leaving. When she was walking to her car she saw a girl bent over the curb, vomiting, further reassuring her decision to leave. Stupid college kids. Having to walk directly in the girl's path, she realized it was Jackie upon closer observation. When she approached her she was even more angry seeing that she was alone. Did no one take care of their drunk friends anymore? She gathered Jackie's hair in a ponytail as she stood there, having to listen to every ounce of vomit come out of Jackie's mouth and onto the street.

"Get it all out?" She asked, when it finally began to cease.

"Ugh, I didn't know that was you. I'm sorry. I'm repulsive," Jackie said ashamed. She should be, this was extremely unattractive.

"I'm on my way out, do you want me to take you home?"

After standing straight, she began to wobble, "I need to sit."

Catherine helped her sit down on the curb and knew she had to get her out of here, "Stay here." She hurried to her car and pulled it up to the curb where Jackie was sitting, "I'm taking you home."

"I told Hannah I would be back."

"Well Hannah is obviously oblivious to how intoxicated you are if she left you alone like this."

Catherine opened the door and helped Jackie up off of the curb and into the passenger seat. "Do you think you're going to be sick again?"

"I hope not."

Please don't puke in my Porsche, Catherine thought to herself. "Careful, watch your head" she said, placing her hand on the top of Jackie's head to protect it.

As soon as Jackie's head hit the headrest, she passed out. How on earth would she have survived staying at the bar? Her irresponsible friends would have found her unconscious in the alley by the time they noticed her missing. Or worse, something really awful could have happened to her. When they pulled up to Jackie's apartment, she was still out cold. Catherine leaned over and unfastened her seat belt. When she leaned back to get her out, her eyes were half open and she had a drunk smile on her face. Catherine couldn't help but laugh. "You are unbelievably drunk right now."

"I'm sorry."

"You're going to have to work with me now, this is the hard part."

Jackie sat up and grabbed the frame of the door, slowing throwing her legs out. Catherine grabbed her arms and pulled her out of the car, but Jackie failed to duck her head and it slammed against the top of the door frame. "Owww" she moaned as she sat back down.

"Oh, no" Catherine laughed as she tried to be sympathetic. She knelt down and took Jackie's head in her hands as she kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I just want my bed," Jackie cried.

Getting an inebriated girl who had lost all control of her body up a flight of steps, was quite a chore. When they finally made it to the top, Catherine took Jackie's purse and dug through it for her keys. Once inside, she took her directly to bed, in which she collapsed into instantly. Jackie's phone began to ring but she didn't stir. Catherine fished through her purse for it and discovered it was Hannah calling. After it stopped ringing she texted her, pretending to be Jackie. "Sorry, didn't feel good so caught a ride home with a friend" Catherine typed. No, Jackie was drunk, she wouldn't be able to text that perfectly. She deleted the text and started over, "Soryy dint feel good, so cught a ride hme with a frend."

"Aw, okay. I'll call you tomorrow :)"

Proud of herself, she set the phone down on Jackie's nightstand and connected it to the charger. Next, she went into the kitchen and retrieved a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin. This wasn't her first time taking care of a drunk person. When she returned, she removed Jackie's shoes and pants. Jackie didn't even flinch until Catherine pulled the jeans free from her feet.

"Why are you so mean to me?" She mumbled slowly, eyes closed as she pulled the blanket up over her shoulders.

"What?" Catherine asked, caught off guard at the sudden serious remark.

"Y-you don't treat me like you used to, it hurts my feelings," she slurred, eyes still closed as she rolled over and drifted back to sleep.

Catherine watched her as she slept, the way she used to. She looked so innocent curled up. It broke Catherine's heart realizing she may actually be hurting her. After the way she had spoken to her, the way she had come on to her, she thought this was what she wanted. After all, it was Jackie who had left Bloomington, so Catherine had always assumed she had been the one more invested in their relationship. But deep down, she knew something was off. Jackie had said she wanted to be treated as a person and not a piece of meat. It must have been why she had been ignoring her all week. Catherine had tried looking at this as more of a game. A game with no tied emotions because without emotions, the lesser chance of error-the lesser chance of slipping and getting caught. The lesser chance of getting hurt again.

She took her jacket off and laid down next to Jackie on the bed. She'd stay just a little while, just long enough to make sure she was okay.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the sky lightening outside Jackie's window. Her intention of just resting her eyes had turned into breaking her biggest rule, no sleepovers. She looked over at Jackie who still lay comatose. Carefully, she slipped out of bed and quietly pulled her jacket on. Remembering Jackie's unconscious words, she walked over to her and kissed her forehead gently before sneaking out of her apartment.


	15. Chapter 15

Jackie laid awake in bed that night grappling with her emotions. Why was Catherine acting like this? Would she ever be able to take control again, or would she just continue to let Catherine call the shots? Why did Catherine have such an affect on her this time around? On Wednesday she struggled through her stats class, she didn't want to fall behind again this semester, so tried her hardest to put her thoughts about Catherine aside. Although they had plans to meet up to go over her outline, Jackie decided to meet with Hannah instead to get help with statistics. When there was a break in the lecture to work on practice problems, she discretely pulled her phone from her bag and texted Catherine. "I won't be able to stop by your office today, sorry for the short notice."

As she began working her way through the complicated formulas that made no sense to her, she saw her phone light up in her bag. It was a rather quick reply from Catherine, "Tonight, 8pm?"

So eager to write back "Yes," she ignored the text, her first step at trying to take back control.

Later in the library, as Hannah helped her understand what she failed to in class, she remarked, "Jacks, don't take this the wrong way but... you've been looking really stressed out lately."

She just smiled softly, "It's okay, I have been."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just feeling overwhelmed," Jackie ran her fingers through her hair, resting her forehead on her palm.

"I don't have any auditions this weekend, how about I gather some of the girls and we have a _real_ night out on Friday?"

"You know what, that actually sounds perfect." Jackie replied, and she wasn't lying. One thing she learned from Bloomington was that she couldn't focus all of her energy on Catherine, especially now when they weren't even in a real relationship. She deserved to act her age and let loose every once in a while.

"In the meantime though, can you help me run lines tonight?" Hannah laughed.

"Of course." Good, a valid reason to not give into Catherine. When Hannah left the library, she immediately pulled out her phone and texted Catherine back, "Sorry, can't tonight." She didn't bother offering an explanation, she didn't deserve one.

While in Catherine's class, Jackie jotted down every single thing she was saying, trying to look invested and preoccupied. At the end of class, she could see Catherine eyeing her as she packed up her things. She looked up and smiled at her as she passed, knowing she wouldn't dare ask her to stay after again so soon. She was a stickler to the rules she imposed. As hard as it was to keep her distance, she liked the feeling of being able to say no.

When Friday night rolled around, Jackie met up with Hannah and a few girls they had met in class, and headed to the bar. She didn't hold back as she usually did. Having a group of girls with them this time made it that much easier to get drunk. Someone was always requesting they take a shot. Not used to drinking so heavily, Jackie's vision began to blur. She stumbled her way to the bathroom and leaned against the stall door, trying to regain her balance as the voices of drunk gossip echoed inside. When the bathroom finally cleared, she unlocked the stall door and looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. She looked ridiculous being this drunk and just wanted to be sober. The sound of the loud bar filled the bathroom as the door opened, and someone spoke her name. She tried focusing into the mirror to see who was speaking to her. She felt her heavy eyes widen when she realized it was Catherine.

"Wha-what are you doing here?"

"My God, how much have you had to drink tonight?" Catherine asked, looking at her in a not so pleasant fashion.

Jackie pinched her fingers together and held them up to one eye as she closed the other, "Just a little bit" she laughed, before a hiccup escaped from her throat.

"Is Hannah here with you?"

"Yes'm."

"Is she as drunk as you?"

"I dunno." Jackie shrugged.

"How are you two getting home?"

"We're with a group."

Despite her drunkenness, Jackie fought to keep her control. "I better get back to my friends," she said as she slipped by Catherine to the door. Before going back to the girls, she sat at the bar and ordered a water, chewing on the straw as she tried to hydrate herself.

"There you are!" Hannah said, as she sat on the bar stool next to her.

"Here I am!" Jackie replied, raising her hands drunkenly.

"Five shots of Fireball please," Hannah called out to the bartender.

Jackie gagged at the request, "Make that four."

"Water?" Hannah looked at her suspiciously.

"I'm really drunk," Jackie groaned.

"Aw, yes you are," Hannah said sweetly as she smoothed Jackie's hair back. "Are you okay?"

"I don't feel well, I just need to sit for a minute."

The bartender sat four shot glasses in front of them before pouring the red liquor into each. Jackie was relieved she would not be participating.

"I'm going to go take these to the girls, you coming?"

"I'll be there in a bit."

The guy who took Hannah's seat at the bar ordered a shot of tequila. When it arrived, the strong odor of it she made her mouth water. Not in the craving a delicious food type of way, but the way it does right before you're going to get sick.

Realizing this wasn't just a temporary feeling, she got up from the bar stool. The bar was packed more so then usual due to the basketball game being on, and the bathroom was so far away. Jackie knew she would never make it. She turned towards the door instead and pushed her way through the crowd. When she got outside there were a group of people smoking so she held her hand tightly over her mouth and hurried her way to the side of the building. As soon as she reached the curb, she leaned over and began vomiting. Behind her, she heard the sound of heels echoing on the sidewalk, getting louder as they drew nearer. Embarrassed, she prayed it was someone she knew. Relief washed over her when she felt someone pulling her hair back as she continued to get sick, surely no stranger would do such a thing. As she spit the remnants of it from her mouth, she groaned as she wiped the tears that had streamed down her face.

"Get it all out?"

She had assumed the person helping her had been Hannah, but the voice didn't match. It was Catherine.

"Ugh, I didn't know that was you. I'm sorry. I'm repulsive."

"I'm on my way out, do you want me to take you home?"

Jackie's head was spinning from standing upright so fast. "I need to sit."

Catherine helped her sit down on the curb, "Stay here."

A few moments later she pulled up in her car and got out. "I'm taking you home," her voice rendering that this was no longer an offer, but now a demand.

"I told Hannah I would be back."

"Well Hannah is obviously oblivious if she left you alone like this."

Catherine opened her door and helped Jackie up off of the curb and into the passenger seat. "Are you going to be sick again?"

"I hope not." Catherine would kill her if she puked in her precious Porsche. She felt her hand on the back of her head as she lowered her into the car. Still dizzy, she leaned her head back against the head rest as soon as she sat down. The heaviness of her eyes wanting to close became a struggle she no longer had the energy to compete with. She awoke to the feeling of someone pulling at her. The smell of Catherine's perfume tapped into her consciousness before her eyes even opened. When they did, Catherine was leaning over her and undoing her seat belt. She looked at her and began to feel giddy, she was enjoying being taken care of by her again. When Catherine caught her eye she laughed at her, "You are unbelievably drunk right now."

"I'm sorry."

"You're going to have to work with me now, this is the hard part."

Jackie sat up and grabbed the frame of the door, slowly throwing her legs out. Catherine grabbed her arms and pulled, but something stopped her from standing. She felt a sharp blow to her forehead and it began to throb immediately. "Owww" she moaned as she fell back into the car.

"Oh, no" Catherine laughed sympathetically. She knelt down in front of her and took Jackie's head in her hands, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I just want my bed," Jackie cried in exhaustion.

After a struggle, they finally made it up to her door. After that, everything was a blur. All she remembers is collapsing onto her bed.

Woken from a deep, drunken, slumber, she opened her eyes and looked around. She felt as if she weren't alone, the way you feel when waking from a nightmare and feel a presence in the room. Slowly she began piecing together last night. "Catherine?" She called out. Silence. She rolled over and grabbed her phone from the nightstand, thankful it had made it home with her. Her mouth was dry and she winced at the taste. Hannah had called her a few times but it looked as though she had texted her back, letting her know she was okay. When she placed her phone back on the nightstand, she noticed the glass of water and aspirin. The sudden feeling of panic flooded her body, hoping nothing embarrassing happened while she was in Catherine's presence.

After getting a shower she texted Catherine, too much of a coward to call. "Thanks for getting me home. Please tell me I didn't embarrass myself too badly."

In the meantime, she called Hannah to check in.

"What happened to you? Who took you home?"

"A friend from one of my other classes," she lied. "She saw me puking and offered to take me home."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Jacks. I shouldn't have left you alone after you said you weren't feeling well."

"No, it's okay. I wanted you to have fun, and we both made it back home, so no harm done."

When she ended her call with Hannah, she noticed the text message notification on her screen. It was Catherine. "We need to talk."

Jackie's heart sunk. What had happened. "Okay, when?"

"Tomorrow."

"I'm so sorry. Whatever it was, you have to know I don't remember anything after getting to my bed."

"We'll talk tomorrow."

So sick with herself, she stayed on the couch all day, nursing her hangover and guilt. What had she done to make Catherine need to speak to her face to face? She was done drinking, obviously it left her too vulnerable and she hated this feeling of not knowing.

The next day her stomach knotted as she stood on Catherine's front porch. The door opened and Catherine stood in front of her solemn.

"Shit."


	16. Chapter 16

Jackie's heart was racing. Her mind was running through every mortifying scenario that she possibly could have done or said to make Catherine so upset. "You know I'm not a drinker, so just know anything I did-"

Catherine's hardened face broke into a laugh, "Relax, you passed out as soon as you hit the pillow. I was just giving you a hard time."

Jackie let out a huge sigh of relief, "Oh, I'm so relieved!" But then she remember how much of a mess she had been for the last 36 hours, "And so fucking mad! You're an asshole!" She said, smacking Catherine on the arm. "Do you have any idea how much of a nervous wreck I have been?!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Catherine said, holding up her hands. "I couldn't help myself. I think I deserve it though, after having to watch you throw up and basically carry you up the stairs."

Jackie covered her face, pained at her embarrassment. "Ugh, you're right."

"Come on, come in," she waved as she opened the door wider. "Wine or are you too hungover?" This seemed to be Catherine's new standard greeting.

"I think I can handle a glass. I need it to slow my nervous system down, thanks to you."

Catherine laughed as she went to pour the wine. When she returned she handed Jackie the glass. "You left something in my car last night."

"Please tell me I didn't puke in your Porsche," Jackie groaned.

"No, then I _really_ would be mad at you," Catherine grinned devilishly. "Come," she nodded as she headed down the hall.

When they got to her bedroom, Jackie looked around wondering what she had left behind. She thought she had accounted for everything. After hearing the door click shut, she turned to Catherine and looked down at her hand on the knob.

"I didn't leave anything, did I?" She asked curiously.

Catherine shook her head no silently, then flashed her the type of smile that usually meant she was up to no good.

"What?" Jackie laughed uncomfortably.

Catherine walked towards her and removed the wine glass from her hand, placing them both down on the table. "There is _one_ thing we need to discuss." She said, motioning her to follow her with her finger. "Last time you accused me of not spending enough time-"

Jackie sighed, "I told you I didn't mean it like-"

"Shhhhh..." Catherine whispered, placing a finger over Jackie's lips. "Let me finish."

Jackie looked at her intently.

"I don't handle criticism well."

Jackie opened her mouth again, but Catherine's eyebrows twitched upward. "Nuh uh" she shook her head, demanding her to obey. When Jackie closed her mouth, she continued. "You asked me to take my time. Correct?" Catherine asked, looking at her with her lips slightly parted, her tongue pressed against the upper right corner of her mouth, a sly smile intensifying her dimples.

"Am I supposed to answer now?" Jackie asked hesitantly.

Catherine smiled and nodded.

"In short-yes, I would prefer more time."

"Okay then" Catherine smiled, as she placed her hands on Jackie's shoulders and pushed her down until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Keeping her hands on her to balance herself, she slowly placed one knee on each side of Jackie's hips so that she was straddling her. Jackie exhaled sharply, automatically placing her hands around Catherine's waist, but was greeted with resistance. "Nuh uh," she whispered in her ear, grabbing hold of Jackie's wrists and placing them on the bed. "No touching." She felt the warm sensation of Catherine's breath in her ear, followed by the gentle nibble of her teeth on her ear lobe, making her body shudder. Catherine released it, slowly moving her lips down from Jackie's ear, to her neck. Taking her time, kissing every inch of it. Jackie grabbed onto the comforter as she felt the goosebumps raising on her body.

"Is this slow enough for you."

Jackie nodded and picked her hands up off the mattress but Catherine grabbed them again. "Patience," she whispered slowly. She held Jackie's palms and took turns kissing the tip of each finger, staring into her eyes and smiling each time. She looked down at Jackie's trembling chest. "You can let it out, I don't know why you always insist on staying so quiet." Jackie just smiled before Catherine kissed her, leaning into her until she was lounged backwards on the bed, her arms behind her supporting her weight. Catherine leaned back into her lap and slowly began unbuttoning Jackie's jeans, causing her to suck in her upper lip and bite it. Catherine leaned down on top of her again and began kissing her neck. Without warning, she slipped her hand down Jackie's pants, causing her to let go of her lip and exhale the moan she had been fighting to hold in.

When she awoke, Catherine was resting on her side smiling at her. She gently moved Jackie's bangs upward from her face. "How's your head, you knocked it pretty good getting out of the car."

"It's sore, but I'll live."

"At least your bangs camouflage the bruise nicely," she smiled.

"How long was I out?"

"Half hour maybe."

"Sorry," Jackie apologized as she sat up.

"Well, at least I know this time was long enough" Catherine teased, leaning over her to get her glass of wine from the nightstand.

"You know you took my words out of context," Jackie smirked.

"Are you complaining again? I don't remember you being this needy," she said sarcastically before taking a sip.

Jackie grabbed her glass as well and Catherine clanged hers against it, "Cheers." For a moment, Jackie had forgotten they were in Los Angeles. For a moment, it felt as if they were back in Bloomington.

"You promise I didn't do anything humiliating the other night?"

Catherine paused as if she were hiding something.

" _Tell me_ ," Jackie demanded.

"No, nothing. I just had to reply to a text from Hannah pretending to be you. I was nervous she would show up and see me there. I had to jumble some of the letters around to make it look convincing, given your state."

Jackie laughed, "You fooled even me. I figured I had just drunk texted her back when I saw it. How long did you stay, anyway?"

"Just long enough to make sure you were okay."

Jackie smiled at her sincerely. "I really do appreciate it, and I promise you will never have to deal with that again."

"It happens. Are you hungry? I have some leftover lasagna I need to get rid of from last night, there's plenty."

"Sure," Jackie nodded.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower, help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I'll just be a minute."

After dressing, Jackie grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and began looking around Catherine's house. It was the first time she really had been able to get a good look at it. All of the furniture and decor were new. Even the pictures she recognized from her old house were now placed in more modern frames to fit her new style. She picked up a picture she remembered from her living room in Bloomington. It was Catherine as a teenager with her parents, the last picture they had ever taken together. She remembered Catherine telling her this the night she picked her up on Thanksgiving. She remembers everything from that night. In someways it felt like it was just yesterday. In other ways it felt like it was a lifetime ago.

"You can hop in if you want," Catherine spoke from behind her as she entered the room. She was rubbing a towel through her wet hair.

"That's okay, I'll just grab one when I get home" Jackie replied, setting down the frame.

Catherine disappeared into the kitchen, so Jackie followed.

"I like the new place," she commented.

"Thanks," Catherine replied. "It's slowly starting to feel like home. It's still missing Ethan though of course."

Jackie offered her a sympathetic smile. "You could get another?"

"No, no other dog could replace my Ethan. And I'm so busy, it wouldn't be fair."

The microwave beeped and she began to pull out the lasagna, but instantly let go of it. "Shit!" She yelled. She quickly licked the sauce from her finger then sucked on it.

Jackie hit the ice button on the fridge, dropping an ice cube into her hand. She took hold of Catherine's hand and placed the ice cube on the burn.

"Thanks."

They locked eyes, the corner of Catherine's mouth curving into a smile. Jackie removed the ice cube and bent her head down, blowing on her finger. Catherine gently grabbed her chin, tilting it up, and kissed her. When they parted lips, they smiled at one another, the heat between them intensifying. Catherine tossed the ice cube in the sink and wrapped her arms around Jackie's neck, kissing her more deeply. Jackie pulled her in tightly and Catherine pushed her against the fridge. Suddenly Jackie's phone began to ring. She laughed trying to break free from Catherine who refused, pulling the phone from her pocket. She saw Hannah's name and suddenly remembered that they had plans to study together. "Shit!" She yelled, before accepting her call.

"Hannah I am so sorry! I forgot but I'm on my way right now, give me 10 minutes."

"I gotta run. I completely forgot Hannah was coming over to study, and she's at my apartment right now." Jackie said in a hurry, grabbing her bag. "I'm so sorry, it smells delicious though!"

Jackie could see Hannah from the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the wall. "I'm here! I'm so sorry."

She got her keys out and Hannah leaned into her, sniffing her. "You smell like... You smell like _sex!_ "

"What?!" Jackie laughed, pretending how absurd of a statement that was.

"Where were you?"

Jackie thought quick, "The gym."

"Oh, maybe that's why. That's weird. And since when do you go to the gym?"

"Gotta get my movie bod back," Jackie joked, slapping her stomach, relieved to have found a credible excuse.


	17. Chapter 17

Catherine could sense the uneasiness in Jackie, even through the form of a text message. Using her moment of weakness to her advantage, she decided not to offer her any insight into what had transpired the night before- a ploy to see her.

"We'll talk to tomorrow." Catherine couldn't help but smirk at her handiwork.

When she opened the door the next day and saw Jackie's face, she couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. Her face was as white as a ghost as she looked up at her nervously. Catherine tried her best to keep up the charade, forcing herself to be seem visually upset.

"Shit." Jackie said shamefully. "You know I'm not a drinker, so just know anything I did-"

Catherine couldn't keep up the demeanor any longer and broke into a laugh, "Relax, you passed out as soon as you hit the pillow. I'm just giving you a hard time."

Jackie let out a huge sigh of relief, "Oh, I'm so relieved! ... And so fucking mad! You're an asshole!" She said, smacking Catherine on the arm. "Do you have any idea how much of a nervous wreck I have been?!"

Catherine laughed and after inviting her in, she poured them both a glass of wine, moving right along to her next order of business. "You left something in my car."

"Please tell me I didn't puke in your Porsche," Jackie groaned.

Even she knew how important her car was to her. After leading her into her bedroom Catherine shut the door behind her, causing Jackie to look back suspiciously. "I didn't leave anything, did I?"

Catherine shook her head and flashed her a grin.

"What?" Jackie laughed uncomfortably.

She walked towards her and removed the wine glass from her hand, placing them both down on the table. "There is _one_ thing we need to discuss." She said, motioning her to follow her with her finger. "Last time you accused me of not spending enough time-"

Jackie sighed interrupting her, "I told you I didn't mean it like-"

"Shhhhh..." Catherine whispered, placing a finger over Jackie's lips. "Let me finish."

Jackie listened to her intently once she obeyed.

Catherine forced her onto the bed and straddled her, not letting her touch her the entire time, wanting her to crumble beneath her. It worked. Jackie laid motionless after, inevitably falling asleep. Catherine watched as she slept, satisfied with herself. Remembering the incident getting her out of the car, she gently pushed Jackie's bangs up away from her forehead. She had a pretty prevalent bruise and was lucky to have bangs that masked it.

As they lay there talking, Jackie once again asked if anything had happened when she was drunk.

The words she whispered to her in her sleep came to mind, but that would always just be her own secret to hold. Jackie must have sensed she was hiding something, because she demanded to know. Instead, Catherine filled her in on the text message she had to orchestrate with Hannah.

"I really do appreciate it, and I promise you will never have to deal with that again," Jackie said warmly.

"It happens," she shrugged. She could emphasize regretting embarrassing behavior. After offering her to stay for dinner, Catherine hopped in the shower, desperately needing to freshen up. When she was finished she made her way to the living to find Jackie, she saw her looking at the pictures on her mantle. "You can hop in if you want," she spoke as she dried her dripping hair.

"That's okay, I'll just grab one when I get home" Jackie replied, setting down the frame.

As she tossed the lasagna into the microwave, Jackie complimented her new place.

"Thanks," she replied. "It's slowly starting to feel like home. It's still missing Ethan though of course."

Jackie offered her a sympathetic smile and suggested she could always get another. No way. Replacing the few people, and animals, who actually meant something to her is something she never grew accustomed to.

The microwave beeped and she began to pull out the lasagna but the sauce overflowed and burned her finger, "Shit!" she yelled in pain, dropping it back down.

Jackie quickly took hold of her hand and placed an ice cube on the burn. They locked eyes, and Catherine smiled at her kindness. Jackie removed the ice cube and blew on her finger, creating a warmness that seeped through her body. She reached down, gently tilting Jackie's chin up, and kissed her. When they parted lips, they smiled at one another, their breathing matching the same rhythm. Catherine tossed the ice cube in the sink and threw her arms around Jackie's neck, kissing her more deeply. Jackie pulled her in tightly causing Catherine to push her against the fridge. As if it were on queue to ruin the moment, Jackie's phone began to ring. Catherine refused to let it interrupt, she couldn't keep her hands off her. Jackie laughed as she managed to pull the phone from her pocket. "Shit!" She yelled, before stepping away from her to answer.

"Hannah I am so sorry! I forgot but I'm on my way right now, give me 10 minutes."

Seriously? She was leaving?

"I gotta run. I completely forgot Hannah was coming over to study, and she's at my apartment right now." Jackie said, quickly making her way to the door. She paused only when she stuck her head back in the house, "I'm so sorry, it smells delicious though!"

Catherine stood in her kitchen, trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. One minute her and Jackie are caught up in an escalating kiss, the next, Jackie pulls the breaks and leaves. All because of a phone call from Hannah? Catherine sighed loudly, she couldn't help but be a tad bit irritated.

Any hostility she had towards Jackie dissipated the moment she saw her sitting outside her office the next day. Her nose was in a book and when she noticed Catherine approaching, her face lit up and she stood immediately. "Are you free?"

"Yeah, I have some time."

Once they were safely out of earshot inside, Jackie apologized. "I'm sorry for running out so fast last night."

"Burnt my finger for nothing," Catherine said sarcastically as she set her things down.

"I feel guilty enough," Jackie smirked. "I didn't think I'd be over that late, and I lost track of time."

"It's okay." Catherine pulled out her lunch. "But now it's my turn to be rude."

"No, go ahead. I'm the one interrupting your lunch hour."

"Did you just come here to apologize, or are you going to show me that outline?" Catherine asked, before taking a bite of her sandwich.

Jackie grinned. "You don't mind?"

"Not at all," Catherine said, covering her mouth full of food.

She pulled the paper out and began to walk over to Catherine.

"No, no," Catherine waved her finger. "You stay there this time young lady. Just hand it to me."

Jackie laughed as she pushed the paper towards her.

"Can I write on this?" Catherine askedm as she began reading.

"Please do."

When she was finished she slid the paper back over, careful not to make the same mistake. After discussing it, Jackie stood and began looking around her bookcases. "I couldn't help but notice the ECT machine made the trek from Bloomington. Who'd you steal it from anyway?"

"An old professor I TA'ed for at Stanford," Catherine said. She was standing now after grabbing a bottle of water, and leaned against her desk.

"Catherine Stark: Grand Theft ECT," Jackie teased.

"It's not as bad ass as it seems. He retired and left it, so I took it without asking."

Jackie skimmed the books with her fingers before walking back over to the chair. "When's your next class?"

Catherine leaned back on her desk to look at the clock, "I still have 45 minutes." She felt the burn on her finger rub against the desk which caused some discomfort. She looked down at it and gently ran her thumb over it.

"How's your finger?"

"How's your head?" She smirked.

Jackie smiled, "Battle wound buddies."

"We had quite a weekend, didn't we?"

Jackie paused, a strange look suddenly appearing on her face, and she began to pack up. "Well, I'll let you go."

"You don't have to, I'm not busy."

"Yes, I do."

Catherine looked at her confused, "What's wrong?"

"If I don't leave now, I'm going to break one of your rules."

"Oh, well we can't have that, can we?" Catherine grinned.

Jackie moved closer to her until she was a mere inches from her face, "I can be mature too you know. See?" She backed away. "This is me." She picked up her bag, "Leaving."

Catherine watched from her desk, smiling.

When she was half way to the door she turned around, "Oh! I almost forgot! Is there anything you need from me for class next week before I leave this weekend?"

"Before you leave? Where are you going?"

"New York."

"Why? For how long?" Catherine could hear the panic rise in her voice and quickly calmed herself.

"A week, for Neptune."

"I thought that didn't start filming until after the semester was over?"

"It doesn't, but I have obligations tied to it. A week this month, then two weeks over spring break."

Catherine felt the anger she felt last night return.

"I could've sworn I told you in the beginning of the semester, when I told my other professors."

"I don't recall that conversation, but no, you're good. When do you leave?"

"Friday night."

"I'm free Wednesday?" Catherine remarked.

"I'll have to play it by ear, I have so much to get done before I leave."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in class then."

Jackie opened the door, "Thanks for your help Professor Stark," she grinned.

Catherine stared at the door once it closed and bit the inside of her cheek. Just when she thought they had finally worked out the kinks, more obstacles began to pile up. She soon remembered how much of an annoyance this acting thing had been.

The next day in class, Jackie stuck around after.

Catherine looked up noticing a few students still packing up their belongings.

"How can I help you Ms. Kirk?"

Jackie walked closer and subtly watched the stragglers clear out of the room.

"I don't think tomorrow night is going to work. I need to finish a paper on top of a million other things."

"Okay," Catherine tried to act as if it didn't affect her.

"Maybe I can stop by Friday on my way to the airport?"

"Okay," she repeated, this time with a smile.

Once Jackie disappeared into the hall, she dropped the smile.

The next evening when she was locking her office door, she spotted Leslie walking down the hall.

"Hey there!"

"Hey," Catherine smiled.

"Got any hot plans for tonight?"

"On a Wednesday?" Catherine asked confused, "No."

"It's Valentine's Day silly."

"Oh," Catherine laughed, "No, no plans." Catherine always had thought the holiday was silly, so was completely unaware that it was today.

"You know, Daniel still asks about you," Leslie winked.

"Daniel?"

" _Really_ Catherine." Leslie said annoyed.

Catherine shook her head in oblivion, the name still not ringing a bell.

"Daniel. My friend you talked to all night at my New Years Eve party?"

"Ohhh," Catherine had completely forgotten about him. "He was nice, but I'm just really not interested in starting anything right now."

"Man, that guy back in Bloomington must have really done a number on you."

"I just don't need any distractions right now, I'm just trying to focus on my career this year."

"All work and no play, that's not the kind of life to live. Good thing you have me at least" she said, nudging her elbow into Catherine.

Catherine just laughed.

"Want to get drinks Friday?"

Catherine thought about Jackie saying she might stop by before her flight. "I might have something, but I could meet up later?"

"Works for me."

When they got to the garage Leslie called out to her before getting into her car. "Hey Catherine..."

"Yeah?"

"Happy Valentine's Day," she smirked.

Catherine just rolled her eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

Feeling guilty for running out on Catherine, Jackie went to visit her during lunch on Monday. Her intentions were half egocentric she supposed. The truth was, she was leaving for New York on Friday so really wanted to try and get Catherine to look over her outline before then. Sitting outside her office, she made use of her time by reading a book for English class that she had a paper on due by Friday. It was going to be a hectic week. She saw Catherine coming towards her out of the corner of her eye and stood, smiling at her. "Are you free?"

"Yeah, I have some time."

Once they were inside, Jackie apologized. "I'm sorry for running out so fast last night."

After a few sarcastic remarks, Catherine pulled out her lunch and asked if she was going to let her see her outline.

Jackie grinned, hopefully she didn't read into her visit. "You don't mind?"

"Not at all," Catherine replied with a mouth full of sandwich.

Jackie pulled the paper out and began to walk over to her.

"No, no," Catherine waved her finger at her. "You stay there this time young lady. Just hand it to me."

She laughed as she pushed the paper towards her.

"Can I write on this?"

"Please do."

When she was finished she slid the paper back over to her and they discussed how she could improve it. When they were finished, Jackie stood and began looking around Catherine's shelves. She caught site of the ECT machine again and smirked. "I couldn't help but notice the ECT machine made the trek from Bloomington. Who'd you steal it from anyway?"

"An old professor I TA'ed for at Stanford," Catherine said. She was standing now and leaning against her desk.

"Catherine Stark: Grand Theft ECT," Jackie teased.

"It's not as bad ass as it seems. He retired and left it, so I took it without asking."

Jackie skimmed the books once more before heading back over to the chair. "When's your next class?"

Catherine leaned back on her desk to look at the clock, "I still have 45 minutes." She looked down at her finger and Jackie remembered the burn.

"How's your finger?"

"How's your head?" She shot back with a smirk.

"Battle wound buddies."

"We had quite a weekend, didn't we?"

Jackie thought back to last night- the bedroom, the kitchen. Catherine sitting on her desk wasn't helping her temptation. She wanted to go over and finish what they had started a couple of weeks ago. "Well, I'll let you go."

"You don't have to, I'm not busy."

"Yes, I do" Jackie blurted out.

Catherine looked at her confused, "What's wrong?"

"If I don't leave now, I'm going to break one of your rules."

"Oh, well we can't have that, can we?" Catherine grinned.

She was always such a tease, enforcing rules then trying to make Jackie suffer through them. She would show her. She moved closer to her until she was only inches from Catherine's face, "I can be mature too you know. See?" She backed away. "This is me." She picked up her bag, "Leaving."

When she was half way to the door she forgot another reason why she had come there, "Oh! I almost forgot! Is there anything you need from me for class next week before I leave this weekend?"

Catherine looked at her with a bewildered look on her face. "Before you leave? Where are you going?"

"New York."

"Why? For how long?" Catherine began interrogating her as she started to raise up off her desk. She must have noticed her tone, because settled back down onto it and crossed her arms.

"A week, for Neptune."

"I thought that didn't start filming until after the semester was over?"

"It doesn't, but I have obligations tied to it. A week this month, then two weeks over spring break."

Catherine's face no longer looked at ease the way it had when she was trying to seduce her. Jackie didn't understand why she was acting like this was the first she had heard of it. She swore she told all of her professors the first week of class. Then again, maybe she was distracted when she tried telling Catherine.

"I don't recall that conversation, but no, you're good. When do you leave?"

"Friday night."

"I'm free Wednesday?" Catherine offered.

Jackie thought about her hectic week. "I'll have to play it by ear, I have so much to get done before I leave."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in class then."

She opened the door, and turned back to humor her. "Thanks for your help Professor Stark," she grinned.

After spending all night reading her English book and still not being done, Jackie began to panic that she only had 3 nights left to not only finish the book, but also write a paper on it that she hadn't even started. The next day in Catherine's class, she stuck around to let her know she wouldn't be able to see her on Wednesday.

"How can I help you Ms. Kirk?"

Jackie watched the stragglers clear out of the room from the corner of her eye before proceeding. "I don't think tomorrow night is going to work. I need to finish a paper on top of a million other things."

"Okay."

Knowing the next time they'd see each other alone was two weeks away, Jackie thought about how she could squeeze in a visit. "I can stop by Friday on my way to the airport?"

"Okay," Catherine repeated with a smile.

Jackie's notes were sprawled out on her dining room table as she struggled though her English paper. It was only 7pm but she had been working hard since getting home from class. She rubbed her dry eyes as her stomach growled, she tried to remember the last time she had eaten, it was breakfast. Suddenly the entire table began to shake, papers and books included. She had no idea where her phone was. Following the sound and movement of the vibration, she finally found it beneath a notebook, she smiled when she saw it was Catherine.

"Hey!"

"Are you alone?"

"I am," she smirked to herself, wondering what this was about.

"Let me in," suddenly her door buzzed.

She got up from her chair, her body stiff from sitting in front of her lap top for so long. When she opened the door she smiled as she watched Catherine climb the stairs. Although she really needed to concentrate on her paper, she was thankful for the interruption.

"I hope you haven't eaten yet."

"I haven't, and was actually just realizing how I haven't since breakfast."

"Well then my presence shouldn't be a bother, consider it brain food," Catherine smirked.

"Your presence is never a bother," Jackie smiled as she closed the door.

"Oh wow, you really are hard at work. I won't stay long."

"We can eat on the coffee table," Jackie nodded. "What is it? It smells amazing."

"Italian," Catherine grinned.

Jackie began to feel her brain start feeling normal again, and no longer like mush by the time they had finished eating.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked as they were cleaning up.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been rubbing your neck all night."

"Have I? Oh, it's nothing. Just stiff from sitting at that table for so long. Reasons chiropractors make bank."

Catherine began rubbing her shoulders, "Where does it hurt?"

"You don't have to do this-OH!"

"Feel good?" Catherine laughed.

"Yes, right there."

The feeling was pure ecstasy, even before she began to feel Catherine's lips on the crook of her neck. She really needed to get back to work on her paper. Suddenly the left side of her body shuddered, goosebumps erupting all the way down it. Maybe she could handle to make her break just little longer...

When they were back in her bedroom, Jackie began to hear banging from the hall. She figured it was just a neighbor so ignored it, her time was limited and she didn't want to stop. But then the knocking continued, and grew louder. She placed a hand over Catherine's mouth to stop her and perked her head up to listen.

"Do you hear that?"

"Just ignore it."

"Jacks!?" She heard Hannah's muffled voice. "Are you in there?"

"It's Hannah!" Jackie said, pushing Catherine off of her.

"Why are you freaking out? There's no way she can hear us all the way back here, just pretend you're not home."

"She has a key!" Jackie whispered loudly, frantically putting on her pants.

Catherine jumped out of bed and joined in on the frenzy of pulling on her clothes, "Get rid of her!"

"Stay here," Jackie warned before closing the door and running to the living room. She could see the door knob jiggling open and got to it just as Hannah's head appeared.

"Hey!" Jackie said, grabbing the door.

"Didn't you hear me knocking?"

"I was listening to music in my room."

"Oh. Why are you out of breath and... _sweaty."_

"You don't dance around in your bedroom alone?"

Hannah laughed and pushed her way into Jackie's apartment.

"So what are you doing here?"

Hannah smiled coyly and it was then that Jackie noticed the bouquet of flowers in her hand, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

"What? Why'd you do this?" Jackie responded, touched at her thoughtfulness.

"It was mostly for myself, as a reminder that I'm not alone while everyone's out. At least I have you in my life."

"Aw. I feel bad, I don't have anything for you."

"Surely you have a bottle of wine lying around here somewhere," she said walking to the kitchen. "Holy shit, did your backpack explode?" She asked, looking at the table.

Jackie looked back at her bedroom nervously. "That's the thing, I actually can't hang out tonight. I really gotta get this paper finished."

"Oh, okay" Hannah said disheartened.

"I'm sorry."

"No it's okay, I should have called" she said, making her way to the door. "I'll see you in class?"

"Yeah," Jackie said softly, not knowing what else to say, she felt terrible. Obviously Hannah was feeling down and didn't want to be alone.

When she left, Jackie took a minute to lick her wounds before heading back to her bedroom. She opened the door and saw Catherine sitting on the bed. "She's gone."

"She has a key?!" Catherine blurted out.

"Yeah. That night I was at your place and made her sit outside until I got here, I felt guilty and gave her a key."

"I probably shouldn't come here anymore then, it's not safe."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Listen, you don't mind if we don't..."

"No," Catherine cut in. "The mood is long gone."

Jackie shrugged and smiled in agreement before heading back down the hall.

"Roses?" Catherine said from behind her. Jackie looked back and saw her gently touching the pedals.

"Yeah, and I'm the jerk that just had to kick her out."

"Are you two-" Catherine's eyes grew big, implying she meant to ask if they were together.

"No, we're just friends. It's just a platonic Valentine's Day gift." Jackie paused suddenly, realizing the gist of Catherine's question. "What kind of person do you think I am? You really think I would be doing this if I was in a relationship?"

"Whoa, sorry," Catherine said, holding up her hands defensively.

"No, I am," Jackie said shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I just feel like a complete asshole right now. And I really need to finish this paper."

"I can take a hint, I'll leave."

How many people's feelings was she going to hurt tonight? "Catherine..."

"No, it's fine. I'm the one who interrupted your work, I shouldn't have."

Jackie grabbed her hand as she walked past her to the door and turned her around. "No, I really appreciated it. I needed the break."

Catherine didn't say anything, Jackie could tell her feelings were hurt. "Can I still stop by on my way to the airport?"

Her solemn face began to crack a small smile and she nodded yes before opening the door. Jackie followed her to it and hugged her. "Thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome."

Jackie went back to her laptop but struggled to focus. She kept thinking about the look on Hannah's face, and then the look on Catherine's face. She rubbed her forehead trying to scatter the images from her mind before another realization began to creep in. She looked behind her at the vase of roses. Did Catherine's surprise visit have anything to do with it being Valentine's Day?


	19. Chapter 19

Catherine spotted Jackie's car on the street as she was cautiously making her way to her apartment. Maybe she should call first just in case, it was always best to be careful.

She seemed happy to hear from her which was a good sign. "Are you alone?"

"I am."

"Let me in," she said as she pressed the buzzer.

Jackie was smiling from the top of the stairs as she made her way up.

"I hope you haven't eaten yet."

Jackie admitted she hadn't since breakfast, which made Catherine feel a little better about interrupting her. "Well then my presence shouldn't be a bother, consider it brain food," she smirked.

"Your presence is never a bother" Jackie commented with a smile, making her glad she decided to come.

When Catherine stepped inside, she noticed the mess of books spread across the table.

"Oh wow, you really are hard at work. I won't stay long," she insisted.

As they were eating, she couldn't help but notice how exhausted Jackie looked, the break was needed. She had been stretching her neck out and digging into it all night, a feeling Catherine knew all too well after spending many late nights hunched over her own laptop. Once they had cleaned up, she walked over to her and began rubbing her shoulders.

"You don't have to do this- _OH!_ " Jackie's body melted under her hands.

"Feel good?" Catherine laughed.

"Yes, right there."

Unable to control herself, she leaned in and kissed the crook of Jackie's neck. He felt her body shiver and before long, the innocent act rapidly turned into them stumbling back to the bedroom. Feeling somewhat guilty for seducing her when she was trying to be a good student, Catherine convinced herself it was for Jackie's own good, that she'd be so much more relaxed after. Just as things were really beginning to heat up, Catherine felt Jackie's hand suddenly press against her mouth. She was frozen, staring into the darkness.

"Do you hear that?" She asked, as she dropped her hand.

"Just ignore it," Catherine said, trying to keep her in the moment.

There was a muffled voice yelling "Jacks!" And Catherine knew exactly who it was. She couldn't understand why Jackie was freaking out so much. Why did Hannah have such control over her, and why did Hannah have to keep interrupting them?

"She has a key!" Jackie hissed, frantically putting on her pants.

 _So that's why_. Catherine jumped out of bed and joined in on the frenzy of pulling on her clothes, "Get rid of her!"

"Stay here," Jackie warned before closing the door. What else was she going to do? She was trapped. Catherine couldn't get over the fact that Jackie gave Hannah a key. She hadn't even given Jackie one when they were in Bloomington. Why on earth would she give her one? Especially considering the fact that they were already limited to options as to where they could be alone. Was something going on between them? She quietly went to the door and pressed her ear against it to listen, but all she heard was muffled conversations. When she heard the front door close, she tip toed back to Jackie's bed so she wouldn't know she had been eavesdropping. The time between when the door closed and when Jackie finally came back to the bedroom, was questionably long. When she opened the door, Catherine couldn't help but blurt out her frustration. "She has a key?!"

Jackie explained she gave it to her out of guilt, but Catherine was still upset. "I shouldn't come here anymore, it's not safe."

The quickness in which Jackie agreed, irritated her even more. Did she not want her in her apartment? Jackie's entire demeanor had changed since talking to Hannah. She looked distraught.

Agreeing the mood had long since past, they went back out into the living room. Catherine spotted a vase of roses sitting on the counter that hadn't been there before. Her intuition that they were more than friends was heightening. Is that why Jackie had chosen to leave her house so quickly on Sunday? She did seem to always be choosing to see Hannah over her whenever the opportunity presented itself.

"Roses?"

"Yeah, and I'm the jerk that just had to kick her out."

The comment didn't resonate well with Catherine, it sounded as though Jackie was placing the blame on her for being there. Like she'd much rather of had Hannah stay. Catherine had to know the truth, "Are you two-"

After insisting it was just a platonic gift, Jackie snapped back at her. "What kind of person do you think I am? You really think I would be doing this-" She teetered her pointer finger and thumb between them, "If I was in a relationship?"

Doing this? What was that supposed to mean?

"Woah, sorry," Catherine said, holding up her hands in defense. Jackie was clearly upset and Catherine felt as if her mere presence was making it worse.

"No, I am." She sighed, her voice softening, her shoulders slumping forward. "I'm sorry, I just feel like a complete asshole right now. And I _really_ need to finish this paper."

"I can take a hint, I'll leave." Catherine said, making her way to the door.

Jackie spoke her name softly.

"No, it's fine. I'm the one who interrupted your work, I shouldn't have."

Jackie caught hold of her hand as she walked past her to the door. "No, I _really_ appreciated it. I needed the break." Her voice softened even more, "Can I still stop by on my way to the airport?"

Catherine nodded, she knew Jackie was under immense pressure. She couldn't say she didn't behave the same when Leslie almost walked in on them in her office the other week. As she walked to her car she felt her head hanging low in disappointment. Valentine's Day would continue to be a day she avoided.

Jackie didn't show up for class the next day. Catherine didn't bother asking her why, the way things unfolded last night still weren't sitting well with her. When Friday afternoon rolled around and she still hadn't heard from her, she began to feel uneasy. Especially since she was leaving for New York. Hannah was in her morning class and against her better judgment, she stopped her after. "Hey Hannah?"

"Yes Professor Stark?" She looked back and smiled.

"Jackie didn't show up for class yesterday, and that's not like her..."

"Really? Wow. Well she's been having a rough week. As I'm sure you know, she left for New York today and had a gazillion things to get done."

She left already? Without even saying goodbye...

"Okay, thanks Hannah. I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"You're so sweet," she smiled. "But I assure you, it's nothing serious."

 _She_ assured _her_? Like she was Jackie's keeper? Catherine regretted talking to her, pushing her mood further into the gutter. When her classes were finally over with, she headed to her car and checked her phone one last time before making the drive home, still nothing. Her sigh of disappointment turned into a jump of panic when there was a sudden knock on her window.

"Sorry!" Jackie laughed, before motioning her to roll it down.

"You scared the hell out of me!" Catherine breathed out heavily, her hand on her chest.

"Can I catch a ride?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in New York?"

"Flight leaves in two hours. So are you going to let me in, or am I going to have to sprint home?"

"Get in," she motioned with her head.

Jackie ran to the other side and jumped in the car. "Sorry I missed your class yesterday," she said as she fastened her seat belt.

"I want you to know I'm dropping your final grade by a letter," Catherine tried to say without breaking character.

Jackie looked up from the buckle and smirked. "I haven't been to bed yet. I was literally up all night finishing my paper."

"Fine. I _guess_ I'll let it slide. Just this once though."

Jackie slouched down in her seat as they made their way off campus, making sure no one saw her through the windshield. The act proving that they both were professionals at hiding their real selves from the public. Jackie had been the only one she never had to worry about. Even when things got ugly, she knew she could trust Jackie not to hit her with some sort of backlash, which is why it had always been ironic that she was the one to get her caught.

The drive to her apartment seemed to be unusually quick, and Catherine couldn't help but notice something was off with her. Jackie was looking down, fiddling with her hands when she finally spoke. "Are we good?" She asked quietly, as they pulled up to her building.

"Yeah." Catherine looked at her, " _yes_ " she emphasized with a nod and smile. When Jackie looked up, Catherine could see a bit of relief wash from her face as she smiled back.

"Do you want me to drop you off at the airport?"

"No, you'd get caught in rush hour on the way home."

"I don't min-"

Before she could finish the word, Jackie leaned over and kissed her softly, without warning, the best kind. She kissed her so delicately she could feel every curve of her lips press against hers, making her want to hang on to the feeling a bit longer. "Bye Catherine," she whispered. She was out of the car crossing the street before she even opened her eyes. She looked back once she got to her door and waved. Catherine just smiled, the kiss still lingering on her lips.

"I saw Jacqueline Kirk coming out of your office the other day."

Why was she bringing this up? Catherine tried to look unfazed. "Yeah?"

"Can't you help to get just a _little_ star struck? Especially since she's about to film another movie. I know I'm guilty of it."

Catherine laughed, "I've known her for a while, so I don't really see her that way."

"What are you talking about?" Leslie asked, her eyebrows pressed together in confusion.

"She went to the university I taught at back in Bloomington."

"No she didn't!" Leslie said, completely mystified at this new fact.

"Yep. Strange right?"

"No offense, but why would a Hollywood actress go to Indiana for school?"

"She wanted to try the whole "live as normal as possible" thing out."

"That actually makes complete sense. She's so down to earth."

"Yeah, she's a good person," Catherine smiled.

Feeling a pang in her chest just hearing her name, Catherine realized how much she was missing her. The 6 days she had been gone had already felt so long that she worried things wouldn't be the same when she returned. After that kiss she _needed_ things to be the same.


	20. Chapter 20

Jackie got home a day early, but very late, an unexpected change in her flight. Determined to go to class, she struggled with jet lag the next morning. As sluggish as she felt, she wanted to see Catherine. She stopped to grab a coffee prior, hoping it would make her look, or at the very least feel, more refreshed, causing her to arrive right as class was beginning. She quietly slipped in, closing the door behind her. Catherine had already begun lecturing and caught her eye. She could see the surprise in her face considering she wasn't supposed to be back until tonight, so she mouthed "I'm sorry," as she snuck in back. Catherine just smiled and nodded as she continued talking. It had only been ten days, but in that moment she had realized exactly how much she had missed her, holding onto every word she said in her lecture. After class she approached the podium. "Professor Stark?"

"Welcome back," she smiled casually. "I wasn't expecting to see you in class today."

"I caught an earlier flight. Do you mind if I follow you back to your office to discuss what I missed last week?"

"Yes, that will work."

Catherine grabbed her bag and they walked side by side across campus to her office.

"How was New York?"

"It was okay" Jackie answered, not willing to admit the truth. That she missed her more than she ever imagined she would and that kiss in the car had stayed with her. "How was your week?" She asked in return.

"It was okay," Catherine grinned, mirroring her response.

When they reached her office, Jackie thought she heard the door lock but wasn't certain. Confirming her suspicions, Catherine walked straight to her and grabbed the straps of her backpack forcefully pulling her in and kissing her. It was the first time she had broken one of her rules. "Come over tonight," she whispered in Jackie's ear.

"Oh-kay" Jackie replied stunned. She felt her stomach flutter, a feeling of nausea instilling within her. The good kind of nausea though. The kind induced by excitement. The kind where you lose your appetite and feel nothing but tingling throughout your entire body. Catherine pulled her in close again. She began to feel her phone vibrate in her pocket, why was this always happening? Catherine must have felt it too, being so closely pressed against her, because when she went to reach for it Catherine placed her hand over top of her's to stop her. She folded this time, nothing could ruin how perfect this moment felt. She moved her hand from her pocket up to Catherine's cheek. When they heard a rustle in the hall, they backed away from one another instinctively.

"This was an exception to the rule," Catherine warned, pointing her finger at her sternly. Jackie smiled as she pulled the phone out from her pocket and glanced at it, it was Wade. "I've got to take this," she sighed. "8 as usual?"

"I have a early day here, so what about 6? I could make some dinner? I'm sure you could use a home cooked meal after traveling."

"Yes, that sounds amazing" Jackie smiled.

Straying from their normal nightcap hour, helped reassure Jackie that Catherine was feeling the same sort of way. She paused when she got to the door and turned back, the way Catherine was looking at her, like she didn't want her to leave, made her not want to. "I'll see you later."

They spent that evening talking about the last ten days over glasses of wine. When Jackie went to leave, the realization set in that it was becoming harder to say goodbye with each time. She wasn't exactly sure what had happened to cause such a change, but after that ten days apart, Catherine's "charge by the hour" mentality vanished. They soon slipped back into their old life so easily it was as if they had never stopped. Every hesitation and uneasiness that had existed between them since rehashing their affair, completed dissipated. A few things did differ from Bloomington though, time being one of them. Back in Bloomington, Jackie didn't have any obligations. Her acting career had been on a hiatus and she had no friends, leaving her able to spend every ounce of time with Catherine. This difference made their time together scarce, which wasn't exactly the worst thing. Left with such little time, they didn't have enough of it to do anything other than just enjoy each other. The time they did find, they were inseparable, unable to keep their hands off one other, much like how it had been in the very beginning. But the rules were still in force creating a protective barrier that would prove to cause more harm than good.

"I'm sorry, I can't stay. I gotta go meet Hannah to work on a project," Jackie said one day when she swung by Catherine's office. It had been a particularly busy week laced with projects and exams.

As soon as she placed her hand on the door knob Catherine came behind her and pushed it shut. When she turned around Catherine pinned her against the door and reached underneath her, smirking as she locked the door.

"You're breaking the rules," Jackie warned.

"I've never really been one to follow rules."

"I _really_ need to meet Hannah."

Catherine slid her hand between Jackie's shirt and jacket, and started to remove her backpack from her shoulder with her other hand. "Are you _sure?_ " She grinned. Before Jackie had the chance to answer she felt her hand trail down her back until she slipped a finger in the top of her jeans, slowly running it along her waistband. Jackie's stomach muscles tensed as her finger brushed past her hips, her hand stopping at her button. Jackie doubled over compulsorily.

"Shhh..." Catherine laughed quietly, pulling her over to her desk.

Jackie sprinted her way to the library after, "I'm so sorry. I ran into a professor and had to ask a question real quick" she apologized, winded.

"It's okay, but now I only have a half hour to work on this." Hannah seemed upset.

"Don't worry about it, whatever we don't get finished here, I'll finish."

"No, I can't let you do that."

"This is all my fault though, if I hadn't been late..."

Hannah placed her hand on Jackie's arm, "Jacks, it's fine. I'll stop by after my audition and we will suffer through it together."

"Okay, but I'm doing the hard part."

Later that evening as they were grinding away at their project, a text message popped up on Jackie's phone that was sitting on the table.

 **Catherine:** "Hey ;)"

Jackie quickly grabbed it before Hannah saw.

"I can't talk right now, Hannah's over and we need to finish a project" she typed. "The one you so rudely interrupted ;)"

"Call me when you're done."

When she glanced up, Hannah was looking at her.

"Sorry, no more distractions," she said as she turned her phone off and set it down. " _See._ "

"Jacks, it's fine. It's been a long night."

After finally wrapping up around 2 a.m. both of them were struggling to keep their yawns at bay. Hannah grabbed the last page of the project from the printer and stapled it all together. "Fin!" She yelled, as she smacked it down on the coffee table. Jackie held up her hand for a high-five and they both collapsed onto the couch.

"Ugh I have to be in class in less than six hours," Hannah groaned.

"Hey, just stay the night here."

"No, that's okay."

"No, seriously, it's so late."

"I would still have to drive home in the morning."

"I have a shower, I have clothes."

"You sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all, I insist."

Morning approached too soon and both Jackie and Hannah struggled to get moving. When Hannah was in the shower, Jackie's phone rang on the nightstand, it was Catherine. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call. We didn't get finished until late."

"No worries, come outside when you're ready. I am in route with coffee."

The shower shut off and Jackie panicked, "Uh... I can't. Hannah's here, we're driving to class together," she began to whisper.

"Oh, okay."

"I'm so sorry! I gotta go!" She whispered, hanging up the phone just as Hannah opened the door.

"Grab whatever clothes you like," I'll meet you out there.

"Thanks Jacks, I'll just be a sec."

The moment Hannah appeared in her living room wearing her Bloomington sweatshirt, Jackie's stomach dropped. Hannah had class with Catherine today and she was sure to notice.

"Can I stop by at lunch?" Jackie texted Catherine as she was waiting for her first class to begin. She didn't receive a response until she was in her next class, "Sounds good."

She knocked softly on her door.

"Come in."

"Hi," she smiled as she closed the door.

"Hi," Catherine greeted back.

"Thanks for this morning, I'm sorry, I wish I could have ridden with you. I feel bad about the coffee."

"It's just coffee. I may be a professor, but I can swing $2.00," Catherine joked.

"I can't wait for this week to be over."

"I bet."

"Do you miss me?" Jackie grinned.

"Nope." Catherine shook her head, pretending to be above her.

"Liar."

Catherine smiled at the remark.

As they began to eat lunch, Catherine spoke, "So funny thing today in class..."

"Yeah?" Jackie asked.

"Hannah was wearing a Bloomington sweatshirt."

Jackie flinched, " _Yeah_... I wasn't completely thrilled with her choice, but I didn't know what to say."

"Have yourselves a little slumber party?"

"Hardly," Jackie scoffed. "We didn't finish our project until 2 and passed out before the ink was dry."

" _Brutal_."

When the week from hell was finally over, Jackie was happy to finally be able to spend time with Catherine after. In fact, they had been spending some portion of every day together for the last four days.

"Need any help?" She asked when she entered Catherine's kitchen. Ever since returning from New York, they began extending their nights together to include meals. It wasn't spending the night, but Jackie would take it. This particular night had been their first dinner in over week though, due to her crazy schedule.

"No, just a few more minutes and everything will be done."

Jackie jumped up and took a seat on the counter as she waited.

"Here, try this," Catherine walked over with a spoonful of sauce. She held her hand under it, careful not to spill before placing the spoon in Jackie's mouth.

" _Mmm._.. _So_ good!"

"Thank you," Catherine beamed.

"You're going to make me fat, and I'm supposed to be getting in shape," she pouted.

"Well then get off your lazy butt," Catherine teased as she poked her fingers into Jackie's gut.

"I would but... _someone's_ taking up all of my free time" she said, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.

"Yeah, that Hannah, I'll tell you what..."

Jackie's mouth dropped as Catherine smiled smugly and began to walk back to the stove. Jackie grabbed her arm and tried to pull her back. "I have to finish cooking," Catherine laughed, trying to escape her grip.

"I'm going to fall and bust my head open, and it's going to be all your fault."

Catherine smiled and gave in as Jackie pulled her in close and kissed her. "You know... I'd have a lot more time for you if you broke your no sleepover rule."

"Absolutely not," Catherine said as she backed away.

"Why not?"

"I'm your professor."

"And I'm your student, but you don't sleep with your other students," she fired back.

Catherine's brows lifted, waiting for her to catch the error in her remark.

"Okay, bad example. What I meant was, you're already sleeping with me, so why does an overnight make it any different?"

"Because last time we got caught, so we need rules and boundaries."

"You broke rule numero uno," Jackie reminded her, holding up a finger.

"That was a momentary lapse in judgement," Catherine said grabbing it in her fist.

"Twice?" Jackie smirked, holding up two fingers with her other hand.

Catherine just looked at her, annoyed knowing she had a point.

Wanting to irk her even more, Jackie began sniffing the air. "Is something burning?"

"What?!" Catherine jerked around.

"I'm just kidding," she joked.

Catherine looked back and glared at her. She whipped her with the dish towel she had in her hand before breaking into a smile.

After spending the evening not doing anything other than hanging out for once, Jackie got up to make her routine late night exodus.

"See you Thursday night?" Catherine asked.

"I can't. I have to help run lines with Hannah."

"Friday night?"

"Drinks with the girls," she winced.

"I give up."

"I'll see you Saturday," Jackie smiled.

"What if I'm busy Saturday?" Catherine said stubbornly.

"Shut up," Jackie laughed and kissed her goodbye.


	21. Chapter 21

Catherine heard the door open as she had already begun to lecture. Just a typical late student, college was full of them. To her surprise though, it was Jackie. What was she doing there? Her plane wasn't supposed to land until tonight. Her heart leapt into her throat as she caught eyes with her.

"I'm sorry!" Jackie mouthed.

She just smiled and nodded as she continued to speak. The period seemed to be endless, she couldn't look at Jackie without thinking about their last kiss. Jackie approached her after, asking if she could walk back to her office with her to "discuss what she had missed while she was out."

When they finally got to her office, Catherine locked the door and made a B-line straight for her. She had waited ten days, she wasn't waiting a second more. Catherine grabbed the straps of her back pack and pulled her in close, kissing her. "Come over tonight," she whispered in her ear, wanting to extend her homecoming.

Jackie looked stunned before agreeing. As Catherine pressed herself close against her, she suddenly felt the vibration of Jackie's phone on her thigh. When Jackie began to reach for it, she stopped her. Shockingly, Jackie let it ring and instead softy placed her hand on her cheek as she kissed her. Voices in the hall disrupted them, both quick on their toes- they parted.

"I have to take this," Jackie sighed heavily as she looked down at her phone. She glanced back before leaving and they shared a look, for a second Catherine didn't think she was going to leave.

From that night forward they saw each other every chance they had, even if it was just for a few minutes. Despite this, Catherine wanted more, she felt the familiar inescapable draw towards her. The timing couldn't be worse though. Jackie had a week filled of projects and exams leaving her little time for her.

"I'm sorry, I can't stay. I gotta go meet Hannah to work on a project," Jackie said one day as she swung by Catherine's office. Catherine wasn't going to allow this.

Jackie turned and placed her hand on the door knob to leave, so Catherine swiftly came behind her and pushed it shut. When Jackie turned, she pinned her against it and reached underneath her, smirking as she locked the door.

"You're breaking the rules," Jackie warned.

"I've never really been one to follow rules."

"I r _eally_ need to meet Hannah."

Catherine slipped her hand around Jackie, feeling the warmth of her body. "Are you sure?" She grinned as she slid her hand down her back. She could feel Jackie's body spasm as she gently rubbed her finger tips over the top of her waistband, causing her to keel over into her arms.

"Shhh..." Catherine laughed quietly, pulling her over to her desk.

Catherine couldn't help but think about what had happened in her office as she sat on her couch that night. She knew she had broken a rule, a big rule, but she couldn't deny the high she felt from sneaking around campus again. Falling off her plan, she was desperate to see Jackie again. After buckling under her desire, she texted her. Jackie texted her back almost immediately, letting her know she couldn't talk, she was working on a project with Hannah. It was always Hannah.

The next morning when Jackie never called her back, she decided to surprise her with coffee, knowing she'd need it after her late night of working.

When Jackie answered the phone she was met with an instant apology. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call. We didn't get finished until late."

"No worries, come outside when you're ready. I am in route with coffee."

Jackie's voice lowered as she hesitated. "Uh... I can't. Hannah's here, we're driving to class together. I'm so sorry! I gotta go!" And with that, the line cut out.

Irritation consumed her body. She spent all day and night with Hannah, why did she have to spend the morning with her too? Luckily, when she got to her office she bumped into Leslie before class and gave her the extra coffee, claiming they had messed up her order the first time. After her first class, she checked her cell phone as she usually did, and was pleasantly surprised to see a text from Jackie. "Can I stop by at lunch?"

Just as Catherine replied, she noticed Hannah walking into class. It wasn't until she began to lecture that she noticed she was wearing a Bloomington sweatshirt. Hannah smiled at her as she met her gaze, causing her to stammer. What was she doing wearing Jackie's sweatshirt? The thought alone made Catherine sick to her stomach.

During lunch she heard Jackie's soft knock on her door.

"Hi," Jackie smiled as she closed the door behind her. She apologized again, this time for not being able to accept her ride, and also for the coffee.

"It's just coffee. I may be a professor, but I can swing $2.00," Catherine joked, acting if she weren't phased by it.

Jackie went on complaining about her exhausting week. "Do you miss me?" She grinned.

"Nope." Catherine shook her head dramatically.

"Liar."

As they began eating their lunch, Catherine couldn't help but bring up the sweatshirt.

Jackie flinched at her words, "Yeah... I wasn't completely thrilled with her choice, but I didn't know what to say."

"Have yourselves a little slumber party?" Catherine tried not to look as if she were anxiously awaiting for her to smother her doubts.

"Hardly," Jackie scoffed. "We didn't finish our project until 2 and passed out before the ink was dry."

Did they sleep in the same bed? Catherine tried to push the thoughts aside.

Once Jackie's busy week was over, they spent at least a portion of every day together, making up for lost time.

"Here, try this," Catherine said with a spoonful of sauce she had made as she walked over to Jackie who was perched up on her counter.

"Mmm... So good!" Jackie moaned. "You're going to make me fat, and I'm supposed to be getting in shape," she pouted.

"Well then get off your lazy butt," Catherine teased, as she poked her fingers into Jackie's stomach.

"I would but... someone's taking up all of my free time" she said, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.

"Yeah, that Hannah, I'll tell you what..." Catherine couldn't help herself.

Jackie's mouth dropped open as Catherine smiled and made her way back to the stove. She felt a tug on her arm as Jackie tried to pull her back. "I have to finish cooking," she laughed. Jackie threatened that she was going to fall and hurt herself so she gave in as Jackie pulled her in close and kissed her.

"You know... I'd have a lot more time for you if you broke your no sleepover rule."

"Absolutely not," Catherine said as she backed away.

"Why not?"

"I'm your professor." How many times did they have to have this conversation, although she couldn't deny that it was getting harder to resist the urge. Of course she wanted her to stay.

"And I'm your student, but you don't sleep with your other students," Jackie fired back. "Okay, bad example. What I meant was, you're already sleeping with me, so why does an overnight make it any different?"

Catherine explained they needed rules and boundaries this time considering they got caught last time. Which led to Jackie reminding her that she broke the first rule.

"That was a momentary lapse in judgement," Catherine insisted, as she grabbed Jackie's prodding finger and hid it in her fist.

"Twice?" Jackie smirked, holding up two fingers with her other hand.

Catherine looked at her, annoyed at her for pointing out her slips, but mostly because she had a point.

Her smart-aleck behavior should have been a clear sign, but when Jackie started sniffing the air asking if something was burning, Catherine fell for her game and began to panic. After hearing her snicker, she turned around and snapped her with the towel.

The night went too quickly. Things between them were settling into an undeniable blissfulness anytime they were with one another, and she hated every single time it ended.

"See you Thursday night?" She asked, as she followed Jackie to the door.

"I can't. I have to help run lines with Hannah."

"Friday night?"

"Drinks with the girls," she winced.

"I give up."

"I'll see you Saturday," Jackie smiled.

Four days? She couldn't wait four days. "What if I'm busy Saturday?" She said stubbornly, her ego bruised.

"Shut up," Jackie laughed as she kissed her goodbye.

"I need a favor," Leslie grinned when Catherine opened the door.

She laughed suspiciously, "What is it?"

Leslie looked down the hall before whispering, "I need to be discrete."

Catherine invited her inside, if there was one thing she excelled at, it was being discrete. "What's going on?"

"Come to happy hour with me tonight," she pled, pressing her hands together in prayer formation. "I know we pledged not to but... It's Professor Jacobs birthday and I really need to get on her good side to get that grant."

"Fine," Catherine sighed. It's not like she had other plans.

"Yes!" She squealed as she hugged Catherine. "I owe you."

"Yes you do."

She began to dread having to sit through another colleague happy hour from the second the word escaped her mouth. As she was packing up her things her phone vibrated on her desk.

 **Jackie: "Hi :)"**

Hoping her plans magically fell through so she could spend the evening with her instead, she eagerly called her in return but it went straight to voicemail.

"Can't talk on the phone, at Hannah's." She texted back.

Catherine groaned aloud. "What did you want then?"

"Can't I just want to talk to you without wanting something?"

"Smart-Aleck. What are you girls doing tonight."

"Some new bar."

"Be careful." Catherine wasn't exactly thrilled with Jackie going to these girls nights after what had happened the last time. Hopefully she wouldn't drink as much.

Later that night as she was walking up to the bar with Leslie ,she turned to her as they crossed the street. "Two drink maximum then I'm out of here."

"Deal," Leslie laughed.

Two drinks turned into three, solely based out of the guilt that Leslie was over abusing. "Am I allowed to leave the table to use the bathroom at least?"

"Don't be a smart ass," Leslie glared.

When Catherine exited the stall, she was shocked to see Jackie leaning against the wall and smiling.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

"Last minute change of plans."

"Are you stalking me?" Catherine asked interrogatively.

"There was a line out the door at the new place, so plan B."

When she was washing her hands she noticed Jackie staring at her through the mirror. "What?" She laughed uncomfortably.

"You look really pretty."

Catherine smiled at the comment, both internally and externally. She shook her dripping hands before turning towards the paper towels. Jackie handed one to her, "Who are you here with?" She asked.

"It's Professor Jacobs birthday, so Leslie drug me here."

" _Fun._ " Jackie slyly smiled as she leaned against the wall again, crossing her arms.

"How's girls night?"

Jackie shrugged, causing her shoulder to press into her cheek as she flashed a lopsided smile.

Catherine leaned across her to the garbage can.

"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Jackie asked as they were pressed against each other, but suddenly the door swung open. Catherine slipped out as a group of students burst in, hoping nothing looked out of the ordinary.

When she got back to the table there was a fresh drink sitting in her spot. She looked at it, then at Leslie who was smiling back at her innocently. "I already drank one more than I said I was."

"Fine," she sighed. "Hey Jacobs, happy birthday!" She winked at Catherine as she slid the drink down the table.

"I'm going to go close out my tab."

Busy trying to get the bartender's attention, she noticed Jackie sitting on the other side of the bar and smiled at her smugly, she knew where this was going.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hannah, tell Chelsea she's making a huge mistake sleeping with Ryan again."

This was all so new to Jackie. She never had a group of girlfriends, ever in her life. She felt like she was suddenly sucked into the set of a movie. This kind of girl talk wasn't in her reality, but she found herself enjoying it, especially watching them all crowded around the mirrors getting ready.

"Why is that a mistake? I thought they were cute together," Hannah asked.

"They were, and he broke her heart. Now he thinks it's okay to just hook up with her whenever he pleases, but doesn't want to be in a relationship," their friend Jessica proclaimed.

"Chelsea..." Hannah paused with a mascara brush in her hand and gave Chelsea a, 'you should know better' look.

"He's just not ready for a relationship right now, and neither am I. It works for us," Chelsea shrugged, defending herself.

"But he's using you!" Jessica argued.

Jackie couldn't help but see the parallelism in both Chelsea's situation and her own. "Are you happy?" she asked from the bed.

"Yes, very much so."

Jackie smiled at her, a hidden gesture of empathy. Why was it any of these girls' business anyway?

"But she won't be for long. Soon enough, her heart will be broken again and I'll be the one picking up the pieces," Jessica insisted.

Another foreign concept to Jackie. No one had known about her heart break because no one had known about Catherine. No one was there to pick up the pieces for her, but this didn't make her sad because it also meant no one was there to judge her.

"Well I'm happy now, so just be happy for me," Chelsea stated.

"Okay, let's change the subject. Come on, we're supposed to have fun tonight." Hannah begged.

"Jackie, you're always so quiet. What about you?" Jessica asked curiously.

"What about me?" She replied, pretending not to know her motives.

"Anyone you've been having 'fun' with? All these movies, I'm sure you have your pick of the litter."

Jackie laughed, "No, not at all."

"What about Tommy Stephens? He's _so_ hot, you were so lucky to kiss him in Neptune," Chelsea chimed in.

"Ew no. I mean, he's a great guy. But he's not my type."

"Then what is your type?" Jessica prodded.

"Yeah, maybe we can find someone for you!" Chelsea added excitedly.

"Oh, I don't know. Just someone I can be myself around. It's hard for people to see past the whole Neptune thing."

Hannah flashed her a smile from across the room, making Jackie realize the complexity of her life. There were so many layers, so many secrets. In this room alone, Chelsea and Jessica knew one version of herself, Hannah knew her a little more, but no one knew her completely. No one but Catherine.

"I need a refill, anyone else?" Jackie offered as she got up from the bed.

When she got to the kitchen she pulled out her phone and texted Catherine. Suddenly yearning the simplicity of their life-okay, simplicity was a bad word, but they understood each other and it was much more calming than constantly being surrounded by others she couldn't relate to. When she was pouring herself another glass of wine her phone started to ring, she quickly denied it. She couldn't trust the girls not to listen in.

"Can't talk on the phone, at Hannah's." She texted back.

"What did you want then?"

Texting with Catherine was always difficult. Her language wasn't shallow enough to always interpret correctly, so Jackie always tried to assume she was just being sarcastic. She could always picture her facial expression through her words. "Can't I just want to talk to you without wanting something?"

"Smart-Aleck. What are you girls doing tonight."

"Some new bar."

"Be careful."

Jackie smiled at the two words, full of worry and tenderness. Why had she decided to go out with the girls again when she could have been with Catherine?

When they finally caught a cab and made it to the new bar, the line was wrapped around the street.

"Is this really worth it?" Hannah asked.

After a moment of hesitation Jessica called out, "Driver! Change of plans!"

They ended up at their typical spot, the bar near Jackie's apartment, which was great for her in case she didn't want to close the bar down like the others. After chugging down their first round of drinks, Jackie headed to the bar to take care of the next round. While she was waiting for the bartender, she saw Leslie ordering a drink and her heart began to race. She skimmed her eyes across the bar but it was too crowded. When Leslie grabbed her drinks and headed to the other side, Jackie watched her intently. It was then that she finally spotted Catherine. As her own drinks arrived, she gathered them in her hands and walked them back to the girls. Catherine hadn't mentioned going out tonight but then again, Jackie never asked. Distracted by her, she kept a close eye as she numbly nodded along to her friends banter, laughing to herself watching Catherine doing the same. They both didn't belong in this bar, with these people. They belonged with each other. She finally saw Catherine heading toward the bathroom, to her advantage, she was alone. She slipped away and followed her, not letting the girls know in case they wanted to join. You know how girls are with bathrooms.

When she got inside there were a couple of girls at the sink, so she smiled at them and went into a stall. Once they were gone, she exited and waited for Catherine to come out. When the door opened she looked shocked to see her standing there.

"I didn't expect to see you here." Catherine smiled slyly.

"Last minute change of plans."

"Are you stalking me?" she asked interrogatively, but with a smirk-exactly why her words were so hard to read when they weren't face to face.

"There was a line out the door at the new place, so plan B."

Catherine went to the sink and began washing her hands, glancing back at Jackie through the mirror. "What?" She laughed uncomfortably.

"You look really pretty." She did.

Catherine smiled broadly, her dimples deepening making her look even more gorgeous.

"Who are you here with?" Jackie wanted to pretend she wasn't staring at her for the last thirty minutes.

"It's Professor Jacobs birthday, so Leslie drug me here."

" _Fun._ " Jackie smiled as she leaned against the wall again, crossing her arms.

"How's girls night?"

She just shrugged, going out with the girls was always a neutral feeling.

Catherine leaned across her to throw her paper towel away. Jackie could feel the heat of her body as she brushed against her and the smell of her perfume. Her feelings were never neutral around her. "Are we still on for tomorrow?" she asked, but suddenly the door swung and Catherine slipped out as a group of girls filed in.

Jackie stopped by the bar to get another drink before heading back to her friends. She looked across and caught sight of Catherine this time, but her eyes were focused on getting the bartender's attention. When her eyes finally met Jackie's, she smiled at her smugly, but the bartender broke their gaze. She could see Catherine's lips asking to close her tab.

"What can I get you?" Another bartender asked, this time standing directly in front of Jackie.

"Oh, um... Actually, can I just close my tab?"

When she looked back over, Catherine was walking away. She quickly signed her receipt and found the others.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to head out," she said, acting as if the statement bummed her out.

"Aw, no! Why?"

"I've had a headache all night that I was trying to pull through, but it's just getting worse."

"I'll go with you" Hannah said, standing from her stool.

"No, no!" Jackie refused, placing a hand on her shoulder for her to sit down again. "I'll be fine, stay and have fun. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Okay, yeah. Will you text me when you're home at least?"

"Of course" she smiled, before giving her a hug goodbye.

She skimmed her eyes around the bar just in time to see Catherine's back heading out the door. When she got outside, she saw her walking down the sidewalk so began walking in the same direction, cautiously keeping a safe distance. Once Catherine was in her car, she walked around a few extra cars just in case someone was watching, then subtly slipped into the passenger seat.

Catherine didn't even say a word, just looked at her in delighted confusion.

"Hi."

"Hi," Catherine laughed shortly.

"Wanna get out of here?"

"That's what I was doing."

"I mean with me, or is hanging out with me against one of your rules too?" Jackie smirked.

"What about your friends?"

"I have such a terrible headache," Jackie said sarcastically, pressing her forehead.

Catherine just shook her head sideways and laughed as she started the car.

After talking her into getting some greasy fast food, she had Catherine drive to her place.

"Jackie, it's too risky with Hannah having a key."

"Just trust me," she said as she grabbed the bag of food and got out of the car before she could protest again.

"Jackie!" She heard her whisper loudly from behind her.

"Follow me," she said as she took Catherine down a dark hallway.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see."

When they got to the roof, Jackie held her hand out for Catherine. "Careful, there's some steps down right here."

She walked to the edge, and waited for Catherine's reaction.

"Oh wow," Catherine gasped as she saw the view of the city lights.

"Pretty neat, huh?"

"It's gorgeous."

Jackie sat on a stack of pallets as she tore open the bag of tacos. She smiled as she watched Catherine stay standing, marveling at the twinkling lights of the city. A few moments turned into an unusually long few minutes.

"Taco?" She offered.

Catherine snapped out of her daze and turned around. "Sure," she laughed, taking a seat next to Jackie.

"What's up?"

"Hm?" Catherine's brows raised, as she bit into a taco.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah, just reminded me of home for a minute."

"How on earth does LA remind you of Indiana?"

"It doesn't," she laughed. "That's why. Seeing the lights reminded me how you can't see the stars as well here. But this view is gorgeous."

"The best part is I don't think any of my neighbors know about it. I've never seen anyone else up here."

"How did you find out about it then?"

"The landlord told me where the stairwell led. The first week I moved in, I had terrible cell phone service and needed to make an important call, so came up here and was blown away. I just knew I had to come back at night, so have been ever since."

"Is this where you and Hannah hang out?"

"No, you're the only person I've shown actually. I don't want to share it, I like the quiet and secretiveness of it. I need somewhere I can just breathe and be by myself."

"Well your secrets out," she could see Catherine's smirk in the glow of the light.

"I figured you needed a place like this as much as I do."

A small smile materialized on Catherine's face before she looked back at the city, "I do," she said softly.

"Are you sure you won't stay?" Jackie asked, as she leaned into Catherine's open car door.

"Jackie, how many time do we have to go through this?"

"Until you finally crack," Her grin was met with a forceful sigh from Catherine. "Tonight's probably not the best time anyway, Hannah is coming over in the morning to go for a run."

"You need to go," Catherine said looking around. "What if she shows up here after the bar?"

"Catherine... the bar has been closed for hours. She's long home by now."

"What?" Catherine looked at the clock in her car, "Oh my God, it's 4am!?"

"Yeah," Jackie laughed.

"I have to go!" She panicked, grabbing the door and pulling it closed.

Jackie stopped her and leaned in, kissing her.

"I'll see you tomorrow night," she smiled as Jackie pushed it shut.

She waved goodbye and stood on the sidewalk before seeing Catherine's taillights disappear around the corner.


	23. Chapter 23

Catherine's passenger side door opened but before she could panic, Jackie appeared in the seat.

"Hi." Was all she said.

"Hi." Catherine laughed.

"Wanna get out of here?"

"That's what I was doing," she insinuated.

"I mean with me, or is hanging out with me against one of your rules too?" Jackie smirked.

"What about your friends?"

"I have such a terrible headache," Jackie said sarcastically, pretending to soothe the pain in her forehead.

Catherine laughed as she shook her head and started the car. After picking up a bite to eat, Jackie asked her to park in front of her apartment. Catherine protested, telling her it was too much of a risk since Hannah had a key.

"Just trust me" she said, as she grabbed the bag of food and disappeared out the door.

"Jackie!" She yelled quietly as she quickly followed her across the street.

When they got inside Jackie didn't go upstairs to her apartment, instead she went straight down a dark, narrow hall. After climbing a couple flights of stairs, she pushed open a door, taking them outside on the roof. She held her hand out for Catherine in the darkness, helping her down some steps but then let go when they reached the bottom. Jackie began walking towards the edge but Catherine slowed as her mouth dropped open in amazement. There from the roof, was an overwhelming view of the city lights below.

"Pretty neat, huh?"

"It's gorgeous" she responded, breathless. As she stood in awe, lost in the lights, she began to think of home. She wasn't exactly sure why the nostalgia had crept in, whether it was the lights or the quietness, but it was the first time since moving to LA that she was filled with an overwhelming sense of calmness. After a few moments of breathing it in, she heard Jackie's voice behind her, pulling her back to reality.

"What's up?" Jackie asked as she sat down next to her. "Are you good?" She always had a way of seeing inside her head.

"Yeah, just reminded me of home for a minute."

"How on earth does LA remind you of Indiana?"

Catherine laughed and tried to explain what she had just experienced.

"The best part is I don't think any of my neighbors know about it. I've never seen anyone else up here," Jackie spoke.

"How did you find out about it then?"

"The landlord told me where the stairwell led. The first week I moved in, I had terrible cell phone service and needed to make an important call, so came up here and was blown away. I just knew I had to come back at night, so have been ever since."

"Is this where you and Hannah hang out?"

"No, you're the only person I've shown actually. I don't want to share it, I like the quiet and secretiveness of it. I need somewhere I can just breathe and be by myself."

Catherine couldn't help but feel a little imperial, finally having an upper hand to Hannah. "Well your secrets out," she smirked.

"I figured you needed a place like this as much as I do."

Warmness filled Catherine's body, as she looked back at the city. "I do," she said softly. Jackie's words from the night she lost Ethan came back to her. She was right, home wasn't a structure, it was a feeling, and she finally felt that feeling here, thanks to Jackie.

After spending the rest of the night breathing in the view, Jackie walked her back down to her car.

"Are you sure you won't stay?" She asked.

"Jackie, how many time do we have to go through this?" As stern as her voice sounded, it was getting harder to say no.

"Until you finally crack," She grinned."Tonight's probably not the best time anyway, Hannah is coming over in the morning to go for a run."

Hannah. Catherine forget how Jackie left her at the bar and suddenly panicked at the idea that she may show up. "You need to go," she said frantically looking around. "What if she shows up here after the bar?"

"Catherine... the bar has been closed for hours. She's long home by now."

"What?" Catherine looked at the clock on her dashboard, "Oh my God, it's 4am!? I have to go!" She said pulling the door shut, but Jackie stopped it and leaned inside the car, giving her a kiss goodbye. After pulling away, she looked in her rear view mirror and saw Jackie still standing there. Just like last time, this was turning into something deeper than it was supposed to, but just like last time, Catherine couldn't help herself.

Jackie showed up to her house the next night as planned. "How was your run?" Catherine asked, as she opened the door.

"Ha!" Jackie bent her head back dramatically as she walked inside.

"What?"

"I wouldn't call it a run." Jackie said, dropping her bag onto the chair. "Hannah was so hungover she threw up three.. No..." She took off her jacket and stared up into the air, " _four_ times. I _maybe_ ran a mile total before finally calling it quits."

"Yikes."

"Yeah." She said, throwing her jacket down and placing her hands on her hips. "Mmmm... dinner smells good."

"Thanks," Catherine beamed. "It'll be ready in a sec."

As they were setting the table, a curiosity popped inside Catherine's mind. "How did you and Hannah meet anyways?" She asked.

"She had a small role on Neptune 26," Jackie responded.

"The show or movie?"

"Show."

"I think she has a crush on you," Catherine teased.

"What? No she doesn't," Jackie laughed.

"How do you know for sure?"

"Because something would have happened by now if that were the case."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look at me and you. It took a few months to get to this point, but there were signs early on. We just kind of slipped right back into it. If an attraction is still there, it's too hard to deny it."

"What does that have to do with Hannah?" Catherine asked confused.

Jackie paused and looked down at the plate she had just sat down on the table.

The realization finally began to set it. How hadn't she figured this out before now? "It was Hannah," she exhaled.

Jackie slowly looked up.

"The actress. Your first..."

She nodded sheepishly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Catherine asked, suddenly feeling betrayed.

"It's not exactly a topic that just comes up. And it's weird talking to the person your sleeping with about... someone you slept with."

Every image she had collected of seeing Jackie and Hannah together flashed through her mind, making it hard to shake.

"Catherine?" she heard Jackie's voice through her haze.

"Huh?"

"Things aren't going to be weird now, are they?"

"No," Catherine shook her head, "No!"

"Good," she sighed.

Catherine couldn't snap out of her funk the rest of the night, hardly able to finish her dinner. To her dismay, it followed her into the bedroom. As she hovered over Jackie she looked down at her and thought back to their first night together, how scared and innocent she had looked even after revealing she had done this before. Now that there was a face to her mysterious first, it was hard for Catherine to think of anything other than her and Hannah. "I'm sorry" she said, moving off of her. "I'm not feeling well."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, maybe it was something I ate. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jackie got up and sat on the side of the bed, pulling her clothes on.

Catherine hoped she didn't hurt her feelings.

When Jackie got to the door she paused and turned around before leaving. "That wasn't about Hannah was it?"

"No, I've been feeling icky all day."

"I just don't want things to be different now."

"I told you they wouldn't be," Catherine smiled.

"Honestly, me and Hannah haven't even spoken about it yet. It's almost as if it never happened and I just don't want you to feel-"

"Jackie. It's fine." Catherine lied, cutting her off. "You don't owe me any explanation about your past, and it's really none of my business who you hang out with now either." She couldn't believe she was able to sound so fine with things.

She noticed Jackie's brow furrow ever so slightly, "Okay, well... goodnight."

In class on Monday, Catherine couldn't stop herself from glancing at Hannah all class. Her and Jackie? She just couldn't see it, but now her suspicions were even stronger. She with out a doubt knew Hannah had to still have feelings for Jackie, and she wasn't completely sold on the idea that Hannah wasn't a threat. She could offer Jackie a more normal life. They could go out in public together, they were the same age, were from the same world, Hannah understood the parts of her Catherine struggled with.

As if it was meant to be, she spotted Jackie walking across campus after class.

"Hey you."

"Hi," Jackie smiled.

"What are your plans for tonight?"

"Studying."

"Lines?" Another night with Hannah, she thought.

"Psychology actually."

This was her in, "Need help?"

"Really?"

"Yes really," Catherine laughed.

"Yeah, that'd be great!"

"See you tonight then." she smiled.

Sprawled out on the couch, everything began to feel normal between them again, no awkwardness had carried over from the night before whatsoever. Catherine would just need to push the idea far from her mind, because realistically, Hannah had always been Jackie's first and she was right- nothing had happened after all these months of them reconnecting, so she had nothing to worry about.

"What are the three components of Freud's theory on personality?" She quizzed Jackie.

"Id, ego and super ego," Jackie named off without hesitation.

"Good." Catherine placed the flashcard down and flipped to another. "What are projection, displacement, repression and denial examples of?"

"Defense mechanisms?" Jackie said warily.

Catherine looked at her with a poker face before breaking into a smile. "Correct. You've got this."

"I hope so."

"I'm going to get a drink, want anything?" She asked as she got up from the couch.

"Uh, a water would be great. Thanks."

When she came back she saw Jackie mouthing the words on the cards to herself. They had been at it for almost two hours but ever since she began struggling with statistics, Jackie had become paranoid at making sure she really had things down. Coming from behind the couch, she wrapped her arms around Jackie's neck, "How about a break?" She whispered in her ear.

"I thought you'd never ask," she smiled.

"Thanks for doing this" Jackie said softly, as she looked over at Catherine after. "Studying I mean..." She laughed.

"I'm a teacher, I enjoy it."

"I know, but with your rules-"

"Helping you study is harmless," she cut in.

"My eyes are so sore from staring at those notes," Jackie said as she blinked before closing them.

Catherine leaned over and kissed each eye lid. "Better?"

Jackie left her eyes closed and just smiled and nodded. Catherine watched her breathing slow as she drifted off to sleep.

Waking in a fog, she heard Jackie stirring next to her.

"It's so late" she said. Catherine watched her sluggishly get out of bed through her tired eyes. "I didn't realize we fell asleep that long," Jackie yawned as she pulled her sweatshirt over her head.

"Just stay the night."

There was a pause. "Are you sure?" Jackie asked hesitantly.

"Don't make this a thing, it's late, just stay" Catherine said, closing her eyes.

Feeling Jackie nestle back in next to her, she waited until she heard her breathing slow again before opening her eyes.

If the rules would have been written out on actual paper, they'd be burned to a cinder by now. A result of nothing other than the undeniable fire between them. They never stood a chance.


	24. Chapter 24

"Hannah, just forget it. This is useless," Jackie said irritated as she looked down at her vomiting on the grass.

"I'm sorry Jacks," she said wiping her mouth.

"It's fine."

"Do you want to hang out tonight?"

"Really?" She said, staring at her with her brows raised. "You've literally been puking all morning."

"It's just a hangover, I'll be fine by tonight," Hannah insisted.

"No, you need to rest... and a night in."

"We can have a night in together, pizza and movies?"

"Not tonight." She knew she was being standoffish but was annoyed that she had wasted her morning, and lost a workout. The filming of the Neptune sequel was quickly approaching and she needed to start getting it together.

When she got to Catherine's that night, the aggravation overcame her once more when she asked her how the run went. After explaining her frustrations, she smelled something amazing coming from the kitchen. Catherine was such a great cook, she had forgotten how much so until being spoiled with it again.

As they were setting the table, Catherine asked a question from left field that Jackie wasn't prepared for. "How did you and Hannah meet anyways?"

"She had a small role on Neptune 26," Jackie responded nonchalantly.

"The show or movie?"

"Show."

"I think she has a crush on you," Catherine teased.

"What? No she doesn't," Jackie laughed.

"How do you know for sure?"

"Because something would have happened by now if that were the case."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look at me and you. It took a few months to get to this point, but there were signs early on. We just kind of slipped right back into it. If an attraction is still there, it's too hard to deny it."

"What does that have to do with Hannah?" Catherine asked with a puzzled look on her face.

Jackie paused and stared down at the plate she had just set down, realizing what she had just said.

"It was Hannah," Catherine gasped slightly.

Jackie slowly raised her head, uneasy of her revelation.

"The actress. Your first..."

She nodded timidly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Catherine's voice changed, suddenly sounding sharp.

"It's not exactly a topic that just comes up. And it's weird talking to the person your sleeping with about... someone you slept with."

She watched as Catherine's mind wandered off and couldn't even imagine what she was thinking.

"Things aren't going to be weird now are they?" She asked, but Catherine didn't respond. "Catherine?"

"Huh?" She asked, finally focusing back on her.

"Things aren't going to be weird now, are they?" She repeated.

"No," Catherine shook her head, "No!"

"Good" she sighed, feeling somewhat relieved that it was finally out. She just hoped Catherine was telling the truth.

Her kiss felt different. Shallow, even for their current semi-strictly physical only relationship, but Jackie tried to look past it, hoping for things to become normal again. As Catherine lay on top of her, her eyes became distant, drifting off the way they had at the dinner table. Catherine got off of her and apologized, claiming she didn't feel well.

Jackie knew that wasn't the case and sat up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and pulling her clothes on. Catherine apologized again and she told her it was okay, but the way she had looked at her had hurt. It was almost as if she were disgusted with her.

When they got to the door, she stopped. "That wasn't about Hannah was it?"

Catherine once again insisted she just didn't feel well.

"I just don't want things to be different now." Nor did she want Catherine continuing to look at her the way she had all night.

"I told you they wouldn't be," Catherine smiled.

When she tried to convince her of how platonic things were between her and Hannah, Catherine cut her off.

"Jackie. It's fine. You don't owe me any explanation about your past, and it's really none of my business who you hang out with now either."

She felt her stomach muscle's tighten in response to the coldness of Catherine's words. There was nothing left to say but say goodnight.

To her surprise, Catherine approached her the next day on campus, a day they usually never saw each other unless making an effort to. She seemed herself again and when Jackie revealed she needed to study, she even offered to help. As they studied on Catherine's couch that evening, she seemed completely back to normal. Maybe she had just been feeling sick the night before after all. After a grueling two hours of studying, Catherine snuck behind her and asked if she wanted to take a break. The feeling of her arms wrapped around her neck gave her the familiar warmth she was desperately wanting back.

She looked over at her after and thanked her for helping her study.

Catherine looked her right in the eyes, the emptiness no longer there. "I'm a teacher, I enjoy it."

"I know, but with your rules-"

"Helping you study is harmless," she cut in.

Jackie didn't want to waste time talking in circles again, her brain was too tired and her eyes felt heavy and sore.

Catherine leaned over and kissed both of her eye lids, immediately making her nerve endings tingle, causing her mouth to curve into a smile.

"Better?"

She didn't want to lose the feeling, she kept her eyes close and just nodded.

Realizing she had drifted off, she looked over at Catherine who was sound asleep, so knew it must be late. She looked over at the clock and couldn't believe the time. She sluggishly picked her sweatshirt up from the floor and pulled it over her head, dreading the drive home.

"Just stay the night," she heard Catherine say wearily from behind her.

She paused on the side of the bed and turned around to face her, "Are you sure?" She asked hesitantly, assuming she was just delirious from being so exhausted.

"Don't make this a big deal, it's late, just stay," Catherine mumbled, her eyes still closed.

Jackie wasn't going to lose this chance, and crawled back into bed. She looked at Catherine sleeping and smiled before drifting off herself.

The next morning she awoke to her phone alarm and almost forgot she had spent the night. Catherine wasn't next to her, but the aroma of coffee filled the air. When she made her way into the kitchen Catherine was already dressed, reading from a binder as she stood at the counter and sipped her coffee. The scene was so ordinary Jackie had to check to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Without even looking up Catherine said, "Coffee is in the pot, I've got to run. Will you lock up on your way out?"

"Sure."

As she placed the binder in her bag and swung it around her shoulder, Jackie grabbed her arm, slowing her hastiness to stop and enjoy the moment.

"Good morning." She said sweetly.

"Good morning," Catherine smiled.

"See you tomorrow night?"

"I'll see you in class today but I'm not sure about tomorrow night, we'll have to play it by ear. I'll be at the library late."

"Come over after, I'm on your way home anyway," Jackie petitioned.

Catherine leaned into her, "Not until you get Hannah's key," she whispered in her ear.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"You'll figure something out" she smiled, playfully touching the tip of Jackie's nose with her finger. "That is..." she leaned in close again, "if it's..." She paused, kissing Jackie on the lips, holding onto her bottom lip with her teeth before slowly releasing it. Jackie's lip sprung back to her mouth, her heart was racing. "Important enough to you." Catherine concluded the sentence, before kissing her neck, making her exhale any air left in her lungs.

Her eyes didn't leave Catherine as she lectured that day, thinking about last night... this morning. She had to get that key back.

Later that night, Hannah got up and went to the bathroom as they were studying. This was her moment. She walked over and dug through her purse, trying to find her keys but there was so much crap filling it. When she heard the toilet flush, she began to panic until finally spotting the shiny surface of Hannah's key chain. Quickly grabbing it, she began working her key off the key ring. Why did they make these things so damn hard to get off?! The sound of the water flow from the faucet stopping made her hands shake nervously, making it even more difficult. Finally, it slid free from the key ring. She heard the door open down the hall and threw the keys back in her purse, hurrying to place it back in its exact location. Hannah appeared back in the living room just as she had set it down. "I think it's time for a refill." Jackie smiled, subtly sliding the key into her back pocket.

"Don't you need the wine glasses for that?" Hannah asked, pointing to them across the room.

"Oh, right!" She laughed, relieved that she had executed her mission.

After class the next day, she went to the library to find Catherine, but didn't see her. She walked the rows of books before finally spotting her at a table tucked behind a row of encyclopedias. Without saying a word, she placed the key down on the desk in front of her with her palm pressed against it. Catherine looked up at her and she slowly moved her hand away from it.

"How?"

"How did I find you, or how did I get the key back?"

"Both," she smirked.

"I have my ways," Jackie said slyly. She turned towards the encyclopedias, "I didn't even know they made these things anymore. Can't you just look all this up on the internet now?"

"Yes. Which is precisely why this table is my favorite, no one ever comes over here."

"Good to know," Jackie smiled, raising an eyebrow. "So will I see you tonight then?" She grinned so that all of her teeth showed.

"We'll see how this goes, it'll be late."

"After all my hard work? I'm offended!" Jackie gasped sarcastically, placing her hand on her chest.

"The sooner you leave, the sooner I get done, and the better the chances become."

"Consider me gone then," Jackie smiled before leaving.

She sat on her couch and looked at the clock, it was 10pm and she still hadn't heard from Catherine. Checking her phone for the millionth time to make sure it was on, she sighed as she fidgeted with it in her hands. Just as she was about to drift off, she felt it vibrate.

 **Catherine: "Still awake?"**

"Of course."

"Be there in a few."

As soon as she opened the door, she placed her hands behind Catherine's neck and kissed her, pulling her inside. She kicked the door shut with her foot and pushed Catherine into the table.

"Here?" Catherine asked surprised, as she pushed back slightly.

"Sorry," Jackie laughed, backing up and heading to the hall.

"No," Catherine said pulling her back towards her. "I'm not complaining, just surprised."

" _Pleasantly_ surprised?" She smiled.

"Uh huh," she nodded before kissing her.

The table proved to be a danger, so they ended on the couch. "What are you doing?" Jackie asked, as Catherine began gathering her things.

"Going home."

"No, stay." She pled.

Catherine looked at her sternly.

"I thought we got rid of that rule?"

"I wouldn't say that."

Jackie frowned so Catherine smiled and swept the hair from her face. "It's been a really long day, I need sleep" she said, before kissing Jackie on the forehead.

It had become an addiction. Catherine was her drug and she couldn't get enough. The rules were long gone and they soon began sneaking into empty stairwells and classrooms, behind stacks in the library, and locking Catherine's office door, still being cautious enough not to cause her colleagues to become suspicious. Despite their fixation on one another, they both kept up their separate public lives, but added sneaking off to their cars outside bars to their list. It was all such a thrill until Jackie failed another statistics quiz, quickly making her realize how she had let her emotions take over, causing her to momentarily lose sight of her responsibilities.


	25. Chapter 25

Catherine awoke before her alarm like she usually did. Turning it off before it could ring, she turned and smiled seeing Jackie lay asleep beside her. Taking full advantage of being able to wake up next to her again, she closely studied the features of her face-the length of her eye lashes, the way her mouth slightly parted when she slept, and the rhythm of her chest slowly raising as she breathed. Quietly slipping out of bed, Catherine got ready for her early day. As she was studying her lesson plans in the kitchen, she heard Jackie come in. Unsure of how to act, she casually let her know there was a pot of coffee on the counter. Packing up her things, she threw her bag over her shoulder. When she went to leave, she felt Jackie's hand on her arm, stopping her.

"Good morning," Jackie smiled sweetly, easing her apprehension.

"Good morning," she smiled back.

Jackie asked if she was going to see her the next night, but Catherine had research she needed to work on. Jackie insisted she stop over her place after, considering she lived so close. Catherine leaned into her, "Not until you get Hannah's key," she whispered in her ear.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"You'll figure something out," she smiled. This was her chance to convince her to get Hannah's key back. She tortured her, kissing all of the spots she knew would make her weak in the knees, using her vulnerable state against her.

The next day as she was deep into her research at the library, she was almost startled when she heard a heavy clank on the table. A hand was pressed down in front of her and when she looked up, she saw it was Jackie. Without saying a word, she slowly lifted her hand, revealing a key underneath.

"How?" Catherine asked, stunned at her swiftness.

"I have my ways," Jackie said slyly. "So will I see you tonight then?"

"We'll see how this goes, it'll be late."

"After all my hard work? I'm offended!" Jackie gasped sarcastically, being adorable.

"The sooner you leave, the sooner I get done, and the better the chances become," Catherine tempted her.

"Consider me gone then," Jackie smiled before disappearing behind the stacks.

Catherine texted her as she was leaving the library, making sure she still wanted her to stop by.

As soon as Jackie opened the door, Catherine was pulled inside by her. She kissed her and pushed her against the table. Her spontaneity took Catherine by surprise, but she thoroughly enjoyed it.

After, when she began gathering her things, Jackie pled for her to stay and frowned when she denied her request. Catherine walked over to her with a smile, sweeping the hair from her face. "It's been a really long day, I need sleep" she said, before kissing her on the forehead.

Catherine knew the risk she was taking, but couldn't resist. Memorizing her colleagues schedules, she snuck Jackie into her office whenever the opportunity presented itself. They both had become professionals at scouting out areas where cameras and students couldn't see them. To her surprise, Jackie pulled her into a stairwell one day, kissing her against the wall. Her new impulses were fueling Catherine's fire. Her new trait was almost unrecognizable, especially when Catherine received a text one late Friday night.

 **Jackie: Come to the bar.**

Catherine smiled when she saw the message light up on her screen. "My colleagues are long gone by now."

"Come anyways."

"I'm already in my sweats, curled up on the couch."

"It doesn't matter what you're wearing, I'll meet you in the parking lot."

Catherine drummed her finger tips on her knee as she thought about it for a minute. Was she crazy for even giving this a second thought? When she didn't answer her right away, Jackie texted her again.

"Please. I want to see you. "

"Fine, I'll be there soon."

Catherine couldn't believe she was there, she never left her house in this condition. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she spotted Jackie rounding the corner and walking towards her car. When she got in, a big smile encompassed her face.

"What did you tell your friends?"

"Nothing" she said, leaning over.

"Wait, what?"

"If they ask where I am I'll just tell them I'm in the bathroom. It's crowded in there, they won't notice."

Catherine could taste the alcohol on her lips, but it was strangely turning her on even more. Jackie smacked the top of her head on the roof of the car as she was moving over to Catherine's seat. "Owww," she cried, rubbing it.

"Aw, are you okay?" Catherine laughed, placing her hands on Jackie's face.

"Did you have to buy the _smallest_ car?"

She smiled as she pulled the lever on her seat, leaning it back. As things were heating up, Jackie's phone began to ring and Catherine made her stop to answer it, nervous Hannah would come looking. She could hear the loud bar and Hannah's voice through the receiver. "I had to make a phone call, but I'm on my way to the bathroom. Where are you guys at?"

Catherine took advantage of the position Jackie was in, and began kissing her neck.

"Okay, I'll see you in a minute," She said before hanging up. "Not cool!" She pointed a finger at Catherine as she laughed.

Catherine smiled at her flirtatiously, biting the side of her lip, but Jackie just smiled and started to move back over to the passenger seat. "Noooo... Five more minutes," Catherine pled.

"You know I can't" she said, buttoning her pants.

"Come over after?"

"I can't. I told the girls they could crash at my place. Hence needing to see you now."

Once her clothes were straightened, she leaned over and kissed Catherine. "I'm sorry, I hope this was still worth your drive."

When she got out of the car, Catherine sighed as she moved her seat back up. Suddenly her door opened and Jackie stuck her head in. "I almost forgot."

Catherine looked back at her questionably.

"You look gorgeous" she said, kissing her on the cheek and closing the door. Before disappearing around the corner, Jackie looked back at her and smiled.

When Catherine got home she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was tousled, she was wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, not her usual put together self, but a smile crept on her face as she thought back to Jackie's remark.

On campus that week, she was walking with Leslie when she spotted Jackie and Hannah standing outside one of the buildings. Jackie looked distraught at a passing glance. When she tried taking a closer look without Leslie noticing, she saw Hannah rubbing Jackie's arm, consoling her. In class later that day, she tried to read Jackie but she was too invested in the lecture, vigorously taking notes. She made eye contact with her as she was packing her things, so held her finger up, motioning that she needed a word.

Jackie approached her desk, "Hey I need to be somewhere, can we talk later?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

Later that night, Catherine got up from her typical spot in the library to use the restroom. On her way, she noticed Jackie and Hannah sitting at a table working. When she passed by on her way back, Hannah was missing from the table, so she walked over. "Hey."

"Hi," Jackie smiled. "I didn't know you were here. I guess I wouldn't though, if you're tucked away in your usual spot."

"You know me," she smirked. "Is Hannah still here?" She asked, looking around.

"Not this second, she went to grab us some dinner."

"That's nice of her."

"Yeah," she smiled. "Sorry we haven't gotten the chance to talk, do you want me to stop by your office tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that works."

Catherine left the library around 9:30pm and noticed Jackie and Hannah still pounding away, a sense of jealousy twinged through her chest.

In her office the next day, Jackie seemed somber.

"Is everything okay?" Catherine asked, once they were seated.

Jackie hesitated before shaking her head.

"What's wrong?"

She pulled a piece of paper from her backpack and slid it across the desk to Catherine. It was a statistics quiz that she had scored poorly on. "Oh, no."

Jackie buried her face into her hand and began to cry.

" _Oh Jackie,_ don't..." Catherine got up from her chair and came around the desk. She squatted in front of her and placed her hands on Jackie's knees, rubbing them sympathetically. "It's okay, you still have half of the semester left to make up for it, you'll be fine."

Jackie lifted her head up and wiped the tears from her face, taking a deep breath in and slowly releasing it. "I have to go," she said so quietly it was almost a whisper.

Catherine looked up at her as she rose, "How about I take your mind off of it tonight."

"I can't. I need to stop messing around and get focused."

"Ouch." Catherine remarked as she stood.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean you. It's everything. Between you, Hannah, school, acting..."

Catherine couldn't help but feel offended once more.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. _Again!_ " Jackie winced. "The words aren't coming out right. I'm just having a really bad week and I'm going to go before I make myself look like an even bigger asshole."

Uneasy about their conversation, Catherine stopped by Jackie's house on her way home that night to talk. Spotting Hannah's car out front, she felt disheartened. Knowing it was childish, she couldn't help herself and parked her car. "Feeling any better?" She texted her.

"Sort of. Sorry again for today."

"It's okay. I'm out, can I stop by?"

"Don't take this the wrong way but... I'm just really not in the mood for company right now."

Catherine's heart sunk as she stared at the words for a long time before finally texting her back. "I understand. Feel better."

She waited and no response.

Maybe Hannah had just left her car there, she waited, needing to know for certain. After giving up almost an hour later, feeling like a psychopath, she saw Hannah finally emerge from Jackie's apartment just as she was starting her car. She slid down into her seat as Hannah passed and saw Jackie's light turn off from the window.

The next day Jackie shyly came up to her after class. "I'm sorry. I needed some time to cool down."

"I get it, I need to be alone when I'm upset too," she said, testing her.

"Exactly. Thanks for understanding."

Catherine smiled back, disguising her disappointment.


	26. Chapter 26

Both Hannah and Catherine's words helped cheer Jackie up a bit, giving her hope that she could turn her statistics grade around, but she still needed to change her main focus to school, especially since her two week trip for Neptune was approaching. Hannah began tutoring her even more for statistics, leaving her less time for Catherine. She wasn't sure if that was causing the shift in Catherine's behavior, but something was definitely off.

"Is something bothering you?" She finally asked one night when she was over at Catherine's.

"Caught on to that huh?"

"I did, so what is it?"

Catherine sighed. "I know you were lying the other night. I drove past your place and saw Hannah's car."

"What?" Jackie sincerely had no idea what she was talking about.

"The night you said you didn't want company. I saw Hannah's car at your place."

"So you were testing me or something?" Where was this coming from? And since when does Catherine randomly drive past her place?

"No." She paused. "Not exactly."

A spurt of anger suddenly began to overcome Jackie the more she thought about what Catherine had just said. "Who are you?" she shook her head. How dare her second guess her honesty, let alone drive past her house to make sure she was telling the truth. They weren't even dating so it was none of her business, just like she had told her before. "This entire time you've been barking out these rules and I abided by them because frankly-I don't want a relationship either. It's clear I have way too much on my plate, maybe more than I can even handle."

"Well maybe if you didn't spend the majority of your time getting drunk with Hannah," Catherine chimed in.

"Excuse me?" Jackie snapped. "I'm sorry for having a life and behaving like a 23 year old. I know it's probably hard for you to remember what that's like."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a decade older than me, did you forget that? Hannah's doing nothing wrong, and neither am I. How dare you be judgmental."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess back in _my_ day, we didn't leave our intoxicated friends alone in an alley."

"That was one time."

"One time?" Catherine scoffed. "You mean to tell me she knew where you were every time I took you home, or when we were in the parking lot having sex in my car?"

"Where is this coming from? What is this sudden hostility towards Hannah?"

"It has nothing to do with Hannah, it has to do with you. You've been lying to me and treating me differently ever since you failed that statistics quiz."

"You know what, I don't have time for this. You're acting like a-" She stopped herself.

"Like a what Jackie?"

"Forget it."

"No, what am I acting like?"

"You're the most complex person I have ever met, is all." She said, before slamming the door behind her.

She stood on Catherine's porch the next night feeling embarrassed at her behavior the night before, specifically for bringing up Catherine's age. When Catherine opened the door, she slowly looked up at her sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

Catherine smiled and motioned her head for Jackie to come inside.

"I was out of line. I'm just so stressed."

"I was out of line too. The things you said in my office, it just sounded like you were blaming me for distracting you, so I got defensive. And then watching you lie to me straight to my face..."

"I really didn't mean to lie to you. I didn't think I was, honestly. Hannah was just helping me study, I meant I wasn't in the mood for company after."

"I understand."

"Truce?" Jackie held out her hand with a smile.

"Truce." Catherine smiled, shaking it.

With another statistics quiz fastly approaching, Jackie utilized all of her resources. When she wasn't hitting the books with Hannah, she was over at Catherine's. Given time with Hannah was more available since they could be seen together at school, they developed a groove and she was really helping her make progress. It proved to be more of a set back when trying to study with Catherine, but she didn't want any tensions to erupt again. The night before her test, Hannah was busy so she went over to Catherine's where she prepared her a huge dinner. "Is this my last meal?" She joked.

Catherine laughed, "No. I figured you needed the fuel after your grueling studying schedule."

"Well thank you, I really appreciate it."

After dinner as Catherine helped her study, her confidence over the material began to dwindle. She needed Hannah. When it began to get late she told Catherine to go on to bed, telling her she'd join her soon.

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"I'm fine, I just want to read over my notes once more to make sure I really have it down, so I won't need you anyway."

"Alright, well, I'll see you soon then" she said, kissing her on the cheek before heading back to the bedroom.

"Sorry to bother you but can we meet in the morning? I'm freaking out." She texted Hannah once Catherine was gone.

"Jacks, you're going to do fine. You've got this. But yes, if you still need my help in the morning, I'll stop by."

"Thank you."

"Just go to bed, exhaustion won't help you."

Jackie took Hannah's advice and crawled into bed next to Catherine. She stirred next to her, opening her eyes slightly. "Goodnight," she smiled.

"Goodnight," Jackie kissed her.

She was exhausted but ended up just staring at the ceiling for the next hour before finally getting out of bed.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked groggily.

"Nothing, go back to sleep" she whispered.

She made her way into the living room and opened up her books again. Nothing was making sense and she was burning holes in her notebook from the number of times she had to erase her errors. None of her answers to the practice problems were matching the answers in the back of the book, causing her to panic.

"What are you doing? It's almost 2am?" She heard Catherine's voice behind her.

"I just don't feel like I got it."

"You're going to do fine," Catherine said as she pulled the notebook away from her. "You need sleep."

Jackie grabbed the notebook back, "Catherine stop, give it back. I _have_ to pass."

"Without sleep you're not going to. You just feel confused because of the exhaustion, now come on," she reached for her book again. "Come back to bed."

Frustrated, Jackie stood and began throwing her books into her backpack.

"That's more like it."

"I'm going home," she told her.

"What?" Catherine asked, sounding astounded. "Jackie, stop. Stay. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone or help you, whatever you need."

Jackie's short fuse slipped out, "I need Hannah."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Don't take this personally."

"How can I not? I have a Master's in Psychology and you're telling me I'm not good enough?"

She could hear the tone in Catherine's voice and did not have the energy for the direction this argument was heading.

"But then again- I'm not your precious Hannah."

"Don't." Jackie shook her head. "Don't take it there again, I don't have time for this right now. She just understands my brain better when it comes to statistics. I've been working with her all year, I just need her this time."

"Fine, just go. Go be with perfect Hannah."

Jackie rolled her eyes as she grabbed her bag and walked to the door.

"And why don't you just do all three of a us a favor and just sleep with her already."

She paused at the door, completely taken aback at Catherine's harsh words. She hadn't acted that way since their fight in Bloomington but Jackie had to take the high road this time. "Real nice" she replied before leaving.

"Sheesh. Don't take this the wrong way Jacks but... you look like hell."

"Thanks Han," Jackie said as she opened the door. "I would take a offense to that, but I haven't been to sleep yet."

"First and foremost, take this" Hannah handed her a coffee. "Now... show me what you're so frazzled about."

In thirty minutes they ran through all the material and it all began to click again. She felt good after the quiz but skipped the rest of her classes to sleep, passing out onto her bed for the rest of the day. She awoke at 10:30 that night, famished. As she was eating a frozen pizza she began to remember her and Catherine's fight. Despite Catherine's immature jabs at Hannah again, she understood why she was upset. Jackie had flat out told her she wasn't doing a good job with helping her. Catherine was a teacher, of course she took offense. What if Hannah no longer wanted to run lines with her because she didn't think she was a good enough actress?

To her surprise, Catherine texted her the next morning. "Can we talk?"

"Yes, please."

"Just let me know when works best for you."

"I can stop by your house later tonight?"

"Sounds good."

Jackie was in the library with Hannah working on their psychology papers. She looked at her phone and knew at this rate, she wouldn't be at Catherine's anytime soon. "I'm sorry, it's going to be late." She texted her.

"It's okay." Catherine replied.

"If it gets too late, we can reschedule."

"It's fine, I promise. Take your time."

The great thing with being friends with Hannah was that they complimented each other. Hannah was great with numbers and Jackie's strong suit was writing, hence her English major. As the night ticked on, she began getting agitated that they were still in the library, but she couldn't leave. Not after all that Hannah had done for her.

"Thanks so much," Hannah said as she finally dropped her off at home.

"Anytime, I am forever in debt to you," Jackie replied before getting out of the car.

She looked over her shoulder when she approached her door, Hannah was waiting for her to get inside like she usually did, so Jackie smiled and waved. She stood in the entry until watching her drive off. Looking down the street making sure the coast was clear, she hurried to her car and made her way to Catherine's. When she got to her porch she saw the lights on inside, but when she knocked there was no answer. She tried her luck at opening the door and was surprised to find it unlocked.

"Catherine?" She called out as she made her way down the hallway, not wanting to startle her. No answer. When she got to her bedroom she found her asleep, her bed still made. She smiled at the sight before kneeling down on the side of the bed next to her. "Hey," she whispered, placing her hand on Catherine's arm and gently shaking it.

Catherine slowly opened her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, it's really late. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" She continued in a whisper.

Catherine slowly began to get up.

" _No_ , no. Go back to sleep," Jackie insisted. "I'll stop by tomorrow-"

In the middle of her sentence Catherine leaned over the bed without saying a word, and wrapped her arms around her neck.

Jackie hugged her back tightly.

"I'm sorry," Catherine whispered sleepily.

"So am I," she replied, squeezing her a little tighter. "And I'm sorry for waking you, we'll talk more tomorrow, okay?" She said, letting go of her.

As she began to stand, Catherine reached up and placed her arms around her neck, pulling her back down and kissing her, slowly. When they parted lips, their foreheads stayed pressed together closely before Jackie leaned in and returned her kiss. Catherine leaned back onto the bed, bringing Jackie along with her, making her raise from her knees and climb on top of her. As she leaned over to turn off the light, Catherine grabbed her shirt and pulled her in even closer, kissing her so passionately she could feel her tongue pressing slowly against hers. Despite the slow going, Jackie struggled to catch her breath. As much as they needed to say to one another, it seemed as though they were expressing more in that moment than they would ever be able to verbally.


	27. Chapter 27

Catherine regretted bringing up seeing Hannah outside Jackie's apartment. Not only did it make her look psychotic, but it also struck some sort of cord with Jackie, resulting in them exchanging some choice words. The struggle of debating whether to give her space or to try and talk to her didn't last long, because Jackie showed up on her doorstep the next night. After they both apologized, Catherine felt better knowing she wasn't lying, that Hannah and her really were just studying. Although smoothing things over, their time together dwindled as Jackie worked hard to make up for her statistics grade. The night before her next quiz she was coming over to study, so Catherine decided to do something nice and cook her a big meal. Hitting the books after, Jackie told Catherine to head to bed, that she was just going to read over her notes once more then she'd come join her.

She awoke in the middle of the night, feeling Jackie rustling in bed beside her before finally seeing her shadow getting up from the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep," Jackie whispered.

When Catherine awoke a couple hours later the spot next to her was still empty. She walked groggily to the living room where she saw Jackie scribbling in a notebook.

"I just don't feel like I got it," Jackie responded when Catherine asked what she was doing up so late. She looked incredibly stressed and was only hurting herself behaving this way.

"You're going to do fine" Catherine insisted, as she pulled the notebook away from her. "You need sleep."

"Catherine stop, give it back. I _have_ to pass," she said frantically as she grabbed the book back from her.

"Without sleep you're not going to. You just feel confused because of the exhaustion, now come on," she reached for her book again. "Come back to bed."

Jackie stood and began to put her things away. "That's more like it" Catherine said, satisfied she was taking her advice.

"I'm going home."

"What?" She asked, taken aback. "Jackie, stop. Stay. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone or help you, whatever you need."

"I need Hannah," she snapped.

"Are you serious right now?" Now her moodiness had rubbed off onto Catherine.

"Don't take this personally" She said, almost condescendingly.

"How can I not? I have a Master's in Psychology and you're telling me I'm not good enough?"

Jackie wasn't talking, she just continued to pack her bag, further infuriating Catherine.

"But then again- I'm not your precious Hannah."

"Don't." Jackie finally said, looking at her and shaking her head. "Don't take it there again, I don't have time for this right now. She just understands my brain better when it comes to statistics. I've been working with her all year, I just need her this time."

A feeling of inadequacy ripped through Catherine. "Fine, just go. Go be with perfect Hannah."

Jackie rolled her eyes as she grabbed her bag and walked towards the door.

Catherine's rage completely overtook her and she unleashed all of the frustrations that had been boiling up inside of her. "And why don't you just do all three of a us a favor and just sleep with her already."

Jackie paused at the door and turned around. "Real nice" she replied, before slamming the door shut.

Catherine walked over to the door and locked it behind her with as much force as she possibly could. She sighed in frustration and returned back to her bedroom, unable to lay back down. After tossing and turning all night she awoke still riled at Jackie's ungratefulness, but was once again regretting letting her anger get the best of her. She knew after her outburst, Jackie wouldn't be on her doorstep that night like she had before. It was her turn to be the bigger person. "Can we talk?" She texted her the next day, her stomach in knots wondering what her response would be. Hearing her phone go off she flinched as she opened the message.

"Yes, please."

The weight she had been carrying on her shoulders lightened seeing her words.

As Catherine was in the process of making dinner that night, she received another text from Jackie.

"I'm sorry, it's going to be late."

"It's okay." Catherine replied.

"If it gets too late, we can reschedule."

"It's fine, I promise. Take your time." That was mostly the guilt talking, but Catherine also just really wanted to see her.

The night slowly ticked by as Catherine anxiously awaited Jackie's arrival. The little sleep she got the night before began to weigh on her, so she went and laid on her bed, turning the volume up on her phone first to make sure she didn't miss Jackie's call. Losing track of time, she woke hazily to the sound of her name being whispered softly and a touch on her arm. When she opened her eyes she saw Jackie's face in front of her.

"I'm so sorry, it's really late. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Jackie was knelt in front of her so she pushed herself up towards her.

" _No_ , no. Go back to sleep," Jackie insisted. "I'll stop by tomorrow-"

Catherine leaned over as far as she could and threw her arms around Jackie's neck. The feeling of Jackie's arms hugging her back tightly, the smell of her hair, the warmth of body, this was all she needed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"So am I," Jackie replied, squeezing her even tighter. "And I'm sorry for waking you, we'll talk more tomorrow, okay?" She said as Catherine began to feel her slipping away.

Catherine placed her arms around her neck again, pulling her back down and kissing her, slowly. Feeling the heat radiating between them, she leaned backwards, bringing Jackie along with her. As Jackie hovered over her to turn off the light, she grabbed her shirt and pulled her down to her. They kissed deeply and passionately. She felt the fast thumping of Jackie's heart beat against her as Jackie broke their rhythm and slid her lips across Catherine's cheek down to her neck. Goosebumps trailed down her body as she reached for the bottom of Jackie's shirt, slowly pulling it over her head. The entire act so gratifyingly slow that they were up well into the night, making them oversleep and rush out of the house without having the time to have any sort of reaction as to what had just happened between them.


	28. Chapter 28

Jackie had to restrain herself from running across the library. Instead she walked as swiftly as possible, trying to control the smile on her face as to not look like a crazy person. Once reaching the table Hannah was sitting at, she slipped into the seat next to her and help up her statistics quiz, covering her face with it.

"That's really great" Hannah replied, but without the amount of perk Jackie was hoping for.

"What's wrong?" She asked, lowering the quiz.

Hannah mimicked Jackie and held a paper up to her face. A red C- was posted on it.

Jackie flinched, "Ouch, now you know my pain. _But.._ it's a paper. Which means I can return the favor and help you," she said with an upbeat tone, trying to find the positive.

The corners of Hannah's mouth just barely curved upwards as she let her chest fill with air until slowly exhaling it through her nose.

"Who's the devil who gave you that grade anyhow?"

"That's the shocker," she held up the again. Jackie leaned forward, focusing in on the print to find the name on the title page. Her heart dropped into her stomach when spotting the bold letters.

 **Professor Stark**

"What?" Jackie said aloud, grabbing the paper from her hands.

"I don't get it, I've never had an issue with her before," Hannah said in a baffling manner.

Jackie stared at the paper, the sinking feeling in her gut making her suddenly nauseous.

Hannah snatched it from her hands and stuffed it into her backpack. "I've been so upset I haven't really let her critique's sink in yet. I'm going to mull it over tonight and figure out what I did wrong this time. I gotta get to class though," she stood.

"Aren't you done for the day?"

"I'm taking those acting classes, remember?"

"Oh yeah, right."

Even after Hannah left, Jackie still sat at the table, unable to move or function. She had never known Hannah to get anything less than a B+, from any professor. Catherine couldn't have done this on purpose, she wouldn't. But all the arguments they had been having recently kept surfacing to her mind. When a wave of students began filing in, she glanced at the time and realized she had zoned out longer than she had thought, and was now late for class, Catherine's class. The door was closed and she could hear Catherine's voice, she loved that voice, she couldn't possibly have been so vindictive to innocent Hannah. Holding her breath, she slowly opened the door and crept inside. Closing it gently, not to make any noise, she turned to see Catherine and the entire class looking directly at her. She smiled awkwardly before rushing to the nearest seat.

"Hey, am I going to see you tonight?" Catherine smiled, as she stopped her outside of class.

There was no way she could possibly be around Catherine tonight without her picking up on something being off. "Oh, uh, I..." She stuttered nervously, unsure of what to say.

Catherine's eyebrows twitched upward.

Jackie panicked. "Thank you, Professor Stark" she said, pretending that they were being watched. She walked home as fast as she could, paranoid that Catherine would pull up next to her at any moment.

"So?" Catherine texted her as soon as she go through her door.

Jackie paced her living room trying to think of what to say. "Sorry, I was trying to tell you earlier that I can't tonight :("

"Alright, I'm free tomorrow?"

Knowing that avoiding her would make her seem even more suspicious, she agreed.

Coming out of class the next day, she bumped into Catherine in the hall of the Psychology building. Perfect.

"Hi," Catherine smiled.

"Hi," Jackie smiled back, trying to act casual.

Catherine looked down the hall before subtly brushing her hand against Jackie's, linking her pinky around hers for a moment. "Come with me."

"I really need to-"

"I'll be quick," she smirked.

As soon as Jackie got through her office door, Catherine grabbed her by her belt loops and pulled her over to the desk. "Tonight is too far away, I can't wait that long."

"Catherine I really do need to-"

"I can't stop thinking about the other night," she interrupted her as she began kissing her neck.

Jackie's mind was spinning. She couldn't stop thinking about that night either, or Hannah, or how mixed up everything had become in the last 24 hours. Her chest began to tighten and the nausea began to settle in again as Catherine kept kissing her neck and pulling at her clothes.

"Catherine, I need to talk to you about something."

"Later," she whispered in her ear.

"Stop," Jackie said out of breath, the feeling of Catherine's lips on her neck distracting her.

"We don't have much time."

"Catherine," her voice grew louder as she began to unbutton her jeans. "Catherine, Jesus! Just stop!" She finally shouted quietly, as she stopped Catherine's hands.

"What's wrong?" She asked, a look of bewilderment spread across her face.

Jackie closed her eyes and let out a sigh as she spoke, "Did you give Hannah a bad grade on purpose?"

When she opened them Catherine was just staring at her, wide-eyed.

"She showed me her paper yesterday."

"This is a joke, right?" Catherine asked, dropping her hands from Jackie's jeans and backing away.

Jackie took a deep breath in and raised her shoulders.

"Did you read the paper?"

"No, not yet."

Catherine diverted her eyes from her and backed away as she began tucking her blouse back into her skirt. "Please leave."

Jackie eased her shoulders, suddenly realizing how bad of an execution it was. "Catherine..."

"Go," she said as she turned her back.

Jackie sighed heavily and began walking to the door.

"And why don't you do the both of us a favor, and read the paper next time before accusing me of something like that," Catherine said sternly from behind her.

With her night suddenly free, Jackie asked Hannah to go to the gym with her to help clear her mind. At Hannah's apartment afterwards, Hannah jumped in the shower leaving Jackie alone. As she was grabbing a drink from the fridge, she spotted Hannah's paper lying on the counter. She leaned backwards, looking down the hall and heard the shower still running, so quickly picked up the paper, her eyes scouring through each paragraph. When she reached the end, she slowly put the paper back down on the table.

"Jacks?"

"Yeah?" She turned around, seeing Hannah behind her.

"Did you decide what you wanted to order?"

"Oh uh, you know, actually I'm just going to head home. I'm not really feeling well."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just think I went a little too hard at the gym."

"You really did go hard tonight, I was impressed," Hannah smirked.

"Yeah, well, I needed to play catch up."

"That's probably the problem, you're supposed to start out slow."

"Well, lesson learned."

As soon as Jackie go to her car she dropped her head into her hands. She wasn't lying, she did feel physically ill. Hannah's paper was awful. In fact, it was so awful that Catherine was being generous with a C-. What had she done? How could she so quickly judge Catherine like that, especially after the night they had just had. Before starting her car, she called Catherine but to no surprise, she didn't answer.

The next day in class, Catherine wouldn't even acknowledge her presence making her nervous to approach her, but she had to. A student had gone up to her after class so Jackie waited in the hall. When she finally emerged, Jackie stood and quickly caught up to her.

"Hey, can we talk?" She asked, coming beside her.

"I have a class to get to." Catherine replied, not even looking at her.

"Can I stop by your office after?"

"No, I'm busy."

"Then can I walk with you?"

"It's a public campus, you can do whatever you want."

Jackie could sense her hostility, but couldn't blame her.

"I read Hannah's paper," she blurted out once they were outside.

"And?" Catherine still had yet to make eye contact, still just gripping her books and pacing forward hastily.

"It was terrible."

Catherine was silent. Still stone-faced. Her facial expression not budging even a millimeter at Jackie's revelation.

"Catherine, I'm sorry," she said softly.

Still nothing.

"Catherine can you just stop for a second, I'm trying to apologize here."

She stopped abruptly and looked around as Jackie pled.

"I feel terrible, you have to know that."

She saw Catherine's jaw clench before finally looking her in the eye. "I have to go."

Jackie stood on the sidewalk as she watched her walk away, not knowing how she was ever going to be able to fix this.


	29. Chapter 29

The guilt was tearing through Jackie, making her unable to focus on anything other than Catherine. She tried concentrating on her English paper, but the image of her face kept reappearing in her mind. The look she had when Jackie brought up Hannah's grade. Even though it was clear that she was angry, Jackie knew she had hurt her which wasn't something that Catherine easily let go of. Jackie leaned her head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling, the ache in the pit of her stomach was unbearable. Catherine hadn't given her the chance to really apologize, and it was killing her not being able to get everything off of her chest. Giving up on her paper, she shut her laptop and tossed it onto the couch next to her.

"Can we talk?" She texted Catherine, hoping for an answer but prepared herself knowing she wouldn't. She grabbed a bottle of wine and headed to the roof to think about what she would say to her given the chance.

Catherine didn't answer of course so Jackie took a shot and went to her office the next day. Softly knocking on her office door, her stomach muscles tensed as she heard Catherine's heels on the other side walking across the room towards her. Catherine wore a polite smile on her face when opening the door, which faded when she saw Jackie.

"Do you have a minute?"

"I have lunch plans at noon" Catherine replied, as she looked down at her watch.

"I just need a minute."

"Not today." She began to close the door but Jackie stopped it with her hand. Catherine looked back at her with a silent rage, her eyes big and full of anger.

"Catherine please..." Jackie lowered her voice in desperation.

Catherine glanced down the hall before taking a breath in. "I'll be home around 6 tonight, you can stop by then. I have work to do though, so it can't be long."

"Okay, I'll be there" Jackie nodded.

"This is to _never_ happen again," she said sternly.

"I know," Jackie shook her head. "I'm sorry. And thank you, I'll see you tonight."

Finding herself on Catherine's doorstep once again, Jackie's nerves ran haywire. All she wanted was for Catherine to open that door and smile the way she had just like last time, letting go of her mistakes. But when Catherine opened the door, she didn't say a word. Instead, she just left it open for Jackie to help herself in. "I only have a few minutes" she warned, as she made her way to the table where her laptop was sitting. "And before I forget, there's a few of your things over on that chair that you've left here." Catherine pointed, as she began typing.

Jackie slowly followed her direction to the chair and saw her things sitting in a neat pile. She tried to laugh it off, "Catherine come on, you can't be serious."

"I'm very serious."

"Look, I'm _really_ sorry" Jackie said, as she walked a few steps closer to her. "I should have believed you. It's just, after the arguments we've been having recently... You have to admit it was weird timing."

Catherine looked up at her, "I would never let my personal life affect my job, let alone affect another student's future." Her voice was earnest, but her face was covered with disgust.

"I know and I'm _really_ sorry for accusing you, you have to believe me."

"Like you believed me?" Catherine fired back.

Jackie paused and looked down at the floor. "I deserved that."

Catherine went back to typing on her computer.

"So that's it? You're not even going to give me the chance to explain and try and make things right?"

"We said from day one we wouldn't let this affect our professional lives."

"I know, and I take full responsibility. I messed up. I was a jerk and I wish I never said it."

"I do too. But you did."

There was a silence between them as they just looked at one another. Jackie opened her mouth to speak, but Catherine began before she could.

"We were having fun, now it's not fun anymore."

Jackie could feel her slipping away from her and couldn't imagine them going back to mere acquaintances. "What about class?" She said quietly.

"I told you, I don't let my personal life affect my professional. As long as we both act like adults, it will be fine. We're half way through the semester anyway."

Jackie just looked at her, shocked at how cavalier she was being about this all, especially after the night they had just had.

Catherine returned her look with a thin smile and shrugged her shoulders. "We were just having fun" she said, shaking her head nonchalantly.

"We were just having fun..." Jackie repeated back to her slowly, looking directly into her eyes.

Catherine looked back without even a flinch, "Yep." She smiled coldly, the warmth in her eyes gone.

Jackie closed her mouth tightly and nodded. She looked down at her things and picked them up from the chair. "I guess I'll see you in class then."

She closed Catherine's front door but when she got to the steps, she paused for a moment, struggling with the urge to turn around and go back in. She didn't want this to be over.


	30. Chapter 30

After hurrying out the door, Catherine caught her reflection in the rear view mirror and saw the smile on her face. Last night was nothing like she had imagined it would be. It was nothing short of amazing and her insides fluttered when she saw Jackie in class later that day.

"Hey, am I going to see you tonight?" She smiled as she spoke to Jackie after.

She seemed off. She was fidgeting and stuttered without giving her a straight answer. "Thank you, Professor Stark." It was then that Catherine realized someone must have been watching them.

They made plans for the next night, but ran into one another the next day in the psychology building. A pleasant surprise that she so desperately needed. Exchanging smiles, Catherine looked down the hall before brushing her hand against Jackie's, "Come with me."

"I really need to-"

"I'll be quick," she insisted with a smirk.

When they got inside her office she pulled Jackie into her. "Tonight is too far away, I can't wait that long."

As she began kissing Jackie and unbuttoning her clothes, she could hear her mumbling but was too caught up in the moment to stop. That was until Jackie's voice rose and became harsh as she grabbed her hands forcefully. "Catherine, Jesus! Just stop!"

"What's wrong?" She asked, completely taken aback at Jackie's reaction. She looked at her intently as Jackie began to look the way she had yesterday outside of class. With her eyes closed, she let out a sigh. "Did you give Hannah a bad grade on purpose?"

Catherine's mouth dropped, not able to comprehend what Jackie had just accused her of.

"She showed me her paper yesterday."

"This is a joke, right?" she asked, dropping her hands from Jackie's jeans and backing away. But it wasn't a joke. Jackie was completely serious and raised her shoulders in an accusatory demeanor.

"Did you read the paper?"

"No, not yet."

She couldn't believe this was happening. Everything began to blur as her insides began to break and fill with anger simultaneously. "Please leave." She said, as she tucked her blouse back into her skirt. How could someone betray her so brutally when bringing her such pleasure just days before.

"Catherine..."

"Go," she said as she turned her back to her, no longer giving her the satisfaction of having full access to her.

As Jackie began walking away, the anger overpowered the hurt. "And why don't you do the both of us a favor, and read the paper next time before accusing me of something like that," Catherine said sternly from her desk. When the door closed she collapsed against it. Jackie hadn't even read the paper. Why wouldn't she of dug deeper before making such a hurtful allegation. Not only did it hurt knowing Jackie thought she could do something like that, but she had also blindly taken Hannah's side over hers, making it cut that much deeper.

That night Jackie texted her asking to talk but she couldn't stomach it. Hopefully she realized her error but Catherine wasn't sure she could ever move past the betrayal. She could feel her eyes on her in class the next day so wasn't surprised when she appeared next to her as she left class.

"Hey, can we talk?" Jackie asked, as she followed her.

"I have a class to get to." Catherine gave short, passive aggressive answers as Jackie tagged along side her, before finally getting to the truth as to why Jackie had such a sudden urge to speak to her.

"I read Hannah's paper."

"And?" She asked, knowing exactly where this was going.

"It was terrible."

She stayed silent, relieved Jackie saw the error in her ways, but still too upset to give her actions any slack.

"Catherine, I'm sorry," Jackie said softly.

She better be.

"Catherine can you just stop for a second, I'm trying to apologize here."

Bothered by the idea that they might be making a scene, she stopped abruptly and looked around as Jackie pled before her.

"I feel terrible, you have to know that."

Catherine felt her throat catch, she clenched her jaw refusing to let herself fall apart here, or in front of Jackie. "I have to go."

Jackie became relentless at trying to apologize, which she welcomed, but it couldn't undo what had already been done. Perhaps she didn't know Jackie at all, she certainly wasn't the person she thought her to be. But once she appeared at her office, she knew she had to let her speak, she was acting carelessly and the last thing Catherine needed on top of this was to be caught. Another Jacqueline Kirk heart break and job loss was an earth shattering twofer deal that Catherine refused to let play out again.

When she heard her knocking on her door, she opened it but didn't give her the courtesy of a proper greeting. She left the door open, reminding her she couldn't stay long and went back to work on her computer. When she motioned towards the chair where she had stacked the belongings Jackie had left, she heard her laugh, not believing the gesture.

"Catherine come on, you can't be serious."

"I'm very serious."

After dancing around the true nature of what their relationship had been, Catherine did her absolute best to convince Jackie she was just a roll in the sack.

"We were just having fun" she said, shaking her head nonchalantly as she could sense Jackie's frustration.

"We were just having fun..." Jackie repeated back to her slowly, looking directly into her eyes.

"Yep." Catherine smiled.

Jackie nodded back at her, so blatantly hurt at Catherine's dismissal of what they had been, but didn't say another word. Instead, she just picked up her things from the chair. "I guess I'll see you in class then."

Catherine closed her eyes as soon as the door shut. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, the pain in her chest leapt up into her throat, catching as she choked on her breath. It moved up to her eyes as the tears slide down her cheeks.

Class with Jackie became difficult after that no matter how much she had told her it wouldn't be. It was easy to ignore the others because they had never hurt her, she had always hurt them, but she couldn't even get herself to look at Jackie. Thankfully Spring Break was approaching which would hopefully give them the right amount of space to help Catherine heal.

"Professor Stark?"

Catherine looked up and saw Hannah standing in front of her.

"Hi Hannah," she smiled.

"Could we maybe meet to discuss my paper?"

Catherine was actually relieved to be able to talk this out with Hannah and show her why she had scored her so poorly.

"Yes, of course. I'm free tomorrow at 4:30?"

Hannah opened her mouth to speak but instead her mouth twitched, "Okay, great" she hesitated.

"Does that not work for you?"

"No, it's fine."

Catherine could sense she was lying. "Hannah..."

"I have an audition, but it's okay! This is more important to me."

"How about you just stop by around noon instead?"

"I don't want to intrude on your lunch hour."

"It's fine, I insist."

"Thank you so much Professor Stark!"

Trying to slip her lunch in before Hannah arrived, there was an energetic knock at her door five minutes before noon. "Just a minute," she called out as she stuffed the rest of her sandwich in her mouth and wiped the crumbs from her desk. She smoothed her shirt and adjusted her skirt before opening the door to a perky Hannah on the other side.

"Hi Professor Stark!" She smiled.

"Hi Hannah, come on in and have a seat. Sorry, just give me one minute to find my notes on your paper."

"Oh, you're fine. Thank you again for adjusting your schedule for me, I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem. I know how difficult it can be balancing school with work."

"It sure is, I'm looking forward to spring break."

"Are you doing anything exciting?" Catherine asked, as she rustled through her briefcase.

"I am!"

"Oh yeah?" She asked, trying to seem interested.

"Yes. I am going to Europe!"

Catherine tried to keep her composure. She knew it wasn't a coincidence that Hannah was going to the same location Jackie was heading for Neptune. "Oh wow, what are you doing there?"

"As you probably know, Jackie is going to be there for a couple of weeks for some Neptune obligations. We were talking about it the other night and just randomly made arrangements for me to come. I figured what the hell, it's not every day I get a free place to stay in Europe!"

"Yeah, that's great. I'm sure Jackie will love the company." Catherine said, trying to look enthused over the pain of picturing them in Europe together.

"Yeah, well her mom will be there too so it will be good to see her as well."

Her mom? Hannah was close with her mom? Catherine could feel the jealousy beginning to burn within her core.

"I'm sure that will be nice."

"Yeah," she beamed.

Catherine finally found her notes and pulled it out of the folder, relieved to change the subject. "Ah ha, here we are."

As she explained what was wrong with Hannah's paper, she stared at her as she looked over the page, closely studying her features. She was pretty but didn't seem Jackie's type. Although, maybe Catherine wasn't Jackie's type. After all, Hannah had been her first and she had so willingly chosen her above Catherine. When she began to look up, Catherine snapped out of her gaze, "Thanks so much Professor Stark, I really do understand where I went wrong now and I'll definitely apply these suggestions."

"You're welcome" Catherine smiled. "Feel free to email me if you have any questions later. You really are an excellent student and it did pain me having to give you that grade."

"No, I completely understand why. I feel much better knowing what I need to do now. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!" She smiled.

Catherine flashed her another smile as Hannah made her way out the door. As soon as it shut Catherine dropped the smile. As much as she was looking forward to break, it was going to drive her mad knowing Hannah and Jackie were going to be together in Europe.

Trying to fall back into life before Jackie, well life before Jackie in California, Catherine went outside her comfort zone and decided to throw a cocktail party at her house with the normal happy hour crew she had pushed aside since beginning the affair. A sort of celebration to begin break, and to help lift her spirits. She felt uneasy letting her colleagues into her home. Her home had always been her sanctuary, her safe place she never let outsiders see into, but the night of the party she actually found herself somewhat enjoying it. As the wine was flowing, she heard a knock and went to welcome what she assumed was a late guest but to her surprise, she found Jackie standing on her porch.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jackie asked as soon as the door opened.

Catherine quickly came out onto the porch and closed the door behind her.

"Jackie what are you doing here?" she asked nervously. "I have a house full of staff members in there, you cannot be here."

"I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't know," Jackie said softly, turning around and making her way to the car.

Catherine peeked inside her window and saw everyone carrying on without her in the dining room, so followed Jackie to the street. When she got to Jackie's car, she rolled down the window just enough to talk.

"I know, I'm sorry." Jackie began immediately apologizing. "I shouldn't have come here and wouldn't have if I would have known you had guests."

"What did you say to me up there?"

"It's nothing, go back to your party."

"Jackie I have about 30 seconds before people start to realize I'm gone, so spit it out."

"It's nothing. It's just... I'm leaving for Europe and I just wanted to-" She looked up at Catherine but quickly looked down at her hands as she fidgeted with them, sighing heavily. "I had this whole speech in my mind of what I was going to say but now..." It was dark but Catherine could notice Jackie's hands trembling. "Anytime I'm in front of you I just lose all of my words. Can we talk after your party?"

Catherine looked back at the house, "I don't-"

"I get it," Jackie cut in. "I really messed up. I don't deserve the chance to try an explain the awfulness of my actions."

"Jackie..."

"It's okay," she nodded but her eyes became glossy. "Have a nice break Catherine."

Catherine watched her drive off from the street before returning back to her party. Overwhelmed with the sudden interaction.

"Where did you go?" Leslie asked.

"Oh, just talked to a neighbor about something."

Trying to fit back into the party, Catherine kept finding herself zoning out during the conversations between her colleagues the rest of the night, suddenly wishing they would all leave so she could finish her conversation with Jackie. To her dismay, they didn't leave until almost 1am leaving her unable to rest her curiosity. Awaking the next morning, she couldn't think of anything other Jackie. Wondering what it was that she unable to say, yet was desperate enough to show up on her doorstep unannounced. Catherine grabbed her keys and went to Jackie's apartment, bombarding her in the same fashion as she had done but when she rang her buzzer, there wasn't an answer.

"Who are you looking for Ma'am?" A voice asked behind her.

When she turned, a polite looking man holding a broom was standing behind her.

"Oh, um... 3B."

He looked around as he inched closer. "You know who lives in 3B?"

"Jacqueline Kirk" Catherine responded slowly, looking back at him in confusion.

"How do you know her?" He asked suspiciously.

"She's a friend of mine from school."

"Sorry, she's just a nice girl so I try to respect her anonymity, you know since she's filming those movies and all," he whispered. "I've never had a movie star as a tenant!"

Catherine smiled at him, "I'm sure she appreciates that."

He smiled back, "Oh but uh, she's not here, and won't be back for a couple of weeks. I know because she asked me to hold her mail."

"Oh, she's gone already?"

"Yeah, left this morning I believe."

Catherine's heart sank realizing she was too late, "Well thank you anyways."


	31. Chapter 31

Jackie sat in class already feeling anxious but as soon as Catherine entered, her stomach turned. Unsure of how to act she focused her eyes on her notes the entire duration of class, feeling Catherine's presence as she floated around the room lecturing. Jackie watched her every move through the corner of her eye, only having the courage to look her way when her back was turned. Their eyes unexpectedly met for a instant, but Catherine casually looked on to the next student, offering no solace.

With her trip to Europe drawing closer, Jackie was losing hope that she'd be able to leave with any closure between the two of them. Packing her things the night before, she decided to force Catherine to hear her out, showing up on her door step. "Did you mean what you said?" She blurted out, knowing very well if she didn't that she would lose the courage to. Catherine looked frantic, coming out onto the porch and closing the door behind her.

"Jackie what are you doing here?" she asked nervously. "I have a house full of staff members in there, you cannot be here."  
How stupid of her. How on earth did she think showing up on Catherine's door step was a good idea, knowing how irresponsible it was and how strict Catherine had been about not mixing her professional life into this. Now she further angered her, leaving no chance of her ever forgiving her. "I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't know."

When she got to her car she saw Catherine storming across the street after her. She unrolled her window and immediately started to apologize, but instead was met with a question.

"What did you say to me up there?"

"It's nothing, go back to your party" Jackie insisted, suddenly losing the courage she had abstained, feeling humiliated.

"Jackie I have about 30 seconds before people start to realize I'm gone, so spit it out" Catherine ordered.

"It's nothing. It's just... I'm leaving for Europe and I just wanted to-" She looked up at Catherine who was staring at her intently, making her more nervous than she already was. She quickly looked away and sighed heavily. "I had this whole speech in my mind of what I was going to say but now... anytime I'm in front of you I just lose all of my words." She knew she wouldn't be able to spit out what she really wanted to say, being put on the spot and in a hurry, but knew it would drive her mad the entire time she was gone if she didn't. "Can we talk after your party?"

Catherine looked back at the house, "I don't-"

"I get it," Jackie cut in as she started the car. "I really messed up. I don't deserve the chance to try an explain the awfulness of my actions."

"Jackie..."

"It's okay," she nodded with a smile, feeling the burn behind her eyes. "Have a nice break Catherine."

"What's wrong Jacks?" Hannah asked as she settled into her seat on the airplane.

"Just tired."

Which wasn't a complete lie. It was early, and she had hardly gotten much sleep after leaving Catherine's. Part of her, okay every ounce of her, had hoped Catherine would have followed after her, but she knew the possibility was improbable.

Having Hannah in Europe with her for a week did help keep her mind at bay, but it turned out she didn't really need it with how much the job kept her busy. And then there was her mother. Hannah was sucking up to her the way she did most, but being caught between the two was unbearable. After the long days of Neptune meetings and polite conversations with the cast and crew, Jackie wasn't left with much of an urge to talk or be "on" when she would return to the hotel, leaving the constant nagging of Hannah asking what was wrong.

"I'm sorry I'm such a drag to hang out with this week, I'm just gassed out by the end of the day. It's exhausting having to speak to so many people."

"I wouldn't know." Hannah sighed.

"I'm sorry," Jackie apologized. "I guess I am being an ungrateful little brat."

"No, you're fine Jacks. But you really are incredibly lucky to be doing what you love, and to this caliber."

Jackie sighed and gave Hannah a smile, feeling a little lighter and wanting the rest of the trip to go smoother. "Do you wanna go take a walk or something?"

"I'd like that," Hannah smiled.

Strolling through the city, enjoying the slowness to an otherwise hectic time thus far, Jackie was able to soak in the city with Hannah. They enjoyed the unusual nice weather, the twinkling of the city lights. They spoke lightheartedly, about unimportant matters and it was the first time in a long time that Jackie was able to just live in the moment and cherish it, not having to constantly think about the troubles and decisions that lay ahead. She knew a great part of this was because her and Catherine were on pause.

As they made their way back to the hotel, Hannah stopped as they got to the entrance. "Feeling a little better?"

"I am," Jackie smiled.

"Good. I had a really great time tonight, and in general. Thanks so much for inviting me out here, it really means a lot to me. And so do you."

Jackie's breath caught in her chest, feeling a change in their dynamic. Hannah was looking at her differently and the air between them became electric as the sound of the city around them blurred, and silence settled in their gaze. The corners of Hannah's mouth curved up and Jackie finally took a breath, "I'm glad you came. Now let's get inside, I'm exhausted." She said, slicing through whatever it was that had just happened, knowing if she hadn't there was a good chance Hannah would have leaned in and kissed her.

In the elevator up to their room, Jackie became frantic at the realization that they would have to continue to share a room for a couple more nights. Once inside, she excused herself by claiming she had to make a phone call. Walking through the lobby, a wave of emotions overcame her. Tonight had been so relaxing, exactly what he had needed, but that feeling, that strange feeling she felt just outside of those doors. It wasn't a bad feeling, it was a calming one. Did she have feelings for Hannah? Ever since they had reconnected she knew it might be possible given their history but... Catherine. These feelings were the complete opposite of what she felt when she was with Catherine. With her it was exciting, adrenaline infused, passionate, but it was also painful. Hannah had never hurt her. They didn't end badly. They took from each other what they needed and then slowly drifted apart as they grew up. She pulled her phone from her pocket and reread her last text messages from Catherine. So short. So cold. So harsh.

Realizing a long time had past, she made her way back up to the room. When she entered, Hannah was asleep in bed with the television on.

The next morning everything seemed normal again, Hannah wasn't acting differently whatsoever which was a relief. They met her mother for breakfast before Jackie had to run off for the rest of the day. Talk of summer plans emerged, her mother was going to spend the Fourth of July in Bloomington at her uncle's lake house.

"Speaking of Bloomington," Hannah chimed in. "Did Jackie tell you someone followed her from there?"

Jackie's mother looked at her curiously, "No, she didn't. Do I know them?"

"Uh, no. Someone from school. And they didn't follow me."

"A professor, a mighty good one." Hannah smiled.

"Oh?" Her mother remarked. "What made them end up in Los Angeles?"

"Change of job."

"What a coincidence huh?" Hannah said, acting as if it were unbelievable. "I guess her and Jackie were quite the pair back in Bloomington, worked on some big project together or something."

"Is that so."

Jackie felt uneasy in the way her mother was looking at her. When Hannah got up from the table to use the restroom, what she worried of most came true.

"So who is this professor?"

"What do you mean? She's just a professor I know." She replied, stabbing her eggs with her fork.

"As I recall, there's only one person you really got close to in Bloomington. Some woman who showed up at Uncle Keith's house."

Anger tore through Jackie remembering that day, and now at her mothers accusations. What was it any of her business. "What are you getting at mom?"

"You have such a hard time accepting the way people treat you, is all I'm applying. Maybe not do things to make them so curious about you then."

Jackie didn't say a word for the fact that she just wanted the conversation to end.

"I like Hannah. She's good for you. Why don't you just concentrate on surrounding yourself with people more like yourself, people who are good for you."

She liked Hannah? She wouldn't if she knew what Hannah had done to her when she was fourteen years old. "Why don't you just concentrate on your own life? God knows you've done an excellent job of that." Jackie snapped, raising from the table.

"Have to leave so soon?" Hannah asked as she came back from the restroom.

"Yeah, I forgot something in the room I need before I head out. I'll see you tonight."

Even though nothing ever stemmed from the night with Hannah, Jackie was still relieved when her and her mother finally headed back to California, leaving her alone in Europe her last week. She desperately needed the time away from Hannah, from her mother, from Catherine.


	32. Chapter 32

Thinking she had come to a peace with how things were, Jackie's world was once again rattled as soon as she reentered Catherine's class for the first time in over two weeks. But Catherine didn't seem phased by it. She went on acting as if Jackie were just another student, not even welcoming her back. She was resting her cheek on her first, doodling in her notebook during class when a packet of papers slid onto her desk. She looked up to see Catherine standing next to her desk.

"I handed these out last week. It's a diagram to help with the structure of your paper."

Jackie picked it up and paged through it.

"It's pretty self explanatory but let me know if you have any questions."

"Okay, thanks" she said as she looked up at her as she walked away. At least she acknowledged her, she thought, which turned out to be more than she'd do the classes that proceeded.

After over a week of silence, it was during one particular class that Jackie just couldn't help herself. Catherine was giving examples of theories she had written papers on, helping the class understand how their conclusions should play out in their own research papers.

"For example" she said, turning to the white board and picking up a marker. "I wrote a research article on this particular one" she said, writing on the board. "The Theory of the Reversal of Self Denial" the marker squeaked.

Jackie's heart leapt into her throat. Did Catherine forget about the library? How would she bring this up with her in the room, or did she really not think of her at all anymore.

"What's that?" A student called out.

"It's the theory that if you deny yourself something, the moment you're faced with any real external imposition, you are voluntarily going to do the one thing you were trying so hard not to do," she stated.

Jackie whispered it to herself almost verbatim.

The student looked back at her completely lost, the same way as Jackie had, causing Catherine to laugh. Jealousy tore through Jackie seeing her smile. This was theirs, it wasn't something an entire class should be able to be a part of.

"Anyone have any idea what I mean by this?"

The student's all looked around the room, confusion written on their faces.

"Like making a loud noise in a quiet place," Jackie blurted out.

Catherine turned to her, her eyes widened as she tried not to look flustered. Her reaction reassuring Jackie that she hadn't forgotten about the library. She was enjoying seeing Catherine squirm.

"Like being in church, or a _library_." She paused. Catherine was staring directly into her eyes. She hadn't given her this much attention in over a month so Jackie reveled in it. "Normally, you're in control of the volume of your... _laughter_. But being placed in a quiet, serious atmosphere such as church or library where it is uncalled for to laugh, you're suddenly overcome with the inability to control yourself."

Catherine was speechless, as was the rest of the class because she finally snapped out of it and cleared her throat. "That's right."

And that was it. Catherine broke her gaze and the class carried on, just as their lives did.

Jackie could see the crowd from the outside and was already agitated with the wait. When her and Hannah entered, they were shoulder to shoulder with everyone else waiting for a table. Glancing around at the overwhelming crowd as they stood in line, Jackie's eyes grew big when she saw Catherine and Leslie standing 10 feet away from them. "Oh look, it's Professor Stark and Collins," Hannah said cheerfully.

Jackie quickly turned her back to them, hoping they didn't see, and leaned into Hannah. "Why don't we go somewhere else? I don't feel like waiting this long."

"Jacks, it's gonna be like this everywhere we go."

After putting their name in, they had no other option than to step aside and move closer to Catherine.

"Hi!" Hannah greeted them, Jackie and Catherine met eyes for a moment, both giving a polite smile before redirecting their attention.

"How was Europe?" Professor Collins looked at Jackie, but as she opened her mouth to speak, Hannah cut in before being able to speak a word.

"Oh it was so beautiful! The weather was perfect! We really lucked out."

Jackie gave a quick glance to Catherine, trying to read her reaction to the news of Hannah being with her in Europe, but her polite smile stayed stiff.

"I'm sorry," Hannah laughed, finally realizing she had hijacked the question directed at Jackie. "Go on, Jacks."

"It was good. Hectic, but good."

"Did you start filming already?" Leslie, or Professor Collins to everyone else who didn't hear her name spoken a million times by Catherine, asked.

"No, not until May."

"Well that's good, you probably won't miss any school then."

"Yeah, they let me know they'd work around it if anything changed."

"Are you coming back in the fall?"

"No, we don't wrap until the holidays. Hopefully I'll be back second semester, but we'll see."

"How much longer until you graduate?"

"I'm not sure. With double majoring, it's been a slow go. So many research papers between the both."

"But we're lucky to have such awesome Psychology professors," Hannah winked, sucking up to them, nauseating Jackie.

"Professor Stark, you've been such a big help to me this year, I've learned so much, especially after your help on that last paper."

Jackie looked at Hannah, feeling her brow furrow, then glanced over to Catherine.

"I'm glad I could help," Catherine finally spoke, directing her eyes to Jackie before staring off towards the waiter. "How long has it been?"

Leslie looked down at her watch, "About twenty minutes."

"Hey Jacks, I'm going to go to the bathroom."

Jackie was about to follow, not wanting to be left with them, but Hannah handed her her purse. "Hold this for me?"

"Sure."

"So how are the fans in Europe?" Professor Collins asked.

Jackie laughed then shrugged. "I'm not really noticed unless I'm with the whole gang. We were mostly locked away in meetings, so I didn't have to deal with that much."

Just as she finished talking, Leslie's phone began to ring. "I'll be right back" she said, before leaving Catherine and her alone.

Both of their eyes trailed Leslie, watching her walk out before they both stood in silence, neither having the courage to look the other in the eye. Finally she spotted Hannah coming through the crowd, it was the first time relief washed through her that she no longer had to be alone with Catherine.

"Catherine helped you with your paper?" Jackie asked, as soon as they were finally seated.

"Catherine?" Hannah looked at her with a questioning surprise in her face.

"Sorry, Professor Stark."

"Yeah, I didn't tell you? I went to her office and she really helped me clean up my paper. I feel bad for ever thinking any cruel thoughts about her, she really is a great Professor."

Jackie's heart ached thinking of Catherine being the bigger person and helping Hannah after what she had accused her of. "Is something wrong Jacks? You've been kinda weird since we got here."

"Just annoyed with the crowd."

"You and Stark weren't as chatty as usual. Did she give you a bad grade too?" Hannah teased.

"No. I'm just not in a talkative mood tonight I guess."

Jackie could see Catherine and Leslie across the room. Catherine's back was to her, a purposeful act no doubt, but she could see her shoulders moving up and down in laughter as Leslie laughed along with her. Did she even miss her? Or did the time apart make her completely forget what they had. She acted so cold, so robotic towards her now.

Her newest obsession was jogging. Not only did it help get her ready for Neptune, but it helped clear her mind. Catherine's ability to complete freeze her out of her life was making Jackie wish the semester was over so she could disappear to Europe again. It was too painful being back here and pretending everything was okay, especially having to see her. Winded from her jog, Jackie heard a voice behind her as she retrieved her mail the next morning.

"Hi Mr. Jenkins, how are you?" She said politely as she looked through the envelopes.

"I'm great, thanks for asking hun."

"Have a good day," she smiled at him before walking up the steps. She had just pushed the key through the lock when she heard him again on the landing.

"Oh, Miss Kirk, I forgot to tell you before..."

She stopped and looked down at him.

"Some woman came looking for you while you were gone."

Hannah she assumed, Jackie had gotten home a day later than she was supposed to and forget to tell her. "Was her name Hannah?"

"She didn't leave a name so I assume it wasn't important."

"It was probably my friend Hannah, brown hair?"

"No, blonde. Tall lady, real pretty."

Jackie swore her heart stopped beating for a moment.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"No, no. Just sounds like an old friend I've been wanting to see. Well thank you again Mr. Jenkins," she smiled before pushing open her door.

Catherine must have came to talk to her that day, the day after her party Jackie realized, a glimmer of hope shining through. This new piece of information wasn't something she was going to let go ignored, and it gave her the best excuse to try and talk to Catherine again.

Catherine's door was open when she arrived, so she knocked softly on the frame.

Catherine looked up with her brows raised.

"Have a minute?"

"Sure." She said as she finished writing.

Jackie grabbed the knob of the door and began pulling it closed.

"Leave that open," Catherine instructed.

Jackie rolled her eyes and sighed quietly as she pushed it back open against the wall.

Catherine set her pen down and readjusted herself in her chair, placing a hand on her neck to support it.

Nervousness overcame Jackie again and she found herself looking down at her hands, unable to start.

"I have a minute, not all day." She hardly even recognized Catherine's voice any more.

"Do you hate me?" Jackie whispered only loud enough for Catherine to hear.

She wasn't sure if her silence was a good or bad sign, so she finally got the courage to look up at her. A warmth was in Catherine's eyes that she hadn't seen since before this all started. Her forehead was wrinkled and she looked right into Jackie's eyes, "No."

"But you did." Even Jackie wasn't sure if she meant it as a statement or a question, but Catherine drew a deep breath and leaned back in her chair. "I could never hate you," she shook her head. "Angry? Hurt? Yes." She paused, looking away towards the shelves. "More than I ever have been by you."

Jackie's stomach tightened, relieved that she wasn't completely cold inside, but pained that she had caused this. "I have literally been sick to my stomach since. You didn't deserve what I accused you of."

"You're right, I didn't." Catherine said sternly, looking at her again.

"Can we ever move past it?" Jackie asked softly.

"In what way?"

"Civil?" Jackie didn't want to push her limits, getting Catherine speak to her was a big enough triumph.

"I don't think I've been cruel." Catherine said defensively.

"You haven't. But I've become invisible to you, which is much worse to me than you being cruel."

Catherine just looked at her before subtly shaking her head, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

There was a pause before Jackie remembered what led her here to begin with. "I ran into my landlord yesterday."

Catherine leaned in her chair and supported her chin on her palm, her fingers curled against her lips.

"You came to see me when I was gone."

"I did."

"Why?"

"To finish our conversation."

"That's all?"

"You never told me why you were there that night."

Jackie looked down again, trying to muster up the strength to tell her how she felt. But why should she always be the one to speak? Catherine never did. It was always her putting herself on the line, never Catherine.

"You said we were just having fun."

"Mmhmm." Catherine agreed.

After a pause, Jackie finally began releasing her restraint. "In Bloomington... you told me I was different."

Catherine didn't say a word, just rolled her chin off her hand and looked away again, this time at the windows as she drew a big breath in.

"And I'm not anymore?"

Catherine looked back at her slowly and they shared a look so deep, so long, that she could see Catherine's eyes beginning to glisten as if they were melting away the last of the coldness.

"Hey Cath-", A voice from the door way sounded, breaking their gaze as Catherine blinked fast and diverted her eyes to the door. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" Leslie apologized.

"It's okay, Miss Kirk was just leaving."


	33. Chapter 33

The first day of classes after spring break, Catherine couldn't help but over hear Hannah's stories from Europe, which put a damper on her day just as it had begun. Her face lit up as she fed the eager looks of her friends and classmates, offering them a look into a glamorous world they would never know, that Catherine may never know. She couldn't help but feel as if though Hannah was intercepting a life that she dreamed of to be hers, that _should_ be hers.

A week later, when Jackie didn't show up for class the day she was due back, Catherine wondered if she'd be back again at all. However her apprehension was soon erased when seeing her face the next class. Casually handing her a packet of papers she had missed, Jackie quietly looked up at her and thanked her. When it was over, Catherine watched as she gathered her things and began to leave. She followed after her, planning to officially welcome her back privately, only to met by the scene of Hannah standing outside of class, a wide smile on her face as she hugged Jackie before the two of them disappeared down the hall together. Catherine couldn't help but think maybe something had happened in Europe, and the thought only prevailed as she noticed the two becoming inseparable as the days proceeded, making Jackie unapproachable.

A break in the withdrawnness happened unexpectedly during class when Jackie spoke aloud, without warning, explaining her take on the theory of the reversal of self denial. It was the first time they had exchanged an interaction in weeks. She spoke of Catherine's library metaphor, making her version a more appropriate one for class, but it caused Catherine to struggle to carry on. Was this to be taken as a sign? Despite her intentions, every time she had an urge to reach out, there was always Hannah.

To her displeasure, Hannah and Jackie walked into the same restaurant her and Leslie happened to be dining at, heightening her suspicions. When they were forced near them as they waited, Leslie asked Jackie how Europe was. Hannah cut into the conversation speaking for Jackie, infuriating Catherine even more. She felt as though Hannah was taking claim on her. Once Jackie was given the chance to speak, she revealed she may not be back next year at all, leaving Catherine utterly hopeless. Even when her and Jackie were left alone briefly, neither of them said a word to one another, furthering the distance between them.

After the interaction, or lack there of, she was surprised when Jackie appeared in her office doorway the week proceeding.

"Have a minute?"

Catherine agreed to talk but asked her to leave the door open when she began to shut it, refusing to let herself seem anything other than unfazed by the dissolution of their relationship.

When Jackie sat, she was silent.

"I have a minute, not all day." Catherine insisted, refusing to let yet another awkward silence play out.

"Do you hate me?" Jackie whispered.

The question overcame Catherine. She was caught off guard by the sudden intimacy that had been missing between the two of them for so long, but was also nervous as to where this conversation was heading. Hate her for what? The accusation they had already discussed, or that she had moved on to Hannah? "No." She was all she replied.

"But you did."

Catherine leaned back in her chair, uneasy with the questions Jackie was bombarding her with. "I could never hate you," she shook her head. "Angry? Hurt? Yes." She paused and looked away, hesitating to reveal something deeper. "More than I ever have been by you."

Jackie told her she had made herself sick over it and she didn't deserve the hurtful accusation.

Catherine offered her no sympathy. "You're right, I didn't."

"Can we ever move past it?" Jackie asked softly.

"In what way?"

"Civil?"

"I don't think I've been cruel." Catherine responded defensively, irked by the use of the word civil.

"You haven't. But I've become invisible to you, which is much worse to me than you being cruel."

A sense of solace washed through Catherine in the silence that had gathered in the room, now that she knew Jackie was also affected by the current state of their relationship.

Bringing them back into conversation, Jackie revealed her landlord had told her about Catherine stopping by.

"Why?" Jackie asked.

"To finish our conversation."

"That's all?"

"You never told me why you were there that night." She stated, trying to avoid the question.

Catherine examined Jackie's reaction, she was staring down at her hands as she usually did, clearly hesitant to say whatever it was on her mind, a vice they were both guilty of.

"You said we were just having fun."

Catherine agreed to her statement.

"In Bloomington... you told me I was different."

Silence.

"And I'm not anymore?"

She locked eyes with her, feeling the connection that never ceased to escape them, no matter how hard they tried. She wished she could tell her exactly how she felt. Of course she was different, but how would this ever work? Yes the end of the obstacle of her being her professor was in sight, but it was only met with the another, Jackie leaving to film Neptune.

Leslie's voice unexpectedly sounded from the open door, breaking their gaze. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

The moment escaping them, Catherine didn't know what else to do, "It's okay, Miss Kirk was just leaving" she said quickly.

Looking back at Jackie, she watched her mouth close tightly as she flattened her lips, Catherine could tell she had made her feel disparaged. The way Jackie looked back at her as she stood and grabbed her bag was unfamiliar, and it frightened her.

"Hi Miss Kirk," Leslie greeted Jackie as she left.

"Whoa, what's with her?" She asked Catherine, when Jackie all by mumbled to her as she stormed out.

"Just having a tough time," she sighed.

"Hi Ladies," the office secretary smiled at Catherine and Leslie the next morning.

"Good Morning," they both replied in unison as they headed to their mailboxes.

Catherine sifted through her mail as her and Leslie partook in their usual morning banter until her eyes set in on a piece of mail. The room suddenly went mute to her as her eyes scrolled down the form. "Catherine? Are you listening to me?" She heard Leslie's voice becoming louder as everything began to come back into focus.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"Is something the matter?"

"Just an unexpected drop form."

Catherine stared at the name, **Jacqueline Kirk**.

"This late in the semester?" Leslie asked questionably.

"Yeah, I know."

"Are they failing or something?"

"Not even close."

"That's odd, are you going to talk to them first before signing off on it?"

Catherine folded the paper back up, "I need to get to class, see you at lunch?"

During her free period, Catherine went to her office. As she graded papers, she kept eyeing Jackie's form. Noticing the time on the clock, she knew Jackie's class would be letting out in ten minutes, she still had her schedule memorized. She quickly grabbed the form and stuck it in her bag as she headed out to find her.


	34. Chapter 34

Jackie felt a sudden jerk of her arm, nails piercing into her forearm as she was pulled into a class room.

"What the hell is this?" Catherine whispered angrily, grasping a piece of paper in her hand.

Jackie didn't even need to look at it to know what it was. "A drop form."

"I know what it is. Why was it in my mailbox, and why is your name on it?"

"I'm dropping your course," Jackie said as she rubbed the indents Catherine's nails left on her arm.

"You need my course to complete your psychology major."

"I know. I guess I won't be double majoring after all."

"Why are you doing this? It's too late, you'll get an incomplete."

Jackie hesitated as she looked at her arm. "I just can't do it any more."

"There's only a month left, it'd be foolish to waste all the work you've done."

She looked up only slightly, to the corner of the room, her eyes still not eye level with Catherine's.

"So it has more to do with me, and less about class" Catherine said slowly.

Jackie didn't reply.

"Is this about yesterday?"

She struggled to swallow, her throat dry, as she looked at Catherine.

"What do you want from me?" Catherine sighed softly.

"Don't do this," Jackie warned.

"Do what?"

"This," she motioned to Catherine with her hand, "This sudden change in your demeanor."

Catherine return a silent look causing Jackie to begin to walk to the door.

"Jack-"

"I'm exhausted Catherine." She whipped back around. "I don't ever know what's going on in your mind because you're _constantly_ so hot and cold with me. You're so strict with these boundaries one minute, then arguing with me about Hannah the next and I know, _I know_ I messed up. But I apologized enough, I've done enough, I've _proved_ myself enough, and I'm not going to keep doing this back and forth with you never knowing which version of you I'm going to get. The version of you I love, or the version of you who treats me as if I'm just some one night stand. Am I just some grand psychology experiment you're playing with? Am I trapped in another one of your theories?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what Catherine? What is this?" She begged.

"If you want to be with Hannah, go on. She's better for you."

"Oh my God" Jackie laughed insanely, pressing her hands against her temples. "This has nothing to do with Hannah!" She said as she began to pace away from her. "For once, why don't you tell me what it is that you want?" She said with a stern voice, walking back towards her.

Catherine's lips parted as if she were going to say something, but they began to quiver so she shut them. Jackie knew she wasn't expecting this sudden reversal in power and it was leaving her speechless.

"Catherine, what do you want?" She repeated, moving even closer to her. She looked down and grabbed Catherine's wrist that was holding the drop form, forcing it to her face. The paper was shaking due to Catherine's trembling hand.

"Either tell me what you want or sign this form and you'll never have to see me again."

The door on the other side of the room suddenly burst open. As soon as Jackie dropped Catherine's wrist, she slipped out the door with the drop form still in her hand.

Sitting at home that night she heard a knock on her door, her heart leaping into her throat.

"I got the part!" Hannah shouted, bursting into Jackie's arms as soon as she opened the door.

Sidetracked on the day's activities, Jackie had forgotten Hannah was up for a huge role on a television show.

"No you didn't!" She exclaimed, happy for Hannah despite her own tribulations.

"I did!"

"Well then let's celebrate!"

"One step ahead of you," Hannah smirked, pulling a bottle of champagne from her bag. "The good kind too, expensive stuff."

"Well I guess you can, now that you're a big television star" Jackie smiled.

Buzzed off the expensive champagne, Jackie sat on the couch, giggling over nothing with Hannah. She was happy the night had turned out this way, it was exactly what she needed. "Do you want me to call the others? Keep this celebration going?"

"No, no." Hannah shook her head. "I just want to celebrate with you. After all, you're the only whose been by my side during this all. So many late nights running lines, you're my rock." Hannah said, slapping her hand on Jackie's knee.

Jackie smiled at her as she placed her hand on top of Hannah's and gave it a small squeeze.

"Seriously though," Hannah's face became solemn. "This has all meant so much to me, I feel so lucky to have ran into you here. I'm really glad you're back in my life."

"I am too," Jackie nodded.

Hannah laid her head against the couch and Jackie glanced down at their hands, feeling Hannah's thumb beginning to rub the inside of her wrist. When she looked back up, Hannah leaned over and kissed her. Unsure if it was the champagne or the vulnerability that the exchange with Catherine left her with, she kissed her back. Slow and drunk at first, then Hannah moved closer and kissed her more passionately. Jackie mirrored her, letting go of so many emotions that had been bottled inside of her until Hannah whispered, "I've wanted this for so long."

It was then that she realized how unfair this was to Hannah. She didn't feel the same. The emotions she was releasing weren't towards Hannah, they belonged to Catherine. "Stop, stop" she said as she pulled away from Hannah. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm drunk."

"We both are, but I mean every word Jacks."

"Hannah... I can't."

"We don't have to tell anyone, it can be our secret. Just like last time," Hannah smiled as she placed her hand on Jackie's cheek.

Jackie gently reached up and removed it, "I'm sorry."

"Oh." Hannah said, the smile fading from her face as she came to realize what is was that Jackie was implying. She looked away, Jackie knew she had both embarrassed her, and hurt her.

"Hannah, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you."

"No, its fine." She said as she rose from the couch.

"Don't leave."

"Jacks, it's okay, I just gotta go."

Jackie stayed sitting on the couch watching Hannah retrieving her things, unsure of what to do.

"But you're drunk. Let me call you a cab at least."

"I'll catch one downstairs."

She finally rose from the couch and followed Hannah to the door. "Hannah, I hope this doesn't change things."

"It won't" she smiled, but Jackie could see the pain in her eyes.

What a day. When had this new version of herself arrived? The one who could cause two women to become shaken in one day? She sat on her roof, her safe place, as she finished the bottle of champagne. Her guilt was strong enough so why not submerge in it with the expensive beverage? Hannah surely wasn't coming back for it. Despite the chaos that consumed the day, the city night below her was calm and peaceful for a change. But instead of offering her any sort of comfort, it left her feeling lonely. Now not only did she not have Catherine, but she had lost Hannah as well. She so desperately wished for the weeks that lay ahead of her to speed through so she could just be off to Europe, away from this life.

A noise came from behind her and she almost laughed at the realization that someone had finally discovered her secret place, losing that as well. She stood to leave but when she turned, she saw Catherine. The only lights were from below, and were only strong enough to outline her features, but she'd know her anywhere. She watched her come towards her, slowly walking across the roof. When she reached her, her face was softly illuminated by the glow.

"I don't know how to be civil towards you," she began quietly. "That's why you must have felt like you were invisible to me. But you weren't. I saw you... I saw you every day..."

Jackie stayed silent, she had spoken enough for the day and it was Catherine's turn to talk.

"I-I have something for you." Her voice wavered as she pulled the drop form from her pocket and handed it to her.

Before Jackie could reach for it, Catherine took it in both hands and ripped it down the center.

"Never seeing you again isn't an option, but I don't know what our options are."

Jackie stayed silent, she was becoming numb to these occasions.

"Are you going to say anything?" Catherine let out a breath that mimicked a nervous laughter.

"I can't do this constant back and forth between us any longer. It's like an exhausting tennis match. And the ugliness of it all... All we ever do is turn the tables on each other."

"And never say what we really want to say..." Catherine added softly.

"Yeah..."

Catherine inched closer towards her. "You're not some one night stand to me. You were different, you _are_ different."

"Then what happened?"

"It's complicated, I'm your profes-"

"I don't mean now, I mean then..."

"You left," Catherine shook her head in confusion.

"Catherine, I was willing to fight for you, for _us_ " Jackie said, as she took a step back. "But the first sign of trouble and you just kicked me to the curb without any disregard for my feelings. The moment I put myself out there, you told me I wasn't worth it. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? You knew how difficult it was, it _is_ , for me to open up with people. So this wall, or whatever it is that you keep putting up, it should be me building it. But I keep coming back."

"You can't blame me for being upset. It was so sudden. We had gotten so close, then out of no where you were heading back to Hollywood."

"It's one thing to be upset but what you said, what you did... how you treated me?" She could feel her voice raising.

"Jackie, you left! For weeks! You hardly called me when you were gone and when you did come back... you abandoned me at that party. You treated me like I was beneath you."

"Are you kidding me? What, you couldn't handle me feeling sure of myself? I wasn't the little lost broken puppy you found behind that wall any longer?"

"You introduced me as your friend from college."

"And? What was I supposed to introduce you as? My girlfriend? Did you forget you mocked me when I even brought up the word couple?"

"Because I was scared! You were leaving me. You know it couldn't have worked."

"Well you made sure of that didn't you."

"I lost my job over you. Are you forgetting that?"

Jackie withdrew herself, "How dare you" she breathed out as she began walking toward the door.

"The night of my birthday... After we got home from the airport. I told you I loved you, but you were asleep." Catherine called out behind her.

Jackie stopped walking, paralyzed at the unexpected revelation.

"I'm in love with you" Catherine spoke softly. Jackie closed her eyes hoping to freeze time, to revel in this moment, to remember it always. She turned back towards Catherine.

"I try so hard not to be, but I can't stop," Catherine's voice tore a little as she said the words.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"For what reason? To make you stay?"

" _Yes_!"

"So you could resent me the rest of your life for not doing Neptune?"

A deep admiration set within Jackie for Catherine. As much as she would have done anything to hear those words back in Bloomington, she realized now that she wasn't ready for them. Getting over the heartbreak was incredibly difficult enough without knowing Catherine loved her, so she couldn't even imagine how it would have been knowing that she did. She was right, she would have ended up resenting her if she hadn't filmed Neptune. Seeing someone other than her play Tyler would have been torturous. And what if she had filmed Neptune and continued to be with her? There's no way their love could have handled the distance. She wouldn't have been able to have been as focused on her career.

She saw the shadow of Catherine reach up and cover her face with her hand. "I was awful, I know I was. I didn't know what else to do. It was the first time I ever felt that way about someone and I was just trying to protect myself, but I ended up-"

Jackie walked straight towards her, closing the gap between them and took her in her arms. She continued to babble so Jackie pulled back. "Catherine... Catherine... shhhh.." She said, trying to quiet her.

She brushed the hair from her face and wiped the tears beginning to run down her cheeks that she saw glistening in the light. "It's okay. But you don't need to protect yourself from me because... I love you too."

Catherine placed her hands behind the back of her neck and kissed her instantly. Jackie could feel her moist cheeks rub against hers and couldn't believe she had finally cracked her. Her heart ignited and she never wanted to stop, but then Catherine pulled away.

"It's dangerous, for both of us. My career, your career."

"Catherine."

"What?"

"Can you just shut up and kiss me."

Catherine grabbed her neck again and pulled her in as close as she could. Jackie felt her heart racing as fast as hers as they were pressed against each other. Catherine backed her against an air vent and the urges became unbearable.

"Let's go downstairs," she whispered in Catherine's ear as she attempted to move.

"No. Let's stay up here." Catherine replied, as she pulled her back against the vent.

She looked at Catherine in confusion, the subtle light revealing a gleam in her eye and a sultry smile, a dangerous combination.

Jackie sat down on the pallet after fastening her jeans and took a swig of the champagne as Catherine was pulling her shirt back on.

"Your special place just got a whole lot more special," she teased.

Jackie laughed. "How'd you get up here anyway?"

"Did you forget? Me and your landlord are buddies now."

"Ohh, yes, that's right."

"He gave me a key."

"Oh really?"

"No. Someone let me in," she laughed. "What do you got there?" She asked, reaching for the bottle.

Jackie handed it to her and she took a swig. Her face soured as she gulped it down and looked at the label. "Champagne? What was the cause for celebration? Thinking you finally got rid of me?"

"It's Hannah's. She booked an acting job." Mentioning her name alone tore through Jackie's gut as she remembered the kiss they shared not even an hour before Catherine's arrival.

"I know you don't want to talk about Hannah but-"

She knew this was her chance to come clean. "Catherine, I need to tell you-"

"Let me finish," she interrupted. "You know this doesn't happen often for me, take advantage of it," she winked.

Jackie smiled and waved her hand for her to proceed.

"I did feel a bit threatened by her," Catherine smiled sheepishly before carrying on. "She was your first, of course I did. So for you to take her side and accuse me of that-"

"I am _so_ sorry." Jackie cut in, taking Catherine's hand.

"I know you are. But you know me. You know me so well that sometimes I think you know me more than I know myself. Like today, and that speech. Where did that part of you come from?" She teased, poking Jackie in the side.

Jackie laughed as she shrugged her shoulders and took another sip from the bottle.

Catherine smirked as she leaned over and grabbed Jackie's shirt, pulling her closer. "I like it." She grinned, before her lips softly met Jackie's for one solitude kiss. Catherine slipped her arm around her and Jackie felt her warm lips press against her forehead. She knew deep within her she should tell her about Hannah's kiss, but there was nothing in this world that she would let spoil this moment that she had waited for for so long with her. Instead, she rested her head on Catherine's shoulder and pretended everything would be as perfect as this moment.


	35. Chapter 35

As Catherine's eyes slowly fluttered open, it took her a moment to remember where she was. She saw Jackie's blonde hair just beneath her chin and felt her slow, deep, breaths against her neck. Careful not to wake her, she squeezed her just a little tighter as she felt her warm body nestled in her arms. Cautiously lifting her head to look at the clock, she was regretting the brunch plans she had made with Leslie. Laying her head back onto the pillow she smiled remembering last night. She breathed Jackie in, and this moment, knowing few of them existed. When feeling Jackie begin to rustle in her arms, she kissed her forehead as she woke. "Good morning Porcupine," she whispered.

Jackie quietly laughed through her nose as she rubbed her tired eyes, "I never thought I'd hear that again."

Catherine smiled, brushing the hair from Jackie's face.

"I was afraid I was going to wake up and this was all just going to be a dream."

"Oh it was very real, I have the battle wounds to prove it," she said as she lifted her arm and showed Jackie the scrapes.

"Holy crap" Jackie laughed, as she propped herself up and examined Catherine's arm.

"I haven't checked my legs yet, and I'm a little scared to. I'd hate to have to trade in my skirts for pants in this heat."

"I would hate for you to have to do that as well," Jackie smirked.

Catherine smiled back at her as Jackie looked back at the clock. "Ugh" she groaned.

"What?"

"There's a statistics study group I said I was going to go to this morning. Maybe I got lucky and they canceled." When she sat up to retrieve her phone from the night stand, Catherine saw bruises covering her bare back.

"Oh my God," she gasped as she pulled the sheet lower to get a closer look.

"What?!"

"Your back. It's all bruised up."

"Really?" Jackie said, as she tried bending to look.

"You don't feel that?"

"I'm sore, but I figured it was just from using muscles I didn't think I had up there on the roof," she joked.

Catherine gently ran her fingertips across her back before leaning over and softly kissing the bruises.

Jackie looked back at her slyly, "I feel that."

Catherine looked up and smiled before sliding her lips across Jackie's back, slowly kissing every inch of it until Jackie finally turned over to face her. She placed her hand on Catherine's cheek, softly caressing it with her thumb. Catherine tilted her head ever so slightly and kissed it. "I love you."

A small smile began to form on Jackie's face. "I know" she whispered, as her smile turned into a grin.

"You asshole" Catherine sneered, as she attempted to hit her arm, but Jackie grabbed her wrist in defense and forced her onto her back. She leaned over her and kissed her between their laughs. When they parted lips, the smile slowly faded from Jackie's face. "I love you too," she said softly.

Catherine ran her hands through the back of Jackie's hair as she pulled her down onto her again, "How much time do you have?"

"Enough."

"I don't want to go" Jackie pouted, as they lie in bed after.

"I know, but you have to. I have somewhere to be anyway."

"Where?"

"Brunch with Leslie."

"Ah" Jackie nodded, as they both began to get up.

"Can I see you tonight?" Jackie asked, as they stood by her door to leave.

"You better," she replied as she pulled her in close for one final kiss.

Once they were seated, Catherine noticed Leslie looking at her suspiciously.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You seem to be in a good mood."

"Is that an oddity?"

"Well..." Leslie laughed.

Catherine glared at her as she took a sip of water.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Are you going to tell me what has you in such a good mood?"

"It's a gorgeous day, and I'm in a good mood. Is that a sin?"

"Okay, fine. Don't tell me. Keep playing coy but just know... I will get it out of you sooner than later," she threatened.

Catherine just laughed, thankful that the waiter had come to interrupt them.

"Did you have fun in Europe?" Catherine asked later that night as she and Jackie lie in bed together. They were both looking at their hands intertwined.

"Yes, and no."

"What does that mean?" Catherine laughed.

"It would have been better if you were there."

Catherine looked over at Jackie who was already looking at her, smiling sweetly.

"How was it with your mom and Hannah?"

The question made Jackie look away, down at their hands again.

"Stressful."

"How so?"

"I didn't realize how exhausting it would be working all day then having to entertain the both of them, making sure to keep everyone happy."

"That does sound stressful."

There was a pause in their conversation, Catherine was imagining what it would have been like in Europe, and perhaps Jackie was as well.

"Will you visit me?" Jackie asked quietly.

Catherine looked over at her without moving her head, Jackie was nervously running her fingers along Catherine's.

"If you'll have me."

Jackie looked over at her and smiled. "I hate that we only have a few short weeks left together."

This time Catherine was the one to look away, she couldn't help but feel a sense of deja vu. "I know," she exhaled. Their last 24 hours of ecstasy finally started to get a dose of reality.

Jackie straightened Catherine's fingers with her own until they were extended. Slowly, she ran her finger from the tip of Catherine's longest finger, all the way down the middle of her palm to her forearm, gently taking her wrist and kissing it softly. An action so simple, yet performed so delicately that it caused Catherine's stomach to flutter. With Jackie's lips still on her wrist, she pressed her hand against her cheek, bringing Jackie's face towards her. "Things will be different this time," she whispered.

"I hope so," Jackie whispered back, looking down at her lips.

Catherine tilted her chin up so she would look her in the eyes. "They will," she said sternly.

The corners of Jackie's mouth curved up slightly as she subtly shook her head in agreement. "Turning the tide."

Catherine looked up at her and smiled.

"It means changing a situation to the opposite of what it was before," Jackie began explaining.

"I know what it means," Catherine laughed. "Is this what it feels like being with me? Educational references in bed?"

Jackie bit her bottom lip and shook her head with a grin. "Is it hot?"

"Unbelievably" she smiled exaggeratedly, as she flipped her onto the bed.


	36. Chapter 36

Jackie walked through campus with a smile on her face that expanded with every step, something unusual for a student at school on a Saturday. After meeting up with her study group in the library, she couldn't get Catherine out of her mind, wanting nothing more than to just be with her again, it was driving her insane. Slipping her phone out underneath the table as everyone babbled over forumlas, she snuck a text message to her. This however only made things worse, since she now found herself restlessly checking her phone for a response every 30 seconds. An agonizing 15 minutes later, adrenaline pumped through her veins when she looked down and saw her screen finally illuminate.

"Get back to work Missy! ;)"

She smiled at Catherine's response and slipped her phone back in her bag, trying her best to absorb everything she could the rest of the time she had with her classmates.

As Catherine and her laid in bed together that night, back in her happy place, Catherine brought up Europe, asking how it was.

"It would have been better if you were there" Jackie replied, as she looked over at her. Catherine returned her look and they exchanged a heartfelt smile. But then she brought up Hannah, asking how it was with her and her mom there. Jackie couldn't look her in the eye hearing her speak her name. She look away, down at Catherine's fingers intertwined with hers, struggling with what to say. Selfishly wanting to stay living in this dream, she kept her and Hannah's kiss at bay. After telling her it was stressful having to entertain them both while working simultaneously, there was a pause in their conversation.

"Will you visit me?" Jackie asked, her insecurities getting the best of her as she nervously ran her fingers along Catherine's. It was a topic they had yet to shed any light on thus far.

"If you'll have me."

Her reply made Jackie finally look back over at her, her big brown eyes staring back with a glimmer of hope in them. As much as she wanted to keep things light and happy, the ticking time that they were constantly losing filled the space surrounding them with a heaviness that was unavoidable.

She kissed the inside of Catherine's wrist as she held onto it.

"Things will be different this time," Catherine whispered to her as she pulled her face close into hers.

"I hope so."

Catherine tilted her chin up so they were looking directly into one another's eyes, "They will," she reassured her.

Jackie peeked through the door window and caught site of Hannah sitting in her usual seat. She checked her phone, there was still 5 minutes until class began so she paced outside, trying to waste time. She knew she was handling the situation immaturely, but had experienced her fair share of awkward campus run-ins this year already and couldn't handle any more. Hearing her professor begin to lecture, she slipped inside pretending to be late, and took the seat next to Hannah. When they caught eyes, they both smiled casually at one another. Jackie stared at the clock, uncomfortably shifting in her seat as the time was moving by a little too quickly. With some sort of miracle, the professor announced half way through class that they were having a pop quiz. Typically this would cause her to panic, but she was quite happy that it would save her from an awkward conversation with Hannah. Once again, she found herself stalling, trying to waste time. She usually finished tests and quizzes before Hannah, Hannah being the perfectionist that she is always had to triple check all of her answers, so she pretended to be stuck on a question. When Hannah finally got up from her seat Jackie waited a little longer, just in case. Handing her paper to the professor, her steps to the door felt like steps to her death. Opening it, she gave a quick skim of the benches lining the hall but thankfully did not see Hannah waiting, at least now she had a little more time to think of what to say.

"Five nights in a row, isn't Hannah becoming suspicious?" Catherine asked that night as they curled up on the couch together.

The feeling she got anytime Catherine spoke of her, was one she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. How did people cheat and go on living their lives? She didn't cheat though, they weren't together. Not only were they not together but they hadn't even been together in weeks prior, and had just had what Jackie assumed was their last conversation on the matter, but still... the guilt was overtaking her. She knew she needed to tell Catherine about the kiss, but she just couldn't find the right words.

"It's the end of the semester, we're both busy with our own things" she said, as she opened her script.

"Oh right, busy actor lives" Catherine teased, as she poked Jackie's side. Jackie picked up a pillow and threw at her for her smart remark, but Catherine caught it and placed it on her lap, patting it for Jackie to come lay. She rested her head on it as she read her script, Catherine softly running her hand through her bangs with one hand, as she too read with the other. Jackie thought back to the late nights when it'd be her and Hannah doing this and wondered if Hannah had felt as happy as she had in this moment. She looked up at Catherine who looked down at her and smiled. She hoped not because she could never feel for anyone the way she felt for Catherine, and it would destroy her not being able to have that love reciprocated.

After their next class together, Jackie stood by Hannah's desk as she packed up her things. They began to walk out silently until Jackie finally turned to her in the hall. "Hannah..." she stopped and turned to her. "Can we talk?"

"Jackie, it's really okay."

"No it's not. Things are so awkward between us now and I don't want them to be."

"Of course they are, it's embarrassing, but all we did was kiss."

"I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you-"

"Really..." Hannah looked at her skeptically.

"Okay, maybe a little in Europe."

"You shouldn't be apologizing, I should. Clearly you haven't shown any interest and I just took a foolish leap of faith."

"It wasn't foolish. I just really don't want to lose our friendship, and I'm about to be gone for months..."

"Jacks, spare me the speech," Hannah laughed. "I'm fine."

"Promise?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Do you want to go get a bite to eat?" Jackie suggested as a peace offering.

"No, I actually have a meeting."

"Okay."

"Rain check?" Hannah smiled back at her.

"Of course," Jackie nodded.

One down, one to go, she thought as she watched Hannah walk away.


	37. Chapter 37

Catherine walked in her house after a dinner meeting that had gone late and found Jackie asleep on the couch, an open book clutched in her hands. She smiled at the site of her as she dropped her things down on the chair. She cleared a spot on the coffee table that was covered in Jackie's books, and sat in front of her.

"Wake up sleepy head," she whispered in her ear, smoothing her bangs back.

Jackie woke up frantically, "What time is it?"

"Almost 9."

"Ugh, I have so much to do, I can't believe I dozed off."

"Are you hungry?"

"Uh, no. I'm good" she said as she sat up and yawned, flipping through her book. "How was your dinner? You're back late."

"Long" Catherine replied, as she made her way into the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot, knowing it was going to be a long night. "Coffee?"

"That would be glorious."

When she came back in after changing her clothes, she grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and filled them with coffee.

She set one in front of Jackie before grabbing her lap top out of her bag and joining her, she too had a bunch of work to get through.

"So, tell me more" Jackie said as she blew into her coffee and took a long sip, sinking back into the couch.

"Just boring department talk about plans for next year. How much work do you have left?"

Jackie puffed her cheeks with air, "A lot."

This became their new norm. Jackie basically hadn't left since Saturday night, so they spent their evenings hard at work. An hour would pass and they wouldn't speak, both completely engrossed in their individual work, but they were right next to each other and that's all that mattered. Subconsciously she knew they were both too fearful to lose any of the time they had left together, so this is how they were coping.

The next night played out the same way.

"Five nights in a row, isn't Hannah getting suspicious?"

"It's near the end of the semester, we're both really busy," she said shortly. After Catherine teased about their busy actor lives, Jackie rested her head on her lap and studied her script as Catherine read, both catching the other's glimpses throughout the night until Jackie finally grabbed Catherine's book from her hand and lowered it. "Come over to my place Friday."

"Okay?"

"I wanna do something special for you."

Catherine wasn't sure what that meant, so smiled suspiciously.

"I'm going to make you dinner."

"You cook?" Catherine asked in a surprising manner.

"Very funny," Jackie glared at her. "Okay no," her face softened into a smile, "But I'm going to try."

"And what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Just because. I was just thinking and realized you're always the one cooking for me so, I figured it was my turn. And we haven't been to my place all week."

"Okay," Catherine smiled.

That night Jackie buzzed her up to her apartment. When she opened the door, she had an apron tied around her waist and an oven mitt on her hand. "Hi" she greeted her, kissing her on the cheek. "Come in," she waved the mitted hand as she moved around frantically. "Sit down, get comfortable. Wine?"

"That would be lovely," Catherine laughed.

Jackie came back out with a glass of wine in her free hand.

"Do you need help?"

"No, no. Stay right there, I've got this" she gleamed. "Don't move a muscle!" She pointed a finger.

Catherine smiled as she noticed the candles lit around the room and the table neatly set in the adjoining dining room. The sounds of pots clanging and the steam of water hitting the burner amplified from the kitchen, so she rose from the couch to go see how things were going. When she peaked around the corner she saw Jackie carefully arranging the food on the plates as she clumsily handled the pots. She was caught when Jackie suddenly spotted her. "Catherine!"

"I'm sorry!" She laughed, as she made her way closer. "I couldn't stay away. You look too adorable in that apron" she said, pulling at the strings.

Jackie laughed sheepishly as she looked down at her attire. "Go sit," she demanded, pointing at the dining room table. "It's almost done."

"So much demanding tonight!" Catherine teased, as she grabbed the finger she kept pointing with. She did what she was told though, letting go of her finger and giving her a kiss first.

"Close your eyes" Jackie instructed, as she balanced the plates on her arms. Catherine couldn't help but giggle at how serious she was about this all.

"Okay, open!"

"It looks delicious!" And it did. Catherine was impressed to find baked chicken, roasted asparagus, and a medley of other vegetables covering the plate. "Cheers" she held out her glass, but Jackie's was empty.

"Hold that thought..." Jackie said, as she hurried to the kitchen to fetch the bottle of wine. After they toasted, Catherine attempted to cut into the chicken but it was tough. _Really_ tough. Not wanting to hurt Jackie's feelings, she pressed hard down on her knife, trying her best to elegantly cut through the meat.

"I think I over cooked the chicken" Jackie said, as she too began to struggle cutting it. Once they were both able to free a piece, they crunched into its burnt skin. "Dangit!" Jackie sighed in frustration.

"It's still good," Catherine assured her, hoping to make her feel better. She moved onto the asparagus which was incredibly chewy. When she looked over at Jackie, she saw her gnawing on a piece. When they met eyes, she couldn't stop the laugh from bubbling out of her throat.

"This is awful." Jackie said, looking defeated. "I tried my hardest." And she had. Catherine knew she had spent the better part of the day trying to make this meal perfect.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is, you don't need to be polite."

"I'm not, it's still good enough to eat" she said, as she picked up another piece of chicken with her fork.

"Don't eat that," Jackie said as she watched.

Catherine flashed her a broad grin as she drew the fork closer to her mouth.

"Catherine, stop! It's terrible!" She laughed as she grabbed for her arm to stop her, but she put the piece of chicken in her mouth and began to chew. Jackie stood, "I'll get the take out menus" she sighed, as she grabbed her plate and Catherine's on the way to the kitchen.

She pounded her foot onto the garbage can pedal, scraping the food from their plates. Catherine could tell she was upset so stood and came from behind her as she rinsed the plates in the sink. Pushing the hair from her neck aside, she kissed it softly. "Thank you for cooking... and all of this."

"Ha!" Jackie scoffed as she threw a towel in the sink. "You call that cooking?"

"Hey" Catherine said, turning her around. "It really wasn't that bad." Jackie's face was down, embarrassed, and Catherine was grasping her wrists. She moved her hands to her face so she'd look at her. "I really appreciate you doing this all, it means a lot."

A small smile finally started to develop on Jackie's mouth.

"Why don't we just skip to dessert? It's the best part anyway," she grinned.

"I didn't make dessert..."

Catherine smirked and leaned in to kiss her neck.

"Ohh," Jackie laughed.

"Is the apron still around?" Catherine whispered.

"Shut up!" Jackie began to laugh, but Catherine pressed her lips against hers, smothering it.

As Jackie leaned against the counter, Catherine knelt down, looking up at her slyly as she lifted her shirt up and began kissing her side. Jackie gripped the counter as her lips slowly moved to her abdomen and she began unbuttoning her jeans. Just as she got them unbuttoned, Jackie's stomach let out a loud growl.

"I'm sorry," Jackie laughed. "I'm starving. This night is turning out to be a total bust," she continued to laugh as she covered her face.

Catherine moved her hands to Jackie's hips and laughed as she rested her forehead on her. "Why don't we order some food first."

The last two weeks had been a whirlwind of nothing but bliss, a happiness unlike before. Before they snuck around campus and town enjoying each other only physically, which still left a void of what had been. Them at their happiest was made of moments like these, moments that had filled the last two weeks. Moments of doing nothing, small moments but incredibly meaningful ones.

After hearing Jackie was going to be moving her things into a storage locker while she was gone, Catherine was surprised to hear that she had already started packing when they were on the phone one day.

"I actually can't come over tonight, I need to start packing." She said on the phone.

"Oh, okay."

"Why don't you come over? I can order in take out."

"I'll let you know, depends how much work I get done." But Catherine found herself unable to get through her work. It had been the first night in weeks that Jackie hadn't been by her side on the couch, and she wasn't keen on the feeling it left her. Within an hour she found herself on her doorstep.

"Come in!" Jackie called out.

When Catherine walked in, all of the breath inside her escaped at the sight of cardboard boxes filling Jackie's apartment. Jackie was kneeling near the couch taping up a box labeled Decor as she looked up at her. "How was your day?" She smiled, seemingly unfazed that this far off idea of her actually leaving was now becoming a reality.

"It was good."

"Can you hand me that marker over there?" Jackie pointed to the table as she rose to her feet.

Catherine picked up the Sharpie as her eyes skimmed the dining room lined with boxes of dishes. A dull, aching pain began surrounding her heart and running down into her gut. "Wow, you've been productive."

"I have to be, I don't want to have to worry about this during finals."

When Catherine handed her the marker, she said she had to go start on her bedroom. Catherine followed her down the hall and sat on the bed as Jackie began going through her clothes. "It's so hard to decide what to bring to Europe since I'll be there through different seasons."

Catherine felt her throat restricting and couldn't restrain the tears from forming in her eyes. This was all to much for her as she began to feel the time slipping between them at an alarming speed. She was helpless at stopping the anxiety it was causing, not having any control over the situation. It was like a train running full speed ahead. Just last week Jackie was cooking her dinner here, now two-thirds of her apartment was packed up in boxes. With Jackie's back to her, busy at work, she quickly wiped the tears away that had began falling.

"You're quiet today," Jackie said as she turned to face her, a shirt pinched under her chin as she folded it. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Catherine forced a smile.

Jackie looked back at her concerned, she must have seen the tears. "No you're not." She dropped the shirt in a box and made her way over to Catherine's side of the bed. She sat next to her and placed her hand on her knee. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Catherine shook her head. "I'm just tired" she said with a smile.

Jackie cocked her head, implying that she knew she was lying.

"Talk to me" she said, as she gently rubbed Catherine's knee. "Tell me what's wrong."

"What do you think?" Catherine said softly, her voice breaking a little as she directed her eyes to the boxes.

Jackie followed her gaze. "I'm sorry" she sighed, staring at them as well.

Catherine felt her eyes beginning to well up again so turned her head towards the wall when Jackie looked back at her.

"Catherine..." She laughed sympathetically, as she got to her knees and wrapped her arms around her.

"Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wasn't expecting to see all this when I walked in, and it's a lot to take in."

"I know, I'm sorry" Jackie apologized again, as she gave her a tight squeeze before letting go. She wiped a tear that had slipped down Catherine's cheek. "I shouldn't have told you to come over. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That you're excited about going to Europe and filming this movie, and now I'm putting a damper on it."

"I'm just as sad as I am excited though. I don't want to be away from you, especially now."

Catherine didn't say anything, she felt a little ridiculous getting so emotional over some boxes.

"How about you go pick up some food instead and take it back to your house, and I'll stay the night there. That way we're away from all this, just give me a half an hour to finish up and I'll meet you back there."

"No, that's silly. I'm fine."

"I'm not. You're right, this is all a little too much now that I've had time to digest it. Please? I want to go to your house," Jackie pled as she kissed her hand.

"Okay," Catherine smiled.

Jackie walked her down to her car and Catherine began to feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she winced as she turned to face Jackie when they got to her car.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, it actually means a lot to me that you're this upset about seeing my stuff packed up. Now I know you'll miss me as much as I'll miss you."

"Of course I will."

Jackie leaned into her and hugged her tightly against the car. Catherine wrapped her arms around Jackie's neck. When she let go, she ran her hand down her arm until they held hands. As Jackie began walking away she felt their hands begin to separate.

"I love you."

Jackie froze in the middle of the street and looked back at her. "Why are you making it so hard to leave you for 30 minutes," she said with a smile.

Catherine pulled her back over to her and kissed her. When they parted lips, Jackie's eye's suddenly diverted past her and the beaming grin on her face slowly disappeared as she let got of her hand. A grim looked now appeared on her face, "Hannah" she whispered.

"What?"

"Hannah!" She called out behind her as she ran past, clipping her shoulder.

When Catherine turned, she saw Hannah running away from them on the opposite side of the street, Jackie following behind after her.


	38. Chapter 38

Jackie opened her eyes as her lips slowly parted Catherine's. Just outside her field of vision, just past Catherine's cheek, she spotted a figure standing across the road. The figure was still, illuminated only by the glow of the street light, and panic began to consume her as she realized someone had seen them kiss. As her eye sight began to focus on the blurred image, sudden familiarization sparked within her brain, "Hannah" she spoke softly, the panic growing as Hannah began to walk backwards when she realized Jackie had spotted her. "Hannah!" She called out.

Her outburst sent Hannah running down the sidewalk in the opposite direction, the way a timid animal would after surprising it. She followed after her, leaving Catherine at her car.

"Hannah! Wait!" She called out before Hannah disappeared around the corner. By the time Jackie turned it, she was in her car clumsily sticking her key into the ignition.

"Hannah, stop!" Jackie pleaded once she reached the car. She banged on the window, "Please Hannah, just let me explain," she said exasperatedly, but Hannah drove off, not even giving her as much as a glance.

Jackie ran back around the corner and up to her apartment to get her car keys. When she was coming back down, Catherine met her on the stairs, her eyes wide and frantic. "What's going on?!"

"She saw us. She wouldn't talk to me and drove off, I've got to go find her," Jackie shouted as she barrelled down the stairs past her.

When she pulled out she saw Catherine standing outside of her apartment on the street, stunned. She felt bad for taking off and leaving her alone knowing she was just as frazzled as she was, but she was trying to save them both.

When she got to Hannah's apartment she took the stairs two at a time. "Hannah!" She called out as she knocked, but there was no answer. She cupped her hands against the window and peeked inside, there was nothing but darkness, she either wasn't home or was hiding out. Looking around, she didn't see her car on the street. Knowing it was a long shot, she dialed her but there was no answer, there were however, multiple messages from Catherine wanting an update.

"At her place but she's not here. I'm going to go look for her, I'll call you when I'm done." Jackie typed, as she headed back to her car. She decided to check out the bar and a few other places she thought Hannah might be. Once at the bar, she lapped it twice, even checking the bathroom before heading back to the parking lot. Her phone rang and it almost slipped from her fingers as she fumbled with it at the hopefulness that it was her, but it was Catherine. She didn't answer, instead she let it ring then called some of her and Hannah's mutual friends asking if they had seen her.

"No, why? Is something wrong?"

"No, no. Just can't get a hold of her, it's nothing serious."

Deciding it was best to just go back to Hannah's apartment and wait, she drove back over and once again knocked, still no sign of her. Jackie took a seat on the steps, she would have to come home eventually. Catherine hadn't stopped blowing up her phone since ignoring her call, so found this best as time as any to call her back.

"Hey," Jackie said exhausted, her hand pinching her forehead.

"What's going on?" Catherine asked irritably, she could picture her frantically pacing.

"Still no luck."

"Where are you?"

"Back at her apartment, I've looked everywhere."

"Jackie, would she tell anyone?"

"No, _no_." Jackie insisted, hoping to offer Catherine some sort of relief, "She's an actress, she understands it's just-"

"It's just what?"

Jackie didn't want to say why Hannah was more affected by seeing them kiss than an average person, and wished she could go back and prevent those last two words from slipping from her mouth. A figure emerged in front of her as she stumbled to find the right thing to tell Catherine, and once it drew nearer she saw it was Hannah.

"I gotta go," was all she whispered into the phone as she dropped it from her ear and got to her feet. Hannah timidly walked towards her.

"Please let me explain what you saw."

"Explain what? I saw it clear as day," Hannah replied, her arms were crossed against her chest and she wouldn't look directly at Jackie, just off to the side.

"What you saw, it's not what you think."

"So I didn't see you locking lips with Professor Stark?" She said callously. A young man came from behind her, causing her to step off the walk so he could pass by them. He nodded at them both awkwardly as he past.

"Can you please keep your voice down," Jackie said through her teeth once the man was inside.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware you wanted to be discrete considering I just saw you making out with our college Professor in the middle of the street."

"We weren't making out."

A scoff of laughter slipped from Hannah's mouth as she shook her head in disbelief. "But you're sleeping with her, aren't you."

Jackie nodded shyly.

"Are you insane?!"

"Just let me explain..."

Hannah took a deep breath in and exhaled so heavily, her arms dropped from her chest as she rolled her eyes and sat on the step Jackie had risen from.

Jackie took a seat next to her, not wanting to be caught off guard by any more surprise guests. Nervously twirling her thumbs, she finally squeezed her eyes shut and let the words flow freely from her lips.

"Hannah, I'm in love with her."

"You're in love with her?" Her voice was patronizing, which was to be expected.

Jackie responded with a half smile and a gentle nod.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing? Jacks... she's your professor. The amount of trouble she could get in, and if the media gets a hold of this..."

"Trust me, I know. There's so many reasons why I shouldn't... but I can't help it."

"Does she feel the same?" Hannah was now looking directly into her eyes and Jackie knew the truth was going to hurt her, that yes, they were in love.

"She does," she replied with a small smile, trying to be empathetic to her feelings.

"Why didn't you just tell me that then? I thought we were friends."

"We are, but not one person in my life knows about this, they can't. Do you know how hard that is?"

"Yes, I do. Or don't you remember us in this exact same situation?"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just, last time it got out and she ended up losing her job, and I can't bare to see that happen to her again."

"Last time? How long has this been going on?"

"Basically since the moment we met back in Bloomington."

"Shit..." Hannah exhaled, staring forward in a daze.

"You...you didn't tell anyone did you?" Jackie asked bashfully.

"No, of course not," she snapped. "How could you even think that?"

"I know, I'm sorry, I knew you wouldn't."

They sat in silence, letting this new shared secret between them sink in. Jackie glanced at her from the corner of her eye and watched as she was trying to wrap her mind around it all. It felt kind of nice finally being able to talk to someone about Catherine.

"Why did you kiss me then?"

Jackie went through the entire year, how Catherine and her went from hardly speaking, to Catherine refusing to let their relationship go anything deeper than the physicality of it, to where they were now.

"I feel so naive for not catching on to any of this..."

"Honestly? I'm relieved you didn't. It means were doing a damn good job then."

"How can you live like this? If you really love her, isn't it hard not to be able to express yourselves? The constant sneaking around and lying, that's not healthy and sure as hell not a way to live."

"I know, trust me. It's why we broke things off the first time around, but she's here now, and I can't imagine life without her or at least giving it a real shot." As Jackie spoke she saw the hurt begin to engulf Hannah's face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying this to you..."

"No, it's fine. I'm actually a little relieved it's because you're in love," she smirked. "I just hope you don't end up getting hurt and I hope you realize you probably will..."

Jackie drove straight to Catherine's afterward and wasn't looking forward to having to fill her in on everything that happened, she was exhausted. She had barely put her hand on the door knob when Catherine opened it. She knew she must have been looking out for her the moment she let her know she was on her way.

"Everything's fine." Jackie assured her when she saw her worried face, slipping her arms around her waist and hugging her tightly. The warmth of her body felt like home and exactly what she needed but Catherine's body stiffened, she was so anxious wanting to know answers.

"Are you positive?"

"Yeah, we had a long talk. I'm sorry I kept you worried."

"Is she upset?"

"She was."

"What did she say?"

"Can we go lay down? My head is pounding" she said, as she began rubbing at her temple.

"Where was she? Did she say if she talked to anyone?" Catherine asked as she rummaged through her drawers and handed Jackie a shirt to sleep in.

"She went for a drive and no, she didn't tell anyone, I made sure of that and she was slightly offended that I even had to ask." Jackie pealed off her clothes and slipped into Catherine's.

When Catherine at last retreated to the bathroom, giving a break to the twenty questions, Jackie pulled back the covers to the bed. When doing so, she spotted herself in Catherine's mirror and noticed the shirt Catherine had given her, her favorite shirt of hers she wore in Bloomington. The guilt began to erupt into the pit of her stomach again. She knew she had to tell Catherine about their kiss, if she didn't now, now when the opportunity presented itself, there would be no coming back from it later. But she was leaving in two weeks and she couldn't bear the thought of having to leave for so long on anything other than a good note. Fearful of the thought of spending their last days together arguing, she looked down at the shirt as she gripped the bottom of it. They weren't together when her and Hannah kissed, she did nothing wrong, she shouldn't feel guilty, or so she tried to tell herself.

When she heard Catherine finishing up in the bathroom, she quickly slipped into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She squeezed her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep when the door creaked open. The unexpected feeling of a cool wash cloth settling over her eyes made her flinch.

"Sorry," Catherine apologized. There wasn't any pretending now.

"Thanks" she said, as she reached up and rested her hand on it. "Could you turn off the lights?"

"Don't fall asleep if I do."

"I'll try not to."

"Jackie..." Catherine said sternly, as she flicked the lights off.

"Catherine, it's been a long day..."

"Yes... it _has_. I've been worried sick with the little communication from you, not knowing what was happening."

"I know, I'm sorry. It was just too much trying to handle the both of you. What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Start from the beginning."

Jackie sighed. "I waited outside her place after I went searching for her. She finally showed up. We talked. She assured me she'd never spill the beans, I came here."

"Wha-wha-wha-wha-wait." Jackie felt the bed shift as Catherine propped herself up on her elbow.

"Back up... details."

"Why don't you just ask me specifically what you want to know."

"Was she upset with you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She thinks I'm crazy, she thinks _we're_ crazy. Told me exactly what we know, how big of a risk it is, if the school finds out, if the media finds out."

"And what did you tell her?"

"That we know all of that."

"Does she know we..."

"That it's not just some random fling? Yes. She knows all about Bloomington. I told her everything."

"Why did she run?" Catherine asked suspiciously.

"It's a pretty shocking thing to witness, coming across your friend and your professor kissing."

"Yeah but when she got to her car, why did she drive off and not talk to you? Just seems kind of dramatic."

Jackie felt her chest tighten, her breathing seize.

"Jackie?" Catherine shook her arm. "Wake up."

"I am. You were right."

"What do you mean?"

"Hannah has... Hannah has feelings for me."

"I knew it."

Jackie didn't say anything.

"No wonder she fled."

"Yeah..."

"How did you handle that?"

"Told her I was in love with you."

Jackie felt the bed shift a little again as Catherine's lips encompassed hers. She then pressed her hand gently on the towel over Jackie's eyes for a moment before snuggling up next to her..

"So it's finally out."

"You don't need to worry. She's the best person to have caught us because she's been in our shoes. She's not going to tell a soul."

Jackie felt for Catherine's hand and kissed it before they laid in silence in the darkness.

"Are you asleep?" Catherine whispered after a few moments. She could feel her warm breath against her cheek as she tried her hardest to steady her breathing to a slow rhythm. Convinced she was, Catherine didn't bother her again and she laid awake wrestling with her guilty conscience as she listened to her sleeping peacefully next to her.

In the morning she awoke to the smell of bacon and was surprised to see Catherine awake so early on a weekend. Shocked how out of it she must have been not to hear her, she assumed her body had finally just subdued to the exhaustion of last night's events.

Catherine suddenly appeared in the doorway with a tray, her face gleaming.

"What's this?" Jackie asked as she raised to her elbows.

"I was just thinking about what you told me last night. It couldn't have been easy for you. It's a difficult thing telling someone you don't love them back, let alone a friend."

"I never said she loved me. She never said she loved me."

"Oh I'm sure she does."

"Why do you say that?" Jackie forced a laugh as she grabbed a piece of crisp bacon from the plate and chomped down on it.

Catherine crawled across the bed toward her, "It's impossible not to" she smiled, before kissing her cheek.

The burning deep within her began again and before she knew it, it erupted. "Come to Europe with me," she blurted out as Catherine's lips were still pressed against her cheek.

"Right," Catherine laughed.

"I'm serious," she said as she set down the piece of bacon and turned to her.

"You know I can't."

"Why not? There's no chance of running into anyone there, we could go out in public without a care in the world." Jackie said as she got to her knees and took Catherine's hands in hers.

Catherine just smiled at her, not taking her seriously.

"You were saying Hannah and I got to do so many fun things in Europe, so could we. I want to experience it with you."

"What does Hannah have anything to do with this?"

"She doesn't," Jackie felt herself panic. "I just mean... I wish it would have been you there. I know you'd love it."

"You know I can't, I already signed up to teach summer term. Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Catherine's face and accusatory tone let on that she was catching on to Jackie's reluctancy to tell the truth.

Not knowing what else to do, Jackie pretended to get defensive. "God forbid that I want to see you at some point this summer" she said, rising from the bed. "Maybe...Maybe it's starting to sink in that I'm leaving. And the fact that we finally just got back to a good place..." She was pacing now and could feel her voice begin to tremble with fear as Catherine eyed her.

"Jackie, did something else happen last night that you're not telling me?"

"What? No." She could feel her cheeks begin to ignite.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are, you can't even sit still. Tell me the truth, did something happen?"

She lost. Catherine knew her too well to keep trying to fool her. It was a lost cause. She did nothing but finally stop pacing and look at her, preparing herself for what was to come.

"So something did happen."

"Hannah kissed me."

"Last night?"

"No, no. It was before... Before me and you... It was during our break."

"Was it just once?"

"Yes."

"Well you didn't kiss her back, did you?" Catherine laughed insecurely.

Jackie's jaw immediately shut and her teeth settled tightly, almost as if her mouth was trying to save itself from causing any more damage.

She watched Catherine's cheeks begin to soften as her hesitant smile faded.

"I was so upset with you, I was hurting and thought it would help me, but it didn't. All I could think of was you as soon as it was happening. It was over almost as soon as it began and I told her I couldn't. That I didn't feel the same way."

Jackie could see the muscles in Catherine's jaw flexing as her eyes slid down to the bed. "When," she asked sternly.

"I told you, we weren't even speaking hardly-"

"WHEN." Catherine repeated, this time louder as tears began to brim her furious eyes.

"I don't know, a couple weeks ago. We were both drunk off champagne, it would have never happened sober."

Catherine's eyes began to dart back an forth, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"Champagne?"

"Yeah, she brought a bottle over to celebrate a role she landed."

"You kissed her the night I met you on the roof?" Her voice had an eerie calm to it now.

Jackie could hear the blood pumping in her ears, why did she mention the champagne. "Yes, she was there earlier, but Catherine-"

"You kissed her that night? Of all nights. That's the night you kissed her?"

"I thought we were done-"

"You kissed her and then you kissed me, and then we..." Catherine's voice trailed off as she shook her head in disbelief, her face twitching as she struggled to control it until she finally turned and sat on the edge of the bed, her back to her.

"Catherine I thought whatever we were was over with, our conversation in that classroom, the things you were saying..." Jackie said as she began crawling over the bed towards her. "I was so upset over you and she leaned in at the perfect time to catch me at my most vulnerable," she placed her hand on Catherine's shoulder and her enter body shuddered as if it caused her actual pain. "Don't you dare touch me" she said through clenched teeth.

Jackie slipped off the edge of the bed and went and knelt before her. "I honest to God was going to tell you right then and there. I even tried interrupting you but you told me not to. Then all of the things you were saying to me, how could I ruin that moment?"

"You just did," Catherine said quietly, yet fiercely as she lifted her tearful eyes to meet Jackie's.

"We weren't together," Jackie said softly. "I didn't want to ruin these last couple of weeks we had left. I feel absolutely nothing for her and stopped it without even knowing this was going to happen between us. That has to be proof enough."

Catherine's eyes fell from hers, her shoulders raising as her breaths deepened. Jackie saw a box of tissues sitting on the nightstand so wobbled over on her knees and grabbed a few before wobbling back and placing them in Catherine's hands. She wiped a tear that was slowly trickling down her cheek with her thumb. "Please don't cry over this. If I did have feelings for her do you think I would have chased you around all year like I have? I could have just been with her if that's what I really wanted."

Catherine stay silent, staring down at the crumbled tissue she was fumbling with in her hands. This was unusual. Usually she was laying it into her, making cruel jabs, never silent. After a few moments of silence passed, Jackie placed her hand gently on her knee, "What are you thinking? Yell at me, tell me how awful I am, anything, please just say something, anything."

Catherine slowly looked up into Jackie's eyes, her eye brows crinkling, "I don't want that. I think you should go though..."

"Catherine-

"There's a spinning class that I told Leslie I might join her at."

"Skip it, please..."

"No. I think it's a good idea for me to go, to clear my head."

"Can I come back after?"

"I don't know... I just need some space right now."

Jackie respected her wishes and grabbed her things. She looked back as she stood at the door way before leaving, Catherine was still sitting on the side of the bed with her back to her, she had never seen her so still and it took everything within her to walk out that door. When she got home, she kept herself busy packing the rest of her things. She couldn't tell if Catherine's new levelheadedness was a good thing or something to be alarmed about but either way, she almost preferred her screaming at her, at least then she knew what was going on in her head.

When 6 o'clock rolled around and she still hadn't heard from her, she sent her a simple text message. "Just know that I love you." After waiting to see her screen glow, she ordered herself a pizza when it never did. At least she was getting somewhere in the packing, the stress was making her exceptionally productive and in return the packing was easing her stress as much as it could. Her stomach growled just in time for the buzzer to ring, she hadn't been able to eat all day. Grabbing her wallet from the counter she opened the door as she counted out the money but when she looked up, Catherine was standing before her. Catherine's lips formed a straight line as she shrugged her shoulders. That was enough for her, Jackie wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. Her body softened in her arms, the way she had wished it had the night before, making her never wanting to let go. "I don't want to fight any more," Catherine whispered.


	39. Chapter 39

Catherine gripped the handle bars as she pedaled faster. She stared forward at the spinning instructor but she wasn't focused on her, her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was in Jackie's apartment. Her mind was on Jackie kissing Hannah only moments before she bared her soul to her on that roof. Would she have even told her if Hannah hadn't have caught them? Did Jackie really not have any feelings for Hannah whatsoever? The way she had ran so quickly past her when she saw Hannah, the force of it knocking Catherine against her car. The fact that she left her standing there, the fact that she didn't check in to see if she was okay, how she hardly even tried to communicate during the entire ordeal. And then the way Jackie's jaw set after Catherine joked if she kissed her back. All of this on top of the fact that just weeks ago she accused her of giving Hannah a bad grade on purpose. Her muscles burned as her legs moved violently against the pedals, trying to expel the feelings of jealousy.

"Are you okay?" Leslie asked as Catherine let the cold water from her bottle gush down her throat.

"I feel great, why?" She asked as she used her towel to wipe the remnants of sweat from her forehead.

"I thought you were going to rip that bike clear off the ground for a second there."

Catherine smiled, "Just stressed out is all, I needed that."

"Clearly," Leslie joked. "You wanna get a bite to eat?"

"I think I'm going to have to pass, there's some things I wanted to get done."

"Alright, well, I'll see you Monday then." Leslie said as they began to part ways in the parking lot. Catherine thought about sitting at home alone, letting this all eat her up inside as she walked away. "You know what, screw it," she turned back. "Yeah, let's get lunch."

When she got home she let the water trickle down her face. The warmth of it offering relief against her overused muscles. As she rubbed the towel through her wet hair she saw the shirt she lent Jackie the night before folded on her dresser and paused. She held it in her hands as she sat down on the bed. Things had been so perfect the last couple of weeks, how could it all have been ruined just like that when it took so long to finally get there. She lifted the shirt to her face and breathed it in, breathed Jackie's scent in. Was it really ruined though?

"I could have just been with her if that's what I really wanted." Out of everything Jackie had said to her that morning, those were the words that had resonated with her all day. It was true, if she really did like Hannah she could have just been with her. God knows she hadn't made it easy for her to stick around.

As if it were a sign, her cell phone vibrated on her night stand. It was a message from Jackie. "Just know that I love you."

She knew Jackie was going nuts not knowing what she was thinking, and she couldn't help but find some pleasure in it. The more she was able to process it all, the more she knew Jackie wasn't lying about not having feelings for Hannah; but this was more of a thing of pride. She couldn't let her get off scot-free with this, she was still in the wrong for not telling her to begin with. But with only two weeks left together, was it really worth letting this thing take up the little time they had left? They had spent the majority of the year arguing and now that it was almost over she would give anything to get it back. Enough time was wasted.

Jackie opened the door and must have been expecting someone else, because when she looked up from her wallet she looked stunned to see her. Catherine shrugged her shoulders in surrender and Jackie immediately slid her arms around her, clutching her tightly. Catherine wrapped her arms around her neck, "I don't want to fight any more," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry... for all of this. I should have told you sooner, there's just not much time left and I know that's no excuse but you have to believe me that..."

Catherine slipped out of her grip just enough to kiss her, "I do believe you, and I don't want to waste any more time talking about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. But _never_ do it again" she warned, pinching Jackie's cheeks so her lips resembled a fish.

"I promise, " Jackie said through her squished face.

Catherine couldn't help but laugh and kissed her as she continued to squeeze her lips.

The next morning she awoke in Jackie's bedroom, Jackie laying next to her and smiling as she slowly gained consciousness.

"Good morning," she smiled.

"Good morning," Jackie echoed sweetly.

"How long have you been awake."

"Long enough to go get coffee."

"You got coffee?"

"Mmmhmm..." Jackie smirked as she nodded towards the nightstand behind her.

Catherine turned around and found a vase of flowers sitting next to her coffee. After smelling their aroma and grabbing her coffee she turned back to Jackie. "Groveling?"

"Maybe..." She smiled before looking more seriously, "I just-"

"Nuh-Ah," Catherine shook her head sharply.

"Fine" Jackie sighed as she leaned over her, "I'll just throw these away..."

Catherine placed her hand on her chest and pushed her back. "I said I didn't want to talk about it, not that this wasn't necessary. You're still in the wrong, but this..." she sipped her coffee, "helps" she smiled. "And don't you dare touch those flowers."

Jackie laughed and kissed her on the cheek.

After ignoring Hannah's general direction in class on Monday, Catherine was thankful it was the last week and hoped she wouldn't enroll in any of her classes in the fall.

"Hi Professor Stark, have a minute?" Jackie gleamed as she stood in her doorway.

"You're in luck Ms. Kirk, I'm free for the next hour."

Jackie closed the door and dropped her backpack on the chair. Catherine kept her eyes on her as she walked around her desk. "Student's aren't allowed behind my desk," she said in a stern but flirtatious tone.

"Since when?" Jackie teased, placing her hands on the armrests of her chair.

Catherine dropped her mouth open in offense and pushed her shoulder as Jackie laughed and kissed her.

Between finals and Jackie having to study her script, their time together resumed on the couch once again, but she didn't mind. It wasn't like they could go out in public anyway, and she cherished their time alone when they could be themselves in the comfort of her home.

"Want something to drink?" Jackie asked.

Catherine lowered the book she was reading to look at her. "No thanks" she smiled, as she lifted her legs that were resting on top of her lap so she could get up.

A moment after hearing Jackie set her glass down on the table she felt her grab the book from her hands and toss it.

"Hey, I don't remember what page I was on."

"Are you really going to complain about that right now?" Jackie asked as she climb on top of her.

Catherine sank further down onto the couch, "No" she smiled, biting her lip.

"That was unexpected," Catherine laughed as she pulled her clothes back on.

"I needed a break. Where's my shirt?" Jackie asked looking around.

"Some break," Catherine smirked as she searched the couch and laughed when she found it stuck under a cushion.

"Yes it was, but back to business," Jackie said as she tugged the shirt back over her head and grabbed her script from the table.

Catherine must have drifted off, because she woke up still on the couch at 2am to find Jackie on the other end, slumped over fast asleep. She gently took the script from her hand. "Jackie, wake up..." she whispered in her ear.

"Hmm..." Jackie moaned as she smacked her lips and turned her head without opening her eyes.

"Jackie, we fell asleep" she said, softly pushing her hair behind her ear. "Let's go to bed, it's late..."

"Lay with me" Jackie mumbled.

Too tired to argue, Catherine grabbed a blanket and slid onto the couch next to her. "I love you," she whispered as she kissed her forehead. Jackie nestled into her, "I love you more" she replied sleepily.


	40. Chapter 40

"Listen up class," Catherine interrupted the chatter and the room began to settle down. "Use the time we have this week to your advantage. We aren't going to be doing anything other than peer reviews on your final papers. I will be by to sit with you all individually to offer any last minute pointers" she said, as her eyes skimmed the class. "Now, I may be _slightly_ older than you all" she paused and smiled, causing her eyes to wrinkle in the corners and the class laughed. "But I'm not naive. I know some of you won't be back after today since you don't necessarily have to be here, and that's fine. You're all grown ups and this week is solely just to help strengthen your papers. So that being said... I just want to thank you all for enrolling in this class and hope you enjoyed it, or at least got something out of it. If you're a senior, congratulations and good luck. If you're not, hopefully I'll see you again."

Jackie glanced around the room as Catherine spoke and noticed everyone's eyes locked on her, smiling in admiration. Not only did it make her realize how lucky she was that Catherine had chosen her, but also how much better things were here for her than in Bloomington. Sure everyone still lined up to take her class back there, but they didn't respect her. They were far more interested in the mystery of her and the rumors. None of that was here though. No one feared her here, they genuinely respected her and her work.

In the middle of peer reviewing with another student, Jackie felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "You're up Ms. Kirk."

Moving to the two desks Catherine had pushed together, they settled in next to each other. "Just let me know which parts you could use some work on." Catherine knew which parts Jackie was struggling with, but she went along with the gimmick for her sake. Flipping the paper to the paragraph she had highlighted, she slid it over to her. As Catherine read, she cautiously watched her eyes move down the paper. She could smell her perfume, she looked extra gorgeous today for some reason, but she always did when Jackie couldn't have her.

"This is a really strong paper, there's not much more you need, just clean it up a bit here and strengthen your argument a bit more and you're good to go."

"Okay," Jackie smiled.

"Any questions for me?"

Jackie sucked her top lip in and shook her head, "No."

"Alright then, great job."

"Thanks Professor Stark," Jackie couldn't help herself and placed her hand on Catherine's bare knee underneath the desk before standing.

When she was seated back in her own desk and Catherine was busy with another student, she heard two guys catty-corner to her whispering about Catherine. "Are you signing up for her Abnormal Psych class next year?" One asked.

"Do I have eyes?" The other responded.

They both laughed before lowering their voices. "The things I would do to her. I swear to God if I was a senior..."

The amusement Jackie had over their conversation soon turned to anger thinking of them coming onto Catherine. She turned to them slightly and flashed a disgusted look, letting them know she had heard their comment. They both cowered their heads but snickered as soon as she turned back around.

Jackie stood on the roof as the sun was setting, taking in the view for the last time. Catherine slid her arms around her waist from behind and rested her chin on her shoulder. "I'm going to miss this."

"Maybe you'll luck out and they'll be an open apartment when you get back."

"I doubt it" she sighed, placing her hands on Catherine's and leaning her head back into her.

They stood there until the sun slowly disappeared underneath the horizon before heading back in for the last of her boxes.

"Is that it?" Catherine asked as she returned from the car.

"Yep" Jackie replied, standing in her now empty apartment. The moving company had taken the majority of her belongings to the storage unit, and the rest she was taking to Catherine's. Although she had mostly been spending her nights at Catherine's, it was still hard letting go of the place she called home since moving back to California.

"Want me to wait in the car?"

"No, I'm good." She took one last look around the apartment, left the keys on the counter, and flicked off the lights as Catherine swung her arm around her shoulder. "Come on, lets get you home roomie" she smiled, as she gave her shoulder a squeeze.

Jackie rolled over, awaking slightly and felt an emptiness on the other side of the bed. Extending her arm, she didn't feel Catherine next to her. She cracked her heavy eyes open and didn't see light coming from the bathroom door either. Squinting at the clock it was almost 3am, where was Catherine? She kicked off the covers and slowly made her way down the hall, spotting Catherine sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey," she said sleepily as Catherine turned to her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep" she insisted. "It's late."

"Yes it is. Why are you awake?"

"Couldn't sleep. I'm sorry for waking you."

"You didn't wake me. I rolled over and you were gone, I missed you. What's going on?" Jackie asked as she took a seat next to her.

"Seriously, it's nothing. I just woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. Go on," she nodded her head back to the bedroom.

"Don't tell me what to do," Jackie smirked, her heavy eyes becoming lighter as they adjusted to the light. "No, I want to sit here with you."

"You have class in the morning."

"And?"

"Stubborn..."

"Catherine..."

"What?"

"Are you going to tell me what's really wrong?"

Catherine shook her head and bit the side of her lip. "I told you already, nothing."

"I've never known you to be drinking tea in the middle of the night..."

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"You know... You don't always have to be so brave all the time."

"Yes, I do. I'm Catherine Stark, it's what I do," she smiled sarcastically.

Jackie paused and softened the demeanor of her voice, "Did tonight freak you out, seeing my apartment empty?"

She didn't say a word, her eyes lowered to her cup of tea before shaking her head again, but this time vertically.

Jackie reached out and placed her hand on Catherine's which was like pulling a trigger. As soon as their hands touched, a solitaire tear fell from Catherine's cheek and onto the table which she quickly wiped away.

"Catherine," Jackie laughed sympathetically as she got up.

Catherine raised her hands to cover her face as Jackie pushed her chair out with her still in it. She placed her hands on Catherine's shoulders as she straddled her and grabbed her wrists, pulling them down so she could see her face. "I'm sad too, can't we be sad together?"

When Catherine lowered her hands, Jackie smiled at her sadly. "This is hard for me too."

"I know, I just don't want to spend our last week together being sad."

"Let's get it all out right now then. We're going to be fine. I'm going to come back here any and every chance that I get, and I'll be back before you know it."

"You're not going to have any time to come back."

"Even if it's just for a weekend I will. I promise. But this has to be double sided."

"How long is that flight again?" Catherine teased.

Jackie cocked her head.

"Kidding, sort of... I'll just get a strong pill to knock me out the entire time."

Jackie smiled at her and laughed shortly through her nose before using this as a chance to get Catherine out of her head. "Are you still not tired?" She asked slyly.

Catherine bit her lower lip and shook her head no.

"Well I know a way of knocking you out that doesn't require a pill," she said seductively as she kissed her neck.

"That sounds violent..."

Jackie laughed as her lips were still on Catherine's neck. "Only if you want it to be..." She whispered in her ear before sinking her teeth gently into her earlobe.


	41. Chapter 41

Catherine looked up from her book and noticed only a handful of students left finishing up their final, one of them being Hannah. She read the same sentence in her book over and over again, her heart sinking lower into her stomach as each student dropped off their final one by one, leaving her closer to being left alone with Hannah. Just as she feared, Hannah waited for the last student to finish to come drop hers off. When she set it down, Catherine looked up and forced a smile, "Have a good summer."

"I'm not going to tell anyone. I just wanted you to know that."

Catherine didn't know what to say so just looked at her uncomfortably.

"I promise..."

"Thanks Hannah," she smiled.

Hannah drew her lips into a straight line and nodded before walking to the door, but paused halfway there.

"Professor Stark?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be careful with her. I know she seems tough, but she's actually pretty fragile."

Catherine nodded with a smile.

The entire drive home she couldn't stop thinking about what Hannah had said. When got home she found Jackie in the kitchen cooking, having no idea she was there. She leaned against the door frame and just watched her for a moment, enjoying the site.

"What's this?" She finally called out.

Jackie turned and smiled, "I promise it'll be better than last time. It's pasta, it's fool proof, right?"

"It smells good" Catherine said, leaning over the pot.

"I made the sauce myself, here..." Jackie lifted the wooden spoon and blew on it gently before offering it to Catherine.

"Mmm... That is good. What's in it?"

"Prego" she grinned. "Wanna know the secret?"

"I do..." Catherine smiled, moving closer.

"First, you pour it into a sauce pan..."

"Oh yeah?" She grinned, grabbing her hips.

"Yeah. And then, you heat it to a boil over medium heat..."

"And then what?" Catherine whispered in her ear before moving her lips down her cheek, kissing it on her way down to her neck.

Jackie's shoulder tensed when she reached it. "You reduce the heat to low for twenty minutes..."

"So we have twenty minutes to spare?" Catherine asked seductively.

"Well, about 10 now..."

"I can make that work," she grinned.

Catherine grabbed Jackie's arm and drug her down the hallway. She sat on the side of the bed and pulled Jackie on top of her, kissing her neck, it was Jackie's weak spot and they were in a hurry after all. Wrapped up the moment and the feelings of the day it just slipped out of her, "Move in with me," she whispered into her ear.

Jackie leaned back slowly to face her, her eye brows pressed together in confusion.

"When you come back... After the movie. Move in here... With me."

Jackie's eyes darted back and forth between hers, looking her in both eyes, making her feel suddenly self conscious about what she had just asked. "I mean, if you want to..."

"Yes," Jackie responded quickly. "Yes, of course."' A big smile appearing on her face.

Catherine smiled back in relief as Jackie tackled her backward onto the bed.

Her hair fell in front of her face as she hovered over her and kissed, "I love you" Jackie said softly.

Catherine smoothed her hair back with both hands so she could see her face, "I love you more, Porcupine."

Suddenly a piercing noise came roaring through the house interrupting the intimate moment.

"The sauce," Jackie's eyes grew big as she leapt off of her and raced to the kitchen.

She removed the pot from the burner as Catherine grabbed a chair to turn off the smoke alarm. The kitchen was filled with smoke, the alarm drilling into their eardrums. Jackie hurried to the window and opened it just as Catherine silenced the alarm.

Once the chaos settled they both looked over at the stove simultaneously which was splattered with burnt sauce.

"Pizza?" Catherine teased.

"Ugh, I'm never going to get this right" Jackie laughed.

"Well you'll have plenty of chances to try now," Catherine smiled.

Just then there was a knock on the door, they both looked at each other in confusion.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"No."

"What should I do?"

"It's probably just a solicitor."

Catherine opened the door and was startled to see Leslie standing on the other side. "I need to vent" she said, as she burst through the door. "Do you have wine? I need wine" she headed for the kitchen and Catherine panicked.

"Leslie, this really isn't a good time." Catherine's heart was racing as she followed her to the kitchen, "Don't go in there-" But she was too late.

"What on earth happened in here?"

"I told you it wasn't a good time." She quickly looked around the kitchen for Jackie.

"It looks like the perfect time to me, you ruined dinner. Lets go get a bite to eat and some much needed drinks."

"I really can't, I have a mountain of finals to grade."

"Well if you would have just answered your phone... I really need to tell you what happened today."

Catherine thought about her phone in her bedroom still on silent from class.

"One glass of wine? Please?" Leslie begged.

"Fine," Catherine obliged. As she walked around the island to grab the wine glasses she spotted Jackie crouched behind the cabinet, her eyes filled with terror. She went and stood next to her, unsure of what else to do, she had no where to go. Placing the glasses on the island, she tried to pour the smallest amount possible without Leslie noticing so that she could get her out of there.

As Leslie began rambling about how rude a fellow professor was to her that they both equally disliked, she suddenly place her elbows on the island and leaned forward, closer to Catherine and Jackie as she became even more dramatic. Catherine glanced down at Jackie as she pretended to swirl her wine and saw her eyes shut hard in fear, pressed against the counter as flat as she could. She could hear her own blood pumping through her ears making it difficult to pay attention to what Leslie was saying, she just wanted her gone.

"And then guess what she did?!"

"What?"

Leslie stood up from the counter and began walking over to Catherine, causing her to panic. "You know what, let's go get that drink."

"Really?!"

"Yes, now you have me all riled up." Catherine really didn't want to go, but it was too risky having Jackie stuck in the kitchen with them. "Just one though, I'm serious."

"Okay, okay."

"I just need to grab my phone from the bedroom."

When she returned, Leslie was looking at her photos on her refrigerator which was alarmingly close to Jackie.

"Ready?" She said quickly.

As they walked out the door she texted Jackie, "I am so sorry. I won't be long."

When she got home an hour and a half later, Jackie was on the couch studying her script. Catherine leaned against the door and sighed, "Well that's not how I expected my night to go."

"And you want me to move in?" Jackie looked up at her from beneath her script.

"Are you mad?"

"No, I just don't know how I could possibly live here, especially when you have unexpected guests just randomly popping in."

"I don't. She's never done that before," Catherine went and sat on the couch next to her.

Jackie put her script down, "That was way too close for comfort."

"I know, that's why I left. I didn't want to, but I didn't know how else to get her out. I'm sorry," Catherine placed her hand over Jackie's.

"It's okay. It's just... between that and what if the university found out? You'd lose your job. It just doesn't seem possible."

"Yeah... I guess you're right," Catherine looked down. "I guess it was a pretty foolish idea."

"It means a lot that you asked," Jackie said softly as she rubbed her hand with her thumb.

Catherine looked back over at her and was met with a sincere smile.

"We don't have to figure everything out right this second, let's just get through these next few months."

"When did you become the more levelheaded one?" Catherine looked at her out of the side of her eye sarcastically.

"I'm not going to respond to that for your sake..."

"Oh my gosh I forgot, did you eat? I'm so sorry, I should have picked you up something."

"Yeah, I made a sandwich. I'm not completely incompetent ya know."

"Impressive. I'm going to go change" Catherine smiled, as she kissed her on the cheek and headed back to her room.

When she came back out, Jackie was on her laptop. "Hey so, how about tomorrow we do a redo of tonight. This time we can cook together though," she said as she tied her hair back into a pony tail.

"Oh, I cant. The girls are taking me out for a little goodbye dinner" Jackie said casually, as she continued to type.

Catherine paused, "Oh..."

"Did I not mention it?" Jackie asked as she looked up at her.

"No."

"I'm sorry, I thought I did."

"Is it just a dinner or are you going out?"

"Uh, I'm not sure, but I assume some drinks will be had. I mean... look who we're talking about. Depending where we go I can maybe catch a cab back here, if not I'll probably just stay at one of their places."

Catherine couldn't help but feel aggravated. This was their last few days together and Jackie was going to spend one of the nights with friends? _And_ possibly stay the night with Hannah?

Jackie must have picked up on her silence because she looked over at her. "I can make something up, if you don't want me to go."

"No," she shook her head. "Don't be silly. If that's what you want to do, you should go." Catherine knew the statement oozed of passive aggressiveness, but she couldn't let herself seem completely happy with the situation when their time was quickly running out.


	42. Chapter 42

When Jackie got out of the shower, Catherine was in the bedroom folding laundry. She smiled at her as she passed, taking a seat at the vanity to begin to getting ready for her night out.

"Do you have any laundry you need done? I'll be doing a few more loads tonight." Catherine asked, with a shirt pinned under her chin as she folded the sleeves.

"Uh, yeah. That'd be great actually," Jackie stood and went over to the closest. She pulled her suitcase from the floor and lifted it onto the bed. When she opened it, she noticed Catherine pause her folding.

"Wow, you're all packed up and ready to go."

"Yeah, I was bored while you were at school the other day so figured I'd get a head start" she said, as she pulled the dirty stack from her suitcase. Catherine was caught in a daze when she looked up at her.

"You okay?" She asked, as she handed her the clothes.

Catherine blinked her eyes rapidly as she snapped out of it. "Yeah, just exhausted" she smiled, as she threw them in the basket and left the room.

Jackie went back to the vanity and continued getting ready, but the guilt of spending the night away from Catherine was taking away any excitement she had of her one last night with the girls. She heard the slam of the washer door and the turn of the knob, before Catherine returned to the room. She glanced at her through the mirror, watching her silently continue to fold the clothes. Examining her face, she knew she wasn't happy, but how could she let her friends down? After finishing up, she walked over to the bed and sat down. "I wish I wouldn't have committed to this" she said, as she placed her hand on top of Catherine's.

Catherine stood abruptly and walked to the dresser to put her clothes away. "They want to send you off, it's nice of them."

"Yeah, I know. It's just-"

"You better get dressed, you're going to be late."

When she came back for another pile, Jackie grabbed her wrist and brought her closer to her.

"Are you mad?" She asked, as she held both of her hands.

"No," Catherine responded like it was a ridiculous question.

"Are you upset? Honestly..."

Catherine sighed and looked at her. "I'm not upset with you. But we have like 65 hours left together and..." she sighed again heavily before continuing, "And, I've never been very good at sharing" she finished, as the corners of her mouth curved into a smirk.

Jackie looked up at the ceiling in concentration as she swung their hands playfully. "Sixty... Seven, to be exact" she squinted her eyes before flashing a grin.

Catherine glared at her with a smile.

It was strange how her and Hannah returned to normal as if nothing had happened between them. As much as she enjoyed the evening, it didn't take long for her to think of Catherine.

"Jackie?"

"Huh?

"I asked if any of the guys in the cast are cute?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I don't really look at them like that."

She caught eyes with Hannah who was giving her a look.

"Ugh, I wish we could come visit you."

"Then do!" Jackie jumped at the chance of having visitors, she never was one for on location shoots where she knew no one.

"Right. Our part time jobs entail waitressing, not making blockbusters like you and Hannah."

"I have zero blockbusters under my belt, but thanks for pointing that out," Hannah joked.

"You know what I mean..."

After dinner they ended up at the bar just like she had imagined. Jackie looked around, examining how every person there was eagerly trying to meet someone new, to find someone to go home with. She had someone to go home to, why was she here? She looked around at her friends who were busy pouring shots down their throats and flirting with strangers. Why was she wasting her last hours in this crowded bar with friends who were hardly even paying attention to her, when she could be with Catherine?

"Don't be mad but, I'm going to go!" She yelled to Hannah over the loud music.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just want-"

"You want to go home to Stark" she smirked, finishing her thought.

Jackie smiled back guiltily and nodded.

Hannah threw her arms around her and hugged her. "You better see me before you leave..." She threatened.

"I will, I promise."

Jackie hugged the others goodbye and thanked them for the evening, promising to keep in touch.

When she got home, the house was completely dark except for a light streaming through the bedroom door. When she opened it, a confused Catherine was in bed reading a book.

"What are you doing home so early?"

Jackie slid her shoes off and crawled into bed. "63 hours" she mumbled, as she cuddled up next to her. Her body was warm underneath the covers. The aroma of fresh laundry and Catherine's perfume filled her senses. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent, wishing she could bottle it and take it with her to Europe.

Catherine set her book down and wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders, pressing her against her chest. She could hear her heart beating and nestled into her, completely in awe of the person it belonged to.

"I'm glad you're here" Catherine said softly, before kissing the top of her head. She left her lips there a little longer than usual. "I missed you Porcupine."

A single tear unexpectedly rolled down Jackie's cheek as the reality of being half way across the world from each other for half a year began to settle deep within her gut. She smothered the tear into her shoulder so Catherine wouldn't see, time was moving too fast.


	43. Chapter 43

Startled at first, Catherine saw Jackie emerge from behind her bedroom door.

"What are you doing home so early?" It was still fairly early for a night out.

Jackie didn't say anything at first, just slid off her shoes and climbed into bed next to her. "63 hours," was all she finally said as she cuddled next to her, and it was enough to make Catherine's heart melt.

They spent the next morning in bed longer than usual. "Let's not leave bed at all today," Jackie insisted.

"I'm okay with that."

However it wasn't long until Jackie's phone began to ring, "It's my manager, I gotta take this."

After a few minutes, Jackie stood from the bed and began pacing as they talked for several minutes longer, causing Catherine to grow impatient. "I was just going to take a cab... Oh, okay. Well I'm actually staying with a friend since I had to move out of my apartment, so I'll need to give them the address."

When she finally hung up, she continued to stare down into her phone, her thumbs busily gliding over the screen.

"Why do they need my address?" Catherine interrupted.

"They're going to send a car to take me to the airport."

"Am I not taking you?"

"Oh..." Jackie finally looked up, "Did you want to? I wasn't sure how you wanted to handle that..."

"I mean... I'd like to."

"Okay," Jackie smiled. "I'll let them know" she said, as she began to look down at her phone again.

Catherine leaped forward on the bed and grabbed the bottom of her shirt, pulling it so she'd come closer. "Later," she grinned.

Jackie stumbled forward with a laugh and took her hand, "I'm starving, let's get breakfast."

"What happened to spending the day in bed?"

"As much as I'd love that, there's too much I need to get done. I just want to plow through it all today so we can relax tomorrow."

While Jackie was in the shower, an overwhelming sense of anxiety overcame Catherine. Everything Jackie did that took her attention off of her felt painfully slow, valuable time was being wasted. When she finally got out of the shower, Catherine couldn't imagine spending the day without her while she ran errands so offered to tag along and keep her company.

"The thing is, I need to go to my moms to drop off my car..." Jackie responded awkwardly. "Do you mind maybe picking me up there later?"

Catherine's expression must have been mirroring what she was feeling inside because Jackie cut in, "No, nothing like that. You would literally just stay in the car until I hop in."

"Okay," Catherine relaxed. "Yeah, I can do that. I guess just let me know when to come then."

Around 5 p.m. Catherine pulled up alongside the curb of the address Jackie had sent her. It was in a suburb she didn't even know existed and looked like a neighborhood that belonged in Indiana, not California. After texting Jackie letting her know she was there, she looked out her window and took a look around. She couldn't picture Jackie growing up there in the slightest. All of the houses looked the same, even down to the lamp posts and mailboxes. Movement on the porch drew her attention back to Jackie's parents' house, as she saw Jackie emerge. Catherine lowered her head, pretending to be on her phone. They hadn't discussed how she was supposed to respond if an interaction were to take place. It was then that Catherine remembered her mother had already seen her, and her car, back in Bloomington. She wondered if she'd remember once she saw it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw them embrace at the door before Jackie made her way down the walkway. When she got into the car, she noticed her mother gazing at them from the porch so did nothing more than give Jackie a smile.

Once Jackie led her out of the subdivision, she asked her how it went.

"It was fine," she shrugged. "She wanted me to stay for dinner, but I told her I had plans."

"You could've stayed."

"God no."

Her answers were short as she stared out the window, giving the hint for Catherine to change the subject. "So this is where you grew up, huh?"

"I wouldn't say that. Neptune paid for this house. We didn't live this close to the city before I started the show. We lived about forty-five minutes from here. My mom said the reason they bought the house was for me, but that's a crock of shit. It was still too far from the city for me to commute every day, so that's when I moved in with Mark and her presence on set became scarce. This was her dream house, and my first season of Neptune paid for it. So no, this isn't where I grew up."

Catherine was quiet, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. Thanks for picking me up," her voice softened and she placed her hand on Catherine's knee.

Once they were home, Jackie seemed distant again. She went straight back to the bedroom and continued packing the last of her things. Catherine followed and sat on the bed, trying to help but mostly just wanting to be near her. "What are you feeling for dinner?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Whatever you want is fine."

"I insist that you choose, you'll be eating nothing but snooty European food soon enough," she joked.

Jackie smiled but it was forced, and Catherine knew she was just doing it for her sake. "Okay, Chinese I guess. The usual."

After she called the order in, silence ensued once more. Disheartened that the interaction between Jackie and her mother had left her unapproachable for the rest of the evening, she got up from the bed and decided it best to leave her with whatever demons she was battling with. It was then that she felt Jackie's hand on her stomach, stopping her as she passed. "Where are you going?"

"You seem like you need some space. It's okay though, I understand."

"I don't need space from you," a smile flickered over her solemn face. "I'm going to have enough unwanted space from you after tomorrow."

A pang of heartache engulfed her at the reminder.

"Stay," Jackie said softly.

When Catherine sat back down on the bed, Jackie gripped the sides of her suitcase and slumped her shoulders forward as she sighed irritably. "She just makes me so angry sometimes."

"Did something happen?"

"No. It's just these subtle little comments she makes that drive me crazy."

Catherine couldn't relate. Her and her mother had had the ideal mother-daughter relationship, if not more. She rested her cheek on her hand, letting Jackie vent to her before placing her hand over hers. She didn't know what to say or what not to say, and didn't want to upset her anymore so just listened intently.

"I'm sorry," Jackie apologized. "This is not how I wanted to behave this weekend."

"It's okay, I know family stuff is probably hard."

Jackie's face softened until slowly changing into a wince. "I am such an asshole" she said, as her shoulders dropped and she moved in front of her, putting her hands on Catherine's knees. "All I do is complain about my mom and you lost-"

"It's fine," Catherine shook her head lightheartedly with a smile as she took her hands in her own.

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is. Everyone has their own stuff, I know your relationship is difficult."

"Yeah but yours is indescribable and you never even talk about it, yet here I am..."

"I don't judge you for it," Catherine said shaking her head.

"If you ever do want to talk about it-"

"I know," she interrupted her with a smile.

The next morning when she opened her eyes, Jackie was looking at her. Catherine smiled broadly at her expecting a, "Good morning," but Jackie's face stayed still. Her chest began to raise and fall more laboriously, and the smile on Catherine's face slowly faded as she realized the anxiety she had been feeling had now finally reached Jackie. She lifted the sheet and Jackie moved across the bed and into her arms in one fluid motion. Catherine didn't say a word because she knew nothing would help. Instead, she just held her snugly and kissed her forehead. After a few moments of silence, Jackie's head began to move underneath her chin. She looked up into her eyes with a warmth Catherine had only seen a couple of other times, then her eyes trailed down to her lips and she kissed them. The first kiss was slow and gentle, but she didn't stop. Every time their lips parted, Jackie would press against her again, slowly and with purpose. A flutter materialized in her stomach, trailing up into her chest until it rested in her throat. They kissed longer than Catherine had ever kissed anyone in her life until Jackie finally paused, her warm breath on Catherine's lips. She raised to her knees, pressing them against Catherine's hips as she slowly began removing her shirt, her face still solemn. Catherine lifted herself up, settling Jackie into her lap as she helped lift her shirt over her head before they did the same to her own. Jackie balled it up in her fist and tossed it off the bed before placing a hand behind Catherine's neck and kissing her again. Their cheeks were moist against each others, their silent tears mixing into one. They fell slowly back onto the bed and although the phrase usually made Catherine cringe, she couldn't think of any other way to describe it. They made love. They made love well into the afternoon.

Catherine was staring up at the ceiling that night after having spent an amazing last day with Jackie, when she felt her shift next to her in bed.

"Are you awake?" Jackie called out.

Catherine rolled over on her side to face her.

"Hi."

"Hi," Catherine echoed. It was too dark to see her face, but she could tell she was restless. "What are you thinking about?"

"What _aren't_ I thinking about..."

"Nervous?"

"Extremely."

"What about?"

"The movie. Being in Europe for so long, alone. Never knowing when I'll able to see you next..."

"Why are you nervous about being alone? You won't be alone. This is your third project with these people."

"I know, but it's not the same."

Catherine reached over and took her hand.

"Promise me we'll be okay," Jackie whispered.

"We'll be okay," Catherine responded.

Once Jackie was checked in at the airport and was met by an assistant, he reached down to take her luggage. "Is this it Ma'am?"

She looked at Catherine standing in front of her.

"Yeah, but could you give us a minute?"

"Of course, I'll be waiting over there," he motioned.

They both looked at each other with half smiles.

"I guess this is it," Jackie shrugged lightheartedly.

This was it. The moment they had be anticipating, the moment they had been dreading.

Catherine couldn't speak, she just nodded.

Jackie closed the space between them and opened her arms to Catherine, who followed suit and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Jackie said quietly, squeezing her tighter.

"I'm going to miss you too Porcupine," Catherine responded discretely. She felt Jackie breathe in a deep breath and then deflate under her arms as they began to break away, slowly brushing their cheeks against the others. The most intimacy they would be able to get standing in public.

"Let me know when you land" Catherine said, trying to act as if this was a casual goodbye.

"I will," Jackie nodded as her eyes began to shimmer in the bright florescent lights of the airport.

Catherine's throat went dry as she struggled to swallow, her eyes not breaking Jackie's, not even to blink in fear of missing just one second of her. "Be safe, love you."

Jackie raised up a hand and offered a short wave, "Love you too," as if they were just two friends parting in an airport. And then she was gone.

Catherine stood there and watched her walk through the security gates. She kept watching until she became just a blur. Someone hit her shoulder from behind, bringing her back to reality, and a crowd began to form in front of her at the threshold. Her time was up, it was now everyone else's turn to say their goodbyes to their loved ones. She walked away slowly, suddenly feeling lost in this world, the way she had when she first moved here. When she got back out to her car, she fastened her seat belt and turned on the ignition robotically. Now what? She thought.


	44. Chapter 44

Jackie awoke groggily to the sound of the pilot's voice amplifying through the cabin. They would be landing in 15 minutes. She lifted the window shade half way and once her eyes adjusted, she peered out into the morning sky. The last time she had been conscious there had been nothing but total blackness outside. Twelve hours had been a long time. She thought she was handling her departure fine until halfway through the flight, when silence and darkness filled the plane and she was left alone with her own thoughts. Insecurities began to settle deep within her. Her move to Bloomington had been a major change but that was across the country, not the world. And there she had Catherine. How would this distance affect them? Could they really survive it? As soon as the plane descended onto the runway, she eagerly turned on her phone. The "No Service" icon appeared on the top of the screen so she waited patiently for it to switch over to international coverage. Exiting the plane, she kept her phone in her palm to check for a signal.

"Hello," she was greeted by a man in a black suit as she stepped out of the tunnel. "I was assigned to be your driver by Neptune Productions, my name is Neil," he said, showing her his official name badge.

"Hi Neil," she shook his hand and he lead her to the car, her luggage rolled behind him on a neatly stacked cart as they made polite small talk. When she entered the town car, her assistant from the first Neptune movie, Quinn, was inside. She gave her a hug as she greeted her.

"Long time, huh?" Quinn smiled.

"It sure has! How long have you been here?"

"Just a few days."

Jackie really liked Quinn and was happy to have her with her again in Europe, maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all, but she still wanted to talk to Catherine. She looked down at her phone again, the "No Service" icon still lingered at the top. Irritated, she rebooted it hoping it would catch up.

"How was your flight?"

"Alright, slept through most of it, thankfully." When her phone powered back on, the icon still shown. "Do you have service?"

"Yeah," Quinn looked down at her phone to double check. "Why, are you having problems?"

"Yeah, it keeps saying No Service."

"It may take a minute to switch over. Do you need to make a call?"

"Yeah, just to let someone back home know that I'm here safe."

"You can use mine" she offered, holding the phone out to her.

Jackie hesitated, "No, that's okay. I'll just wait until I get to the hotel." She wasn't comfortable with the idea of having an audience while speaking to Catherine, no matter how bad she wanted to.

"You have a wardrobe fitting at 2, so you have a little time to get unpacked or relax."

When they got to the hotel, Jackie looked around at the luxurious lobby. If she had to spend half a year in a hotel, she glad it would be this one.

Once the bell hop carried all of her luggage into her room and Quinn let her be, she plopped down on the bed and picked up the phone. Following the long distance instructions on the nightstand, she dialed Catherine.

After a few rings, Catherine's voice came through the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hi," Jackie smiled big as she collapsed back onto the pillows.

"Hi, how was your flight?" She could hear the smile in Catherine's voice.

"I slept through most of it. How are you? How was your day?"

"I'm fine, but I don't want to talk about me! How is it there?! How's your hotel?"

Jackie glanced around the room, "It's gorgeous, I can't wait for you to come visit. By the way, my cell phone isn't working for some reason, which is incredibly frustrating."

"That explains the foreign number."

"Yeah, I hope I get it figured out soon. I'm going to have Quinn take a look at it when I'm at my wardrobe fitting."

"Quinn?"

"Oh yeah, Quinn's my personal assistant. She worked with me on the last movie too."

"Fancy."

Jackie just laughed.

"What time is it there?"

"11:30. Shit, it's like 2:30 in the morning there isn't it? I'm sorry. I can call you back later?"

"No, no. I'm fine, keep talking."

"Okay," Jackie laughed.

"What did you say you were doing today?"

"Just a wardrobe fitting."

" _Just_ a wardrobe fitting. It's funny how quickly you've turned back into a glamorous actor."

"I'm still me."

"I know, I just mean... your life is not ordinary, that's for sure."

"No, it's not. Especially when the wardrobe consists of space suits," she joked.

Catherine laughed at the other end of the line, "I can't wait to see you in it."

"You're a jerk..."

"Is this supposed to be news?" She laughed again.

Her laugh sounded different through the phone. They hadn't spent much time on the phone during the duration of their relationship so this was going to be new, trying to have a relationship solely through the tone of their voices. However different her laugh sounded, if Jackie closed her eyes, she could picture it perfectly as if she were right next to her. It was calming, but the thought that she wouldn't be able to hear it in person for quite a while made her somber. After a break in conversation she said, "I miss you already..." Softly.

"I miss you too, Porcupine."

When Quinn came to get her for her fitting, she asked her to get her phone situation checked out. "I set up the plan beforehand to make sure this wouldn't happen. I don't understand, but I _need_ it working."

Quinn nodded, "Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Sorry to be putting you to work already."

"That's alright, that's what they pay me for," she winked.

During their first table read, Jackie stuttered through her lines leaving her embarrassed and angry with herself. When they took a break, she went to find Quinn to see if her phone worked yet.

"Is it working yet?"

"I'm sorry, no. I've been on the phone with them all day so soon, hopefully. Use mine, I insist."

Jackie slipped down a corridor and dialed Catherine's number, it rang several times before going to voicemail. Frustrated, she went outside to get some air. She was humiliated and felt so alienated not having her phone. Desperately wanting to talk to Catherine, she sat on the steps and tried to calm herself down.

"Hey Jacks, you alright?"

Jackie blinked her eyes to absorb the tears that had begun to form and lifted her face from her hands. Seeing one of her costars, she was embarrassed once more. "Yeah, I'm okay, just frustrated with myself at how awful I was in there."

"You did great. It's the first read through of the first day, everyone's rusty. You have so many more lines to memorize than the rest of us, so of course you're going to slip up a little more. But trust me, it's a good problem to have. You've got this, you're freakin' Tyler," she smiled.

The comment made Jackie laugh, "Thanks, I really needed that."

"Come on, let's go get some food." She held out her hand and helped Jackie to her feet.

When finally arriving back to the hotel that evening, Jackie dropped her things on the floor and went straight to the phone to call Catherine. Noticing the message light blinking, she pressed it curiously.

"Hey! Your cell still wasn't working when I called so hopefully you get this. I have to go to school for a seminar tomorrow and I'm not sure when the breaks are, so if I don't answer... that's why. Hope you had a good first day! Love you."

The tension inside of her immediately began to ease at the sound of Catherine's voice but when she called, she didn't answer again.

"Hey, it's me. I got your message, I'm back at the hotel for the rest of the night so give me a call when you get this. My cell phone still isn't working so call my room. Love you."

She turned off the light and laid in bed, waiting for Catherine's call. She must of dozed off because when she woke up, it was 1 a.m. Panicking that she missed Catherine's call, she lunged to the phone but there was no blinking light. Why hadn't she called?

"Hey, Neptune!" Catherine answered cheerfully.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Did you get my message?"

"I did. I called you back, twice. I left you a message too."

"Oh, I just got to my car and haven't checked my voicemail yet. I'm assuming your phone is still out of order?"

"Yes," Jackie sighed. "Which was a real inconvenience today, I really wanted to talk to you."

"I really wanted to talk to you too! I have _so_ much to tell you! Wait, are you still at work? Isn't it really late there?"

"It is, but I don't mind."

"Aw, well get this. The Dean of Psychology pulled me aside after the seminar to tell me what a great job I did this year and how all of the students have been raving about me. He asked me to come back to his office, so I did. Once we were inside he asked if I'd be interested in picking up another course!"

"Oh, wow. That's really great!" Jackie tried to sound enthusiastic.

"Yeah, and it gets even better. He's letting me choose whatever topic I want and design the entire thing on my own. I'm essentially creating a brand new course!"

"That's awesome! I'm so proud of you, what an honor."

"I know! I'm on cloud nine."

"I bet."

"Are you okay? You seem down."

Down was an understatement, but Jackie didn't want to ruin Catherine's exciting news with her own mess.

"I'm just tired."

"I bet you are, it's so late. Hey, what did you want to tell me? How was your first day?!"

"It was...it was good."

"Yeah?!"

"Yeah, it was a good first day."

"Good! How lucky are we both!?"

"So lucky."

"You poor thing, you sound exhausted. Why don't you go to bed and call me tomorrow?"

"Alright. Congratulations again, you deserve it."

"Thanks Porcupine, and thanks for calling. I love you."

"Love you too," Jackie said before placing the receiver down and lying back on the bed. She thought talking to Catherine would make her feel whole again but instead it somehow made her feel emptier. How was she so happy without her? She was happy for her but not having her there to suffer with made her feel alone.

After a strenuous first week of things not running smoothly, Jackie watched the rain trail down the window of her town car on the way back to her hotel, wondering if things would ever get easier for her here.


	45. Chapter 45

Catherine awoke with a smile still firmly placed on her face. She couldn't believe how great her week had turned out considering the agony she was in just days prior. Still on a high from her conversation with the Dean, it was starting to sink in on how much of a big deal it really was that he was giving her so much control when she had only been there a year. It instilled a confidence in her that she hadn't felt since Bloomington. Her happiness however, in no way took away from the constant void of Jackie not being there. Which lead her to her next revelation.

When she called Jackie, she was quieter than usual on the phone. In fact, she had been quiet all week, claiming it was just due to the exhaustion of the first week, but Catherine was starting to think it was more.

"Jackie..." She finally called out. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just-"

"And don't tell me that you're just tired."

She waited but Jackie didn't say anything.

"Tell me what's going on, you haven't seemed like yourself all week. I can sense something's wrong."

There was still silence on the other end of the line but she thought she heard the faintest sound of a sniffle.

"Porcupine... Talk to me..."

Her suspicions were true, she heard a definite sniffle and gasp for breath.

"Please talk to me... What's wrong?"

"It's just been a really rough week," Jackie said as she struggled to take another breath.

"What happened? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were having a really good week and I didn't want to ruin it by bothering you."

"Bothering me? Jackie, you're not _bothering_ me. If something's bothering you, I want to know so I can make it better."

She didn't respond.

"Okay?"

"Okay," she finally replied hoarsely.

"Now tell me what's going on."

"I'm a terrible actress..."

"Are you kidding me? Jackie, this is your third Neptune production. A wildly successful series, a major motion picture with you as the lead, and now a sequel. You are not a terrible actress..."

"Maybe I wasn't, but I am now."

"What happened?"

"I just want to come home," her sniffling broke out into a cry.

"Porcupine.. Tell me..."

After a few moments she finally calmed herself down enough to speak. "I haven't been able to get my lines right all week, I've mixed them up and stuttered through them like an amateur."

"You're just stressed."

"Yeah, because I am continuously making a fool out of myself day after day."

"You're overthinking it."

"Catherine you're not listening, I'm literally messing up my lines, multiple times a day-"

"No, no, I'm listening. What I'm saying is that you're so paranoid about making a mistake, that it's stressing you out. Correct?"

"Yeah..."

"And in return, that stress is causing you to get all worked up and panic once you're in that room in front of everyone. Correct?"

"Yes."

"You've become self conscious. You've lost your confidence. You're beating yourself up and putting too much pressure on yourself to get these lines right."

"Yeah, because it's literally my job to get them right."

"But not right now. You're still just in table reads. Are there cameras?"

"No..."

"So it's just practice."

"But the entire cast is in there."

"I know, I'm not trying to discredit your feelings. I know without a doubt that it's frustrating and embarrassing because you're like me, you're a perfectionist. I feel the same way when a student asks a question and I blank out in front of the entire class."

"That happens?" Jackie questioned, a hint of relief in her voice.

"It sure does. I'm the Professor. I'm supposed to be teaching them. I'm supposed to know all. So it's incredibly embarrassing, just as I imagine it is for you."

"Yeah, it's awful."

"How many times do they pause to rewrite the script while you're in there?"

"A lot."

"Every day?"

"Yeah."

"Multiple times a day?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you so worked up over lines that are most likely going to be rewritten anyway?"

Jackie was quiet.

"Huh?"

"I don't know..." She said quietly.

"Just remember that, try not to stress out about it. Right now, this is just practice. You're allowed to mess up."

Silence ensued once more.

"Are you still there?"

"You're pretty amazing, you know that?" Jackie's voice was lighter.

"I know..." Catherine replied with cockiness.

Finally a small laugh escaped from Jackie.

"See what happens when you actually talk to me?"

"Yes, I'm sorry..."

"You don't need to be sorry, just talk to me when something's bothering you. We're partners, we're in this together."

"I love you..."

"I love you too Porcupine. Are you feeling a little better?"

"I'm feeling a lot better, but now I miss you even more."

After that their phone calls became more upbeat, although Jackie was still homesick. She called her every chance she got which Catherine was more than accepting of. She liked feeling wanted. She liked feeling needed. When school finally started up again, she was thankful for volunteering to teach a summer course because it gave her something to keep her busy rather than just mindlessly filling the time waiting for Jackie's calls. To her surprise, on her first day of class, she came home to a bouquet of flowers. Pulling the little white card from the stems, she laughed when she saw a drawing of a Porcupine on the front.

"Hope your first day was better than mine Xoxo"

She snapped a picture and sent it to Jackie even though she knew she wouldn't get an answer at this hour. "Was this your handiwork?"

To her surprise, her phone rang.

"Is this Jacqueline Kirk, _artiste_?" Catherine answered with a french accent.

Jackie laughed hysterically on the other line, "It was my best attempt!"

"Well it was adorable. I'm surprised to hear from you."

"I didn't want to miss your first day."

"It was uneventful, until now."

"Glad I could oblige."

"Get some sleep, call me in the morning."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

Catherine hung up the phone and smiled at her flowers, leaning closer to smell their fresh aroma. Without hesitation, she grabbed her laptop and right then and there, she booked a flight to see Jackie.

"You went to bed surprising me, now I'm waking you up with a surprise." She told Jackie on the phone a few hours later.

"The anticipation is killing me."

"Last night when I got off the phone with you..."

"Yeah..."

"I did something..."

"Catherine, I have a call time. Get to it already!" Jackie said eagerly.

"I bought my plane ticket to come see you."

"No you didn't..."

"Yes, I did."

"No you didn't! When!?"

"The week of fourth of July."

"The whole week?!"

"Just about."

Jackie was speechless.

"Are you excited?"

"I don't think I'm going to need a drop of coffee this morning, that's how excited I am."

Catherine laughed.

"Seriously though, you have no idea how much this helps. Now I have a countdown, something I can look forward to."

"See you in four weeks Neptune..."


	46. Chapter 46

Regardless of the 12 hour flight and the time difference, Catherine hadn't stopped smiling since the plane landed. Making her way down the escalator, she was greeted by a man holding a sign that had "Catherine Stark" printed on it, just like the movies. Part of her had hoped Jackie had lied about not being able to pick her up and was going to surprise her, but she understood.

"Miss Stark?" The gentleman asked as he lowered the sign when she approached him.

"That's me," she smiled.

"My name is Neil, Miss Kirk has asked me to be your driver this afternoon."

"Hi Neil, it's nice to meet you but please, call me Catherine."

"Okay Ma'am" he smiled, as he grabbed her bags.

It took about 40 minutes to drive from the airport to the hotel but Catherine didn't mind, she was too busy soaking in all of the breathtaking scenery of the city as Neil pointed out what each building was.

"Thanks so much Neil," she said gratefully when they arrived at the hotel. Upon checking in, she was lead to her room, an unbelievably gorgeous room for that matter, and to her surprise a gift basket was sitting on the desk filled with all of her favorite snacks. Just next to it, was a handwritten note from Jackie:

"I hope your flight wasn't the nightmare you imagined. Meet me on the 2nd floor at 2 p.m. There will be a hallway full of reporters but you will see a woman with a clipboard checking people in. Tell her your name and that you're here to see me. Can't wait to see you xoxo Porcupine"

Catherine glanced at the clock, it was only half past 10 so she had plenty of time to relax and get ready. Despite the Dramamine she had taken on the plane leaving her feeling a bit groggy, she was feeling jittery out of the anticipation of finally being here, seeing Jackie in a few short hours. Taking her time to unpack, she nearly put away every item from her suitcase then looked at the clock again. It had only taken up 20 minutes. Collapsing on her bed in agony, she set the alarm on her phone and squeezed her eyes shut in hopes of catching a cat nap.

Slowly coming to, she awoke ecstatic that she had actually fallen asleep until she realized that it had only been 40 minutes. She dropped her head back down on the pillow and gazed up at the ceiling, wondering how the moment when her and Jackie would finally lock eyes would go. She got up and brought the basket and note over to the bed and reread the words over and over again, running her fingers over Jackie's handwriting. Rummaging through the basket, she tried finding something small to eat since it had been quite some time since she had eaten anything that resembled a meal. Pre-flight, she had been too nervous and now, well now she was just too damn excited. At 12 she finally jumped in the shower and took her time getting ready, wanting to look her absolute best for Jackie. When 1:40 rolled around, she took once last look in the mirror, straightening a piece of hair, and made her way to the 2nd floor in case she was able to see Jackie sooner. Her note had been correct, the hall had been an animal house, filled with reporters studying notes and holding tape recorders. Feeling overwhelmed, Catherine finally spotted the woman holding the clipboard and approached her.

"Hi, excuse me, I'm here to see Jacqueline Kirk."

"Yeah, so is the rest of the room," she responded snippety.

"No, you don't understand I-"

"Ma'am, take a seat. I will get to you."

Catherine was not keen on the tone of her voice and was not used to being treated with such disrespect. "I'm not a reporter, I'm a friend of Jacqueline Kirk's."

The woman sighed, obviously annoyed. "Name?"

"Catherine Stark."

She quickly ran down the list. "I don't see a Stark on here."

"Are you sure? I have a note from her saying that I am, can you please just look again."

She looked again, "I'm telling you Ma'am. No Stark on the list. Do you have the note with you?"

Catherine did but couldn't risk the woman reading the contents of it. Not knowing what to do, she just took a seat with the reporters. She figured she'd try finding someone a little more pleasant looking to talk to, or that Jackie would eventually come and find her.

As she watched each reporter disappear down the hall, she looked at her watch. It was was almost 3. Deciding maybe it would be best just to wait in her room, she stood and began walking back down towards the elevators.

"Is there a Stark here?" A different woman began asking the remaining reporters. "A Catherine Stark?"

Catherine turned around and hurried her way back, "That's me. I'm Catherine Stark."

"Can I see your ID Ma'am?"

"My ID?"

"It's protocol."

"Uh, yeah. Okay, one minute" she said, as she opened her wallet. "Here you go."

"Alright, come with me." The woman instructed after carefully examining her driver's license.

She led her into an empty conference room with a large boardroom table and chairs.

"Miss Kirk said to wait here, she's running over but will be here shortly."

"Okay, thank you."

After ten minutes of pacing, Catherine finally took a seat not knowing how much longer this was going to take. Fifteen minutes later she heard voices approaching so stood and smoothed her shirt. The doors burst open, loud voices filling the silent room. She heard Jackie's voice through the entourage of people, causing her stomach to flutter. She caught site of her surrounded by them all, but Jackie didn't see her yet.

"Okay, and when is this?... Okay, tell them that's fine." She was replying to every single one of them at once as she autographed a few photos of herself that someone was holding. It was a strange site seeing her act so professional and everyone making a fuss over her. All of a sudden Jackie briefly looked up at her, catching her eye and smiled before turning her attention back to her posse. "Okay, 5:30. Got it. Is that all? Good. Could everyone clear out now and give me a minute? ... Yes, I can get back to my room just fine. Thank you everyone." Once the last of them finally left, Jackie pulled the door shut and gripped the handle as she turned to Catherine. "Hi," she smiled broadly.

"Hi," Catherine replied, her cheeks aching at the severity of her smile.

Jackie let go of the door and rushed over to her. The impact when she reached her made Catherine stumble backward as she laughed, gripping her tightly. She pulled Jackie's face from her shoulder and cupped it in her hands, examining every feature, and kissed her. "I missed this face."

Jackie smiled, "Come on" she said, as she took her hand. "I've only got a couple of hours."

"A couple of hours?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. They scheduled a last minute meeting," she said as she led her down the hall to the elevators. "Did you settle into your room alright? What floor is it again?"

"15, we're not on the same?"

"No, our floor was packed with cast and crew and I figured it was best to be discrete."

"Oh, okay." Everything was a blur as Jackie whisked her through the halls of the hotel.

When they entered the elevator, Jackie pressed the 15 button. Just as the doors began to close, a young man slipped in.

"Hey Jacks," he smiled as they made room for him.

"Hi Tommy," she smiled back. "This is my friend Catherine."

"I was wondering why she didn't look familiar," he held out his hand.

Catherine smiled and shook it, "It's nice to meet you." Tommy. She remembered that name from long ago.

The elevator dinged open at floor 12 and Tommy held it open, "After you" he motioned.

"Oh, no. I'm going to go visit with Catherine up in her room for a bit."

"Okay, see you tonight," he smiled at Jackie before glancing at Catherine. "It was nice meeting you."

"You too."

Catherine snuck a peek at Jackie as they walked down the hall to her room. Her hair and makeup were done professionally, her clothes looked designer. On top of her appearance, she was bubbly and confident to everyone they passed. She had seen this side of her before briefly, at the Neptune party, but seeing a different side of someone you loved that you thought you knew completely, was strange. Catherine slid her key card through the slot and held the door open for Jackie. "After you Miss Kirk," she smirked.

"Stop," Jackie laughed.

When Catherine pushed the door shut, she turned and saw Jackie sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling at her sweetly. Behind the hair and makeup, the girl she loved shown through. She felt the smile expand across her face as she walked towards her- slowly, seductively, but when her knees hit hers, Jackie threw her arms around her waist and pressed her cheek hard against Catherine's abdomen.

"I'm so glad you're finally here." Jackie said softly.

Catherine felt her own brow furrow at Jackie's sudden change in demeanor. The strong actress persona quickly melted, literally in her arms. She ran her hand through Jackie's hair, careful not to mess up the hours of styling it probably took.

"I am too. I missed you, Porcupine."

Her other hand that was rested on Jackie's back felt a sudden shudder beneath it. She moved her hands to Jackie's face and attempted to tilt it upward so she could see her, but Jackie buried it in her own shoulder. "Sit," she patted on the bed.

Catherine did as asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm just _really_ happy to see you" Jackie said as she faced her, her eyes glistening the same way they had in the airport the last time they had seen each other.

Catherine took her face in her hands again and kissed her. It had been a long 6 weeks spent missing the taste of her lips.

"Can we just lie here?" Jackie asked.

Catherine nodded, "That sounds perfect."

The two hours flew by as they lay together and caught up on life, and Catherine's monumental achievement of flying across an ocean.

"This should only take a couple of hours," Jackie said as Catherine followed her to the door. "I'll take you out on the town for dinner after, I'm sure you're anxious to see the sights."

"Ah, yes. But Neil was very informative during the drive from the airport."

"Gotta love Neil. Be ready around 8? I know you're probably starving so feel free to order any room service in the mean time."

Catherine sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the clock, it was 8:45. Her stomach rumbled as she held it tightly. Vibrations sounded on her nightstand, communication from Jackie, at last.

"Hi Catherine, this is Jackie's assistant. She wanted me to let you know that things are running late but she shouldn't be much longer."

Catherine sighed after reading the message and set her phone back down. When 10 o'clock rolled around she debated texting Jackie's assistant, but felt foolish doing so. She pulled back the curtains and looked at the lights of the city. So breathtaking. It reminded her of the view from Jackie's roof, how much she wished they were there this minute. After her long day of travel, it was a miracle she was still awake. All that she was running on was the pure adrenaline of being with Jackie.

At 10:30 there was finally a knock on her door. "I am soooo sorry!" Jackie apologized.

"It's okay," she smiled understandingly.

"Do you mind if we just order in room service?"

"No, that actually sounds wonderful." And it did.

"Can we move this down to my room? I'm dying to get into something a little more comfortable, and you should too," she nodded towards Catherine's clothes.

Stepping into Jackie's room was like stepping into a reality show. There was a rack of clothing and lighted make up mirrors set up. "Excuse the mess, this isn't exactly the 5 star restaurant you were expecting, huh?"

"I'm glad it turned out this way, I'm exhausted and this is perfect. I don't need some fancy restaurant. I just want to be with you, alone." She said, taking her hand.

Jackie smiled at her seductively.

The next morning Catherine awoke to the sound of Jackie's alarm. When she turned back over from disabling it, she smiled at her. "Good Morning."

"Good Morning," Catherine grinned, but Jackie's smile faded.

"I have to ask you something and it's going to sound awful, just know that I know this, but don't mean it... there's just no easy way to say it."

"Okay?" She laughed.

"Could you go back to your room?" She winced.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, it's just... People are going to be coming soon, and it'll look suspicious..."

Catherine nodded as she got up from bed.

"I'm sorry!" Jackie winced again. "I told you it was going to sound horrible!"

"No, its okay. I understand." Catherine smiled as she held onto the sheet wrapped around her body and picked up her clothes from the floor. Jackie hurried over and helped her. "It's going to be another long day, but I promise... After today, we'll have the rest of the weekend to ourselves."

"Promise you're not mad?" Jackie asked uneasily when they got to the door.

"Promise. But isn't this the part where you pay me for my services?"

"Shut up" Jackie laughed, as she kissed her.

Despite her humor, when Catherine got back to her room and had time to process what had just transpired, it didn't sit well with her.


	47. Chapter 47

"Hey Quinn?" Jackie asked in the town car on their way to set.

"Yeah?" She responded, not looking up from her phone.

"A friend of mine is coming to visit the week of the 4th, could you book a room?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Thanks." She looked out the window and swore the once dreary sky suddenly looked a bit brighter.

"What kind of friend?" Quinn asked, intriguingly.

Jackie looked back at her and saw a smirk on her face as she peered up from her phone.

"My friend Catherine," Jackie laughed.

"Oh, okay." Quinn looked back down at her phone, not even a hint of speculation in her voice after hearing a female name.

Jackie wanted Catherine's visit to be completely perfect, so much so that she obsessed about it for weeks. She knew how important her anonymity was and wanted her to feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible, knowing that wasn't the easiest thing to achieve in such an overwhelming setting. Nervous she would get scared away the way she had in Bloomington, she booked her a room on a different floor, away from the cast and crew. Away from the madness.

The night before Catherine arrived, her costars all decided to go to dinner once they wrapped for the night, but Jackie had other things on her mind.

"You comin' Jacks?" Her costar Elizabeth asked.

"No, I have some things I need to do, but have fun!"

When she got inside the town car she lay her head back on the seat and smiled, anxious and ecstatic to see Catherine in less than 24 hours.

"Someone's happy," Neil spoke from up front.

Jackie rolled her head to look into the rear view mirror and saw his smiling eyes.

"I _am_."

"Excited for your friend to come tomorrow?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"I've got to tell you Miss Kirk, I haven't seen you smile like this since you've been here. You should do it more, you have a beautiful smile."

"Thanks Neil," she smiled again.

Quinn knocked on her door shortly after getting to her room.

"Will this work?" She asked, holding a basket in the doorway.

"Yes! Thank you!"

"Just let me know when it's done and I'll have it placed in her room."

"Thanks so much Quinn."

"No problem, see you bright and early."

Jackie spent the rest of the night meticulously placing all of Catherine's favorite things she had gathered into the basket she was going to surprise her when she got there.

The next morning she was filled with the anticipation of Catherine's arrival and didn't even feel the affects of her sleepless night. Thankfully, she didn't have to be on set and remember her lines, because she probably wouldn't be able to. Instead, they were hosting a media event in the hotel where reporters came to interview the cast and directors, asking how their stay was going. She could tell the interviews were running over and it was making her antsy knowing Catherine was somewhere in the hotel waiting for her. During a short break between interviews, Quinn came to give her a bottle of water.

"What time is it?"

"2:50."

"Quinn, I told Catherine I'd meet her at two. Is she here?"

"I haven't heard anything."

"Please have someone go check."

Despite the obstacles that arose during the day, she'll never forget Catherine's smile the moment she finally laid eyes on her. Once in her arms, she let go of a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding for the last six weeks. Thinking of this added to her guilt the next morning. Catherine had spent the night in her room and it was all too surreal until her alarm went off. The panic of knowing a team of people would be at her door overwhelmed her, leading her to asking Catherine to go back to her room. It was no easy request, but the way she handled it ate at her all day during filming. They were given a 2 hour lunch break due to having set changes, so she went on a brim and asked Neil to take her back to the hotel.

"Miss Kirk, that won't leave you with much time since we're fairly fair away."

"I know, I just really need to. Please?"

"Of course."

When she finally got to Catherine's door, she was prepared to grovel, but when Catherine opened the door she didn't look angry.

"I'm an ass."

"What are you doing here?"

"We're on a lunch break so I don't have much time. I was an ass and I'm sorry."

Catherine smiled as she held onto the door. "You came all the way back here just to call yourself an ass?"

"Yes."

"It's okay... I understand."

"No it's not. It was disgusting of me."

"Okay, you were a little bit of an ass."

"I'm so sorry."

"Come here," Catherine smiled and held out her arms.

Jackie hugged her.

"I'm not mad at you, but it wasn't exactly the way I expected to be woken up after our first night together."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she laughed. "You coming all the way back here is enough of an apology. How much time do you have?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Come on, lets go get you a quick bite to eat in the lobby."

The set change took longer than expected, pushing back their wrap time to an absurd hour. Finally getting back to the hotel, she quietly entered Catherine's room. The glow of the T.V. beamed on her still body. Remembering how brutal the jet lag was when she arrived, she didn't wake her. Instead, she carefully crawled in next to her and watched her sleep. She couldn't wait to finally be able to spend the entire weekend with her.

Before her eyes opened, she felt pressure on her legs and warm lips on her neck. When she opened them, Catherine was hovering over her, her smiling face looking down at her. "When did you sneak in last night?"

"Late. Really late. I didn't want to wake you."

"I'm sorry. Do you need more sleep?" She began to move off of her.

"No, no!" Jackie insisted, grabbing her hips. "I'm yours all day and I don't want to miss a minute of it."

"What are we going to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

Catherine bit her lip and smiled seductively.

" _Other_ than that," Jackie giggled.

A loud ring suddenly sound from her phone.

"Nooooo!" Jackie moaned as she reached for it.

Catherine grabbed it for her since she was pinned beneath her. "It's Quinn" she said, handing it to her.

"Jacks, where are you?"

"I'm up in Catherine's room, we're about to get breakfast." She smiled at Catherine boastfully for her quick thinking.

"I need to talk to you about something, can I come up?"

She felt a breeze hit her stomach as Catherine lifted up her shirt. "What are you doing?" she mouthed, but Catherine just smiled and began kissing her stomach.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"What's her room number?"

Catherine's lips on her delicate skin made her lose her breath, "1512" she breathed out.

"Are you insane?!" She yelled at Catherine after Quinn hung up.

She supplied nothing but a devilish grin. Quinn's coming up right now, she needs to talk to me about something so we better get dressed.

A few minutes later Quinn was at the door. "Hey Jacks, I know it's your day off but the Production head is throwing a fourth of July party and has invited all of you."

"Is it mandatory?"

"No, but it would look really good if you'd be there."

"It's just, Catherine's only here for a few more days and I've hardly seen her. This is my only two off days."

"She can come with you."

"Is the media going to be there?"

"No, no! It's a strictly private party."

"Then let's go." Catherine said from behind her.

Jackie looked back at her in shock.

"If it'll help you out, then let's go."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Jackie studied her smile for a moment, trying to decipher if it was genuine or not.

"Okay, I guess we're in."


	48. Chapter 48

Catherine's anxiety eased a bit when they were stopped at a security gate on the way to the party. They were stopped for a few minutes as they verified Jackie's name on the list. The biggest issue she had with these types of events was the media being there and her picture getting back to the States. When the gate opened they drove up a long private drive lined with trees before a towering mansion appeared. A massive, antique fountain greeted them as Neil pulled to a stop in the line of other town cars and limos. Butlers in expensive tuxedos lined the driveway, helping everyone from their cars. Catherine's nerves began to heighten again as it came closer to their turn. She felt Jackie's hand over hers, giving her a squeeze of reassurance as if she had instinctively knew.

"You okay?"

Catherine looked at her with a smile and nodded.

"Just breathe, it helps" Jackie said, exhaling a breath slowly, and Catherine did the same right before her door opened.

"Good evening Miss," he held out a hand and helped her out.

Entering the mansion, Catherine's mouth gaped open. She had never seen a ceiling so high, or staircase so elegant. They followed the crowd through the house to the backyard, the noise of the party was almost deafening as they neared the door.

Jackie looped her arm through Catherine's and leaned in. "Remember, don't forget to breathe," she whispered in her ear.

Catherine smiled at her as she gave her a wink.

They spent the first hour and a half talking to Jackie's cast mates, but Jackie didn't leave her behind the way she had the last time. She stayed by her side and included her in the conversations.

"You still with me?" She asked sweetly as they moved through the party.

"Still here," Catherine grinned.

"Hey Jacks, one of the production heads wants to have a word with us," her cast mate Elizabeth said as she came to retrieve Jackie.

"You go on, I'm going to go get a drink."

"Okay, I'll meet you there in a few."

"Vodka soda," Catherine told the bartender as she leaned against the bar. She looked back out at the party, stirring her drink and staring out at this foreign luxurious world she some how became a part of.

"Have you met her yet? I had my first scene with her the other day." Catherine overheard a group of young girls huddled together and gossiping next to her at the bar.

"Not yet. How is she?"

"Not at all what I expected. She fumbled her lines more times than I did, and she's been in this game since I was a toddler." She jeered.

"Well she took a long break you know. It wasn't until they made this last movie that she came back to it, so it doesn't surprise me."

Catherine froze when she realized they were talking about Jackie. She glanced over at them without turning her head and faced the bar again to get a better listen.

"Not to mention, she's an addict."

"Wait, what?!"

"Did you miss me?" Jackie's voice appeared as she slid next to Catherine at the bar. Catherine panicked, not wanting Jackie to hear the conversation that was going on next to her.

"Of course. Let's go walk around, this place is gorgeous" she said, as she placed her hand on Jackie's arm and tried to get her to walk with her.

"Okay, but let me get a drink first."

"You can have mine, come on" Catherine urged.

"That's okay" Jackie replied, turning back to the bar, "I'll just get my own."

"I insist," she held out her drink to her. "Come on, I'm dying to look around."

"It'll only take a second," Jackie laughed. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I just don't want anyone to take you away from me again," Catherine replied as she pressed herself back against the bar, hoping to act as a sound barrier between Jackie and the girls.

"She was a child actress, are you really that surprised?" They snickered next to them, completely oblivious to Jackie's presence.

"You look really pretty tonight," Catherine panicked, trying to talk over their comments.

Jackie looked at her curiously after ordering her drink. "You're acting strange..." She smiled suspiciously.

"She developed a drug addiction so they kicked her off the show and sent her to rehab. I heard they sent her all the way to Indiana just to make sure she wouldn't have any distractions, it was _that_ bad."

The smile slipped from Jackie's mouth as she glanced at the girls behind Catherine's shoulder.

"Oh wow, I wonder if she's still using?"

"It would explain why she's been messing up her lines so much. She's probably getting high all night while we're busting our asses memorizing our lines. And to think she's getting paid triple what we are..."

"You know they only hired her back for the fans."

Catherine saw Jackie's eyes flicker in pain at their words as she looked down at the bar, embarrassed.

The bartender finally handed her her drink and they left. They walked around the property but Jackie was quiet.

"Gosh it's so gorgeous here" Catherine said, trying to break the silence.

"Yeah," Jackie replied softly.

"Jackie..." Catherine stopped walking and placed her hand on her bicep.

"I think I've probably been here long enough, we can get out of here if you want," she said as she turned around, ignoring Catherine's concern.

She respected her unwillingness to acknowledge what had just happened and just nodded, "If that's what you want."

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet again, Jackie blamed it on being tired. When they got back to the room, she asually announced that she was going to get a shower and disappeared into the bathroom.

Catherine changed out of her dress and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her, not sure of what to say. When she finally got out of the shower she wandered around the room, keeping busy with her back kept to Catherine the entire until she finally got close enough in her reach that she grabbed her hand and pulled her against the bed. Her eyes were slightly swollen and a tint of red still lingered from what Catherine imagined was a good cry session in the shower.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jackie shook her head no.

"Don't listen to them. What the hell do they know."

Her eyes dropped to the floor and she remained motionless. Catherine was regretting not giving those girls a piece of her mind when she had the chance. She squeezed Jackie's hands but she didn't reciprocate. She just stood there solemn, trapped in her own head. Those girls remarks had beaten her down and left her impenetrable. Catherine lifted her hands to her lips and kissed them. When she looked up, Jackie was finally looking into her eyes.

"I love you..." Catherine said sweetly.

A small smile finally poked through. Catherine moved her hands to Jackie's robe and slowly began to untie it, raising an eyebrow at Jackie to see if it was okay. She didn't stop her. Once it was open, Jackie didn't say a word, just took Catherine's face in her hands and kissed her.


	49. Chapter 49

_Tap, tap, tap, tap... tap, tap._

The noise was constant. It was soft, but repetitive enough to prevent Jackie from being able to fall back asleep. On top of the noise, a glow of light was hitting her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Catherine propped up in bed on her laptop.

"What time is it?" She mumbled.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'll show you in the morning, go back to sleep."

"Well I can't now, what is it?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

Catherine looked over at her and smiled.

" _Jacqueline Kirk doesn't miss a beat reviving her role as Tyler."_ She read.

"What is that?" Jackie asked as she propped herself up on her elbow and looked at the screen. The light was too harsh on her eyes to read it for herself.

 _"The unexpected summer blockbuster revival of Neptune 26 has us wondering why Jacqueline Kirk ever retired from the sci-fi empire."_

"What is this?" She asked again.

"Reviews from the first Neptune movie. Come here," she tapped her elbow, "There's plenty more where that came from." Jackie sat up and rested against the pillows, following along as Catherine read aloud.

" _Jacqueline Kirk shines in Neptune 26_ , _proving she was the missing link that led to the show's demise._ "

"Where did you find these?"

"All over the place. I copied and pasted them all right here so you can read through them whenever you want."

"How long have you been awake?" Jackie asked, noticing the page full of quotes.

"I don't know."

She looked at Catherine from behind her shoulder, the computer screen illuminating the features of her profile as she concentrated on the text.

"Why are you doing this?"

"To prove to you that those little bitches don't know what they're talking about" she said, still focused on the screen as she typed away.

Jackie's eyes stayed on her. This was the nicest thing she had ever done for her, this was the nicest thing _anyone_ had ever done for her. She kissed her softly on the cheek. "I love you."

Catherine turned and smiled, "Look at all of these, there's tons. I've been at this for a while and not even half way through them."

She linked an arm around Catherine's and rested her chin on her shoulder, listening to her passionately read review after review. After hearing enough good things to erase what those girls had said, Jackie finally snapped out of it. She grabbed the screen of the lap top and slammed it shut, creating darkness in the room.

"There was still plenty of more to-"

"Shut up" she interrupted her with a kiss. She grabbed the laptop from Catherine's lap and threw it to the end of the bed as she climbed on top of her and kissed her again, forcing her backwards.

"So my experiment worked then?" Catherine laughed.

"Stop... talking..." Jackie whispered, kissing her.

Catherine began to breathe heavily and Jackie felt her body pushing against her, trying to take control. She pinned her down harder.

After, they lay there breathless. It was so late but they were both exhilarated. "What was that?" Catherine laughed with satisfaction.

"A thank you."

Due to their late night high jinks, they slept in getting a late start to their day together.

"Do you want to get a shower first or me?"

"You can go," Catherine offered.

Jackie let the water fall on her face, too enthralled by the previous night to feel the affects of her exhaustion. She heard the shower door open and found Catherine standing behind her when she turned.

"Catherine" she laughed, "We've already wasted enough of the day."

"Wasted?" She grinned, coming closer.

"Maybe _spent_ would be a better word?"

Catherine kept walking towards her with a smirk until they were both under the water. She went right for Jackie's neck, which got her every time.

"I'll stop if you want," she whispered in her ear.

"I'm starving..." Jackie complained.

Catherine looked at her taken aback, and began to get out. "Okay..." but Jackie grabbed her hand.

"I'm just kidding."

By the time they finally got to the lobby, it was the middle of the afternoon. Neil drove them to a place he recommended filled with cafes and boutiques.

As they were goofing around and shopping, Jackie suddenly noticed a man in black in the reflection of a store window. He was holding a camera in his hand and studying her closely. Catherine was 15 feet away browsing, her heart sunk to her stomach.

Nervous he would get a picture of Catherine, she picked up her phone and called her. When Catherine noticed her calling she looked at her curiously but Jackie kept her head still, careful not to draw attention to her.

"Are we playing another game?" Catherine asked seductively when she answered.

"Don't freak out but, there's paparazzi behind me. I don't think he knows your with me so walk down to the coffee shop on the corner. I'll have Neil pick you up there, then come and get me."

"Okay..."

She could sense the panic in Catherine's voice.

"Catherine?"

"Yes," her voice shook.

"Stay calm and just be casual. You'll be fine."

She saw her leave the boutique and walk down the street from the corner of her eye. Through the reflection, she didn't see the paparazzi pay any attention to Catherine as she left but he was still eyeing her, waiting for the moment for her to turn around so he could get a clear shot. Instead, she went inside the store knowing he couldn't follow her in there.

When several minutes passed and she hadn't heard from Catherine, she called her.

"What's going on, where are you guys?"

"He's not here yet, he said he's about 10 minutes away."

Just then she saw another man with a camera line up, then another.

" _Shit._ "

"What?" Catherine asked concerned.

"There's more."

By the time Neil pulled up there were a handful of them. As soon as she stepped foot outside the boutique they all surrounded her, their flashing bulbs blinding her. Neil got out and helped her into the car where she found Catherine with her back turned and her hand covering her face.

"Damn't," she exhaled. "Are you okay?"

"I just want to get back to the hotel," Catherine replied, frazzled.

"Miss Kirk, I'm afraid they're following us."

"What should we do Neil? They can't see Catherine."

"I can drop you off at the front then take Miss Stark around the side, they shouldn't bother us once you're gone."

"Are you okay with that?" She asked Catherine.

"I don't think I have a choice."

Neil called ahead to the hotel to have security meet them outside. They were able to get Jackie in quickly with little disturbance, but she worried about Catherine. She hurried through the hotel lobby to the side door, and got there just as she was coming through the door. They both sighed in relief but Jackie worried what this meant now that the paparazzi were on the hunt for her and knew where she was staying. She could handle it but knew it would affect the rest of Catherine's stay.


	50. Chapter 50

Catherine pulled back the curtains slightly.

"Still there?"

"Uh huh."

"Oreo or chocolate chip?"

"What?" She asked, turning her back to the paparazzi lined up across the street from their hotel.

"Oreos... or chocolate chip?" Jackie repeated serious as can be, as she held up both packages in each hand.

"Oreos."

She tossed the package underhanded to Catherine and turned her attention to a bottle of wine she had snagged from the hotel bar. "Remember that awful wine you had me try?" She asked, turning the cork screw.

"You mean the twenty five year old bottle of Cabernet my godmother bought me when I graduated from graduate school?"

"You graduated from graduate school twenty five years ago?!" Jackie asked, flabbergasted.

Catherine cocked her head at her annoyed, causing her to break into her smart aleck grin.

"No smart ass, it was an expensive bottle."

"If that's what expensive tastes like, I think I'll stick to a $25 bottle of wine over a 25 year old one."

"You just don't appreciate things of fine age."

"That's an interesting statement to make, considering..."

"Considering what?" she asked as she took the freshly poured glass from her.

"How old are you again?"

Catherine glared at her as she sipped. "These age jokes aren't adorable," she responded smugly.

"But I am," Jackie grinned.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile as she took another sip.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop. It's just too easy," she said as she settled onto the bed with her own glass. "So, how's it going planning your new course?"

"Stressful. Especially since registration is already full."

" _Catherine!_ "

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?! That's amazing!"

"Because I'm freaking out about it."

"You're going to be fine, you're going to be more than fine."

"I hope. I'm going to be busy." She said as she took a seat at the opposite side of the bed. "I still have my usual courses on top of this one so it's going to be a little hectic."

"Well tell me about it, what's the name of it?" She asked casually as she took a sip of wine.

"Abnormal Sexuality."

Jackie choked on her wine.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"Seriously?"

"Yes seriously, why?"

"What's the curriculum?"

"Sex offenders, abnormal sexual behaviors, those types of things."

Jackie was looking at her like she was crazy.

"What's with the face?"

"No wonder the class is full already..." She scoffed.

"It's important material. It takes a look inside the minds of sex offenders and people with unusual conditions and behaviors." She was irked at Jackie's immaturity over the matter.

"I don't doubt that, but you're talking about lecturing about sex to a population of horny 18-23 year old's who are used to spending 18 hours a week sitting in boring lectures taught by old men. Not only are you incredibly attractive, but now you're going to be teaching a class about sex? You're a college males wet dream."

"I'm going to forget you said that," Catherine said disgusted.

"I for one, can't wait to take it."

"Absolutely not." She shook her head sharply.

"Why not!?"

"First of all, I'm teaching it in the fall as a pilot..."

"A pilot?" Jackie cut in.

"Yeah, you know, like a test run, and if it does well they'll pick it up and officially enter it into the course catalogue."

"Oh, so like a pilot for a T.V. show?"

"Yeah, exactly like that."

"Well it's without a doubt going to get picked up, so why can't I take it?"

"No more classes as me as your professor! We agreed to that."

" _Fine_."

"I can't believe summer semester is almost over, fall semester will be here before I know it."

Jackie grew quiet and began to stare off into a daze.

"What's up?"

"Huh?" She broke out of it.

"You drifted off for a minute there."

"I don't know, just kind of bummed realizing I won't be back at school in the fall."

"Yes, such a rough life you will have here traveling around Europe filming a movie while everyone else is in class."

"Now who's being the smart aleck?"

Catherine felt Jackie's lips on her temple. It was still pitch black, the only light coming from Jackie's phone. She turned to face her as she walked away.

"When are you going to be back?" She asked groggily.

"Not sure, around dinner time, I'll keep you updated. Have a good day," she whispered from the door.

Catherine fell back asleep for a couple more hours until the light shown through the curtains and hit her eyes. Knowing it was going to be another long, lonely, day, she opted to go eat breakfast downstairs rather than order in room service. As she was passing the lobby she noticed a small cafe just outside across the street. She paused, only a couple of paparazzi were outside. Did they notice her yesterday with Jackie? Would they recognize her even if they had? After spending a moment debating, she slipped on her sunglasses and walked towards the door, her heart racing as the distance between them grew smaller. The anxiety would be worth it she thought, she couldn't spend another day cooped up in this hotel. The automatic doors flew open as people hurriedly exited before her. Through the commotion of bodies, she spotted the photographers anxiously raise their cameras. She quickly turned against the traffic moving out the door and ducked behind a pillar. When she glanced back as the crowd thinned, the photographers settled down realizing no one famous was in the herd.

She sat at a table in the corner, stirring her coffee as she stared out at the cafe across the street. Since when had her life become waiting in hotels all day, not even able to cross a street? She knew she was just being paranoid, the paparazzi wouldn't have any idea who she was, but what if one of them did? How would she explain to the university or even Leslie, being in Europe with Jackie?

Figuring she shouldn't let the solitude go to waste, she nestled back in her room and worked on her syllabus and lesson plans for the quickly approaching fall semester. Fortunately she was able to give her current students a break, mostly for her benefit so she wouldn't have to worry about grading papers while here with Jackie, but looks like that didn't matter considering she had plenty of time to herself.

"Hey," Jackie smiled as she returned to her room that night.

"Hi," Catherine smiled.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she kissed her on the cheek and sat down next to her.

"Just working on some things."

"Working? It's your vacation, no working!"

"What else am I supposed to do?" Catherine laughed.

Jackie grew quiet, "I'm sorry."

When Catherine looked back at her she was looking back with guilty eyes.

"No, it's fine. I knew you were going to be working." She tried to sympathize.

"You can leave the hotel and explore. I can have Neil drive you around so you don't have to be afraid of getting lost. Don't feel like I need to be with you to see all the things this place has to offer-"

"Jackie..." Catherine interrupted, "It's fine." She smiled.

"Hey why don't you come to set with me tomorrow?"

Catherine's mind went immediately to the paparazzi camped outside.

"I don't know.."

"I'm serious," Jackie stood excitedly.

"What would I do? What would people think?"

"That my friend is visiting me?" Jackie looked at her quizzically with a laugh.

"The paparazzi..."

"Don't worry about them, they're not allowed on set. You can hang out in my trailer when I'm filming and I can come see you during breaks."

"I don't know, I'd feel out of place. Can I sleep on it?"

"Yeah," she looked disheartened. "Yeah, of course."

Catherine hit save and closed her laptop to change the subject. "So how was filming today?"

"I don't want to talk about my day," she waved her hand. "Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Venture out or eat in the hotel?"

Catherine got up and looked out the window at the paparazzi.

"Hotel."

Sitting at dinner, Catherine was suddenly struck with paranoia about all the cell phones she saw. She looked suspiciously at each and every person who had one out, wondering if they were sneaking a picture of them.

"Catherine?" She heard Jackie's voice and the touch of her hand on hers.

"What?" She pulled it back self consciously.

"What's going on?" She asked, looking down at her hand that Catherine had just ripped away from.

"Do you think they're taking our picture?"

"Who?" Jackie shook her head confused.

"Nothing, forget about it." Catherine said, realizing how crazy she sounded.

The waitress interrupted them, thankfully.

"How is everything? Refill?"

"Actually, can you box up our meals?" Jackie asked.

"Is everything okay?" The waitress responded concerned.

"Yes, everything is fine." Catherine cut in, "You don't need to box them up. I was feeling ill but it passed."

"It's really no problem Ma'am."

"No, I'm fine thank you."

"Are you sure?" Jackie asked.

"Yes, yes." She nodded, "I promise, I'm fine."

Their walk back to the room after was an awkward, silent journey. When they got into the elevator the silence was finally interrupted by Jackie. "Catherine," she turned to her, "You seem really uncomfortable here."

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"I'm sorry, this trip isn't going at all how I imagined it would."

"It's not your fault."

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked softly.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Let's just go back to the room and stop thinking about everything else that's going on. I only have one more full day left here, let's not waste it." She said, tucking a piece of hair behind Jackie's ear. "Okay porcupine?"

Jackie smiled sweetly and nodded.

Catherine couldn't sleep that night. She looked over at Jackie sleeping soundly and couldn't believe her trip was already almost over, they had hardly even seen each another.

" _Jackie_ ," she whispered in her ear.

"Hmm?" She moaned, half asleep.

"I want to come with you tomorrow."

Jackie lifted her head and turned to her. "Really?"

"Yes," she smiled.

"Good. I'd really like that."

"Me too."

"Catherine?"

"Yeah?"

"We have to be in the car in four hours, so you might want to get some sleep."

The excitement of being on a huge movie set soon wore off when Catherine spent the majority of the day locked inside Jackie's trailer. They weren't as luxurious as she imaged and were rather small.

Just as she felt the falls were closing in on her, the door flung open and Jackie appeared.

"Hey, how was your morning?"

She was decked out in her spacesuit and that's all Catherine could pay attention to. "Hey Neptune," she smirked, looking her up and down.

"You asked for it," she laughed.

Catherine couldn't control the giant smile on her face which caused Jackie's face to wince. "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Nuh uh..." She shook her head with a smile.

Jackie unzipped it and stepped out, hanging it carefully in the closet.

"Are you hungry? Craft services looks good today she said," slipping on a pair of jeans. When she turned to face her, Catherine grabbed her belt loops and pulled her closer.

"Why don't we use your lunch break to our advantage instead..."

"Catherine," she laughed as she kissed her neck. "People will hear."

"Well we know _you_ can be quiet, and I'll promise to be on my best behavior."

"I really want you to come meet everyone."

"I've already met them," Catherine responded seductively, not stopping.

"Catherine," she pushed her away gently with a laugh. "I can't mess up my hair and make up, I have a scene right after lunch."

Catherine couldn't help but feel undesired and it took her by surprise.

"Don't take that the wrong way, it's just-"

"No, I get it," she backed off.

Jackie sighed, "Can I do anything right this week?" She muttered to herself, as she leaned against the closet door and banged her head back in frustration.

Catherine stood, feeling guilty that she was making her feel so bad. "I'm the one paranoid about being discrete, and then suddenly I'm bombarding you in your trailer."

"You're not bombarding me." Jackie shook her head slowly.

Catherine slowly blew out a breath as she rested her arms against the counter behind her. "We've never been very good at this have we?"

"At what?"

"Adapting to change, adapting to-"

"...My complicated life." Jackie chimed in.

"I'm trying..."

"I know you are."

"Come on," she stood straight again, "Let's go mingle with those fancy actors."

"We don't have to."

"I said... Let's go mingle with those fancy actors." Catherine held out her hand with a smile.


	51. Chapter 51

Jackie flicked on the lights to her room and stood still, letting the door close behind her. She had almost forgotten how lonely it was coming back to no one. The day had been long and she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, not wanting the day light to come, not wanting to say goodbye to Catherine. She was hoping her exhaustion would let her sleep soundly despite this being her first night back in her own bed since Catherine had arrived a week ago. She emptied the contents of her pockets onto the dresser before removing her jacket and studied them; Her access badge to set, her cell phone, her room keys. Keys, plural. She pressed her finger on her room key and slowly pushed it aside, revealing Catherine's beneath it. Picking it up, a pain tore through her chest at the realization that the room was probably already occupied with new guests, all remnants of Catherine washed away.

She tossed it in the garbage can and laid down on her bed, wishing they had spent their last night in her room so she could at least have had the scent of Catherine's shampoo still lingering on her pillow a few nights longer.

When she awoke, she tried her best to slip back into her normal routine as to not fall into another funk with Catherine being gone. Quinn met her in the limo with coffee per usual, but this time she also handed her a newspaper.

"What's this?" She asked curiously.

"Have an exciting adventure, did we?"

Jackie set her coffee between her knees and opened the paper. There on page 7 was the dreaded photo from when the paparazzi had bombarded her and Catherine during their shopping trip. Despite Catherine's back being displayed in the corner, the photo concentrated solely on Jackie and the article had no mention of the woman she was with, only that the Neptune sequel was underway and the stars were being spotted throughout the city. They hadn't seemed to have pieced together that Catherine was with her, which would be a relief to her.

Catherine turned on her phone as she waited for her bags to come around the carousel at baggage claim. Her connecting flight had been delayed so to say it had been a long day was an understatement. As her eyes skimmed the carousel, her phone began to vibrate profusely in her palm. She watched as the number of emails grew to the teens and panicked seeing the dean's address popping up on quite a few. She almost missed her passing bag as she frantically skimmed the subject lines. Grabbing it, she rolled it quickly to the curb and hailed a taxi.

The first thing Jackie did when she awoke the next morning was check her phone. Catherine had been gone 48 hours and the only communication she had received from her was that her connecting flight was delayed, she should have been home a long time ago.

"Hey" Catherine picked up the phone immediately, she sounded distressed.

"Is everything okay? Did you get on your connecting flight?"

Catherine covered her eyes with her hand and pressed her fingers into her forehead, Jackie, she felt awful for not calling her. "I'm so sorry. I'm home, I just got bombarded with emails and lost track of time."

"It's okay, is everything alright?"

"Yes...no. The dean sent me an urgent email and needs my finalized syllabus a week earlier than originally planned."

"That's not fair."

"I know, it's not his fault though. It being a new class and all, they need time to run it through the department."

"Well I know it's impossible but I feel like I need to say it anyway, try not to stress out about it too much."

Catherine smiled, "I'll try. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Anything exciting happen in the last 48 hours?"

Jackie looked down at the newspaper lying on the dresser. "Nope, just the same old" she lied, knowing this was the last thing Catherine needed right now even though it shouldn't be a big deal.

"Alright, well I assume you need to get to set, call me tomorrow, well tonight for you?"

"It's a date."

Catherine set down the phone and stared at her computer screen with her head resting on her fists, completely overwhelmed with what she had come home to.

Struggling to carry all of her bags and extra binders while balancing her much needed coffee, Catherine's phone also decided to ring. She knew it was Jackie but there was no way to get to it without spilling all of her belongings onto the sidewalk. When she got to her office she dropped her bags on a chair and sprawled her binders out onto her desk. Not even 2 minutes later there was a rattle on her door.

"Come in."

"Hey Stranger," Leslie gleamed, looking refreshed with a tan summer glow. Catherine was envious considering she spent her holiday mostly locked inside a hotel room.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too," she said offended, as she took a seat.

"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting to see you here is all."

"Fall Semester starts next month, came in to get a head start on my syllabus."

"Please, don't say that word around me right now," Catherine grimaced.

"Ah, new course stresses?"

"Yes."

"You look like hell, did you not have a good break?"

"Thanks... Yes I had a great break, but came home to an abundance of emails from the dean pushing up my deadline a week in advance."

"Came home? Where did you go?"

Catherine panicked, why did she mention that, she couldn't let Leslie know she was in Europe. "Just spent some time back home."

"Ah, jet lag must be a killer too, huh?"

"Very much so," she had no idea, Catherine thought. A three hour time difference was cake compared to the nine hour one she was struggling with.

Catherine glanced at her clock, "I need to head to class."

"Do you have time for lunch if I'm still around, or are you too busy?"

Catherine looked at her wearily.

"I could pick us up something and bring it here?"

"You're a saint."

It wasn't until Catherine was already in the classroom that she remembered Jackie called.

"We'll start in just a minute class, I need to make a quick phone call" she said, as she slipped into the hall.

The phone kept ringing until it went to voicemail. "Hey, I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm about to start class, talk to you later."

Trying to multitask, Catherine tried her best to engage in conversation with Leslie while simultaneously stuffing her face with salad. Her desk began to vibrate and Jackie's name illuminated on the screen, she quickly hit ignore with her free hand so Leslie wouldn't see.

"Telemarketers."

"You need to get on the no call list, it's a godsend."

A few moments later a voicemail from Jackie popped up, causing her phone to ding.

"Relentless bastards," Leslie shook her head.

Completely exhausted from the day, Catherine decided she needed to lay down and take a quick nap or else she'd be useless the rest of the night. To her horror, she woke up at 1 a.m. Calling the night a complete bust, she got her things in order for the next day and headed to the bedroom. There were more missed calls and messages from Jackie. Knowing she was most likely on set, she tried anyway. "Hey" she sighed into the phone after Jackie's voicemail beeped. "I'm sorry. It was an awful day. I meant to call you at lunch but Leslie stopped in, and then when I got home from work I attempted to take a short nap but 6 hours later... here I am. Anyways, I guess we'll try again tomorrow. Hope everything is going well with you, miss you."

Jackie was relieved to see a missed call from Catherine, she was worried when she hadn't heard from her but couldn't believe they had missed each other once again. It was going to be a late night on set so she was almost tempted to return Catherine's call since it was only 30 minutes ago, but she knew it was late and Catherine sounded exhausted.

"Hey Quinn?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Can you let me know if my phone rings? I'm waiting on a call from Catherine and we've been playing phone tag for the last few days."

"Certainly."

"If I'm filming just answer and let her know my schedule."

"You got it."

"Thanks."

Jackie sent Catherine a quick text letting her know Quinn was going to have her phone as a precaution, then went back on set.

Catherine woke up feeling refreshed finally, but stressed that she missed a whole nights worth of work. She saw Jackie's message and called on her way to school.

"Hey Catherine, it's Quinn."

"Hi Quinn, how are you?"

"I'm great, how was your flights back to the States?"

"Awful."

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. Jackie's filming but she has a break in about 15 minutes if you want to call her back then."

"Alright," Catherine laughed, of course she couldn't talk.

"Hey, so how does it feel to be famous?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh you must not have heard, I know you two are having trouble getting in touch."

"Heard what?"

"Your picture in the newspaper!"

Catherine's throat went dry.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah, uh what newspaper?" She asked.

"You'll have to ask Jackie to send you a copy, I saw it in the local newspaper here a few days ago, it's of you two shopping."

Catherine's entire body went numb as she struggled concentrating on the road. "Yeah, I'll have to have her do that, hey Quinn I actually have to go so could you just have Jackie call me as soon as she can?"

"I sure will."

Catherine anxiously scoured through the internet on her phone as she walked to her office, trying to track down the tabloid photos. So invested in her phone, she jumped when Jackie called.

"Jackie!"

"Hey! Finally!"

"Jackie what is Quinn talking about these photos in the newspaper of me?"

Jackie winced on the other line, she could kill Quinn for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry, you seemed so stressed and it's really not a big deal so I didn't bring it up."

"Not a big deal?! This is a _very_ big deal!"

"Catherine, I promise it's nothing. It's literally just of your back, they had no idea you were even with me so you're not even recognizable. There isn't even mention of you in the article."

Catherine couldn't trust that she was telling the truth, she might just be downplaying it to protect her. "Do you still have a copy?"

"Yeah."

"Take a picture and send it to me."

"It's back at the hotel and I have a late night here."

Catherine's blood was boiling.

"Catherine... Believe me, it's nothing."

"Just promise me you'll send them as soon as you get back to the hotel."

"I promise."

There was a silence between them, Catherine was too upset to say anything and she heard a clatter of voices on the other end.

"Catherine don't freak out about this, okay? I'll send them to you, but you don't need to worry. I need to get back on set, I'll call you on my next break."

"Okay."

"Love you."

"Okay, bye."

When Catherine approached her office she heard the Dean's voice from down the hall. "Professor Stark?"

"Yes?" She turned.

"Could you come see me after your classes today?" He looked stern.

Her heart dropped to her stomach. "Uh, yes" she tried to steady her voice.

"I'll be in my office until 5:30, will you be able to make it before then?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I'll see you then."

There was no way he saw the pictures, she hadn't even seen the pictures. But she couldn't help but expect the worst considering what had happened in Bloomington...


	52. Chapter 52

Catherine's pulse amplified in her ears as she made her way down the hall to the Dean's office. As she raised her hand to knock, she noticed it trembling and held it steady, taking a moment to calm herself.

"You haven't seemed yourself lately," The Dean began as he walked around to his chair. "And I know why."

Not thinking it was possible, the lump that had gathered in Catherine's throat doubled in size as she struggled to respond. "I-I'm not sure-"

"A graduate student." He interrupted.

Startled, she just stared at him.

"Your thoughts?" His eyebrows raised.

Catherine tried to speak but her vocal cords were paralyzed.

The Dean stood from his desk when she wouldn't answer. "Professor Stark. This by no means means I think you are inadequate. Frankly, this is my error. I should have assigned you a graduate student the moment I offered you the new course, considering the excessive work load it came with. You deserve a Teaching Assistant and I apologize for not doing so sooner."

"A Teaching Assistant..." Catherine repeated, suddenly realizing what he meant. He was talking about nothing more than a graduate student becoming her T.A. "That would help substantially. Thank you so much."

"Not wanting to burden you with another task, I have already selected someone for you. She is an excellent candidate, however if things don't go smoothly with her, please feel free to reach out and we will assign you someone new. Help, is all I'm trying to give you Professor Stark."

"I really appreciate it," Catherine stood and reached her hand over the desk.

"One last thing."

"Oh?" She slowly sat back down in her seat.

"There is a seminar taking place in San Diego that I would love for you and a few other of the staff to attend. I know it's a busy time, but I think it would be really beneficial for you. All arrangements and costs would be taken care of."

Once outside, Catherine sharply turned the corner. She leaned against the brick wall as relief washed over her, taking a moment to let her body wind down from the stress that had built all day. A little chuckle erupted through her chest as she realized how agonizing her day had been over nothing. Paranoia had gotten the best of her and it didn't take long for her to realize how awful she had been to Jackie, especially since she had ignored her last call. She pulled her phone from her bag and dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail per usual.

"Hi," she exhaled. "I was awful earlier... I'm sorry." She looked around to make sure no one was near, but the campus was nearly empty at this hour. "Call me when you get the chance. I love you."

Jackie was relieved to hear Catherine's voicemail in the morning. She knew how fragile Catherine was when it came to the media, she couldn't blame her for that after what had happened to her in Bloomington. Once she had gotten back to her hotel the night before, she snapped the photos from the newspaper and sent them to Catherine but hadn't heard from her at all since speaking with her earlier that day. It lead to a restless night and she was hoping Catherine's sympathetic tone meant everything was fine. "I'm awake if you want to talk." She texted her. Moments later, her phone rang.

"Hi," she said cautiously.

"Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, yesterday was a whirlwind."

"Did you get the pictures?"

"I did."

"And?"

She heard Catherine sigh on the other end, "They're not so bad."

"I didn't think so either."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just immediately after I heard that, the Dean approached me asking me to meet in his office, so I panicked, expecting the worse."

"What was that about?"

"He just wanted to acknowledge all the hard work I've been doing and offer help. Oh! And he asked me to attend a seminar in San Diego."

"San Diego, wow, that's awesome. When?"

"A few weeks, right before fall semester starts."

"How exciting." Jackie laid back on her bed, a slight yawn slipping from her mouth.

"Tired?"

"Yeah, we had a late night and I didn't sleep well."

"When's your call time?"

"They don't need me until after lunch today, thankfully."

"Then why did you call silly? Go get some more sleep."

"No, I'm fine. It's nice finally being able to talk to you for more than a few minutes."

"We have been having a pretty difficult time communicating, huh?"

"Yeah..."

After Catherine said she needed some sleep, they said their goodbyes. Jackie looked at the clock and realized they had been on the phone for over two hours, but she still had time for a short nap before heading to set. When she awoke she felt like a new person after finally being able to reconnect with Catherine and getting some much needed rest, so showing up to set for her first time opposite one of the girls who had spoken poorly of her, didn't even phase her. Taking advantage of this extroverted high, she walked right up to her and introduced herself. "Hi I'm Jackie, I don't think we've met yet." She handed out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Vanessa." The girl replied, looking a little stunned.

"Is this your first film?"

"Yeah," The girl replied nervously, suddenly seeming so much more smaller without her pack of girls.

"It's about to be a whirlwind. Be careful."

"So I've heard. What do you mean by be careful though?"

"It can be a cruel industry. You have to keep yourself grounded."

"Well I come from a small town."

"Oh? Where from?"

"Michigan."

"Ah, I went to college near there a couple years ago."

"A couple years ago?"

"Yeah, I took time off to go get an education. Media thinks I was in rehab."

"Oh wow. You went back to school?" She asked, blankly.

"Yeah, but then they called me back for the movie so I got sucked back into this crazy life, now I'm doing both."

"Both? Isn't that hard to juggle?"

"Extremely, especially since I'm double majoring. But I enjoy it, I like living both worlds, it keeps me grounded."

Before Vanessa could respond, the director asked for everyone to get in place. "Here we go, it was nice talking to you."

"Y-you too."

Jackie just smiled as she walked away, knowing she had won.

Catherine was caught off guard when there was an unexpected knock on her door the next day. When she opened it, a smiling brunette stood on the other side. "Hi Professor Stark, I'm Adrienne."

"How can I help you?" She asked, completely clueless.

"I'm Adrienne Reynolds. I've been assigned as your T.A."

"Oh, wow. I'm so sorry, please come in," She held the door open. "I had no idea you were already notified."

"Is this a bad time? I can come back."

"No, come in," Catherine waved her hand. "Have a seat."

From the other side of the desk she watched as Adrienne neatly placed her items in the chair next to her and pulled out a notebook. Catherine cocked her head as she caught sight of the impressive display of textbooks that filled her bag. She quickly understood why the Dean had chosen her.

"So, tell me about yourself." Catherine said. "I apologize, I haven't had time to read through your file yet."

Adrienne smiled at her, "No need to apologize. The Dean filled me in and you seem to have more than enough on your plate. This was short notice for me as well."

"I hope this isn't an inconvenience."

"Oh God, not at all. I was upset I hadn't been matched with anyone yet, and to find out I had been placed with you? What a dream." She beamed. "I'm a huge fan of your work."

Catherine laughed, "You know my work?"

"Of course! I'm kind of a psychology nerd, the Journal of Applied Psychology is my bible."

"Well didn't I just hit the jack pot of T.A.'s."

The corner of Adrienne's mouth curved upward into a bashful smile, "No Professor Stark, I'm the one who hit the jack pot, but I promise not to let you down."

Endorphins sparked through Catherine's body, making her feel significant, making her feel like she was once again on top-a place she loved to be. She felt invincible in that moment, the only downfall being the gorgeous young woman sitting across from her that she would be spending most of her time with now. The exact type of woman who in her past life, she would begin a tumultuous liaison with.

The ring of her phone interrupted their gaze. Catherine clumsily grabbed it from her desk and hit ignore. It was Jackie.

What was she doing?! Jackie. She had Jackie now, she couldn't be feeling this way anymore. She cleared her throat and gathered her composure, standing from her chair to feel less vulnerable. "I just remembered I have an appointment to get to. Give me a couple of days to get my ducks in a row and figure out the most beneficial way for you to help me."

"Anything at all Professor Stark, any way I can help, I gladly will." Adrienne said as she shuffled out the door.

"Thank you Adrienne, we'll speak soon." As soon as Catherine shut the door she placed her hand over her eyes. As if she didn't have enough to worry about, why did the Dean have to assign her some one as appealing as Adrienne. Even her name was intoxicating.

Later that night as she worked on her syllabus, the itching to look at Adrienne's file became unbearable so she finally succumbed to it. Such an impressive resume for a first year grad student, it reminded her of herself. After finishing it, she was left wanting more. She typed in Adrienne's name on her laptop. Multiple photos emerged, filling her screen. Photos of volunteer work at psychiatric hospitals, photos of conferences and extracurricular activities. Catherine became so immersed in this impressive girl's life that she jumped when her cell phone rang.

"Hi!" Jackie's cheery voice came through the line.

"Hi back."

"What are you doing?"

Catherine looked at Adrienne's face staring at her from her laptop and closed it guiltily. "Just some work."

"That's all you do anymore."

"Tell me about it," she sighed as she tossed her laptop to the foot of the bed and laid down. "What's new with you? You sound unusually upbeat for an early call time."

Catherine listened as Jackie energetically explained her encounter with the not so pleasant girl she had met while visiting her. "I'm proud of you, sounds like you had quite a day."

"I did, what about you? Anything exciting happen today?"

Catherine paused a minute and looked down at her laptop. "No, nothing important."


	53. Chapter 53

Catherine's eyes burned with exhaustion. It was dark outside, as it always was these days by the time she left the office. She'd stay until the words on her page would blur together, pack up her things, drive home, and collapse on her bed for a few hours before starting again.

There was a knock on the door and Adrienne appeared holding two coffees.

"What are you doing here this last?" Catherine questioned, not expecting to see her.

"I was at the library and saw your light on, I figured you needed this," she said as she placed the cup on Catherine's desk.

"You're too sweet. Thank you so much. It'll be a miracle if I don't get an ulcer by Christmas at the rate I've been ingesting coffee," she said as she carefully sipped it.

"The baristas know me by name so if I don't have one yet, I think you're good."

Catherine smiled as the hot liquid filled her throat.

"How can I help?"

Catherine shook her head as she swallowed, "No, it's late, get out of here."

"I don't have anything else to do," she said as she settled in across from her.

Catherine had done her best as to not let these types of scenarios play out. She never wanted to suddenly find herself in any sort of compromising situation, one as this. Communication with Jackie had been scarce the last couple of weeks, and she was worried what her vulnerability would lead to being around Adrienne, since the attraction was already there. She was exhausted though. The extra work had taken a beating on her and so far Adrienne had been an unused life saver on this sinking ship. Her head was bobbing beneath the waves of work and she needed to take a breath, unfortunately that breath was Adrienne.

"Do you need to be escorted to your car?" She asked once they managed to get some work done.

"No I'm good, I parked in the library garage so it's totally safe."

"Oh, good."

"But thanks. See you tomorrow Professor Stark!" She said as she left her office.

"Have a good night Adrienne."

Catherine pulled her phone from her bag, hoping to see a missed call or message from Jackie, but nothing shown on her screen. She opened her text messages to read their last conversation, it was two days ago which was now becoming the norm.

A figure appeared in her doorway which made her jump, but it was just Adrienne.

"Sorry, didn't mean to spook you." She smiled.

"Forget something?"

"Professor Stark, am I-" she looked comfortable as she spoke, "Am I doing alright?"

"Are you kidding me? Yes, of course you are."

"Okay, because I don't feel like I'm helping you much and I just want you to be able to trust me with the work. I promise I won't let you down, I'm very reliable and hardworking."

"I'm so sorry Adrienne, this is completely my fault. I haven't been fair to you. I don't think poorly of you at all, and I'm sorry it has come off that way. It's just, I have been so absorbed into the work that I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to let someone help me."

"Okay good," she sighed a breath of relief.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I just didn't want to let you down."

"You're most definitely not." Catherine smiled.

After a strenuous week, Catherine was looking forward to the weekend. She wasn't sure why though, she knew she'd spend it working just as hard, but at least she'd be in the comfort of her own home. The days on the calendar seemed to be flying by, fall semester was rapidly approaching and she needed to have everything completed before she headed to San Diego next week.

"Hey," Leslie knocked on her door frame. "I was just down at the office, your package arrived."

"Thank God, thanks for letting me know."

"Want me to go help you get it? It's big."

"No I don't want to lose my concentration. I'll just have someone down there help me in a few."

"Alright. Ready for San Diego next week?"

"Not quite."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"I know, the timing is just..."

"Don't stress, but hey I need to get to a meeting, see you at yoga tomorrow?"

"Yes. Most definitely."

Catherine stared at the stack of binders on the front desk trying to figure out how she was going to manage getting them back to her office. The staff was gone for the night and so was Leslie. She kicked herself for not taking her up on her offer. Stacking them into one tall pile, she gripped the bottoms with her finger tips and took a deep breath in before lifting them from the desk, slowly making her way back to the office. The binders immediately began to shift and three-quarters of the way to her office what she feared would happen, did. The binders spilled to the floor, loudly. At her wits end, she angrily dropped the last few and let out a groan in frustration.

"Are you okay?!" Adrienne's voice appeared out of thin air, as she got to her knees and began picking up the binders.

"Yes...No."

"T.G.I.F. aye?"

Catherine looked down at her on the floor puzzled, "How are you always here at the perfect time?"

"Because apparently I have no life and am always here."

Catherine got to her knees as well and began re-stacking the binders.

"Or..."

"Or what?"

"I'm your fairy godmother, whichever theory you want to go with," she winked. Suddenly their hands touched as they reached for the same binder and Catherine felt a spark of electricity shoot through her arm, making her stomach drop the way it did on a roller coaster. Adrienne smiled at her and she suddenly realized this was the exact same way she had met Jackie. She quickly removed her hand and got to her feet. "Well thanks, you can just put them on my desk and be on your way."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes it's just-"

"Ladies! How are you. I'm so glad I caught you." The Dean said as he made his way down the hall.

"Hi Sir, how are you?"

"I'm well, you sure are here late for a Friday."

"Just making sure everything is set before I leave for San Diego." Catherine replied.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Professor Jennings has a family emergency and no longer will be able to attend. As we already have her room and admittance paid for, I was wondering if Miss Reynolds would like to attend in her place."

Catherine panicked, hoping Adrienne would be unable to attend. Them in a hotel all week, forced to be in close quarters with one another..."

"Oh my gosh, are you sure?!"

"Very. Since we are well past the refund date, I thought it would nice to have one of our graduate students attend. Considering you have the highest GPA, I thought I would ask you first."

"I am very honored, yes I would love to!"

"Alright, that settles it. You ladies have a fine weekend."

"You too Sir!"

Once he disappeared down the hall, Catherine and Adrienne looked at one another, "Well how about that." Catherine forced an excited smile.

"This is going to be so great!"

"Sure is."

Catherine was beside herself. San Diego was supposed to be an enjoyable experience to get her mind off of things and to relax. How was she supposed to do that with Adrienne there. When she got home that night she called Jackie, "Come on, come on, come on, pick up!" Now more than ever she needed to speak to her, she needed to connect with her and feel that spark between them. The one she felt the day they met, the one she had just felt with Adrienne, but there was no answer.


	54. Chapter 54

Jackie popped another grape in her mouth and brushed the remnants of her breakfast off her pants.

"I'm comin'! I'm comin'!" She said, as she hurried to the make up trailer to get touched up.

She plopped into the seat and her make up artist went right to work examining her face. Right away she grabbed recovery patches and applied them underneath her puffy eyes.

"At this point, you might as well inject some caffeine into them."

She laughed, "These night shoots will be over before you know it."

"Not soon enough."

This week had been hell. In order to make the overnight shoots bearable, they lump them all into week intervals so everyone can get accustomed to them. It never works though. As exhausted as you are come morning, the daylight plays tricks with your mind. By the the time your body finally starts adjusting to them, the week is over and it's back to day shoots, messing up everyone's equilibrium. Thankfully Jackie only had one more scene before she got to wrap for the day. She had a feeling this wouldn't be one of the days she struggled falling asleep.

Freshly touched up, she hopped on the golf cart and made her way to set. As she was finished getting miked up, she heard Quinn softly calling out to her. When she looked, Quinn was holding her cell phone up, someone was calling.

"Who is it?" She mouthed.

"Catherine." She mouthed back.

Jackie was just on her way over to retrieve it when the director called them to their places.

"Dammit." She whispered to herself.

It had been days since they last spoke.

Catherine didn't leave a message. She was angry. She was angry at Jackie for letting them lose contact for so long. She was angry at the dean for putting her in such an uncomfortable situation. She was angry at Adrienne for making her feel this way. But most of all, she was angry at herself. She was angry that the person she thought she left behind, the person she outgrew, was resurfacing. She was angry that she doubted herself after all the progress she had made. She was angry that she didn't trust herself.

Impressed with how the seminar had gone thus far, Catherine agreed to get drinks with Leslie and Adrienne on their last night. The trip had gone without a hitch, perhaps she had underestimated herself.

"I'm going to go back to my room for a few to freshen up," Catherine told the others when they got back to the hotel.

"Okay, we'll be at the bar."

Jackie had promised her a specific time slot she would be able to talk, and that time was only a few minutes away.

As she freshened up her make up, she kept a close eye on her phone. With only one minute to spare, it finally rang, however she was disappointed to find it was only Leslie asking her if she was on her way yet.

"Heading out the door now."

Irritated to the core, Catherine put her phone on silent and stuck it in her purse. She hadn't spoken to Jackie all week. If Jackie didn't have time for her, she wasn't going to make any for her either.

Swearing she'd watch her alcohol intake around Adrienne, Catherine stuck to a glass of wine.

"What? Come on, live a little." Leslie jabbed, "Where on vacation."

"I'd hardly call this a vacation."

"Is being in our presence _that_ bad?" Leslie asked, offended as she threw an arm around Adrienne's shoulders.

Adrienne looked at Catherine and smiled.

"No," She looked back at Leslie and smirked.

She snuck a peak at her phone and her blood boiled once more when there wasn't a text or even a missed call from Jackie.

"Screw it," she said aloud. "I'll take a martini," she told the waiter.

"That's a girl!" Leslie cheered.

Catherine's head was foggy but she felt great. It had been a long time since she let herself enjoy more than a glass or two of wine with dinner. She checked her phone in the bathroom stall, still no word from Jackie. Bolder than usual given her altered state, she concentrated hard on her phone and began to dial Jackie's number. She was ready to give her an earful. Just as she was about to hit the call button, she heard Leslie and Adrienne's voices outside the stall.

"There you are." Leslie said as she exited.

"Where did you think I went?"

"Just checking to make sure you weren't barfing."

"What kind of person do you think I am? I'm not a drunken college kid- no offense," she said to Adrienne.

"None taken," she smirked.

"I'm going to go call my man, I'll see you two back at the table."

"Alright."

Adrienne went into a stall as Catherine washed her hands. When she looked into the mirror she was mortified. Her eye make up had smudged in the corners and beneath her lashes, her lipstick sloppy from the multiple martini glasses.

She heard the toilet flush and Adrienne appeared next to her at the sink.

"You guys could have told me how awful I looked." She said, as she blotted at her lips with a paper towel.

"Oh give me a break, you're never not gorgeous."

"Yeah right."

"I'm serious. You are. You know...," she continued washing her hands, "I was a little shocked to find out Stark is your maiden name."

"Why's that?"

"Uh... You're gorgeous and brilliant?"

"There's more than meets the surface."

"I know, that's why I said brilliant too." She smiled at her through the mirror.

Catherine felt her cheeks flush so looked away. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Engaged? Live-in Boyfriend?"

"God no. There's too much I want to accomplish before I can even think about that."

Catherine smiled at her through the mirror.

"What?"

"You just remind me a lot of myself at your age, is all."

"Well that's the best compliment I've ever received." She winked.

"We better get back out to Leslie."

After last call, the three of them walked down the hall to their rooms. Leslie's was first. "G'Night ladies, see you in the morning."

Catherine's door was next, "Have a good night Adrienne."

Just as she had slid the key into her door and opened it, Adrienne turned back around. "Hey, I have some beer in my room I need to get rid of before we leave tomorrow. Want to help me?"

Catherine looked down the hall towards Leslie's room, "I think Leslie's done for the night."

"There's only really enough for two anyway..."

Catherine hesitated. "I think I've hit my limit for the night."

"Just one?" She pleaded.

She felt a pull as if Adrienne was a magnetic force she was unable to escape. Her smile made Catherine's stomach tie in knots and before she could even let her conscience try stop her, she was following Adrienne into her room.

"I didn't take you for a beer girl" she said, as she watched Adrienne grab two bottles from the mini fridge.

"I know I'm not your typical college girl, but I'm still a college girl" she smiled.

Catherine laughed as she took the bottle from her.

"Cheers," Adrienne smiled as she clanked them together.

"Here, sit. Sorry for the mess." She gathered the pile of clothes from the bed and Catherine sat down. "Excuse me for just one sec, this outfit is killing me."

Catherine looked around the room as she sipped on her beer. It was then that she caught site of Adrienne's reflection in the mirror. She had left the door cracked pretty wide and Catherine wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not, but she was topless, changing her shirt.

Catherine's delayed conscience suddenly kicked in. What am I doing here? She thought to herself. Adrienne is my teaching assistant, we're both intoxicated, Leslie is just a few rooms down and... Jackie. Why am I trying to sabotage everything I've worked so hard for. She stood from the bed and sat her beer down.

"Hey, I'm going to head out. I'm exhausted," she called out towards the bathroom door before quickly making her way across the hall to her own room.

A few moments later Adrienne was knocking on her door but she ignored her. She took a shower and tried to calm her nerves. For some reason she was hoping it would wash away the filthy feeling she had.

"I didn't do anything wrong, nothing happened," she kept repeating to herself.

It wasn't until she got into bed that she noticed the missed call and voicemail from Jackie.

"Hi! I'm so sorry, I was with the director and couldn't get away in time to call you when I said I would. Looks like you're busy but call me when you can, I'm done for the day. I miss you so much. Love you."

Catherine called her back, not getting her hopes up.

"Catherine!"

She was startled to finally hear Jackie's voice.

"Jackie..."

"What are you doing up? Isn't it like 3 a.m. there?"

"Yeah, we got drinks after the seminar."

"What seminar?"

"The one in San Diego I told you about." Catherine couldn't believe how disconnected they had become.

"That's already happening?"

"It's happened. Today was the last day, we head back tomorrow."

"Oh wow, I really have no aspect of time anymore. So how did it go?"

"It was really good."

"Good! anyone go with you?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Who?"

"Leslie."

"Aw, that's nice. I'm sure the two of you had a blast together."

"We did." Catherine felt guilty pretending she was only with Leslie, but Jackie would never find out otherwise. She wasn't technically lying either, she never said it was just the two of them.

"You sound exhausted, and maybe a little mad. Am I right?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm _sorry_. I know I've been a shit girlfriend recently."

Catherine was torn. She had been so angry at Jackie but her guilty conscious was eating at her. She thought it best not to dive into it.

The next morning, she faked a slightly worse hangover than she actually had to avoid any awkwardness with Adrienne. It wasn't until the car ride home from the airport that she was finally trapped alone with her while Leslie got gas.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What? Of course not."

"I wasn't sure, you practically ran out of my room last night."

"Oh that, I felt ill. The mixing of the martinis and beer didn't sit too well."

"Okay, just making sure, because you've seemed to be avoiding me all day."

"No, no. I just have a killer hangover."

Thankfully Leslie got back into the car and thirty minutes later, Catherine was back in her humble abode. Come Monday, everything would be back to normal, or so she hoped.

Adrienne came to her office Monday morning like she usually did, and everything seemed fine. Catherine was so relieved. Maybe she wasn't making a pass at her that night, she had been pretty intoxicated. As they were working to finalize the syllabus there was a knock on her door. Since school wasn't yet in session, she assumed it was Leslie.

"Come in!" She yelled, not lifting her eyes from the paper.

"Hi," She heard a soft voice come from the door. When she looked up she was stunned to see Jackie standing there.


	55. Chapter 55

Catherine stared at her, awestruck. It wasn't exactly the reaction Jackie hoped for, but she figured the girl sitting between them had something to do with it. Maybe surprising her on campus wasn't the best idea.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I can come back" she said, grabbing the door.

"Jackie." Catherine finally spoke. "What a surprise," she said professionally. "Adrienne, do you mind if we pick this up after lunch?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"No," Jackie waved her hand. "Don't let me disturb you."

"I could use a break, I'm getting pretty hungry" the girl smiled. She collapsed the binder that was resting on her lap and picked up her book bag. Jackie couldn't help but notice how comfortable she looked in Catherine's office. As she passed by her on the way out she flashed Jackie a smile before closing the door behind her.

Jackie leaned back and held her ear against it for a moment until she could no longer hear her footsteps. "I think we're safe."

"What are you doing here?" Catherine's voice finally softened as she came out from behind her desk.

"They surprised me with a few days off so I decided to surprise you." Jackie responded, as they met in front of her desk. Catherine threw her arms around her shoulders and Jackie squeezed her tightly.

"Is this okay? I hope I didn't just interrupt something important. I know you're busy."

Catherine leaned back to look her in the eyes, "Are you kidding me? This is more than okay." She said before hugging her again. "Oh," She sighed as she squeezed her harder. "I missed you so much girl."

Jackie smiled to herself.

Their grip softened and Catherine held her face in her hands, kissing her on the lips before returning to the other side of the desk. "Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Let me clean this is up real quick then we can get out of here."

"So who was that?" Jackie asked as she watched Catherine shuffling through the papers on her desk.

"Who was who?"

"The girl that was just in here."

"Adrienne? She's my T.A."

"Your T.A.? Since when do you have a T.A.?"

"Since this semester. I told you about her."

"No you didn't."

"Oh. Well that's Adrienne."

Jackie wasn't sure if Catherine was doing it intentionally, but she hadn't made eye contact with her since bringing her up. A dull ache slowly grew in the pit of her stomach.

"She seems nice."

"Yeah, she's been a big help."

"Is she a grad student?"

"Uh, yep."

Catherine looked up at her, but only after changing the subject. "So what are you in the mood for? I've got a couple hours to spare."

"You choose." Jackie replied, suddenly not having much of an appetite.

"Come on..." Catherine said as she grabbed her purse and came back around the desk. "You're in town, I want you to choose. What do you miss the most? What do you get a craving for over there?"

Jackie smirked as she pulled Catherine close to her. "You."

Catherine's mouth broadened close to hers before distancing their bodies with her hand. "Not here. But later..." She smiled, as she touched the tip of Jackie's nose playfully.

"Actually, I do know a place we can go to."

Catherine expressed her wariness when they pulled up to a restaurant.

"It's safe, some of the cast told me about it."

They slid into a tall booth giving them plenty of privacy but when Jackie grabbed Catherine's hand, she quickly withdrew it.

"No one can see," she insisted as she looked around to show her.

Catherine looked around for herself and Jackie took her hands again, but she pulled them in once more. "Jackie, please." She insisted.

"Okay, okay." Jackie tried not to read too much into it, she knew how Catherine was in public. "So how was San Diego? I feel like I'm so out of the loop on what's been going on."

"Maybe if you would pick up your phone once in a while..." Catherine teased, as she bit her straw.

"I know, I'm sorry. Things have been so crazy, but that's why I came. Doesn't this make up for it?"

Catherine flashed her a sarcastic irritated look.

"Isn't seeing this face in person so much better?" She placed her fists on her cheeks and grinned.

Catherine scrunched her nose and shook her head no.

"You're a jerk," she laughed. "So how was San Diego?"

"It was good."

"That's all you're going to give me? _It was good_?"

"It was a nice break in the routine, also really beneficial. What about you, how's the movie?"

"Exhausting. Half way done though!"

"Ugh, it's going too fast." Catherine teased. "So what happens next"

"Well, ADR work back in L.A. then hopefully enroll back in school until the promotional tour begins."

"ADR?"

"Automatic Dialog Replacement. Voice over work. Basically I watch the movie and input my voice where needed if it wasn't captured well enough during filming."

"Sounds tedious."

"It is."

As they ate, Jackie couldn't help but bring up Adrienne again. "Adrienne's cute."

"Is she?" Catherine didn't look up from her salad.

"You don't think?"

She stabbed the lettuce with her fork as she shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't really had time to notice."

"How long has she been with you?"

"Couple of weeks?"

"What's her major?"

Catherine took a sip from her water. "What's with the twenty questions?" She laughed.

"Just trying to catch up."

"Do we really want to waste the few days we have talking about work?"

"Can't I just hang out in your office the rest of the day, I promise I won't make a peep." Jackie plead as they sat outside Catherine's house after lunch.

"I will never be able to get anything done with you there" Catherine laughed, leaning over and grabbing Jackie's shirt to bring her closer. "I'll be back as soon as I can" she said, kissing her.

Jackie stood on the curb and waved as she watched Catherine drive down the street.

"So who was that?" Adrienne asked when Catherine met back up with her in the office.

"You didn't know who that was?"

"Should I?" She asked confused.

"Jacqueline Kirk?"

"Not ringing a bell."

"She's an actress."

"Oh, really? What's she been in?"

"Neptune 26."

"Eh, not really my thing."

"Yeah, it's kind of a kid's show." Catherine couldn't believe she just said that. She immediately felt guilty for cheapening Jackie's work.

"So how do you know her?"

"Well, she goes here, but I know her from back home."

"From Indiana?"

"Yes, it's a long story, we should get back to work."

"Don't go," Jackie plead the next morning as Catherine got out of bed.

"You know I have to."

"Can you come home for lunch?"

"I'm afraid not, I have a meeting."

"You're killing me."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you tonight." Catherine said as she threw her arms around Jackie's neck as she was seated on the bed.

"Promise?" Jackie said as she looked up.

"Pinky Promise." Catherine bent down and kissed her.

Jackie was going stir crazy hanging out at Catherine's all day. It was nice getting rest but she hated how much time was being wasted not being with Catherine. It was such a tease being in her home without her. She decided if Catherine couldn't come to her, then she was going to go to her. She raided her refrigerator and made them a picnic lunch, she figured Catherine would at least be able to slip in a quick bite to eat.

When the cab dropped her off on campus, she panicked when someone called her name.

"Jacks!"

She was relieved to see it was just Hannah.

"Hannah!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"They gave me a few days off."

"So you came to school? Oh." Hannah smirked, suddenly realizing why.

Jackie smiled sheepishly.

"Well I won't keep you" she said, looking down at the basket. "If you have any spare time, I'd love to catch up."

"Yeah, yeah of course! I'll call you."

Hannah gave her a big hug before heading off in the other direction.

Jackie pressed her ear against Catherine's door but didn't hear anything. She took a chance and tried opening the door, to her surprise it was open. When she stepped inside it wasn't Catherine who greeted her, it was Adrienne.

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought Catherine was in here."

"She's in a meeting." Adrienne was sitting in Catherine's chair which irked her. "She didn't tell you?"

The way she said it, further irked Jackie. "Yeah, I just thought she could use a quick bite to eat, I know she's slammed today."

"Oh, uh, we already ate" she said, eyeing Jackie's lunch condescendingly.

"That's alright. I'll just leave this here."

"Okay, I'll let her know you stopped by."

Jackie stood there staring at her, probably for a little too long. "I'm Jacqueline Kirk" she said, reaching her hand out to her. "I didn't catch your name before." She knew it was childish, but she wanted to belittle Adrienne.

"I know, Catherine told me."

Catherine? She was calling her Catherine? The pit of Jackie's stomach now felt as if it were engulfed in flames.

"I'm Adrienne."

"That's right, her new T.A. So how have the last two weeks been? Crazy?"

"Two weeks?" Adrienne asked confused. "You mean our trip to San Diego?"

Jackie felt as embarrassed as she did angry. Clearly Adrienne had been around for more than "a couple of weeks," _and_ she went to San Diego with her. Catherine had told her it was just her and Leslie.

"Yeah, how was it."

"It was a blast."

"That's great." Jackie forced out. "Well I better be heading out. Nice to meet you."

Jackie stormed down the halls, her entire body engulfed with rage. She turned the corner and ran straight into Catherine.

"Jackie, what are you doing here?" She asked, confused.

She tried to gather her composure, not knowing where to start.

"Are you okay?" Catherine asked, examining her.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"Jackie, I'm really busy-"

"Please."

Catherine looked at her concerned, "Yeah, of course." Her voice softened. "Come down to my office."

"Adrienne's there."

"Oh, well..." Catherine looked around, "Come on." She took her to one of their places. One of their special places. The equipment room that only Professors had access to. Catherine shut the door and looked at her. "What's wrong?"

Jackie just stood there, trying to keep the tears at bay. She was feeling every type of emotion possible and couldn't decipher which she felt the strongest. She wanted to say so much, and didn't want to say anything at all. She didn't want anything that was happening, or had happened, to be real. She wanted things to go back to how they were before she left. Before she felt like a stranger in Catherine's office. Before some new girl was sitting in Catherine's chair. She wanted to be back in Catherine's chair, kissing her for that first time again.

"Jackie?" Catherine interrupted her clustered thoughts. "What is it?"

Jackie went towards her and kissed her hard, knocking her into the wall. "What are you doing?"

But she didn't answer, she just kept at it. Needing to be with her, needing that connection again, needing to erase whatever happened.

"Stop it!" Catherine tried pushing her away. "Jackie, stop it!" She finally grabbed her wrists and forced her off her. "What is wrong with you?"

"Do I not do it for you anymore?" She snapped.

"What is going on?" Catherine asked bewildered.

"Nothing," she shook her head as she opened the door.

"Jackie" Catherine called after her, but she stormed out of the building.


	56. Chapter 56

As much as she wanted to, Catherine didn't have time to chase after Jackie. Her meeting was going to resume shortly, she had only gone to her office to retrieve a notebook she had forgotten when she had ran into her.

Completely puzzled at what had just transpired, she retreated to her office.

"Hey, what are you doing back already?" Adrienne asked.

"I forgot something."

"Jacqueline Kirk stopped by with that." She pointed to a basket sitting on the chair.

Catherine lifted the cloth and saw the array of items Jackie had packed, she had gone to a lot of trouble preparing it. "Did she say anything?"

"Not really."

"Why, is something wrong?"

"Uh, no. I need to get back."

She rang Jackie on her way but there was no answer.

The house was quiet when she returned home later that evening. She called out for Jackie but there was no answer. She went back to the bedroom but it was empty, as was the bathroom. She checked the closet to make sure her luggage was still there before retreating to the couch to get some work done. It wasn't until her growling stomach interrupted her that she looked at the clock and began to worry. It was now 6 o'clock and she still hadn't heard from her. She called her one last time but it went straight to voicemail. Being optimistic, she cooked them dinner but found herself eating alone at the dining room table, trying to figure out what had gone wrong to cause Jackie to be this upset with her. She wrapped Jackie's dinner up and stuck it in the fridge. It wasn't until around 8pm that she finally heard the jingle of keys in the door. Jackie emerged from behind it as she looked up from her books.

"Sorry. I ran into Hannah on campus. We grabbed some drinks and lost track of time." She appeared to be behaving normally.

"There's dinner in the fridge."

"I'm not really that hungry, but thanks."

Catherine watched as she put her jacket and bag down on the chair.

"You could have called."

"My phone died." She said, holding it up to show her. She walked back to the bedroom and Catherine got up a moment later and followed. She watched from the doorway as Jackie plugged her phone into the wall.

"Are we going to talk about what happened today?" She asked softly, as she leaned against the door frame.

Jackie fumbled through her suitcase. "I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I meant to call."

"I'm talking about at school."

"It was nothing."

"Oh it was definitely something."

"I was just frustrated, it's no big deal."

"Why?"

"Catherine, I don't want to waste time arguing."

"Well you've wasted quite enough time already today."

"I told you I'm sorry about that."

"Can you please stop messing around with your suitcase and have a conversation with me."

Jackie stood straight up and tilted her head back in annoyance before turning around to face her.

"What was that about today?"

"You just didn't exactly give me the reaction I was hoping for."

"Jackie, you just show up here during the busiest time of the school year without warning. I can't help it that I'm busy."

"Well I can't exactly choose when they'll let me come home. I'm sorry for surprising you. I thought it'd be nice."

"I know you can't, and it was. But this is exactly how it was like when I visited you. I'm not avoiding you intentionally, just like you weren't. I figured you of all people would understand that."

"I know. I told you, just forget it, it's fine." She turned back around and continued folding her clothes.

Catherine could sense things still weren't right. Jackie never let things go. There was still a disturbance in the space between them.

"Is there something else going on?"

Jackie stopped folding her clothes and Catherine saw her back stiffen.

"Jackie?"

"You tell me..." She said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Adrienne has been your T.A. for a lot longer than a couple of weeks."

"So?"

"So you lied to me." She suddenly turned around violently.

"I didn't lie to you. So I've known her a few more weeks than I told you, what's the big deal? It's been a crazy summer, it's hard to keep track of time."

"Why didn't you even tell me about her?"

"I thought I had."

Jackie cocked her head to the side and gave her a look that she wasn't buying it.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But we haven't exactly been in communication for the last month." Catherine said defensively. "It's a damn miracle for you to even pick up a phone once in a while, so excuse me for not wanting to talk about work the few times that you did."

"Are you sleeping with her?"

Catherine couldn't believe those words had come from her mouth. She was taken aback by them. Jackie stared at her stone cold and Catherine felt terrifyingly transparent. Anger rapidly grew inside of her as a defensive mechanism to hide her insecurities. "How dare you." She exhaled, shaking her head.

"Are you?"

"How dare you even ask that," she said sharply before turning and leaving the room.

"You didn't answer the question Catherine." Jackie followed her out into the hall.

"I hate you for even thinking that."

"Really? Because you know what else I found out today? Huh? I found out she was in San Diego with you."

"And?"

"You lied to me again. In fact, anything having to do with this girl has been surrounded by you being dishonest with me."

"How did I lie to you about San Diego?!"

"You said it was just you and Leslie."

"I did no such thing!"

"Yes you did!"

"I never told you it was just me and Leslie!"

"I asked who was going with you and you responded, Leslie."

"It was a huge convention! Lots of people were there! Yes, Adrienne came with us at the last minute because someone backed out, but there were tons of people there. Tons of people you don't know, so if anything, I told you Leslie would be there because she was the only one you knew. It was your own assumption, I didn't lie to you."

"Answer the question Catherine."

"No Jackie. No I'm not sleeping with her. What about you? Did you get drunk and sleep with Hannah tonight? Huh? Is that why you're late."

Jackie ignored her accusations.

"Do you have feelings for her Catherine? Is that why you were so turned off by me?"

Catherine finally started putting everything together. Jackie must have talked to Adrienne when she dropped off the picnic basket which is why she had been so upset when she ran into her. Not knowing she needed reassurance about their relationship, Catherine denied her at the worst possible time. As she was taking a moment to piece it all together in her mind, the anger in Jackie's eyes was quickly replaced with tears. Her tight jaw unclenched and her chin began to quiver. She turned away from Catherine, the way she always did when she didn't want her to see her cry.

Seeing the pain Jackie was in made the guilt hit her like a wave. Even though she hadn't done anything wrong, she knew she was the cause of Jackie's pain and that was enough. She went after her and reached for her arm but she shook it off.

"Leave me alone."

"Jackie..." She grabbed her elbow harder this time and pushed her against the wall.

"Let me go." Jackie used her free hand to cover her eyes and struggled to get away from her but Catherine was too strong.

"Listen to me." Catherine said. She pinned her against the wall and held her still before continuing. "Every single department head was on campus today for the staff meeting. That's why I pushed you away today in the equipment room. You know I can't take risks like that."

She had Jackie's arms pinned at her sides so she was looking directly into her eyes. "It had nothing to do with the way I feel about you."

"Do you have feelings for her?" Jackie repeated.

This was going to be the first time Catherine lied to Jackie and she felt the pain lump inside of her as she saw her reflection in Jackie's glistening eyes.

"Of course not."


	57. Chapter 57

Jackie stared so deeply into her eyes, Catherine was afraid she'd see the truth behind them. Just when she was certain she'd break and come clean, Jackie's body relaxed under her hold. She felt a long breath expel out of her, as if she were deflating. She let go as Jackie raised a hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes. Her entire demeanor changed.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. Of course you wouldn't sleep with her."

Catherine parted her lips to speak but Jackie kept on-

"It's just the distance that's been wedged between us, and showing up here and seeing her making herself at home in your office. Sitting in your chair. The chair we..."

"Jack-"

She threw her arms around Catherine's neck and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

Catherine didn't say anything, she just softly rubbed her back as they embraced, the guilt making her nauseous.

Jackie unlocked from her, "Can we just forget all about this stupid day?" She exhaled.

The undeserving compassion she was giving her unclouded Catherine's mind. There might be a physical spark between her and Adrienne, but how could she even think for a second that it could compare to what she felt for Jackie. She smiled in relief at her epiphany, a giant weight being lifted from her chest. It felt like she was seeing her for the first time all over again.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jackie laughed uncomfortably.

"You're just adorable when you're jealous is all."

Jackie squeezed her eyes shut and pouted, covering her eyes in embarrassment.

Catherine grabbed her wrists and pulled them down so she could see her face. "At least now I know how much you love me."

Jackie's expression turned serious, "Of course I do," she said softly.

"And I do too." She said in a reassuring whisper. They exchanged a soft gaze before Catherine drew her in and kissed her delicately.

"I'm sorry," Jackie whispered again with their foreheads pressed together.

"You don't need to be."

Jackie smiled slightly and began to walk away from her.

"Where are you going?"

"After all of that? I need a glass of wine or something..."

Catherine moved forward and grabbed her hand just before it was out of reach. "Or something..." She grinned as she lead her back to the bedroom.

Catherine kissed the top of Jackie's head as they lay in bed. She was more quiet than usual and was hoping she still wasn't bothered about Adrienne.

"What's on your mind?"

"Tomorrow's my last day."

"I know."

"I completely ruined today." She said somberly.

"I think we made up for it just fine." Catherine replied with a smirk.

"Come visit me." Jackie blurted out. She turned onto her stomach and faced her. "Fly back with me."

"You know I can't..."

"Just for a long weekend. You'd miss one day of work. Please." She pressed her hands together in prayer formation.

"I can't." Catherine shook her head. She could see the disappointment in her eyes.

Jackie nodded and rolled off of the bed. "I'm going to get a water. Want one?"

"I'm sorry. You know if I could-"

"It was a stupid request." Jackie shook her head. "Water?"

She could tell her feelings were hurt but didn't want to push it further. "Sure."

Catherine snuck home on her lunch break the next day and found Jackie still asleep in bed. She lifted the covers and slipped in next to her. Wrapping her arm around her waist, she felt her warm body against hers, the smell of slumber encompassing her. She could lay there all day just breathing her in. She felt Jackie slowly come to in her arms, "What time is it?" She asked, rubbing her eye.

"12:30"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I just needed to catch up on some sleep."

"I bet. You've been working yourself to death."

She turned over in Catherine's arms until she was facing her. "I can say the same for you," she smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you."

Jackie smiled sweetly. "You should have told me, I could've made something."

Catherine raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something..." she laughed.

"I appreciate the thought, but I don't have much time."

"You didn't have to com-"

Before she could finish, Catherine leaned in and kissed her. When she released, Jackie's eyes were closed, her mouth parted, the corners slightly turned up into a smile.

Catherine loved the affect she had on her.

"Oh my God, I'm so late," Catherine said after she looked at the clock, not expecting to there this long. She leaned over Jackie and grabbed her blouse, quickly fastening the buttons.

"Who cares, classes haven't started yet. Just stay a little while longer."

"I have so much to get done before they do." She stood from the bed but Jackie grabbed her hand.

"Just a few more minutes," she plead.

She escaped her grasp and slipped her shoes on. "The sooner I'm gone, the sooner I can be back here." She took Jackie's face in her hands before leaving, "This was amazing" she smiled, and kissed her quickly.

Jackie laid in bed thinking about the last twenty-four hours. She had let her emotions get the best of her and made a fool of herself in the process. Her apology to Catherine wasn't one hundred percent sincere and although she did believe nothing had happened between the two of them, she wasn't certain Catherine wasn't tempted. Thinking of the two of them spending so many hours together made a rage surface deep inside of her. One that she didn't feel often. She hated the feeling of jealousy and the affect it had on people, and was fortunate enough not to have felt it often in her life. She already knew it was going to drive her insane once she was thousands of miles away again, and decided she had to do something while she was still here. Before hopping into the shower, she asked Hannah if she wanted to meet up with her one last time before she left.

"Of course. Usual spot in 30?" Hannah replied.

"Mind if we meet on campus? I have some things I wanted to check out before I leave."

"Stark ;)"

Jackie smirked at the text. "Not this time, lol."

"Coffee shop in 30?"

"Perfect."

After getting through some small talk, trying not to seem too obvious, Jackie laid the groundwork. "Do you know an Adrienne Reynolds?" She asked, casually playing with her straw.

Hannah thought for a second, "I don't think so?"

Jackie looked away and nodded, trying not to look disappointed.

"Should I?"

"No, I was just wondering." She sipped her iced coffee.

"Who is she?"

"A student here."

"And what's so special about this student?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering if you knew her, I met her the other day."

Hannah squinted at her, knowing she was up to something. "Jacks..." She said, tilting her head.

Jackie leaned back in her chair and sighed, "Alright, she's Catherine's new T.A."

"Since when does Stark-"

"Shhh" Jackie interrupted, as she looked around nervously. She could never be too careful about who was listening in.

Hannah caught on and lowered her voice. "Since when does she have a T.A.?"

"Exactly."

"Is she attractive?"

"Gorgeous." Jackie rolled her eyes.

"I'll keep an eye on her for you," Hannah smirked.

The foolish feeling once again began to sink in. "That's not why-"

"You have nothing to worry about." Hannah butt in.

"I hope."

Hannah leaned in closer and dropped the volume of her voice even lower. "Even if you did, do you really think she'd mess around with a student?"

Jackie raised her eyebrows and waited for Hannah to realize her error.

"Yeah, but that's different. You weren't her student when it started."

As much as Jackie desperately wanted to lay it all out on the table and unleash her insecurities onto someone for a change, she couldn't bare the risk that was involved revealing Catherine's past. Instead she looked out the window as her gut tied in knots, knowing it wasn't a far stretch that the old Catherine most likely still lived within the new. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. She'd never do that." She lied.

"Need a ride back?" Hannah asked, as they were leaving the coffee shop.

"No, I think I'm going to stick around a bit."

Hannah wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight. "Have a good birthday! Too bad you couldn't stay just a few more days longer for it."

"I know..." Jackie felt the sting of Catherine's dismissal of her idea to come spend it with her. But she was starting to think she had forgotten this weekend was her birthday altogether.

"I'm sure Catherine will make up for it before you leave."

Jackie shrugged her shoulders in uncertainty.

"Well, be safe over there, and don't worry about things back here. I've got your back. But you really shouldn't worry. Enjoy this time. You know as much as me that these types of experiences can be few and far between."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks for being such a good friend Hannah, and good luck on your pilot, I'll be pulling for you."

Jackie texted Catherine to see how she was doing, but didn't get a response. She was hoping to swing by her office so decided to take a stroll around campus. She more than learned her lesson not to show up to her office unannounced anymore. Adrienne ruined any chance of that.

Campus was dead since it was between semesters, so she was shocked and a little startled when a voice appeared behind her.

"Excuse me?" A girl said.

She was young, Jackie assumed she was a new freshman needing directions. "Yeah?"

"You're Jacqueline Kirk, right?" She asked bashfully.

Jackie smiled. "That I am."

"Oh my gosh, I am such a fan."

"Aw that's sweet of you, thank you."

"Would it be too much trouble to ask for your autograph?"

"Of course not."

Jackie watched as the girl nervously rummaged through her purse looking for a piece of paper. She finally found a generic welcome form from the university and flatted it out on her thigh.

"Can I use your back?" Jackie asked, holding a pen.

"Of course!" She replied giddily as she leaned over so Jackie could use her as a table.

"I heard rumors that you went here, but I never in a million years thought I'd run into you."

"Well it's your lucky day, I'm only in town for a few days until I have to head back to Europe to finish filming."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for the sequel!"

"Thank you," Jackie laughed. "I look a mess" she said, self consciously smoothing her hair. "But you're welcome to take a picture."

"Really?! That would mean the world to me."

"I insist."

After parting ways with her adoring fan, Jackie felt a burst of serotonin run through her body. It was if she had run into her by fate to offer a pick me up. Her internal high didn't last long though. Making her way to the Psychology building, she spotted Adrienne and Catherine walking. Before she could stop herself, she dialed Catherine's number and watched in disbelief as Catherine pulled her phone from her pocket and silenced the ring. Paralyzed, she took refuge on a nearby bench and just sat. Movement in her peripheral vision brought her attention back to the Psychology building where she saw Adrienne emerge. She kept an eye on her, examining her features, examining the way she walked, the way she carried herself. It was the first time she really got a good look at her. She didn't realize how much she could despise someone she didn't even know. Once again feeling as if she had no control of her body, she stood from the bench and walked toward her direction, keeping a safe distance between them. Her rage made her legs move faster, she had no idea what she was doing, but she couldn't stop. She followed her all the way to the library and just as Adrienne opened the doors, Jackie's phone began to ring out.

She didn't bother looking to see who it was, she was too distracted. "Hello?"

"Hey!"

"Hi."

"Why are you out of breath?"

"I met Hannah on campus so was just getting some exercise."

"Are you still on campus?"

"Uh, yeah. By the library."

"Well get your butt over here and come see me."

"In your office?"

"Yes silly."

"Okay."

Catherine opened the door and smiled, "You didn't need to knock."

"Well I don't really know the rules anymore." She said half sarcastic, half smart-aleck, as she walked in.

"Oh stop," Catherine responded.

"I wasn't sure if anyone else was here."

"Adrienne just left."

Hearing Catherine speak her name made her skin crawl.

"I tried calling." Jackie said coldly as she passed her.

"I know, I didn't want to call back until-Hey," She said, softly grabbed her arm and turning her around.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"No." Jackie shook her head but knew she wasn't fooling her.

"I think I know what this is about."

Catherine walked behind her desk. "This was supposed to be saved for later, but you ruined the surprise by showing up here." She bent down to her mini fridge and retrieved a small box.

Jackie looked at her curiously as she held it in front of her. "Open." She smiled.

Carefully lifting the top, Jackie saw a giant chocolate cupcake with pink icing in the box.

"Happy early birthday," Catherine smiled.

Jackie closed her eyes and smiled.

"You thought I forgot, didn't you?"

She couldn't do anything but sheepishly nod.

"That's why I had to rush out on you at lunch, I had to pick it up at the bakery before they closed for the day. I don't have a candle here though, do you mind if we wait until we get home?"

Jackie nodded. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry I can't come back with you, I don't want you to be upset with me."

"I'm not."

Catherine looked down at the cupcake in Jackie's hands and looked up at her mischievously as she bit the corner of her lip. "I suppose just a taste won't hurt" she smiled, as she gently skimmed her fingertip across the top and smeared the icing across Jackie's bottom lip."

"Mmm, strawberry." Jackie said, as she tasted it.

"Let me have a taste," Catherine smiled as she leaned forward and licked the icing from Jackie's lips.

"Mmm, that is good." She removed the box from Jackie's hands and placed it on her desk, but not before stealing another bit of icing and rubbing it on Jackie's lips again. She put her arms gently around her neck and kissed the icing delicately from her lips.

"What if Adrienne comes back." Jackie whispered.

"She's gone for the night, and I locked my door."

Jackie felt foolish for once again doubting Catherine's fidelity to her. Her heart raced as she tasted the sweet icing against Catherine's lips.

"I have another surprise."

"Oh yeah?"

"I was looking at my calendar" Catherine said between kisses, moving down to her neck.

"Mmhmm?" Jackie replied, unable to form words.

"And I think I've found a way to come see you for a week in October. How would you like that?"

Jackie's entire right side was shivering from Catherine's warm lips against her skin. "I'd like that very much," She smiled.


	58. Chapter 58

It was late when Jackie returned to her hotel, but there were still half a dozen paparazzi outside. She became somewhat immune to them, and if she was being honest, she didn't mind the extra attention as long as Catherine wasn't around.

"Thank God, you had me worried." Quinn said as she met her in the lobby.

"I told you I'd make it on time." She grinned, knowing she had caused her a minor heart attack after deciding to take the later flight back.

"I know, but you never know with international flights."

Quinn filled her in on changes to the schedule on their way up to her room, making the exhaustion even more overwhelming. As soon as they reached her door, Jackie politely asked if they could go over the rest in the morning. All she wanted was to unpack and hit the pillow.

"Yeah, get some rest. I'll be back bright and early."

Her call time was the first of the day, she probably should have taken an earlier flight, but she wanted to get in as much time as possible at home with Catherine.

Already on her second cup of coffee the next morning, she coddled it in one hand and signed autographs with the other as she made her way to the car in front of the hotel.

"You know, you don't have to do that every time." Quinn said.

"I know, but what the hell, taking a few extra moments doesn't hurt." Jackie rested her head back on the seat and thought about what Hannah said. How she needed to breathe this entire experience in because few actors get to experience it. And that's exactly what she was going to do.

* * *

Catherine's stomach was doing somersaults.

"Relax." She felt Adrienne's hand on her arm. "You're ready. You've worked all summer for this."

She nodded in agreement, "Thank you."

"I'm right there if you need me, just look over."

In that moment she truly came to realize how much of a support system and saving grace Adrienne had been throughout this entire process. Despite the disturbance she caused in her personal life, she wasn't convinced she could have pulled this off without her. "Let's do this," she breathed out as they walked into the classroom.

Her first class of her new course went without a hitch, not stuttering or forgetting the content once. A rush of adrenaline filled her blood stream as the students filed out, she couldn't help the grin that was smeared across her face.

"I told you!" Adrienne smiled as she stood up from her seat. "You were great!" She threw her arms around Catherine and gave her a hug. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes," Catherine released a long breath. "So much better."

"Well I need to get to my classes, I'll stop by when they're over."

"No, take the night off. You've worked hard enough, enjoy your first day of classes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, everything is already planned for the rest of the week, I wouldn't even know what to do with you."

"Okay, well have a nice rest of the day," she smiled.

"You too."

Catherine checked her cell phone as she walked to her next class but there were no messages. She was surprised she hadn't heard from Jackie this morning, but assumed she was stuck on set. She knew she wouldn't miss talking to her on her big day on purpose, she had been psyching her up for it all weekend.

* * *

After having to work her birthday weekend, the cast insisted they go out for Jackie's birthday on their Monday off. Being the usual homebody that she was, she agreed begrudgingly, but only to a dinner. To her surprise, a small dinner turned out to be a private back room wallpapered in birthday decor, complete with it's own bar. Quinn arrived carrying an array of French desserts including a cake topped with blazing candles, a wide smile on her face.

"I hate you," Jackie mouthed to her.

"Sorry girl, we love a reason to party and what better excuse than our leading lady's birthday?"

"Like we need an excuse to party!" Tommy yelled, as he raised his beer glass and clinked it around to everyone in his vicinity.

To say peer pressure got the best of her was an understatement. Her guard went down almost as easily as the alcohol. She wanted to take this moment in; filming the sequel to a successful franchise she was starring in, celebrating her birthday surrounded by wonderful colleagues who shared her same passion in a beautiful foreign country, getting to do what she loved, and all of this while having an incredible person to share it with. Catherine. In the midst of all the excitement, she had forgotten it was Monday and Catherine's first day teaching her new course. She meant to call her earlier to wish her luck before getting started on her exciting day, but she had completely forgotten with the drama of the day's events. It was now half way thru the school day back in California. Jackie inched her way through the crowd to go call her, but kept getting stopped.

"I'm sorry, I need to make a phone call." She finally excused herself from a conversation and bolted to the door before anyone else could catch her.

When she finally got outside, she couldn't pick up any reception on her cell phone. "Shit." She whispered to herself. Skimming the room from the door she spotted Quinn and fought her way through the crowd once again.

"Hey, is your phone working? I can't get any reception." She yelled in her ear.

"No, everyone's been complaining about it. You can connect to their wifi though and it will work."

"Good idea!"

Jackie stepped back out into the hall and skimmed through the internet connections on her phone. She eagerly tapped into the restaurants wifi only to find that it was password protected. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Hi Madame, do you need some assistance?"

"Sorry," She said bashfully as she looked up to find a pleasant looking man in a tuxedo. "Do you happen to know what the wifi password is?"

"Yes, of course." He even went as far as typing it in for her and she thanked him immensely. Slipping back outside to call Catherine, her patience was once again tested when her phone disconnected. She walked closer to the door, but still nothing. Back inside, she gained a bar but it wasn't enough to work. The only place she was able to get a clear connection was inside the party- go figure. She found the furthest corner from the music and called. It was so loud she almost mistook Catherine voicemail greeting as her, but didn't bother leaving a message, she'd at least seen she called. She'd understand.

"Jacks!"

"Tommy!" She yelled, mimicking his enthusiasm.

"I got this for you! Happy Birthday!"

He handed her a clear shot and the sight of it alone made her mouth water in disgust. "What is it?"

"Patron!"

"I can't," she shook her head.

"Come on! We're off tomorrow and it's your birthday!"

"Alright," she took a minute to mentally prepare herself then swallowed it down as quick as she could.

"Yeah!" Tommy raised his fists and shouted like a frat boy. "Here!" He handed her a lime and she quickly sucked it, hoping it would keep the vomit she felt rising at bay.

This became the theme of the night, so many shots and drinks handed to her by her costars that she felt compelled to take. When no one was looking she'd leave half empty glasses on tables and bar tops, hoping no one would notice.

* * *

"So!?"

"So what?" Catherine asked as she was packing her bag up for the night.

"How was the new class?!" Leslie asked eagerly as she entered her office.

"It was great," she beamed. "It was really great."

"That's fantastic! I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Knock. Knock," Adrienne called out from the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to double check that you didn't need anything."

"Nope, I'm good here."

"This one," Leslie pointed her thumb back towards Adrienne, "A real keeper aye? You're lucky to have her."

"Did she tell you how much of a rock star she was today?" Adrienne said to Leslie.

"Typical Catherine, didn't toot her own horn, but she said it went great." Leslie smiled.

"Well she should, she rocked it."

"Stop it," Catherine waved her hand.

"You did!"

"What are you doing tonight? Leslie asked.

"Going home and having a glass of wine."

"Nooo! Let's get dinner and drinks to celebrate. My treat."

"No, I'm tired."

"Catherine, it's not up for discussion."

"I didn't think it would be," she laughed. "Alright, but I don't want to be out late."

"Adrienne? Want to join?"

"I don't want to impose."

"You won't! It can be a San Diego reunion!"

Adrienne caught Catherine's eye and looked at her for approval, she must have seen her hesitation. As much as Catherine knew it probably wasn't a good idea, Adrienne deserved acknowledgement for her hard work.

"Well this is as much of a celebration for you as it is for me."

"Alright then, it's a date!" Leslie said cheerfully, instantly making Catherine regret her words.

On the way to the restaurant she was starting to get concerned that she hadn't heard from Jackie. When she parked she dialed her number, on the last ring music and voices blared so loudly through the speaker, she had to move the phone away from her ear.

"Catherine!? Can you hear me?"

"Barely." She yelled. "Where are you?" She looked at the clock, it was 3 A.M. in Europe.

"What?"

"Where are you?!"

"I'm sorry it's really noisy in here. I'm at a party."

"Oh." Catherine became furious. Jackie wasn't busy on set. She was out partying, on one of Catherine's biggest days, yet couldn't pick up the phone to wish her luck or see how her day went.

"Catherine!" She began to talk more but she couldn't make out what she was saying.

"I can't hear you."

Again, she kept breaking up through the phone. Between the static, Jackie's yelling, and the deafening sound of the music and people's voices, Catherine became agitated and disconnected the call.

A knock sounded on her driver's side window as soon as she hung up and she jumped.

"Sorry!" Adrienne laughed.

Catherine opened the door and got out, "You scared the hell out of me."

"I apologize, I just saw you on the phone and figured I'd wait."

"Ah."

"I'm sure you have lots of phone calls today of people checking in with you, huh?"

"Yeah, tons..." she replied as she tried to put her annoyance with Jackie in the back of her mind. Tonight was her night to enjoy herself.

* * *

It was really late, or really early, Jackie couldn't tell, but the room was swirling. She grabbed her phone from the pillow and looked at her call log. Catherine had ignored the last six of her phone calls and she wasn't sure if it was on purpose, or just a bad connection. She got up from the bed and managed to take two aspirin and drink half a bottle of water before collapsing back into bed. Regardless of the reasoning, calling wasn't getting her anywhere so she decided to sleep off the alcohol that was flooding her brain.


	59. Chapter 59

The insides of Jackie's eyelids were glowing. She squinted just enough to see sunlight streaming directly into her eyes through an opening in the curtain. It must have been almost noon. She rolled over and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. Her headache was gone but the nauseous feeling that lingers in the pit of your stomach after a night of drinking was making its presence known. She checked her missed calls and text messages in case her drunk self accidentally ignored any from Catherine, but there was no sign of contact from her. It was the middle of the night in California so calling her wasn't an option, but she debated whether or not to text her. Scared of waking her on a school night, she decided on the latter. Not thinking she was able to stomach any food yet, she hit the gym to sweat out the remnants of last nights drinks. Only making it 20 minutes before the lightheadedness became unbearable, she stepped down from the treadmill just as Tommy walked in.

"Hey, Jacks."

"Hi Tommy."

"How ya feeling?" He smirked.

" _Absolutely_ wonderful," she said sarcastically after gulping down her bottle of water.

"Right there with you, hoping this helps."

"Well hopefully you have better luck than me."

"Towel?" He asked, grabbing two from the cart.

"Yes, thank you."

"So last night was pretty great." He handed her the towel and straddled a bench in front of her.

"Yeah it was a good time, it was nice of you all for coming out."

"Of course," he grinned.

"Well, I'm going to go try and get something in my stomach."

"Hey," He jumped up from the bench and caught her before she opened the door. "What are you up to tonight?"

"I'm just going to relax in my room and study my script, big scene tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah that's right. Well, if you ever want to grab a bite to eat sometime..."

Tommy had come onto her a few times before during the filming of the last movie, but she was able to escape it by telling him the truth- that she had just gotten out of a serious relationship. Considering that was now a significant amount of time to still be grieving, she knew she couldn't tell him that again, but she also couldn't tell him the truth. If anyone found out she was in a relationship, they'd desperately want to know who, and would open up an entire investigation until they found out; that was life on a set for you.

She must have spent too much time contemplating how to respond because he quickly added, "No, not like that. I just mean- you're always cooped up in your room or trailer."

"Am not," she laughed.

He looked at her matter-of-factly.

"I have yet to miss a party, thank you very much."

"The parties production throws? Those are basically written in our contracts that we have to attend. I mean out with all of us, the cast. You gotta live it up, this thing is almost half way over, and the entire series probably is as well."

"I'm not boring." She said defensively.

Tommy held his hands up and shook his head, "I never said that."

"I'm going to my room now."

He grinned.

"To eat. And shower. And learn my lines, like a professional."

He grasped his chest over his heart. "That hurts Jacks. When have I ever forgotten a line?"

"I'm leaving now," She said, supplying a smart aleck smile. Half way down the hall she heard Hannah in her mind and turned back. "Let me know next time you all go out."

"That a girl!"

"I'm not making any promises though..." She smiled.

Freshly showered, enveloped in a soft hotel robe, and a room service platter of greasy food waiting on her bed, Jackie slipped in with her script and got to work. When it was 6 AM California time, an acceptable time to reach out to Catherine, she texted her.

"Hey, not sure if you're awake. I tried calling last night but kept getting kicked to your voice mail. Give me a call when you can, miss you."

* * *

The buzz of Jackie's message woke Catherine up fifteen minutes before her alarm was set, the worst way to be woken.

"Hey! I didn't wake you did I?" Jackie asked, full of energy when she called.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry!"

"It's alright."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."

"I'm sorry! Go back to sleep, I didn't mean you needed to call me right away."

"No it'd be a waste now, and I have a busy morning so I won't be able to talk." Catherine could hear the passive aggressiveness in her own voice and was regretting calling her while this disgruntled.

"Oh okay. Is something wrong with your phone? I tried calling you last night after we got disconnected. The signal was awful in the bar, I tried going outside and even the lobby, but it would only work inside the party _of course_."

"Seems to be working fine. I went out after work for dinner and drinks so I'm not sure. My phone was in my bag."

"Oh. Okay. The party was a little extreme. I agreed to a birthday dinner but it turned into this huge party. It was nice of them, but not really my thing, you know? And I'm definitely feeling it today."

"Too much to drink?"

"Very much so."

Something about Jackie drinking without her there always seemed to strike a cord within Catherine. Not like she could talk, she had gotten drinks with Adrienne twice now, the first going into a troubling direction, but thinking of Jackie in that position enraged her.

Either Jackie didn't suspect Adrienne was with her last night or didn't care, because she breezed right past the subject and onto herself. In fact, she went on in detail about her birthday party for seven minutes, not stopping once to ask about her first day.

"Jackie-" She interrupted. "I need to get ready for work."

"Already? Oh! Speaking of- How was your first day?!"

"It went really well. _"_ If it were yesterday, Catherine would have shared all about her day, but the excitement had dimmed, Jackie had ruined any chance of them being able to share this moment together. Instead, she shared it with Leslie and Adrienne. _  
_

"Good! I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, I really need to go."

"Okay, have a great day! I love you."

"You too."

Catherine was equal parts aggravated with Jackie, over her complete oblivion to her feelings being hurt, and also disappointed with herself for being so cold and juvenile rather than telling her she was disappointed in her. She didn't have the time or energy though this week to hash it out.

* * *

"Ugh, it makes me sick." Leslie groaned.

"What does?"

"That."

Catherine looked up and saw her gazing at a couple across the restaurant as she munched on a cucumber from her salad in despair.

She rolled her eyes and laughed at her.

"I'm serious. I miss being in a relationship. And we're not exactly getting any younger-"

"Speak for yourself!" Catherine cut in.

"You can honestly tell me you don't want to find someone you can be that happy with again?"

Catherine looked discretely back over at them, not like she had to, in a room full of people they only saw each other. Their smiles were a mile wide as they teased each other. She had that. She had exactly that.

"Okay, they're adorable." She turned back to Leslie. "Happy now?"

"We could never have that though, that's young love."

"What is all this old talk?" Catherine laughed, "You're still plenty young."

"I'm just dreading my birthday. I miss those carefree days, dating in your thirties is hard. It seems like all the good ones have been swooped up."

"So go younger."

"What? _No!_ " Leslie laughed.

"Why not?"

"Are you serious?"

"Completely. You said it yourself, there aren't any good men left in their thirties."

"But we're surrounded by guys in their twenties every day. I can't even imagine being involved with one."

"You've never been attracted to a student?"

Leslie looked at her, her brows raised half way up her forehead. "Have you?" She asked.

"Am I human? Of course I have."

"Okay, yeah me too, but I can't imagine taking it further with someone that young."

"I'm just saying, dating has made you unhappy and maybe loosening some restrictions could make you happier."

"Well, aren't you just Dr. Catherine Stark today."

"Hardly," she laughed.

As she waited by the door for Leslie to use the restroom, the cute couple passed by on the way out and smiled. She smiled back and continued to watch them as they linked arms and walked across the street. When the smile didn't dissolve from her face, Catherine realized how thankful she was for running into them. Jackie had left on a high note, and seeing them made her realize she didn't want to waste time being petty. Although she was still annoyed, she couldn't deny the fact that she ached for her whenever they were apart, even when she was angry with her.

* * *

It was still dark out. Jackie answered the hotel phone thinking it was her wake up call but heard a dial tone instead. Disoriented from being awoken from a deep slumber, she fumbled with her ringing cell phone. "Hello?"

"Jackie."

"Catherine?" Her eyes hadn't adjusted enough to look at who it was.

"Yes. I'm sorry, were you asleep? I thought it was still early enough..."

"Yeah, yeah I'm here." She rubbed her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Well, no..." She didn't sound like herself.

"Catherine, what's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something..."

The scatteredness of her words made Jackie nervous and immediately alert. She propped herself up on her elbow in bed. "Okay."

Just as Catherine began spewing out words, another voice sounded in the background and the line disconnected.

* * *

Adrienne barged into the office catching Catherine off guard, causing her to nervously end her call with Jackie.

"What are you doing here?"

"You told me to stop by so I could staple and highlight the hand outs for tomorrow."

Catherine's phone rang. It was Jackie, as expected.

"Can you stop by a little later?"

"No, I'm sorry, I have lab."

"Okay, well here..." She grabbed the stack of papers from her drawer and handed them to her. "I need to step out for a minute and make a phone call."

She walked a little ways down the hall so Adrienne couldn't hear her outside the door and called Jackie back.

"Catherine, what's wrong?" She asked concerned.

"Nothing, I'm going to have to call you back another time," she whispered.

"What's going on?"

"Catherine!" She looked up and saw Leslie coming down the hall, the timing of this all was almost comical. This conversation was going to have to wait.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to Jackie and hung up again.

"What are you doing?" Leslie asked.

"Checking my voicemails, Adrienne is working in my office."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's fine."

"Want to hit up yoga tonight?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

Just as she was about to dial Jackie again, her office door opened and Adrienne appeared, "You're missing a page."

Catherine sighed and slid her cell phone back into her pocket as she made her way back into her office.

* * *

Jackie tried calling Catherine back but she of course didn't answer. She had absolutely no idea what was going on, but she didn't have a good feeling about it. What was Catherine so flustered to tell her? Who was she with? Why was she whispering? The voice sounded a lot like Adrienne but she couldn't be certain. Did something happen between her and Adrienne? It couldn't have, she just left a few days ago and things were great between the two of them. She did seem distant this morning when they talked though. All of these thoughts troubled Jackie's mind and left her wide awake.

"What was that all about?" She texted her, unable to fall asleep.

"I need to explain it over the phone. I can't talk right now, I have classes. Love you."

Every worst case scenario played out as Jackie stared at the ceiling, time ticking closer to her call time. Her BIG day of filming. At 2 AM she was fed up of tossing and turning and called Catherine.

* * *

Catherine grabbed her phone from her purse as she made her way into her house. "Jackie? What are you doing up?"

"Just tell me what you did." She said in an accusatory tone.

"What I did?"

"Yes. What is it that you can't tell me? What's with all the hang ups and whispering? Just tell me. Did something happen with Adrienne?"

Catherine froze in her kitchen after dropping her keys on the counter. "Are you serious right now?"

"You tell me! You wake me up when I have an early call time tomorrow for my biggest scene, just to act suspicious and hang up on me twice then not take my calls."

"You told me you were awake!"

"Because you sounded upset! And then you tell me everything isn't okay and you need to talk to me on the phone. You expect me to just fall back to sleep after that?"

"I got interrupted with visitors and then I had classes, I can't control that!"

"Can you just stop with the arguing and tell me what the hell is going on?"

Catherine couldn't believe the way Jackie was talking to her and wouldn't stand for it. "I don't want to talk to you right now after what you just accused me of, for the second time in less than a week I might add."

"Okay sorry, but just TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!" She shouted.

"Nothing! I just wanted to talk about my day! And if you keep shouting at me, I'm hanging up again."

Jackie was quiet for a moment. "Catherine..." she lowered her voice, "You have no idea how big of a day tomorrow is for me. I have to be up in three hours. I went to bed early so I could be in the best mental state possible, and you just completely sabotaged it so you could just, 'Talk about your day'?" Her words, belittling Catherine, belittling her career.

"Oh I don't, do I? Kind of like my big day yesterday. One of the biggest days of my career, and my girlfriend hardly spoke a word to me. No good lucks or check ins to see how it went. Instead, she calls me at the end of the day, in the middle of a party so I can't even hear her. Then she wakes me up the next morning, not to ask about my day, but to go on and on about her big fancy movie star birthday party."

"I tried calling you! I called you six times!" Jackie fired back.

"You called me at the end of my day, when you were in the middle of a party where I heard nothing but loud music, static, and people laughing in the background. If anything, you called me out of guilt, not sincerity. So I decided to keep my phone in my bag when my colleagues took me out to celebrate my big day. And you know what's funny? I felt guilty for being so mad at you. I felt like I was being too sensitive and petty, so I decided to call you because I wanted to share my excitement with you even though my feelings were hurt that you didn't ask. I wanted to include you in my life and tell you all about my day that I worked so hard for all summer, but I kept getting interrupted. So I'm sorry that I woke you. You woke me yesterday. But I sat there and listened to every single little detail about your party, because it mattered to you. No I didn't cheat on you, I just wanted to bridge the gap the distance puts between us and keep you relevant in my life. Good luck tomorrow though. I mean that. I hope you nail every line and I'm sorry if you don't. You can put all the blame on me, sorry for disrupting your night but you can sleep tight now knowing that I didn't cheat on you, I just missed you."

Catherine hung up the phone and her arm shook as she set it down on the counter.


	60. Chapter 60

Catherine silenced her phone and poured herself a glass of wine to steady her nerves. What she had tried to avoid altogether just blew up in her face. She didn't want to fight with Jackie, especially to that degree, but the way she had spoken to her... she snapped. They both snapped.

A couple hours, and a few glasses of wine later, Leslie appeared at her door dressed in spandex.

"So you are alive."

"Oh my God, I'm sorry! I completely forgot about yoga." She said, covering her face with her hand.

"I tried calling..."

"My phone must still be on silent," Catherine replied, looking back towards the kitchen.

"Well, considering you're not dressed, we probably won't make it in time."

"You go on, I'm not really in the mood anymore anyway."

"I see that," she said, nodding to the wine glass in Catherine's hand. "What's up?"

"Just overwhelmed, needed to blow off some steam."

"Well _that_ I can help with. Got another glass?"

"Of course," she smiled. "And some amazing wine to go with it. Come in."

* * *

Jackie slept awful after her fight with Catherine and she felt awful the next morning, not because of the lack of sleep, but because of what Catherine had said. She wrestled with her words all night and was trying her best to forget about them as she arrived to set, but they were still heavy on her mind.

Today's scenes were laced heavily with scientific jargon that she spent days pacing around her room memorizing. The first scene took more takes than she felt comfortable with and took the entire morning to film.

"I'm detecting a temporal anomaly in the axionic spinner. You need to restart the aft asymetrical bearing! There's an ionic build-up in..." She blanked again.

"Cut!"

"Line?" She called out.

The script supervisor appeared at her side and handed her the highlighted page, "There's an ionic build-up in the tritonic microfilament chamber."

Jackie repeated the line ten times.

"Are you good?"

She nodded as she continued to repeatedly whisper the line to herself as everyone scurried back to their places.

"Quiet on set!" The director bellowed out. "And... Action!"

Jackie breathed a sigh of relief when she finally got the thumbs up from the script supervisor, but it was short lived. She was so concentrated on the script that she missed her mark several times before the director finally called for lunch.

Quinn hardly had time to drape her jacket over her shoulders as she headed off set, trying her best to make it back to her trailer without anyone seeing her cry. Her eyes stung as she fought hard to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks. She heard Quinn behind her trying to keep up, but she didn't want any company.

"Jackie-" She called out as she opened the door.

"I need a minute," Jackie managed to slip through the rock in her throat before closing the door behind her.

She was in a full blown panic. This was the easiest scene of the day and she blew it. How was she going to make it through five more scenes?

"You have to completely resynchronize the primary and auxiliary autosequences, or the resulting output decay will cause a catastrophic thoron drump."

Quinn knocked on her trailer. "Not now!" She replied sternly.

"Jacks, you gotta eat something or you'll never make it through the day."

She was right, as upset as she was, this was the most grueling shoot day and she needed all the energy she could consume.

"Please..." Quinn begged.

Jackie curled her script up in her hand and help the door open for her.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, I can go back if-"

"It's fine," She interrupted before softening her voice, "Thank you."

"Can I get you anything?"

"An acting coach maybe?" Jackie said sarcastically as she plopped down on the couch.

"Don't do that. You're great."

"Don't bother, you were in there, you saw what a mess that was."

"Are you kidding me? I can't even pronounce 99% of the things that come out of your mouth on a daily basis."

"Clearly I can't either." She rolled her eyes.

Quinn sat down next to her on the couch. "Jacks. I work a lot of movie sets. Agree?"

She nodded.

"This is normal. You're being too hard on yourself."

Jackie stared down at her script.

"Eat some lunch, take a nap, rest your brain."

"No way," She shook her head. "I need to make sure I have these next lines down."

"Worrying will only make you more nervous and more forgetful, as will exhausting your brain. I'll wake you up with plenty of time to rehearse, I promise."

She looked at her hesitantly.

"Aren't you the college kid? Doesn't every professor give you this speech every exam week?"

Catherine was always nagging her to get some rest whenever she was deep into one of her late night study sessions. The thought of her caused an ache deep within the pit of her stomach.

"Okay?" Quinn reiterated.

"Yeah, you're right..." Jackie agreed, "Thanks."

* * *

"Sheeeeesh," Adrienne sighed.

Catherine looked up from her desk. "Do I want to know?"

"Jason's quiz..."

"Another D?"

"Total bomb."

"An F? You're kidding me..." She cocked her head in disbelief.

"Take a look."

Catherine grabbed the test from her and skimmed it. "I fucking hate athletes," she said groaned.

"Have to talk to the coach?"

"I don't have a choice, he's not going to pass if he fails again."

"And I bet who the coach will blame it on..."

"You got it," Catherine raised her eyebrows in annoyance.

"Could we give him a redo?"

"If I do, which goes against _every_ grain of my being, it will just be an average of the two scores. But even then, he won't take this seriously so it won't make any difference. Actually, you know what... I doubt he even has the grades to be able to play this weekend."

"What does he need to play?"

"All athletes have to maintain a 2.0 GPA or higher in each course."

"And his current grade?"

"Let me see..."

Catherine pulled up her grading spreadsheet and typed his score in. She clenched her teeth and winced before pressing enter, afraid to see the results.

"Damn it!" She whispered angrily.

"What does he have?"

"1.8"

"Good lord, is it really asking too much that these guys just keep a simple C average?"

"Apparently." Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Well I'm going to grab some lunch before class, want to join?"

"No, I need to write up an email to the coach, the sooner the better in this case since the game is only a few days away."

"Want me to bring you something?"

"Uh, no. I packed, thanks though." She looked up briefly and smiled.

"Alright, well I guess I will see you later."

"You will?"

"I have a few more quizzes to grade."

Catherine stopped typing and reached over the desk to grab them. "Oh don't worry about that, I'll take care of them."

"No, that's my responsibility, the football teams just took me longer than I expected."

She raised her eyes at Adrienne and smiled.

"Okay, I expected them to be awful, but not that awful." She laughed.

"It's football season, expect the worst. But really, I don't mind. I'll finish them up."

"Alright. If you insist, thank you."

"Welcome."

"See you tomorrow then."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

When the door closed, Catherine leaned back in her chair and stretched her sore shoulders. She was overwhelmed and didn't have the time to grade the rest of the quizzes, but was eager for some alone time.

It took her half an hour to type up the letter to the football coach. She was entirely out of her league dealing with UCLA athletes compared to the ones in Bloomington. Their athletic department was on a whole other level and dealing with the coaches wasn't an easy task.

When she finally hit send, she closed her laptop to give her eyes a rest, she had been looking at the screen for the last five hours. She rubbed her tired eyes and ran her hand through her hair. As she rested her head on her hand she saw her cell phone through the crack of her drawer and opened it wider. With her temple still rested on her hand, she tapped the screen of her phone to illuminate it. There was a text message from Leslie asking if her day was any better than yesterday. She knew if she didn't answer, Leslie would show up at her office so she sent her a reply. Her eyes went to the conversation below Leslie's, her conversation with Jackie, or argument rather. She clicked her phone off and stuck it back in the drawer.

"What a week," She sighed to herself.

* * *

"See ya Jacks!" Tommy shouted.

Jackie turned towards his voice as she waited for her coffee.

"You wrap for the day?"

"Yep." He walked over towards her and waited in line with her.

"Lucky."

"How much longer do you have?"

"Two more scenes."

"Man, what a day."

"Yeah, it's been brutal."

"Miss Kirk?" The barista called out and handed Jackie her coffee.

"Thank you!"

"Do you shoot tomorrow?" Tommy now began strolling next to her toward her trailer, the opposite direction of where he was heading before.

"Yeah, just a small night scene of me mostly in the background though."

"Oh, that's not bad."

"Yeah, they must of figured I'd need a break after today." Tommy didn't seem like he was going to leave her alone any time soon, and her hour break was quickly ticking by as they talked. She desperately needed rest. "Well uh, I need to go read over the next scene..."

"Oh yeah, yeah of course. Well, I guess I'll see you Friday, if not around the hotel." He smiled.

"Yeah," Jackie laughed awkwardly. "Have a good night."

As soon as she stepped into her trailer she unlaced the heavy boots of her costume. They plopped onto the floor with a heavy thud, she immediately felt ten pounds lighter. She breathed in the warm aroma of her coffee and collapsed onto the end of her small bed. The afternoon had run a lot more smoothly than the morning, but she was spent. She had only closed her eyes for ten minutes before she sat back up. She knew she wouldn't feel any better until she finally did what she had been wrestling with all day.

The phone rang four times before there was finally an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Jackie said softly, but was met with silence.

"Catherine?" She called out, after a moment.

"I'm here."

Her heart raced, Catherine felt so unfamiliar suddenly. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Yeah," she replied somberly.

Jackie took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. "I-I don't know how, or what, to say," She sighed. "But... I've felt sick to my stomach all day."

There was a pause of silence again for a few moments before Catherine spoke. "How is filming going?"

"Honestly? A lot rougher than I had hoped for."

"I don't want to fight." Catherine cut in sternly.

"No," Jackie said quickly, "That's not what I mean, that's not why I called. I'm not blaming..." She struggled with her words. "Neither do I," she said quietly.

Catherine's silence was making things even more difficult.

"I hate this. I hate fighting, especially when I'm thousands of miles away."

"I do too." Catherine agreed quietly.

Jackie looked up at the ceiling of her trailer and smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry." She paused. "I was nervous about today and I took it out on you. But I really did want to hear about your day. I hate the miscommunication that comes along with this distance."

"I didn't want to fight. I called you to prevent it, but it got taken out of context."

"I know, and I feel like a pretty big jerk about it."

"Good."

Jackie laughed through her nose and heard Catherine's short laugh on the other end. She could picture her smug smile and she felt like she could finally breathe again.

"There were a lot of things said and I know this phone call isn't going to fix them." She went on.

"You're not the only one to blame in this."

Catherine's words offered her some encouragement.

"I just can't believe I've only been gone a few days and we're already fighting. And to this caliber. I wish I was there, but I'm not. And won't be for a while." Jackie sighed.

"We don't exactly have this long distance thing figured out yet," Catherine chimed in.

"No, we don't."

Jackie heard ringing on the other end of the phone and Catherine's tone immediately changed. "I have to go, I'll call you back."

"I still have two scenes to shoo-" But before she could finish, Catherine hung up.

* * *

"Mrs. Stark?"

Catherine knew exactly who it was as soon as she heard his voice and she didn't bother correcting it to Miss.

"This is her."

"This is Coach Williams, I just received your email."

"Thanks for the quick response." She hated being so polite to someone who was clearly disgruntled.

"So what needs to be done?"

"Jason will need to retake the quiz by Friday and drastically improve his score or his grade will still not be sufficient enough to play."

"He's only 0.2 points away." The coach fired back. "Can't he just do some extra credit or something. We have to travel on Friday for the away game."

"I know it seems like a small number, but it is difficult to bring up an entire GPA. I'm afraid extra credit wouldn't suffice."

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line, "We really need Jason to play Saturday Mrs. Stark. I hope you understand what it would mean if you weren't able to figure out a way to bring that grade up."

"With all do respect Sir, it isn't I that needs to bring the grade up, it is Jason's responsibility."

Coach Williams chuckled and whispered something she was sure she'd be glad she didn't hear. "Alright, I'll knock some sense into the boy. Buh bye."

Once she heard the dial tone, Catherine slammed down the receiver. "Prick."

Just as she picked her cell phone up to call Jackie back, there was a knock on her door.

"Ughhh!" She groaned quietly as she rose from her chair to answer it.

"Hey! Want to get a bite to eat?" It was Leslie.

"I can't, I'm slammed."

"Dinner tonight?"

"I don't think so."

Leslie stood there and gave her a worried look.

"What?"

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," she laughed. "And no offense, but I'll be even better if you let me get back to work."

"Only if you promise to call me tonight."

"Fine," Catherine laughed. "Goodbye," she smiled and shut the door.

* * *

Jackie was putting her boots back on when Catherine called back. "Hey, I'm glad you caught me. I only have a few minutes left before I have to be back on set." She balanced her phone between her chin and shoulder and continued lacing up her boots.

"Sorry, it's been a day."

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have time."

"Yes I do, what is it?" Jackie grabbed the phone from the crook of her neck and sat up.

"Nothing, just work things."

"I'm sorry." Jackie could hear in Catherine's voice how stressed she was and felt awful for playing a part in it.

"It's fine, things will slow down eventually."

"Still got any of that good wine left?"

"The one you made me swear I wouldn't drink without you?"

"Yes, I am giving you permission to have some tonight."

"Thanks, but I had to dip into that last night."

Jackie sighed, "I'm such an ass..."

"We already determined this in the last call."

"I promise to send you a bottle as a peace offering. And I'll bring more with me next visit as well."

"Deal," Catherine laughed.

There was a knock on her trailer door.

"Hey that's my queue, I gotta go."

"Jacks?" Quinn called out, knocking again.

Jackie covered her phone and called out that she was on her way.

"Again," she whispered into the phone in case Quinn could hear. "I'm so sorry. I hope you have a better day."

"Thanks. Break a leg."

"Thank you, love you."

"I love you too, jerk."

"Bye." She laughed.

"Look at you looking all refreshed and bright eyed." Quinn remarked. "Ready to knock out these last two scenes?"

"I am." Jackie smiled.


	61. Chapter 61

Catherine looked at the clock, Jason was fifteen minutes late for his make up quiz. If he didn't show, he wouldn't be able to play in this weekend's game; she dreaded the thought of having to face that backlash.

A casual knock sounded on her door, the type you do on a friend's before entering without formally being welcomed inside. It was Jason. He gave her a sly closed mouth smile as he casually strolled into her office, not showing the slightest remorse for being tardy.

"You're here finally."

"That I am."

There was a sarcastic tone to his voice that she chose to ignore. Instead, she politely asked how he was.

"Great."

Her greeting wasn't reciprocated, another irk she chose to let go.

"You can sit there," she pointed to the chair as she passed him on her way to the filing cabinet. When she turned back around she noticed him slightly leaned over in the chair, staring at her backside, which as a result made her self consciously tug at her skirt.

"You have forty-five minutes to complete this."

"I gotta be back on the field in thirty." He said arrogantly.

"Well then, you better get to work."

"I need a pencil."

Catherine closed her mouth tightly and pulled one from the holder on her desk, she wouldn't let him get to her. It was exactly what guys like him fed on, being able to skate through life, treated like royalty, just because they could catch a ball better than the average person.

When he was finished she walked him to the door, he gave her a once over and smiled.

She shivered in disgust after closing it, ridding herself of his slimey presence. She sat down and graded his quiz at once. He passed, by one point. "Thank you Jesus," she whispered to herself in relief.

* * *

"I hate athletes." Catherine grumbled as she sipped the remnants of her shot.

"I can tell, I'm not sure I have ever seen you take back a shot. But I gotta say, I'm here for it girlfriend," Leslie laughed, holding her hand up for a high five that Catherine smiled off. "Want another?"

"No, one is my limit," She winced as she swallowed the final drop.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're going to have to get used to it. These athletes see Psychology as an easy major to choose while they chase their Heisman Trophy dreams. Our department is full of them. You can't let them get to you."

"I know it doesn't look like it, but I'm trying _really_ hard for them not to."

"I may have a solution..."

"And what is that?"

"A scientifically proven stress remover."

Catherine looked at her questionably.

"Running."

Catherine rolled her eyes, "I'd need to run across the country to cure the amount of stress I have."

"That's perfect then! I just signed up for a half marathon and I _really_ need a running partner!"

"A half marathon!? Are you insane?! I don't have the time or energy for that!"

"I'm not asking you to join, just help me train. Pleeeaaasseee." She pled.

"Leslie, I literally do not have the time. I'm not just saying that."

"Just here at school, a couple nights a week, or even once a week would help. Please." She stuck out her lower lip. "I swear it'll make you feel better, and you'll get in killer shape. And you'll get to see me!" She nudged her arm playfully. "It's a win-win!"

"Fine. But don't count on it being a regular thing. I can't do set days or times either."

"Any company at all is welcome." She smiled big.

* * *

"Come in."

Leslie peaked her head through Catherine's office door, "Did you bring your sneaks?" She asked with a grin.

Catherine held them up from behind her desk, letting Leslie know she wasn't thrilled about this through her facial expression.

"Yay! How much longer do you need?"

"5 minutes."

"I swear you're going to feel amazing," Leslie insisted as they were stretching down on the field.

"Yeah, yeah... just know that you owe me one. I'm more of a take a 50 minute class inside a gym that I know no one, rather than a wearing spandex in front of our work peers and students type of person."

"Because you should be _so_ self conscious about your body..." Leslie rolled her eyes.

As they were lapping the track Catherine saw a group of men in shoulder pads walking to the field house. When the distance narrowed between them, they came more into focus. She was mortified to see that one was Jason. As they passed, he gave her a once over and winked. Catherine looked to see if Leslie had seen what had just happened but she was looking in the opposite direction.

* * *

"There she is," Tommy smiled as Jackie entered the lobby.

She blushed in embarrassment as everyone's eyes turned to her.

"I told them you'd come."

"I'm glad not to have let you down," she laughed.

"So where to?" Tommy turned his attention back to the group.

" _Zero_? I want to dance!" Their costar Rebecca recommended.

"I'm good with that," Tommy replied.

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Jacks, are you good with that?"

"Sure."

A large SUV limo picked them all up while two others carrying security followed close behind. The paparazzi outside their hotel had grew exponentially the last few weeks. Jackie worried about Catherine's approaching visit, knowing she would be intimidated by them.

When they pulled up to the bar, there was a line wrapped around the building.

"Alright! It's poppin' tonight!" Tommy cheered.

Security jumped out of their SUVs and formed a barrier between the crowd and them as they quickly made their way inside. A burst of smoke filled Jackie's eyes and throat as soon as she entered, causing her to cough.

"Jacks, you okay?" Tommy asked, placing a hand on her back as he led her deeper into the club.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just not used to the smoke."

"Yeah I know, it's funny what you grow accustomed to back in the States, but I promise you won't even notice it after a while."

There was an area roped off for them with a couple couches, at least she could be a sitting wallflower.

"What's everyone drinking tonight?" A hostess asked before they even got the chance to settle in.

"Tequila and Vodka, anything else?" Tommy asked the others.

"Jacks, anything special you want?"

She nodded no, "That's fine."

When the bartender came back with a cart of liquor and mixers, Tommy called over to her again. "What's your poison, Kirk?"

"A vodka soda is fine," she replied.

"Lime?"

"Sure."

Jackie sunk down into one of the leather couches as she sipped her vodka soda and watched the others dancing in the smoke. The strobe lights reflecting off of it made it seem like she was trapped in some awful haunted house, she wondered how she ever let herself get talked into this.

* * *

Jason was missing from class again. After her run in with him on the track, Catherine wasn't upset about this. As she was marking down the attendance for the day her phone vibrated on the podium.

 **J:** I miss you.

The short message made her smile, their schedules had both been hectic the last few weeks and she missed their daily phone calls.

"What are you so happy for?" Adrienne asked as she appeared at her side.

"It's finally Friday," she smiled as she slipped the phone into her bag.

"Got any plans?"

"Nothing exciting, you?"

"No, I'm locking myself in my apartment and forcing myself to work on my thesis."

"Look at you being proactive." Catherine smiled.

"Need anything from me?"

"Nope. Get on out of here, I know you're ecstatic to get home and get to work," she teased.

"Oh, I can hardly contain myself" she joked. "Have a good weekend."

"You too."

Catherine remembered Jackie's text and pulled her phone out as she made her way down to her office. "I miss you too. I'll be home in about 30, want me to call?"

She was surprised at the quickness of Jackie's reply. "Ugh, I wish. I decided to be social tonight, been here 20 mins and am already regretting that decision."

"Poor baby. Where are you? Can't slip out for minute? I miss your voice."

"Some awful tacky night club. Security is tight."

Catherine laughed to herself imaging Jackie at a European night club.

"Why are you so happy?"

Catherine looked up to see Leslie locking up her office.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because I rarely see a smile that big on the face of Catherine Stark."

"I take offense to that." Catherine replied.

"So, what's with the mood." Leslie always had to harp on things.

"Can't I just be happy on a Friday afternoon?"

"Of course you can. But who are you talking to?" She twitched her eyebrows with a smile.

"Just a friend."

"A _male_ friend?"

"Negative."

"Oh. Well knock it off then, I'm supposed to be your only female friend." She grinned.

"Funny. Going for a jog?" Catherine asked, changing the subject.

"Why yes, yes I am. Would you like to join?"

"You know what, I think I actually will."

"Wow. You really are in a good mood."

* * *

Jackie read Catherine's text and wished she had never came out, she'd much rather be talking to her. She couldn't even remember the last time they had actually spoken on the phone.

"Are you having fun?" Tommy asked, taking a seat next to her.

"A blast," she said sarcastically.

"What?" He leaned in closer.

"A BLAST!" She yelled over the loud music.

Tommy winced and rubbed his ear.

"I'm sorry!" Jackie apologized, placing her hand on his arm sympathetically.

He dropped the act and started laughing, "I'm just kidding."

"Jerk," She hit him in the arm with a smirk.

"You're bored aren't you?"

Not wanting to be rude, she shook her head no but he gave her a look.

"I'm not very convincing am I?" she laughed.

"I would say stick to your day job, but you're an actress, so I'm a little disappointed that that was the best you could do."

"You're such an ass," she said as they shared a laugh. She was thankful he sat down so she no longer looked like a loser on her cell phone sitting down in a night club.

"Want another one?" He asked, motioning to her cup.

She glanced down and noticed hers was almost gone. "Why not," she shrugged.

He mixed her a new one and sat down next to her again, this time a little closer so they didn't have to shout as much. "So if this isn't your scene, what is?"

"I'm a boring homebody."

"What do you do there?"

"Hang out with my friends."

"Anyone I know?"

"Not unless you know people at UCLA." She laughed.

"Ah, right. College girl." He teased.

"Yup." She smiled.

"Good for you. Isn't it hard juggling both?"

"Very. Actually, do you know who Hannah Charles is?" Tommy had only been in the Neptune movies, not the show, but she'd figure she'd try.

"I'm not sure, should I?"

"She had a guest role on the Neptune series."

"Who'd she play?"

"She was on the Orion ship crew."

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure."

"I didn't really watch the show much." He said, bearing down on his teeth.

"How did you know who I was then when you auditioned with me?"

"Are you kidding me? You were the face of the show!"

Jackie smiled. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol finally hitting or Tommy's generosity, but her night was turning around and she was starting to feel a spark of adrenaline.

"Why? Is she hot?" He winked.

She rolled her eyes then laughed, "Sure! But she's gay!"

"The good ones usually are, isn't that what you girls always say."

"Girls?" She pretended to be offended.

"Sorry, sorry... _women."_

"That's better," she smiled.

A silence fell between them as the crowd grew louder when a catchy song came on. They watched their cast mates having a good time on the dance floor and caught each others eyes as they laughed at them.

"What do I have to do to get you out there?" Tommy smiled at her slyly.

"What the hell," she replied, getting to her feet.

"Really?" He asked in shock.

"Come on, before I change my mind." She held out her hand.

* * *

"Dang girl, are you sure you don't want to run that half marathon with me?" Leslie asked, out of breath after their run.

"I'm certain," Catherine replied, taking a long drink from her water bottle. "I just got in the zone."

"I'd say so."

They both turned to follow the voice.

"You ladies did work," Jason smiled. "I'm impressed."

Of course he was here. Of course.

"Thanks," Leslie said in a friendly tone. Catherine chose to ignore his comment instead.

A shrill ring rang out, making them all flinch. "Sorry!" Leslie apologized. "I turned the volume up so I'd hear it on the bench. Excuse me for a second, I need to take this."

Catherine was infuriated when she stepped away leaving her alone with Jason.

He just stood there smiling at her.

"You missed my class today," she said sternly.

"Did you miss me?"

She wished she could slap that horrific grin from his face.

"No, but your coach won't be pleased."

"He doesn't care about attendance, just that we get the work done and keep our grades up."

Catherine looked back at Leslie desperately, hoping her phone call would end but she was pacing.

"I had to hit the gym. Gotta stay in shape, I know you understand" he said, slowly looking down at her saturated clothes. She held her tiny towel up to her chest, trying to protect herself from his gaze.

"You wanna hit the showers with me?" He said with a nod, running his tongue across his upper lip.

"What did you just say to me?" Catherine was in disbelief.

"Hey! Sorry about that." Leslie said, as she reappeared by Catherine's side.

She could feel her eyes darting between them.

"What's going on?" She asked.

Jason's entire demeanor changed as he spoke, "I was just telling Professor Stark that you two are welcome to use the women's showers after your runs. It should be empty this time of night so you won't need to worry about privacy."

"That's very nice of you Jason, thank you!"

"You're welcome. Well, have a good evening ladies and be safe getting home."

"You too!" Leslie said cheerfully. "What's with you?" She asked, turning to Catherine who was still glaring at Jason.

"That fucking creep," she finally said, turning to gather her things.

"What I miss?"

"He's been giving me a vibe the last few weeks but now he just took it too far. He just asked me to hit the showers with him."

"I don't think that's what he meant, he was just being friendly to us, letting us know we could shower in their field house. He even mentioned privacy."

Catherine didn't bother with Leslie, men like Jason knew how to manipulate people into thinking they were charming and it was clear she was buying into his act the way everyone else does. It was then that she realized how dangerous he really was.

* * *

Jackie called Catherine the next day and it was such a relief to hear her voice.

"Finally!" Jackie exclaimed when she answered.

"I know, I needed to hear your voice."

"Is something wrong?"

"Men."

"Men? What happened?"

Catherine didn't want to go into it, she was angry with how much her encounter with Jason was affecting her, and didn't want him intruding on her time with Jackie. "Just an immature student I'm having a tough time with, I'm sure you understand after being drug to that club last night. I'm sure their were swarms of them."

"Actually, I ended up having a really good time."

"Really?" Catherine responded in shock.

"Yeah, I know. I was just as shocked as you. This cast is so nice. Hopefully the rest of the shoot will be a bit more bearable."

"Well that's good."

"What's up with you? What's new? Doing anything exciting this weekend?"

"That's a lot of questions," Catherine laughed.

"I know, but I feel like we haven't talked in so long. What's going on in Catherine Stark's life?"

"Not much, busy as usual. Oh, and I somehow got roped into helping Leslie train for a half marathon."

"What?! Are you going to run it with her?"

"No, I don't have time for that."

"Well you should make time, you work too hard. Do something for yourself."

"That's not exactly what I would choose to do for myself," she laughed.

"Yeah, that doesn't sound too fun," Jackie laughed. "But I'm sure it'll help with your stress."

"Did you talk to Leslie?" Catherine questioned sarcastically.

"No? Am I supposed to?" Jackie asked confused.

"Never mind," Catherine laughed. "How about you? What are you doing today?"

"I think I'm going to join some of the cast for dinner, nothing too exciting."

"You're really enjoying their company, aren't you?'

"I am. I can't wait for you to get here though. It's a nice distraction to make the count down a little more bearable."

"Two weeks." Catherine stated.

"Two weeks too long," Jackie replied.


	62. Chapter 62

"Hey Stark?"

"Yes, Jason?" Catherine didn't bother looking up from her paper, if he wasn't going to show her any sort of respect, she wasn't going to either.

"We have an away game next week, so I won't be here for the midterm."

"And you're just now bringing this to my attention?" She replied, making sure the agitation in her voice was known.

"Yeah?" He responded nonchalantly.

"Well you will need to find time to make it up before next Friday. Grades are due, no make ups are allowed past that date."

"We leave Wednesday morning."

"That's not my fault, you figure out the time and let me know and I'll see what I can do."

"Monday work?" He shook his head casually.

"What time?"

"5:30?"

"That's awful late."

"I have practice every day." He fired back.

Catherine stared at him and he just stared right back.

"Fine." She sighed, "Monday at 5:30, don't be late."

"Cool. Your office?"

Catherine thought back to their encounter on the track. "No. I'll meet you at the front of the library."

* * *

"Going for a jog, wanna come?" Leslie poked her head through the door as she usually did on her way out.

Catherine only looked up for a second as she continued to work "Can't tonight."

"You haven't been on a jog in over a week." Leslie stated, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I told you I wasn't making this a priority. Midterms are coming up, I have a lot of work to do."

" _Fine._ "

"Uh, hey, Leslie!" Catherine called out as soon as she disappeared from her doorway.

"Change your mind?" She popped back in with a hopeful grin.

"No. But uh, call me when you're home safe. Okay?"

"Okay? Why?" She asked curiously.

"I just saw this news story the other night."

"About what?!"

"Nothing, don't worry about." She waved her hand.

"Gee, thanks" Leslie responded sarcastically.

"You're fine," Catherine laughed, "Just looking out for ya."

"Well if I get murdered, I hope you feel guilty."

Catherine laughed, "Night, have fun."

* * *

Catherine stood by the receptionist's desk and glanced up at the clock for the hundredth time. It was 5:37, Jason was late.

At 5:39 he appeared through the automatic doors and she glared at him as he made his way towards her.

"Oh come on," He groaned. "I'm five minutes late."

"Nine minutes late." She corrected him.

"Give me a break, Stark."

" _Professor_ Stark." She turned her back and began walking towards the tables. She placed the midterm down on the first one she approached.

"Here?" He asked, looking around.

"What's the problem?"

"I can't concentrate here."

"It's a library. It's quiet." It had only been sixty seconds and her fuse was already short.

"All the people passing through."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, picking up the exam and finding a table nestled in a corner.

Catherine parked herself at the next table over and got to work, she had a lot to do before catching her flight in 4 days. Her phone vibrated hard on the desk causing Jason to hush her sarcastically.

J: Call me.

"Can't. In the library."

J: Step out?

"I'm administering an exam."

J: :(

It dawned on Catherine that it was 3 AM there. "What are you doing awake? Night shoot?" Usually Catherine had her schedule memorized, but the last couple of weeks had been challenging enough dealing with her own.

J: No, out with the cast.

"You've turned into quite the social butterfly."

"Stark!" Jason whispered forcefully behind her shoulder.

Startled, she quickly exited out of her messages.

"What?"

"I don't understand this question."

Catherine took the exam from him, after 45 minutes he was only on the third question.

"What don't you understand?"

"Uh, all of it?"

"I can't help you." She shook her head.

"Seriously?"

Catherine could tell by his frustration that he wasn't going to do well on this, but she had no pity for him.

"I spent two lectures on that exact subject."

"How is that fair if I wasn't there?" He asked defensively.

"It's your responsibility to obtain any notes from classes you may have missed."

He let out a burst of air forcefully.

"You only have 45 minutes left, I suggest you get back to work."

Fifteen minutes later he was back at her table after she noticed him panicking. "Come on Stark, help me out, just a little?" He pled, running his hand through his freshly cut hair.

"I'm sorry Jason, but I cannot help you. Just do your best."

"My best isn't going to cut it!" His voice grew louder with anger.

Everyone sitting around them glanced over.

"Keep your voice down," She said sternly.

Jason looked up, noticing the scene he was causing. "This is bullshit!" he replied, tossing the exam in front of her and storming out of the library.

Catherine picked up the packet and flipped through it. If by a long shot what he did complete was correct, there was still no way he'd pass with the amount of questions left blank. She opened her email tab and with dread, promptly sent out a message to the coach and Athletic Director.

* * *

"Hey," Catherine let out a deep sigh of relief when Jackie answered.

"Are you mad at me?" Jackie asked immediately.

"What? No, why would I be?"

"Your text, you seemed upset that I was out."

"No I didn't. I was just pointing out the fact that you seem to enjoy going out now."

"Am I just supposed to sit in my hotel room for half a year?" Jackie snapped at her.

Catherine paused in the parking garage and sighed again, this time out of aggravation. This was the last thing she needed, and it was not the interaction she was hoping for when she called. "You're in a mood, so I'm going to hang up."

" _You're_ hanging up?!" Jackie shouted instantly. "You're the one who made the comment!"

"I can't deal with this right now Jackie. I'm not mad at you. Goodnight, I love you." She didn't wait for another backhanded response, she hung up and took a slow, deep, breath in before continuing to her car. "What a great fucking day," She whispered to herself as she unlocked it.

The next afternoon she was surprised to receive an email from the Dean. Seeing both Coach Williams and the Athletic Director CC'ed on it, she knew it wasn't going to be good. He was requesting Jason be able to retake the exam, this time in her office or a private room as to deter any distractions. A letter from the team doctor was also attached, detailing a case of Attention Deficit Disorder. Funnily enough, the letter was typed up this morning and it was the first Catherine was hearing of the matter. She had no other choice than to oblige, and that evening Jason showed up at her office.

"I assume you are more prepared this time?" She asked, placing a new copy of the exam down in front of him.

He didn't respond.

A few moments after he had begun, he looked up at her from across the desk with a puzzled look on his face. "This isn't the same exam I had the other day."

"You're right. You didn't think I'd let you take the exact same exam again did you? That'd give you an unfair advantage compared to the other students."

Jason's eyes were throwing imaginary daggers at her, she tried not to smile in pleasure.

When his hour and a half was up, Catherine promptly went over to his side of the desk and grabbed the exam out from under his wrist. "Time's up."

She walked over to her filing cabinet and placed the test questions back behind lock and key; one thing she learned early on as a professor was to never trust students during exam season. As she turned back around, she was startled when she ran right into Jason who was now standing directly behind her.

"You can knock off the act now," his smiled, grabbing her biceps with both of his hands.

Catherine looked at him bewildered, "What are you doing?!"

"I know you've been wanting this, all the special attention and one-on-one's. And don't think I didn't notice the looks you were giving me on the track."

Jason squeezed her arms tighter as he pulled her closer into him, his strength frightened her as she used all of her might to stop him. "Absolutely not!" She said disgusted, "You're delusional! Get the hell out of my office!"

He didn't budge. "I won't tell he winked," coming for her again, but just then there was a knock on her door.

"Come in!" She yelled quickly.

Jason let go of her just as Adrienne appeared through the door. She apologized immediately after seeing him. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"No!" Catherine blurted desperately. "Jason was just leaving."

He turned back to her, smiled sharply before leaning down to pick up his bag, then slowly strolled to the door. "Have a good evening ladies."

After Adrienne watched him leave, she turned back around and looked at Catherine suspiciously, "What was that about?"

"What was what about?" Catherine asked flustered, trying to gather her composure.

She felt Adrienne's eyes on her.

"Him being here."

Catherine so desperately wanted to tell her the truth, but could barely wrap her mind around what had just transpired. "They made me let him retake it."

"You've got to be shitting me." Adrienne's mouth hung open as her head tilted in disbelief.

"Nope. Official letter from the Dean."

Adrienne rolled her eyes as she leaned down and grabbed a packet out of her bag. "The final copies of the exam were ready when I stopped by the office, so I thought I'd pick them up for you." She said, handing Catherine the manila envelope.

When Catherine reached for them, her hand shook.

Adrienne took notice, "You okay?"

"Yeah," She smiled casually as she quickly took the folder. "Just a dangerous combination of stress and an abundance of coffee."

"Well only a couple days left till break," Adrienne shrugged.

"I'm counting the seconds," Catherine responded.

"Me too," She smiled. "Have a good night."

"Hey!" She quickly cut in before Adrienne could make it to the door, "Do you need a ride?" She didn't want to be alone.

"No, I'm alright. Thanks."

"Well let me walk you out at least, just give me a sec" Catherine insisted, as she packed her belongings in a hurry.

"It's really alright, I'm usually here later than this."

She knew Adrienne was probably suspicious as to why, after four months, she suddenly wanted them to walk out together. "Well then, I could use the company," She smiled, turning off the lights behind them.

"So what was the reasoning for Jason's retake?" Adrienne asked, as they strolled through campus.

"Get this, apparently he has Attention Deficit Disorder."

"A.D.D.?"

"Yep. And here's the kicker... A doctor's note was attached to the request, the diagnosis given merely hours before."

"Unbelievable," Adrienne laughed, shaking her head. "Well, this is me" she motioned her head towards the library.

"Okay, see you tomorrow and thanks again for grabbing those copies for me."

"Anytime," Adrienne smiled, "G'nite."

"Night." Once her and Adrienne parted ways, Catherine picked up the pace. She was worried Jason stuck around to try and finish what he started. After finally feeling safe in the garage, she jumped when she heard voices behind her. Embarrassment soon replaced her fear when a couple of teachers looked at her funny.

When she was finally home, she started on the laundry she planned to pack for her trip to see Jackie, then poured herself a glass of wine and got to work grading Jason's exam. He failed. She went over it three more times trying to see if there was any way possible to pass him, but there wasn't. The dryer buzzed indicating her clothes were dry. She poured the remnants of the bottle of wine into her glass and retrieved her clothes from the dryer. The entire time she was packing, she thought about the disgusting realization of Jason's lips almost touching hers. And his strength. His strength sent chills down her spine. She wasn't used to being overpowered by someone, and it terrified her. Gulping down the last sips of wine, she walked to the kitchen, carefully washed the glass, then went into the dining room and wrote a passing score on Jason's exam. As much as it killed her doing so, she didn't ever want to be alone with him again.

Lying in bed restless, she jumped for the second time that night when her cell phone roared in the silence.

"Hi." She answered.

"You're awake." Jackie sounded surprised.

"Did you not want me to be?"

"No-no of course not I just..."

"I'm just messing with you," Catherine laughed. Jackie was always so timid after an argument. "Are you on set already?"

"Not yet. Lying in bed, you?"

"Same."

"So, there's this theme that keeps developing..."

"And what's that?" Catherine smiled to herself, knowing where this was going.

"Can we forget about that phone call last night..."

"But I'd really like to hear you call yourself an ass again," Catherine teased.

"I am an ass."

Catherine gave her the benefit of the doubt, it was rough trying to interpret tone through the phone. "Let's not even discuss it."

"I like that idea. How was your day?"

A sick feeling nestled in her gut.

"Catherine?" Jackie asked, when she didn't respond.

"It was fine."

"Did something happen?"

She could hear the suspicion in Jackie's voice growing, but she didn't want to worry her with it, especially with her being half way around the world. She just wanted it to disappear.

"No, just a little more stressed than usual."

"What's up?" She asked concerned.

"It's really not worth the time, it'll bore you."

"I have time."

"It's nothing," She insisted.

"Are you sure?"

This was the Jackie she was looking for last night.

"I'm sure. Can you just stay on the phone with me a little longer?"

* * *

The next morning Catherine awoke to her cellphone alarm blaring into her ear. She felt for it blindly in the dark until finally finding it on the pillow next to her. She tapped it repeatedly, cursing at it, before it finally shut off. When her eyes adjusted to the glow of her screen, she saw a text message from Jackie apologizing for hanging up, but that she had to get to set and it seemed as if she had finally fallen asleep anyway.

The sick feeling returned to her stomach remembering Jason. She was hoping it was just a bad dream but the feeling of his hands on her was permanently embedded into her memory. It was early, but she got herself out of bed and headed to work. Only two more days until she could be as far away from all of this as possible, at least she wouldn't need to worry about bumping into Jason until after break.

Walking to her office, campus was eerily quiet and empty. She wondered how many students were pulling all-nighters in the library. Soon the common areas would be full of kids with their noses in their books, trying to cram everything they should have been learning the past two months into the hour before class. Headlights shone through the last of the morning light when she turned the corner near the stadium. She panicked when she saw the football team gathered around the charter bus. Her heels sounded loudly against the pavement as she directed her eyes away from the bus, walking as quickly as she could away from them, damning her choice of footwear. Just when she thought she was in the clear, she heard his dreaded voice calling out from the pack, "Good Morning Professor Stark!" Jason yelled in a teasing manner. She gripped her books closer to her chest and ignored their laughs. When she was finally safe in her office, she locked the door and collapsed in her chair, letting go of the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. How was she supposed to deal with this for the entire second half of the semester? What worried her even more was that she feared this was only the beginning of something much worse.


	63. Chapter 63

Catherine awoke gasping for air and for a panicked second, forgot where she was. The man across the aisle looked over at her with both terror and concern.

She smiled awkwardly at him and mouthed "Sorry," before grabbing a bottle of water from her bag and finishing it. She pulled out her phone and checked the time, but wasn't sure if it was correct considering the amount of time zones they were flying through.

Unbuckling her seat belt, she carefully ducked out of her row and made her way to the restroom. The rest of the passengers laid motionless in their seats, the only sound coming from the air circulating through the plane. Red eye flights were always a bit eerie feeling, and Catherine was feeling even more off after that bad dream. She already couldn't remember what it was about, but it left her feeling very anxious. She splashed a bit of water on her face and tried some breathing exercises she learned from a self help podcast she had downloaded about flying anxiety. Outside the restroom she bumped into a flight attendant in the cramped hall.

"I'm so sorry."

"That's okay Ma'am." She smiled politely.

"Do you happen to have the time?"

The flight attendant poked her head back into the galley, "3:46 AM."

"Thank you," Catherine smiled.

When she got back to her seat, she was relieved to find her neighbor asleep. He probably thought she was a complete basket case, not that she could blame him. Thank God she was able to score a whole row to herself. She settled into the window seat, popped her ear buds in and tried falling back asleep to the sound of her soothing podcast.

At the airport, her anxiety once again overtook her. Although she had been here once already, she was flustered finding baggage claim through the swarms of people. She moved off to the side until the crowd thinned, it was easier finding her bag that way anyway. Out front, she was relieved to be greeted by Neil's familiar smiling eyes.

"Miss Stark. It's nice to see you again," he said warmly as he took her suitcase from her.

"Hi Neil, it's so nice to see you again as well."

"I'm afraid Miss Kirk will be on set until later this evening. There was a technical delay." He said, as he opened the door for her. "She should be back at the hotel around 10pm, or I was given clearance to drop you off at her trailer if you are interested."

"Oh, okay." Catherine stared at the limo in front of her. "Well don't I feel important."

"Only the best for you, Miss Stark," He laughed.

"Have you decided where you would like to go?" He asked, once he was in the driver's seat.

"I think I'll go to the hotel, I could use some rest."

"Okay then, the hotel is where we will go," He smiled at her through the rear view mirror. "Would you like me to raise the partition?"

"No, that's okay. But thanks for asking."

Driving through the city, Catherine was more distracted by the the inside of the limo than the sights, but soon began to recognize the buildings and knew they must be close. She was dying to relax a bit after all that travel.

"Miss Kirk thought you might prefer entering from the side door." Neil said, glancing at her through the mirror again.

"How come?" Catherine asked.

"Crowds of people gather outside the front doors and on the street now that they discovered the cast staying there."

Catherine remembered the run in with the paparazzi from last time.

"See there," He nodded towards the passenger window as they were stopped at a red light.

Catherine turned and saw the mob of people lining the street. "That's all for them?"

"Impressive isn't it?"

Catherine didn't respond, her heart rate began to pick up again, panic twisting her gut. "Neil, do you mind taking me to set instead? I don't mean to be a bother."

"Of course not, this is my job Miss Stark."

On the way there, he called Quinn letting her know they were coming.

"Miss Kirk is currently filming a scene, but her assistant said she would let her know of your arrival when she was done."

When they were finally to set, a security guard checked Neil's ID and driver's license. He then came to Catherine's door and asked for hers as well before letting them through.

Neil pulled into a parking space and walked around to her door. "Here we are. This gentleman here will take you to her trailer." He explained, as a man on a golf cart drove towards them.

"Would you like me to drop your suitcase off at the hotel?"

"No, that's okay, I'll just bring it. Thanks again Neil, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon."

"It was my honor Miss Stark."

"Catherine." She winked.

"Jacqueline Kirk's trailer right?" The man spoke as he grabbed her suitcase and lifted it onto the back of the cart. He was middle aged and looked like he had been living off Redbull and cigarettes for the last ten years.

"Yes, that's right."

They didn't speak the whole rest of the ride, it wasn't because he was rude, it was because he was called on his walkie-talkie approximately eleven times in the five minutes it took to get to the trailers. She now understood his disheveled look.

When they approached the trailers, he pulled over and slid off from his seat. "Second from the right," he motioned, before replying back to the walkie and grabbing her suitcase.

He jogged up the three steps to her trailer and fiddled with his keys before nodding at her and making his way back to the cart.

Catherine turned to thank him, but he was already gone.

She wheeled her suitcase to the couch and took a look around. There was a white robe laying on the bed, she lifted it to her face and breathed it in, but it didn't smell like Jackie.

Glancing at the clock, she realized she'd be here a long while if Jackie wasn't expected back at the hotel until 10pm. She wondered if she'd be stopping by during breaks, she assumed she would considering she had given her the option to come here instead of the hotel.

After waiting around, bored out of her mind for two hours, the jet lag began to creep up on her so she went back to the bed and lied down.

* * *

"Jacks! Hop on!" Tommy yelled as Jackie walked off set. She picked up her speed to catch up and slid next to him on the golf cart.

"Nice work!" He held his hand out open for a low five.

She smiled and hit her hand against his. "You too."

"Man, this day is dragging!"

"Boy, do I know it." She looked down at her phone, Catherine had texted her hours ago letting her know she had landed, and it was killing her not being able to see her. Her stomach had been doing somersaults all day, eager for her arrival.

When her and Tommy hopped off the cart, he lingered by her trailer until she finally grew impatient enough to tell him she needed to study her lines before the last scene.

"Oh yeah, sorry. See you in a bit."

"See ya." She threw off her pilot jacket and called Catherine as soon as she stepped inside her trailer. A loud ring immediately rang out in the back, almost giving her a heart attack.

"Jackie?" She heard a quiet voice call out from the darkness.

"Catherine?" She flipped on the switch and Catherine shielded her eyes from the light.

"Sorry!" She apologized, flipping them off again. "You're here! No one told me you were here!"

"They didn't? I hope it's okay, Neil said..."

"Of course it's okay!" Jackie crawled onto the bed and hugged her tight.

"How was your flight? How long have you been here?"

"I'm not sure, I don't even know what time it is" Catherine replied groggily, "I must have fallen asleep. Are you done for the day?"

"Unfortunately not, I have one more scene. I'm sorry you've been waiting so long."

"It's okay, Neil said you wouldn't be done until 10 before I made my decision."

"I'm glad you decided to come." Jackie smiled.

"Me too."

Jackie got up from the bed and starting unbuckling her pants.

"Wow, you're not wasting any time." Catherine commented, watching her slide them off.

She laughed as she opened the closet and grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a hanger. These need to be in mint condition for my next scene. Otherwise they'll delay start time and we'll be stuck here even longer." She went to the couch, grabbed her jacket and draped it around her pants.

"Ah." Catherine commented.

"You want a water?"

"Sure." Catherine got up from bed and rubbed the underneath of her eyes, instinctively wiping away the eye liner she knew must have smudged in her sleep. She looked in the mirror attached to the closet door and was right in her assumption. "Oh my God. Well, you can tell I just flew half way across the world."

Jackie interrupted her critique of herself by opening the closet and placing her suit in it. "I think you look great" she smiled, closing the door and handing her the bottle.

"You're just being nice."

Jackie flipped on the light, illuminating the bedroom and opened the closet door just enough that Catherine could see her reflection again. She appeared behind her shoulder and looked at her through the mirror. "You're stunning."

Catherine didn't break eye contact with her as she flipped the lights off again. When she turned to face her, Jackie pressed their foreheads together closely.

"I missed you," She whispered.

"I missed you too," Catherine replied softly.

Just as their lips brushed together, a loud banging came from the outside of Jackie's trailer door.

She sighed in frustration, pressing her forehead against Catherine's again. "Stay right here," She smirked, walking to the door.

"Hey Jacks." It was Quinn.

"Hey, what do you need?" She said shortly.

"Wow, good to see you too." Quinn replied offensively at her monotone.

"Sorry, it's been a long day."

"There's been a rewrite for the next scene." Quinn held up a new script.

"You've got to be kidding me." Jackie cocked her head to the side in annoyance.

"I wish I was, can I come in?"

"Sure." Jackie held the door open for her.

"Oh, hey." Quinn responded when she saw Catherine. Then suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. "Oh... crap. I am so sorry. I completely forgot to tell Jackie you were here."

"It's okay," Catherine smiled.

"So how bad is it?" Jackie asked, getting to business.

Quinn laid the script out on the table "Everything that has been changed in your dialogue is highlighted in orange. They want you back on set in ten."

"Ten minutes?!"

"Yeah, you don't need to be back in wardrobe yet, they just want to do a quick run through of the new lines."

Jackie sighed heavily.

"Don't kill the messenger." Quinn said defensively.

"I'm not, I'm sorry."

"Alright, I'll leave you to it. See you in ten. Nice to see you again Catherine."

"You too," she responded quietly, still standing in the bedroom doorway.

When the door closed behind Quinn, Jackie looked over at Catherine in frustration. "I am so sorry."

"It's okay"

"No it's not. This sucks." She said, dishearteningly. "Can I at least get you something to eat, you've got to be starving. I can drop you off at catering on my way to set."

"That's okay."

"It's really no big deal, they'll still have plenty of food left out until we wrap."

"I'd feel weird," Catherine winced.

"You know what, I'll just have Quinn make you a plate and bring it over." As soon as Jackie picked up her cell phone, Catherine quickly made her way over to her and lowered it from her ear.

"Please don't! I don't want to be a bother."

"You aren't."

"Please." Catherine begged, her hand still on Jackie's arm.

"Okay, but it's going to be a while. I feel so bad about this."

"Don't. It's not your fault. I chose to come. I'm fine, really."

"How about I have Neil come pick you up?"

"Jackie." Catherine took her face in her hands. "I'm fine." She smiled, reassuring her.

"Okay," Jackie smiled. "I'll make this up to you, I promise." She kissed her cheek and grabbed a sweatshirt from the closet. "Get some rest, okay? There's some granola bars in there, I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I will." Catherine smiled.

* * *

When Jackie disappeared out the door, the smile on Catherine's face went with her. She sighed looking around the empty trailer. Her stomach made a loud growl and she was relieved it had waited until Jackie had left. She pressed her hand against her empty stomach as she went to the closet to retrieve a granola bar. To her luck, the box was empty.

* * *

Jackie hurried off set, relieved that the rewrite rehearsal went off without a hitch. She swung by catering and made a quick plate for Catherine and grabbed herself a coffee before heading back to her. When she arrived, Catherine was staring blankly into her phone on the couch, she looked so miserable and Jackie felt guilty.

"Hey."

"Hey," Catherine looked up. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon," she smiled.

"Me either, I was even able to swing by catering."

By the way Catherine's eyes lit up when she saw the plate of food, Jackie knew she really had been starving.

"That looks amazing, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"How did rehearsals go?" Catherine asked selflessly.

Jackie grabbed her wardrobe from the closet and laid it on the bed as she undressed. "Great actually, I'm hoping we shoot this last scene quickly. Hey, when you get a sec, can you come help me with something?"

"What do you need?" Catherine asked, appearing beside her and looking down at her pilot jacket on the bed.

Jackie grabbed her hips and pushed her against the closet door. "I _need_ to finish that kiss from earlier." She smiled.

"Oh... I think I can help you with that," Catherine bit her bottom lip seductively.

Just as Jackie leaned in, there was a knock on the door. "You have got to be kidding me!" She bent her head back in hysterics.

"Jacks!" Quinn knocked again suddenly.

"I'm coming!"

Still holding onto Catherine's hips, she leaned in for a quick peck but was met with resistance. "It's been months, I'm not settling for some half assed kiss."

Jackie laughed at the comment, and settled for a kiss on her cheek. "I love you."

* * *

Catherine scarfed down the entire plate of food Jackie had brought back, and was thankful she wasn't there to witness it. The four walls of the trailer seemed to be getting smaller by the hour, the minutes on the clock ticking by like molasses. She didn't want to lie down again, in fear that she would succumb to the groggy aftermath she was typically left with after a nap that would ruin the rest of the night. So she opened the trailer door and took a look around. She didn't wonder far, just down the row of trailers, studying the names of Jackie's neighbors. None of them rang a bell, but she wasn't exactly a Neptune 26 aficionado; Jacqueline Kirk was the only thing that captivated her from that world.

When she got back to Jackie's trailer she grabbed the door but it was stuck. She pulled harder but it wouldn't budge, it was locked. "Shit!" She whispered loudly to herself. Feeling around her front and back pockets, she realized she had left her phone inside. "Of course," She whispered to herself again. Too embarrassed to go ask for help and make a scene on set, she sat on the steps and waited. Finally after what felt like an hour, she heard the quiet hum of a golf cart approaching. On the back of it was Jackie, she was engaged in what seemed like a thrilling conversation with a semi-attractive young man.

"Catherine?" Jackie called out, as she stepped off the cart. "What are you doing out here?"

"I came out to get some air and got locked out," she was said sheepishly.

"Oh man, how long have you been out here? You could've texted me."

"Yeah, I could have. But I left my phone inside..."

Jackie looked back at her empathically.

"It's okay, it's a nice night." She smiled, looking up at the sky.

"Oh, uh, this is Tommy." Jackie turned to introduce them.

"I think we already met," he held out his hand to Catherine.

"You have?" Jackie asked questionably.

"Yeah, in the elevator a few months back."

"Oh, yeah, right," Catherine smiled, shaking his hand.

"So Jacks, will I see you two tonight?"

"Oh, uh, no," she said uncomfortably, "It's been a long day and I'm sure Catherine wants to get some rest after her day of traveling."

"Bummer," Tommy replied. "Well, you ladies have a nice evening."

"You too," Jackie smiled, "Have fun."

"You know we will, text me if you change your mind."

"Okay" she laughed, as she marched up the steps and unlocked her door. "I am so sorry, I locked it thinking you'd want some privacy. I should've warned you."

"It's okay," Catherine followed her inside.

"How long were you out there?"

"I'm not sure, I've become a little reliant on my phone to tell me the time."

"Well good news is, I'm done! I'm going to change real quick then we are out of here."

As Jackie was undressing, Catherine thought about what Tommy said. "What was Tommy talking about?"

"What do you mean?"

"He asked if he would see us tonight."

"Oh, the cast is going out." Jackie replied, pulling her sweatshirt over her head.

"Did you want to go?"

"Are you crazy?" Jackie grabbed her boots from the floor and her wardrobe from the bed. "I just want to be with you," she smiled, pecking her on the cheek. "You got everything?"

"Yeah."

"Neil's here, we just need to swing by wardrobe to drop these off first."

* * *

When they were finally at the hotel they went to Catherine's room so she could unpack. She lifted her suitcase onto the ottoman and turned around to see Jackie smiling at her from across the room.

"What?" She laughed uncomfortably.

"Nothing, I just can't believe you're finally here."

Catherine smiled at the heart warming comment and slowly made her way over to her. "So..." She said, when she finally reached her.

"So..." Jackie mirrored.

Catherine slipped her hands behind the base of her head and rubbed her neck softly. Jackie wrapped her arms around her waist and looked her in the eyes.

"We've been amping this kiss up all day, it better not disappoint." She smiled slyly.

"Wow, no pressure at all!" Jackie laughed.

"What do you got Kirk?"

Jackie swung her around until the back of her legs hit the bed and gently pushed her down onto it. She place a knee on each side of Catherine and straddled her.

"How am I doing so far?" She asked.

"Very good," Catherine grinned, gripping her upper thighs.

Jackie leaned in and their lips finally met, the spark igniting between them that never seemed to dull, reassuring her that the wait was well worth it. But suddenly, the feeling of Jackie's body on top of hers, forcefully taking control of her, made Catherine feel helpless. Her mind flashed back to her office, back to the feeling of Jason's powerful body overcoming hers, and she panicked. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she apologized as she pulled away.

"What is it?" Jackie asked concerned.

"Nothing, it's just-"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No... No!" She insisted. "I just haven't had a shower in almost 36 hours, and before this moves any further..."

"Oh. Yeah, of course..." Jackie said, climbing off of her.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I totally get it. I could actually use one as well, so how about I go grab one and some clothes and meet you back down here when I'm done?"

"Okay." Catherine smiled.

"Okay, see you in a bit." As soon as Jackie started for the door, Catherine began to feel guilty. She knew she had probably hurt her feelings.

"Hey, Jackie..."

"Yeah?"

Catherine walked over, pinned her against the door and kissed her. "A+."

* * *

Catherine looked at the clock, Jackie had been gone almost an hour which was unusual for her, she wasn't much of a long shower type of girl. She called her but there wasn't an answer so she changed out of her bath robe and headed up to her room. When the elevators opened to Jackie's floor, she was met by a security guard who told her she wasn't allowed on this floor.

"I'm a guest of Jacqueline Kirk's."

"Do you have a guest pass?"

"No."

"I'm sorry Ma'am but she needs to be here to verify that then."

"I tried calling her but she didn't answer. I'll try again."

Catherine dialed her number but it just rang again. "She was just in my room, I was just on set with her today, can you just follow me to her room and she can verify?"

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but that is against security protocol."

"Her driver's name is Neil, her assistant's name is Quinn. Please."

"Sorry Ma'am."

Just as she gave up and entered the elevator, she heard Jackie's laugh come from down the hall.

"That's her! Please. Just go ask her."

"Fine. But you have to stay here."

Catherine did as told, the last thing she wanted was want to cause trouble in a foreign country.

The guard turned the corner and was only gone for a brief moment before appearing again and waving her to come. When she turned the corner, she saw Jackie standing with a group of others.

"Catherine?"

"She'll need a visitor pass in order to access this floor again."

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry, it's in my room, she just arrived."

"Not a problem Miss Kirk, just trying to keep you all safe."

"Of course, thank you Luis." She smiled.

Catherine was sure she was red from embarrassment as she approached the group surrounding Jackie. Not only was the security escort mortifying enough, but everyone standing in front of her all looked about ten years younger and were dressed to the 9's as she stood before them in sweats.

"Everyone, this is my friend from back home, Catherine." Jackie introduced her and listed a bunch of names Catherine knew she would never remember.

"It's nice to meet you all," She smiled politely.

"Are you guys sure you won't join?" A girl with silky brown hair and five inch heels asked.

Catherine looked down at her attire self consciously, "I don't think they'd even let me in the door."

The whole group laughed. "We can wait for you to change."

"We'd love to but Catherine's been traveling all day, we're just going to hang out here." Catherine looked over at her subtly, this was the second time tonight she made it sound as if she was the one holding her back.

They all hugged Jackie goodbye and shook Catherine's hand before taking off down the hall.

"I'm sorry about that," Jackie apologized. "They all came to my door and I couldn't get away."

She slid the card into her door and held it open for Catherine. "Oh, you called." She stated, lifting her phone from the dresser.

"Yeah. You were gone a while and security wouldn't let me on your floor."

"Yeah, they really tightened up around here the last couple of months."

"That was pretty mortifying."

"What was?"

"Having to beg security to see you, he thought I was some fan obsessed groupie."

Jackie laughed. "You should have offered him something then" she teased, as she disappeared into the bathroom. Her comment irked Catherine.

"And for it to happen in front of those people, with me dressed like this."

"Don't worry about that. You should see us all on the way to set in the morning before hair and make up." Her voice echoed from the bathroom, ironic since Catherine felt like they were on completely different planets all of a sudden.

"You could've called."

Jackie quietly appeared back in the room. "You're mad."

"Yes. I am mad. That was humiliating."

"I'm sorry. I stepped outside and didn't have my phone with me. I didn't mean to be gone so long." She walked over to the dresser and grabbed a lanyard from it. "Here, this is your guest pass. You won't have to worry about that happening again." She lifted it over Catherine's head and straightened it around her neck, kissing her cheek when she was done. "Truce?" She looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

Catherine's stern face softened into a smile. "Truce."

When they got back to her room, Catherine sat on the end of the bed. "They seem fun."

"Who?"

"Your friends."

"They are. We've been having a lot of fun lately."

Catherine wished it didn't make her feel jealous, she should be happy Jackie wasn't miserable here, but it did.

"We could have gone out with them tonight."

"Are you crazy?" Jackie asked as she finished hooking her phone up to the charger.

"You sounded like you wanted to but knew I was tired."

"I was being polite," she said as she came around and placed her hands on Catherine's shoulders, straddling her again.

"I just want you to enjoy this little world as long as you can. I don't want to hold you back." Just because she felt a certain way on the inside, didn't mean she couldn't portray a supportive girlfriend on the outside.

"I want to enjoy this little world with you," Jackie smiled, pushing her down onto the mattress.

Catherine refused to let Jason get inside her head again, before he could, she slipped her arm around Jackie and flipped her over onto the bed.

"Always the aggressor," Jackie teased, pinned beneath her.

Catherine planned to make her grateful for choosing to stay in tonight.


	64. Chapter 64

Jackie opened her eyes to a brightly lit room. She loved these days, the days that didn't begin with an alarm blaring through the darkness. For a panicked second, she worried that Catherine's visit was merely a dream. It was past noon, Catherine never slept this late and always woke before her. She looked over and her heart skipped a beat seeing her lying there next to her. Nowadays the agony of being apart was so normal, that their visits never felt real when they actually did happen.

Usually she grabbed her phone the first thing upon awakening, but no need to today. She didn't need to fill her mind with the noise of the outside world. Instead, she reveled in the silence. She reveled in the feeling of contentment that her entire world was right there, wrapped up in that bed. She carefully turned her body to face Catherine, careful not to wake her, and studied her features. Her natural beauty never ceased to amaze her.

Catherine's eyelashes began to flutter open and Jackie greeted her consciousness with a smile.

"How long have you been awake?" Her voice was low and had a rasp to it.

"A bit." Jackie responded softly.

"This is unusual." She laughed self consciously as she pulled the sheet up over her nose.

"Waking up next to me?"

"Waking up _after_ you."

"I know, usually it's me waking up to you jabbing at my face."

"I do not!" Catherine exclaimed defensively, dropping the sheet.

"Do too!"

"I wouldn't call it _jabbing!_ "

Jackie raised her brows with a smile.

" _Caressing_ ," Catherine elucidated.

"Oh okay," Jackie laughed sarcastically.

"I thought you liked it."

"I do," She reached over for her hand and kissed the top of it. "I'm just teasing you."

"What time is it?" Catherine asked as she stretched.

"Almost one."

"PM!?" She sat up quickly and looked over at the clock.

"Well it certainly isn't 1am." Jackie laughed.

"Why didn't you wake me?! How long have you been awake?!"

"Only about an hour or so."

"I'm so sorry! I can be ready soon, I hope I didn't ruin any plans." Catherine threw the covers off of her and started to get out of bed.

Jackie grabbed her arm before she stood. "You didn't ruin anything, no plans."

"None?" Catherine asked, laying back down.

"Well... One." She smiled seductively.

As she inched her way over to Catherine's side of the bed her phone vibrated on the nightstand, repeatedly; someone was calling.

"Aren't you going to get that?"

"Get what?" She smiled, leaning down and kissing her.

It didn't stop. Jackie was on top of her, softly kissing her neck, but the loud vibration of the phone was killing the mood.

"Okay, Jackie." She began pushing her off of her, "I'm loving this, but you've gotta do something about that phone."

Jackie rolled off of her and grabbed it. She held down the button until the screen went black and crawled back over.

"Better?"

Catherine nodded with a grin.

* * *

Jackie secured the belt of her robe around her waist and tossed Catherine a bottle of water from the fridge before rejoining her.

"So what's new." She asked, settling into the middle of the bed, her legs folded under her. "How's your new class?"

"Good. Really good."

"So it'll be a permanent class?"

"It was picked up for next semester, so hopefully the momentum keeps going."

"That's so awesome," Jackie smiled proudly, touching Catherine's knee. "You created a course at one of the top psychology universities in the country."

Catherine grinned wide, "I know. I can't believe it."

"And to think just a couple of years ago you were teaching in small town Indiana. I guess there was an upside to me destroying your career."

"You didn't destroy my career. I did."

"Be honest. How mad at me were you after." Jackie smiled before taking a sip of water.

"Honestly?"

Jackie nodded.

"I was furious for a while."

"Until when?"

"I ran into you in the library."

"You sure didn't show it."

"What do you mean?!" Catherine asked confused, "I ambushed you outside."

"Yeah, then. But you were pretty cold to me inside."

"I tried my hardest to be, but clearly that only lasted about 20 feet past the library before I turned back around again."

"What made you turn back around?"

"This is some pretty deep conversation for the morning."

"It's 2pm." Jackie laughed.

"Oh, right." Catherine laughed as well.

"So?"

"So, it's pretty obvious. I saw you and felt... Things."

"Things?" Jackie smiled.

"A pull towards you. Things felt unfinished."

"Did you ever go back to any of the others after ending it?"

"Jackie..." Catherine's tone immediately changed, she shook her head as she screwed the cap back onto her bottle.

"I won't be mad." She insisted.

"Why are you even bringing this up." She shook her head again as she spoke.

"Curiosity," She shrugged.

"I'm going to get a shower." Catherine wrapped the sheet around her torso and got up from the bed.

"Catherine, I'm not mad. Don't be upset."

"I just don't understand why you always have to bring up the past. I don't like that person, I want to forget her."

"I loved that person." Jackie smiled sweetly.

Catherine stood still and looked at her in disbelief. "You loved that person, who intentionally brought someone home while you were there?"

"Okay, her... Not so much, but I know that wasn't the real you."

Jackie got up from the bed and put her hands on Catherine's waist. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not."

"Promise?" She gave her her best puppy dog eyes.

Catherine broke into a smile and kissed her forehead before heading into the bathroom.

* * *

"So what's the deal for tonight?" Catherine asked as she stood before her suitcase in a towel, sorting through her clothes.

"Pretty casual."

"What are we doing? How casual? Because the wardrobe of the people from last night was anything but casual."

"It's a surprise."

Catherine turned around and looked at her suspiciously.

"Don't worry, it's a good surprise." Jackie laughed. "And forget about the other people, it's just going to be me and you."

"Well, what are you wearing?"

"Jeans. Wear semi comfortable shoes."

Catherine squinted her eyes at her. "Your surprises scare me."

"No planes this time, I promise." Jackie laughed again.

* * *

Jackie appeared at Catherine's door right on time. She was wearing dark jeans and a nice black top. Her hair was down and her smile was infectious. "Right on time," She gleamed.

"I still don't understand why we had to get ready in separate rooms."

"It's a date!" Jackie stated very seriously. "Are you ready?" She asked, holding out her arm.

"As I can be, not knowing the agenda."

"Well all your questions will be soon be answered my dear."

Catherine smiled and looped her arm around Jackie's. "You terrify me."

"Catherine Stark, the intimidated-ee? I didn't think it was possible."

"First of all, that's not a word. Second..." She pinched Jackie's bicep.

"Ow!" Jackie laughed.

When they were in the elevator, Jackie looked down at her outfit with a small smile before catching her eye. "You look really pretty."

"So do you," Catherine returned the compliment.

When the doors dinged open, they instinctively unlinked their arms as an older couple appeared behind the doors. Showing no signs of knowing who Jackie was, they carried out proper elevator etiquette by supplying a polite smile and occupying the space in front of them. Jackie reached over and squeezed Catherine's hand. They exchanged a private smile and Catherine squeezed her hand back.

When the elevator hit the bottom floor, Catherine turned right, assuming Neil would be picking them up from the side door, but Jackie stopped her.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"Just follow me."

They ducked into a crowd as they passed the Neptune security and before Catherine could question her, Jackie took hold of her wrist and yanked her down a corridor.

"What are we doing?"

"Going off the grid." She grinned. She carefully peeked her head down the hall. "When I say go, we need to hurry."

"Jackie, where are we-"

"GO!" She whispered loudly, grabbing her hand again. They snuck out a back door, past security, but it didn't end there. Once they were outside, they moved so swiftly down the alley that Catherine thought Jackie was going to pull her arm out of the socket. When they got to the corner, she pressed herself flat against the building and peeked around. "We'll need to hurry again, do you need a minute?"

"Don't patronize me," Catherine responded sarcastically.

"Just checking," Jackie smiled, glancing around the corner one last time. "Okay, let's go." As soon as they came out from behind the building, Catherine saw the mob of paparazzi and realized they were at the front of the hotel. She immediately stepped back behind the building, grabbing Jackie's arm and pulling her with her.

"Are you crazy?!"

"It's okay." Jackie reassured her.

"There is a mob of people! And we don't even have security!"

"They won't see us, just hurry."

Catherine looked at her reluctantly, still having a firm grip on her arm.

"Do you trust me?" Jackie stared deeply into her eyes.

It didn't take long for her to cave, "Yes," She sighed. Jackie grabbed her hand and they ran two blocks before she finally lead her into another alley. Laughing from the adrenaline, they peaked around the corner, no one was following them.

"See!" Jackie said, pleased with herself.

After catching their breath, Jackie took her hand once more, this time much more delicately. "Come on," She said, leading her deeper into the alley. She knocked on a heavy steel door by a dumpster and a large man in an apron appeared. He smiled once he saw Jackie and held the door open for them. Still holding Catherine's hand, she led her into a busy restaurant kitchen.

"Jacqueline!" A man in a crisp black button up shirt greeted her, kissing her on both cheeks.

"Hi Marco, is it ready?"

"Yes Ma'am."

Catherine was no longer nervous, but incredibly curious as to what Jackie had arranged.

He led them to a service elevator, one that clearly wasn't open to the public, and when the doors opened, he stepped aside for them.

Catherine's breath escaped her. Before her stood a beautiful private rooftop, twinkling lights strung above them, and past that was a breathtaking view of the city.

"Anything else Madame Jacqueline?"

"Just some privacy," She smiled.

Catherine was soaking in every small detail, marveling at the sight as Jackie wrapped her arm around her waist. "Not so scary, huh?"

"I have so many questions."

Jackie laughed and took her to a small table that was dressed with a white table cloth and bottle of champagne on ice waiting for them. She twisted the top until it popped off, champagne spilling onto the floor. She sipped it quickly then began pouring them each a glass.

"How on earth did you..." Catherine lost her words.

Jackie pointed with the bottle to a building behind them. "That's my hotel room."

Catherine looked back, following the direction of the bottle.

"I spend a lot of time looking out that window and noticed this little gem. It reminded me of-"

"Your roof back home," Catherine finished her sentence.

"Yeah," Jackie smiled. "So I came here one day and found out it was an adorable little Italian restaurant. I came here so often for pizza after night shoots, that I finally mentioned the roof."

"How do you always do it." Catherine shook her head.

"Do what?"

"These huge romantic gestures."

"I don't know, I never really... I don't know." Her face became flush.

"Never really what?"

"I've never had someone I've been able to do this for."

"You've been with other people."

"Not in this way. Not with someone whose made me want to."

They exchanged a sweet smile before Jackie looked away bashfully.

"Am I embarrassing you?" Catherine teased.

"You do things too," Jackie insisted, trying to get the attention off of her.

"Like what? Barge into your apartment and tell you I only want to have sex with you?"

Jackie laughed, "In that moment, it was incredibly hot. And honestly, it didn't matter what you were saying, you just showing up at my door was enough."

"Okay, see.. Again, but with words."

"You barged onto my roof and tore that drop slip in half and told me you loved me. That was as grand as it gets."

Catherine tilted her head back and forth thinking, "Yeah I guess that was pretty good." She smirked.

"It's not like it's some competition," Jackie moved closer to her, handing her the flute of champagne. "But on the topic of competition..." There was a gleam in her eye, she smiled and held her own flute up. "Congratulations on your new course, and completely crushing your first year at UCLA, Professor Stark."

"Thank you," Catherine smiled big.

"Cheers," She clanged their glasses together.

"Cheers," Catherine repeated. They both took a sip of the champagne, the bubbles went down smoothly, almost too smoothly. It was the best champagne Catherine had ever tasted, she knew it must have cost a fortune. She kissed Jackie's lips before taking another sip. "This is delicious."

"Pace yourself," Jackie laughed, "The night is young."

The elevator dinged open, no one was in it, just a cart. Jackie went over and pulled the cart from it before sending the elevator back down.

"Have a seat."

They spent the next forty-five minutes feasting on an abundance of salad, fresh bruschetta and pasta until they were both stuffed. Jackie leaned back in her chair, "I'm going to need to work out tomorrow," She stated, tapping her bloated stomach with both hands.

"We can work out later," Catherine smiled seductively.

"More?" Jackie asked, grabbing the bottle of champagne from the ice.

"Yes, please." She responded greedily.

When Jackie stood to fill the glasses she noticed Catherine tremble and rub her arm.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm okay."

"It is getting a little chilly," Jackie looked up at the lights blowing in the breeze.

"This will help," Catherine grabbed the glass and took a long sip.

The elevator dinged again, this time Marco was in it.

"I am sorry to bother." He apologized.

"You're not," Jackie smiled.

"Are you done with this?"

"Yes. Please, get it away from us," Catherine laughed.

"How was it?" He asked.

"Absolutely delicious. Thank you so much."

"Yes, thank you!" Catherine chimed in.

He placed their plates back onto the cart then set down another, this one had a giant slice of tiramisu on it.

"Oh my gosh." Catherine said aloud.

"Room for this?"

"We'll make room," Jackie laughed.

"Anything else?"

"It's a little chilly, do you think-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Marco went into an outdoor closet and pulled a heater out from within it.

"You're the man."

When he left them alone again, Jackie tore into the dessert with her fork and held it out for Catherine. She looked at her and smiled, opening her mouth wide, she bit into it. Sliding her lips off of it slowly, she kept eye contact with Jackie the entire time.

"Good?"

Catherine nodded, then moaned as she swallowed. "So good," She emphasized. She dug her own fork into it then held it up for Jackie, but she shook her head. "I can't, I still have half a movie to shoot."

"Just a little?"

"No," She shook her head. "It's all yours."

Catherine ate another small bite before leaning over the table and motioning Jackie with her finger. Jackie leaned in, meeting her halfway with a laugh before Catherine's lips planted firmly onto hers. The sweet taste consumed her mouth.

"So you're not missing out," Catherine laughed.

"Mmm... that is good." She said, running her tongue along her lips to remove the mess Catherine had left.

They spent another hour up on the roof, curled up under a blanket next to the heater as they finished the champagne. They were mostly silent, just soaking up the spectacular views of the city. "You wanna head back?" Jackie whispered.

Catherine nodded against her shoulder.

They took one last look around before the elevator closed. Jackie thanked Marco, handing him some folded bills as she hugged him goodbye, and then they were back into the dark alley where they had began the night. Catherine held onto her arm closely as their hands clasped together, completely in awe of the time they just shared and the beauty of Jackie's hard work and thoughtfulness. The champagne was intensifying her feelings of bliss, both physically and emotionally. As they stepped onto the main sidewalk she pulled her back in to the alley, not yet ready to let the moment escape them. "One more kiss before we have to go back," She smiled, pushing her against the wall and kissing her. "This night was perfect."

"I told you you could trust me." Jackie grinned.

The walk back to the hotel was less anxiety ridden since it was dark outside, but their lack of cautiousness turned out to be dangerous.

"Is that Jacqueline Kirk?!" They heard a voice call out, suddenly a wave of movement began coming near them in the darkness.

Jackie quickly placed the key card in Catherine's hand, "Run." She said calmly.

Catherine ran as quickly as she could until she was safely back inside the hotel. She placed her hands on her hips, trying to catch her breath but it didn't take long, she smirked to herself knowing she had Leslie to thank for that. She walked towards the main lobby to look for Jackie, hoping she made it back safely. Cameras were flashing outside the entrance making it look like a lightning storm. They were all going mad and she knew Jackie was in the middle of the chaos. It terrified her thinking she had come so close to falling victim to it as well. There were so many cameras.

A security guard came to Jackie's aid and helped push her through the mob. Catherine stepped behind a pillar, not wanting to risk showing up in the background of a photograph, but kept a close eye on Jackie. She was finally inside the lobby but stopped to sign a few autographs for guests. Once she was on her way, Catherine stepped out from behind the pillar and went to the elevators, pressing the button to ring for one. From the side of her eye she saw Jackie approaching. The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, it was empty. She held the button down to keep the doors ajar. Finally Jackie stepped inside, a security guard entered behind her. They stood casually next to one another, all three of them watching the numbers rise. Jackie turned her head subtly, "Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you, Don." Jackie smiled to the security guard once they got to their floor.

Catherine's adrenaline was sky high from the events of the night, and the champagne was amplifying it. Her head was beginning to feel cloudy but her eyes locked onto Jackie the entire walk down to her room.

"Do you have your key?" Jackie asked when they reached her door. She looked up and laughed when she saw Catherine, "Champagne hitting you?"

"Maybe..." She smiled.

Jackie reached into her own wallet when she realized Catherine wasn't going to be any help and found her copy.

Catherine grabbed her before the door could even close. They stumbled clumsily into the room before slamming into the desk. She lifted Jackie's upper thighs until she was sitting on top of it and began pulling at her clothes. The sweet taste of the tiramisu mixed with champagne on their lips was even more intoxicating. She unbuttoned Jackie's jeans and slid her hand inside, Jackie's abdomen trembled against her forearm as she delicately kissed her neck. Her body weakened in her hold, she pulled her off of the desk and moved it to the bed. They stripped each other's clothes off piece by piece, but never stopping. It was the most noise she had ever gotten from Jackie and was highly satisfied with herself. In the shower, she planned for another round but found Jackie asleep on the bed when she was done. She kissed her forehead but the exhausted girl didn't even stir. "Goodnight Porcupine," She whispered.

She couldn't bear the thought of this trip ever ending.


End file.
